It had been plaguing my thoughts since that frightful day when I thought I would lose my son forever.

   I had promised him after I giving birth that I would protect him, make him strong. But so far, I had been avoiding what I knew would eventually come.

   How could I ever hope for him to become strong- stronger than me even- if I never exposed him to the things and situations that would strengthen him. I needed to cast aside my own worries and begin training him properly by my side. His scholarly studies were over, now a new chapter in his life would begin to unfold.

   My first lesson with him was simply to give him a lecture telling him what he needed to know in order to benefit from this training. I would like to believe he understood what I was saying, but he was a boy of free thoughts always running loose so it had not sunken in completely what I was trying to obtain by having him by my side.

   "You have use your words appropriately and accordingly. The way you present yourself to everyone is how people will react upon first seeing you. You need to show your strength during the entire time people see you."

   Again, he nodded like he understood but I still saw that his thoughts were far from where they have should been. I couldn't be too expectant on him to absorb this all in one day, though. The more time we spent doing this the better he would become.

   But even with our new form of lessons, me teaching him everything he would need if he wanted to rule as king, he remained aloof to the truth that I wanted him to gain. He continued to think like a child whose imagination had no filter, whose imagination would be the pit to his demise.

    I saw no other way to wake him up to the reality of his future than to have him stay for a hearing.

   "This is part of training and I believe you've studied enough. Now it is time to spectate."

    He was eager at the prospect of doing something new, almost giddy.

    The girl they brought in was a dirty looking wrench with a pitiful voice who held herself to no expectations- I could read her the instance she presented herself. I stole a subtle glance over at Xalale to see how he would respond her appearance. It wasn't surprising for me to find pity but it bothered me to see so much sympathy as well. I focused my attention on the girl who brought the issue of her small village to me.

   As she expressed her lamentations about a band of thieves present I kept a watching eye on my Xalale's expression. The more she went on the more I saw sympathy overpower the pity in his eyes; he leaned forward in his seat, hanging onto her every word. Startled at this, I veiled my inner thoughts as I looked down at the girl to ask how many people lived in her village. When she revealed to me the underwhelming total I nearly scoffed.

   "Well, with around only seventy people living there I would say your village is better burned to the ground than preserved."

    At that, the girl grew troubled, a slight tremor rattling her while my eyes caught sight of shock in Xalale's eyes. He believed this girl's story. I realized fully then that he wasn't thinking as a king worrying about his entire kingdom, he was acting off his emotions- something I knew was a dangerous thing to rely upon.

    "Momm- mother, shouldn't the people breaking the law be punished not the villagers?"

    Not anticipating nor expecting him to speak up, I sent him a chiding look that was heeded.

    The girl expressed her troubles with burning the village but I knew her excuses would never be able to spare my final decision. My next comment was meant to show Xalale the reasoning behind my decision, show him the logic and wellbeing that the majority was more crucial than the minority.

   "Let me pose a situation to you. Imagine a garden. This garden is well-kept, has beautiful flowers planted there, and thrives continually, but only because every thing in the garden works together. Now imagine what would happen if a weed sprung up in a section of the garden. What would you do with the weed?"

   "Cut it off at the root," The girl replied, shrinking down.

   "Cut it off at the root. Exactly. But if we ignore the weed, it multiples, and once it multiples, it kills off the beautiful flowers in the garden and disturbs the peace. Now if we dispose of the weeds that will mean cutting away at some of the flowers. But it's sacrifice to help the rest of the garden flourish again. We can always replant the flowers, in fact they will stronger than before. So, I tell you all this to ask you again, what feasible solution do you have?"

    Finally, I had my way, demonstrating how to get those who were reluctant to comply to follow along as you wish.

   I thought my lesson was clear, my message key to showing him how to begin upholding himself in front of his future subjects, but as the doors closed behind the girl he stood up abruptly before I could ask him what his thoughts were.

   "Why did you do that? Her village is in trouble and you punish them?"

    His tone startled me. Never had had he been so upset with me- never exceedingly so.

    I kept my voice collected as I addressed him.

    "It is not a punishment-"

    "Yes it is." It was foreign for him to interrupt me so purposefully. "They did nothing wrong."

    "Xalale, you don't know enough to understand, but someday-"

    "No, I won't. I won't ever understand."

    I tried to call him back but he ignored my calls and left the room in a hurry. I knew then my task was going to be tremendous with teaching him the ways of leadership and becoming strong. But I also felt I had put too much upon him in one day. He saw everyone as innocent and trustworthy, I would need to show him, without breaking him, that scarcely anyone was worthy of his trust.

    That night, I went to him in his chamber and apologized for putting too much on him at once. He forgave me as he was prone to do and stared at me with those admiring blue eyes- no price could be put on such glorious things.

    I would ease him into his duties and reveal to him the nature of things, but for now we sat together in peace.

I was true to my promise of letting him adjust to what I wanted him to learn. I didn't have him present for any more hearings after his previous one which gladden him but created friction in me.

   I kept sheltering him from what he needed to forge him. I was the reason he sympathize with those who weren't worthy of it, why he allowed his emotions to control his decision process. I needed to be firmer in my approach but I could never bring myself to do it.

   I felt I was failing him.

   There were other areas where I was lacking in correcting him. He began arriving to our lessons late which concerned and troubled me. To be a leader, one must learn to be responsible and prompt; I told him as much but there was always a ready excuse from him.

   One of the days he was tardy he sat down with something to tell me, but I knew it would have to wait till after the hearing. Deciding, finally, that he was ready once more to witness true judgment be dealt, I ordered the guards to bring in the guilty man.

   The man was in ragged condition and thrown onto the floor before us. I glanced over at Xalale to see his expression and was greatly pleased to see him restraining himself from weakening emotions.

   Without delay, I ordered the man to his feet.

   He did so but began in a hoarse, trembling voice to beg, "My queen, forgive me if I have sinned in your eyes. I-"

   "Silence, please."

    One thing I despised in people was begging. It was the lowest one could reach and I discredited anyone who chose the beggar's route.

    "You steal from the Crown, you steal from me and yet you expect me to show you mercy? Is that right?"

   "My queen, you have the power and authority to sentence me to whatever you see fit, but I beg you to show me mercy. To that, I would owe you my life."

  "You already should."

   He cowered, causing my agitation to swell. I could not stand a beggar nor could I tolerate a coward.

   This was all a test, a lesson, for my Xalale who I was impressed with thus far. He held a mask of indifference that I wanted him to display before his subjects.

    I continued accosting the man, though I already knew what crime he was guilty of. I wanted Xalale to witness what a liar could look like, act like. The first time I gave him a young woman whose words were cunning enough to fool such inexperienced ears, but this man could not be viewed so innocently.

   When I demanded to hear his crime he hesitated but eventually wavered.

   "I stole a loaf of bread for my family, your majesty."

   "And what did you need the bread for?"

   "To eat." He fiddled with his knobby fingers. "We're poor and have little. We have no skills to find jobs with nor do I have children old enough or strong enough to work."

   I thought for a brief moment. "How old are your children?"

   "The eldest is nