ｅｖｅｎ   ｗｈｅｎ   ｉ＇ｍ  ｎｏｔ  
ｓｍｉｌｉｎｇ,
ｙｏｕ   ｓｔｉｌｌ   ｌｉｋｅ,   ｍｅ?

『 your p.o.v 』

          "When the receptionist said someone had come to bring me my laptop, I wasn't expecting for it to be you."

          "Should I not have come?"

          I smiled at that. "Of course not. Where were you today anyways? Otoya said you left the dorms before he could invite you out to lunch with us."

          Tokiya walked beside me as we made our way to sit in the hospitals cafeteria. The time is nearing ten at night now and I completely forgot to eat dinner and so did this navy haired boy so it was only natural that the two of us head down here to grab a bite to eat. Don't need anyone else fainting from being overworked...

          "I had work starting from this morning till about an hour ago." Tokiya answered. "My brother said something about Reiji fainting backstage at the taping for a show they were on and I got back to the academy just as Ren was fixing to leave with your laptop."

          "So you decided to bring it in his place?"

          "I wanted to talk with you actually and this seemed like the best time to do so in private."

          Stepping in line for one of the lunch options, I glanced to Tokiya while I held my laptop down in front of my skirt. "You wanted to talk, what about?"

          The dark haired boy sighed. "My work load is only getting heavier and I assumed you'd be the best person to talk with about this." He said looking more annoyed with himself than anything. "I'm worried that I might begin falling behind in class so if you could let me look at your notes every once in a while when I inevitably miss class, that would be very helpful."

          "Of course, all you have to do is ask and I'll be more than happy to catch you up on whatever you miss." I said with a genuine smile. "What do you do for work anyways, Toki?"

          "Nothing of importance." He said quickly.

          My eyebrows knitted together some at that. "Nothing important, now that doesn't sound suspicious at all does it?"

          Tokiya sighed. "You never learn when to drop something do you?"

          "Of course not, Otoya and I grew up being stubborn." I mused.

          Ordering our food, Tokiya was nice enough to grab both of our trays and bring them back to our table seeing as my hands were full with my laptop as well as a few of his things. We sat down facing one another and silently began eating our food. Surprisingly, for as awkward as our interactions have been within the last two weeks, this right now doesn't feel awkward in the least bit. If anything there's a rather calm atmosphere that's settled around us.

          Clearing his throat some, Tokiya spoke up once more. "How's Reiji doing? Is he alright?"

          I nodded with a saddened smile. "He fainted due to exhaustion and dehydration so he should be fine after he rests up a bit longer. He was still sleeping upstairs when I came down to meet you so I'm sure he's doing just fine by himself."

          "He works so hard and is always so upbeat and positive, it's amazing he's managed to go on for as long as he did." Tokiya murmured.

          "Agreed. I've been telling him constantly for the last few weeks now that he needed to tone things down some, take a short break if he had to before he pushed himself too far." I couldn't help but sigh. "Guess things got to be a little too much for him this time around."

          Tokiya stayed quiet for a bit at that. "I know how it feels to work so hard and burn yourself out. Give him some time and he should bounce back to his normal self soon. But these next couple of days, he might be a little, off."

          I cocked my head to the side some. "How so?"

          "He's going to want to go back to work immediately most probably, but he won't be allowed to. His mood will be affected by that. Or I could be completely wrong and he'll feel bad for making you worry so much. I don't know." Tokiya said honestly. "But just be prepared for his mood to not be at it's usual high."

          Nodding, I smiled to the idol student sitting across from myself. "You know Toki, you're a really kind person. When are you going to start eating with the rest of us?"

          The dark navy blue haired boy ate another bite of his food, refusing to answer my question.

          "Well, if you're going to be stubborn about this then so am I." I said with a bright smile. "Tomorrow you're going to eat lunch with us whether you like it or not."

          "And how are you going to force me to eat lunch with you all?"

          "I'll drag you there myself if I have to."

          A small smile tugged at the corners of Tokiya's lips. "We'll just have to see about that."

          Returning his smile, I went ahead and continued eating my dinner. "How's your song with your composer coming along anyways? You said your busy with work, but have you finished your lyrics yet?"

          Tokiya thought for a moment before nodding. "They need to be edited some here and there, but ultimately the lyrics have been completed. I'll be recording within the next couple of days."

          "So will Syo and Natsuki." I said before taking a quick sip of my water. "Maybe we'll end up recording on the same day."

          "Possibly." Tokiya murmured.

          I glanced down to my phone and my eyes widened. "It's nearing midnight already." I said in disbelief. "It feels like you've only been here for ten minutes, not two hours."

          The dark haired man sitting opposite of myself sighed. "I best be heading back to the academy then. I'll let everyone know you'll be staying here tonight."

          "You're the best Toki," I said as the two of us quickly gathered our trash and tossed it into the nearby garbage can, "drive safe and you try to not overwork yourself either. Skip class whenever you need an extra day to sleep in if you have to. I'll let you know what you miss and help you with any assignments we get."

          "Thank you. I'll see you in class tomorrow." Tokiya said, the two of us grabbing our things from our table and then going our separate ways, Tokiya leaving the hospital while I made a beeline for the elevator.

          Few nurses were walking around at this time of night, most of the patients being held up on this floor being asleep and not needing immediate attention for any one thing. With my laptop held close to my chest, I made my way back down to Reiji's room, slipping inside without a sound.

          The room itself is dark with the only available light coming in from the window where faint strips of moonlight peek out from between the dark storm clouds. The rain is still pelting against the thick glass, the pitter patter of it along with the deep rumbles of thunder giving a somber mood to this night. But even with it storming out and the weather being so gloomy, there's something strangely beautiful about it all.

          My eyes slowly traveled back to Reiji's bed only to find the man awake and sitting up now, his eyes trained out the window. He looks, distant, his eyes not focusing on anything really and instead he's deep in thought, too deep to notice that I've entered the room. Tokiya was right, he does seem off.

          "How are you feeling?" I asked softly, placing my laptop down on a nearby chair before approaching his bed. "You slept for a quite a while."

          Reiji didn't say anything for a moment, his eyes glued to the window as I sat down once again on the edge of his bed. He only looked to me once I placed my hand over his own that's resting on his thigh. "I feel okay. What happened earlier?"

          "Kei and Hayato said you fainted just after your appearance on some game show." I said with a small smile. "You were brought here immediately, mom got a call from the hospital, and I was already headed down here before she got off the phone with the doctor."

          "You've been here all day and night then... Don't you have school tomorrow?" Reiji asked, his expression looking conflicted.

          I shook my head. "Never mind that. Don't worry about me and let's focus on you. Have you been eating and sleeping enough lately?"

          The brunette sighed, his eyes falling down to where my hand covers his own. "No. I've been so busy I forget to eat and I don't have much time for sleep."

          Gently, I gave his hand a light squeeze. "Reiji, what am I going to do with you?" I asked with a small laugh. "You can't go forgetting to take care of yourself simply because you're working so much. You're only going to make your health decline further if you keep up like this."

          "It's not like I can just not work though." Reiji said softly.

          I shook my head. "That's not what I'm saying you should do and you know that. There must be a happy medium between working and taking care of yourself that you can find, Reiji. I don't want to see you ending up in the hospital becoming a normal thing for us."

          "Would you keep coming to see me if it did?"

          "Of course I would you idiot."

          Reiji laughed dejectedly. "Of course you would." He repeated. "I don't deserve someone like you to always be worrying about me."

          "Likewise. You shouldn't have to worry about me as much as you do either, and yet, here we are." I said as another streak of lightning made it's way across the clouds accompanied by a loud boom of thunder. "Promise me you'll start taking better care of yourself, please. I'll worry more if you don't."

          The handsome brunette sighed, his shoulders slouching. "When will you be honest with me then?"

          My eyes widened some at that as I took my hand away from his own. "I don't understand what you mean." I said softly.

          Those pale hazel eyes of his met my own, the color so much brighter in the moonlight than usual. "Those rumors at your school. Did you really think I wouldn't find out about them?" He asked with his voice having an underlying tone of hurt to it. "Why didn't you tell me that the other students have been saying such harsh things about you? Do you know how worried I've been?"

          "You shouldn't have to worry about me Rei-chan, those rumors are just that, rumors." I said softly. "You have your own problems and I shouldn't be adding mine on top of yours for you to shoulder."

          Reiji and I both stayed quiet for a few minutes, neither of us wanting to look at the other. Though eventually he broke the strained silence that had fallen around us. "Ryuuya told me how you stuck up for yourself in front of the class just before he walked in. He heard the whole thing from just outside the room." He said at nothing above a whisper. "You shouldn't be forced to defend yourself because of who I am and who I'm friends with."

          "Yeah well, that was going to happen no matter what Reiji. But just because you are who you are doesn't mean a damn thing, okay?" I said, finally looking back to the desolate brunette. "You're fine the way you are, I like who you are so don't change a thing about yourself and don't you dare feel guilty. These students are just trying to tear me down because they have nothing better to do with their time."

          "You mean that? You really like who I am?" Reiji asked, barely loud enough for me to hear him over the storm that's raging just outside. "Even when I'm not smiling, you still like me?"

          A sharp pain stabbed through my chest at the rawness of his emotions. I've never seen Reiji so, so open. I can read him so easily right now and it's clear as night to see how sad he truly is. Without thinking, I shifted closer to the brunette and wrapped my arms around his larger frame. His arms were strong as they pulled me impossibly closer to his chest, his face buried into my shoulder.

          "Of course I like you regardless of whether or not you're smiling. I like Kotobuki Reiji the person, not only the idol. You're human just like the rest of us." I said softly, carding my fingers through Reiji's hair while his arms only tightened around myself. "You're a kind and caring person with far too much on your plate right now for you to handle. I'll always be here for you when you need me, but right now I need you to promise me that you'll stop overworking yourself so much."

          The idol holding me close to himself didn't say a thing.

          Sighing, I continued brushing through his hair. "There's clearly something bothering you, more than just your work, and I won't press you to tell me what that something is, but you need to find a better way to cope with this something or else you're going to work yourself straight into a grave. Please Reiji, for me, promise that you'll try to do better from now on. Don't change who you are, but don't run from your problems either."

          I'm not sure how long we sat there together holding one another as if our lives depended on it, but it had to have been for a while considering when Reiji finally released me from his strong embrace, his eyes were red and wet with tears and the shoulder of my school uniform was entirely soaked. Without hesitating, I immediately reached up and wiped away his trailing tears. "C'mon now, don't cry. You're fine."

          Reiji laughed under his breath as he reached up and placed a hand over my own, keeping my palm pressed against his cheek as he leaned into my touch. "I'm sorry you had to see me like this. I promise to be better just for you, my girl."

          Smiling, I pulled my hand out from under his and stood up from his bed. "You better. I don't want to start missing school because my stupid older brother can't take care of himself."

          "I am not stupid."

          "Psh, if you say so."

          The brunette chuckled at that, the sound lightening the mood considerably and I soon found myself smiling right back at him. "You're so mean to me."

          "It's out of nothing but love." I reassured.

          "So besides all those spiteful rumors, how's school been with Ryuuya and Ringo anyways?" Reiji asked as I walked over to grab my laptop off the chair I had sat it down on top of.

          "We're working on our first project already," I said while walking back over to sit on the edge of his bed, "I recently finished composing two songs for two of my idol student friends and all we have to do now is record it and submit the songs for a grade."

          Reiji's eyes widened some as he moved over a bit for me to sit down beside him this time around, the two of us sharing his pillow. "Two songs already? You've only been in class for two weeks." He said in disbelief.

          "Originally, we were given three weeks to create a single song." I said as I began opening up my composing program. "Syo is who I was partnered up with in my class. Another one of my friends though, Natsuki, was originally paired with a composer from his class."

          "Well why are you composing for the both of them if Natsuki already has a composer?" Reiji asked.

          I clicked on Syo's song and opened the file. "Turns out his composer wasn't the nicest, saying he was too dumb to do anything but come up with the lyrics and sing. So, doing the only reasonable thing, I talked to Ringo and Ryuuya about composing Natsuki's song as well."

          The brunette sitting beside me shook his head. "You're too nice for your own good."

          "Whatever. Want to listen to their songs and tell me how you like them?" I asked, hovering over the play button already.

          "Of course." Reiji responded with a soft smile.

          Playing Syo's song and then Natsuki's, back to back, I happily listened to the two songs I've created. They match Syo and Natsuki's personalities well and I can confidently say that I'm proud of what I've composed for them both. They're happy with my compositions as well and I can't wait to hear what it will sound like when their lyrics are put together with my compositions. It'll be magical I'm sure.

          Reiji stayed quiet for a few moments after I had played both songs. "You composed these?" He asked to which I nodded. "Oh my gosh, these are amazing! Most of the composers I've worked with aren't nearly as good as this. My girl truly is something else." He said before peering a little closer at my laptop. "Now that I think about it, I've never heard you play the piano. Do you compose everything on your laptop then?"

          "Yeah, I never learned how to play the piano so I've learned how to do everything on my laptop instead. So far it's worked out pretty well if I do say so myself." I mused.

          "What, you can't play the piano?" He asked, looking genuinely shocked.

          My eyebrows knitted together some at his reaction. "No? Is it really that weird that I can't play the piano?"

          The brunette shook his head. "No, it's just, I've never met a composer who couldn't." He said with a small laugh. "I'm sure you'll be fine never learning, it's just practically unheard of to find a composer who can't play the piano."

          "Guess I'm truly one of a kind now."

          "You've always been one of a kind to me.~"

          I rolled my eyes at that. "Your flirting knows no bounds Reiji."

          "Like I said, this isn't flirting." He chuckled. "Maybe when you're a little older ___, but no flirting for right now."

          "You're crazy." I said, closing my composing programs and shutting off my laptop. "Anyways, I know you've been sleeping all day, but I'm dead tired so I think I'm going to find a spare room to camp out in for the night."

          Before I could even make a move to get up from Reiji's bed, the brunette grabbed my wrist and prevented me from going anywhere. "You can just use this bed. It's large enough for the two of us to share." He said with a warm smile.

          I stared into those warm hazel eyes of his for a moment before sighing. There's no getting out of this. Reiji is just as stubborn as I am and if he wants me to stay, then I might as well make this easier on myself and humor my idol.

          "Alright," I said reaching over and placing my laptop down on the chair beside his bed, "I'll sleep here."

          A few minutes passed by of Reiji and I moving to lie down together, the brunette pulling me closer to his side while my head rests on top of his chest, our legs tangling some under the warm hospital blanket. In all these months of him and I knowing each other, we've never physically been this close to one another before. Tonight is a night just full of firsts for the two of us I suppose...

          Shifting some, I got a little more comfortable as the sound of the rain falling against the window lulled me into a calm tiredness. My eyes fluttered closed as Reiji's arm that's wrapped around my waist tightened ever so slightly. "You know Rei-chan, I'm happy I have you in my life." I said at nothing above a whisper.

          The brunette didn't say anything for a moment as he used his free hand to gently brush through my hair. "And I'm happy to have you in my life as well, my special girl."

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         DAWWWEEEEEE this chapter had me dying when I first wrote it ahhhhhhhhh I love Reiji ;-;

Question of the Chapter: Who do you think has the most deep character design (in terms of like their personality and whatnot)? I'm kinda stuck between Reiji and Ren tbh they both have so many layers to them because of their backstories and histories which make their characters two of the most dynamic to write for. There's definitely more to those two than just goofy smiles and flirtatious antics.~ ^^ but then there's Natsuki, Camus, Otoya, and virtually everyone in Utapri if you really look at their characters so I guess everyone is pretty deep with the exception of HE☆VENS since we don't know much about them x3

Oml I need to stop writing so much for Reiji, but I can't help myself ;-; I love him too much ;-;;;;; at least I included Tokiya in this chapter though! Sry Ren, we needed more screen time for this navy haired boi so I had to push you aside this chapter.~

I love each and every last one of you lovely cuties and thanks so much for taking the time to read this chapter <3

~ ｋａｔ ♡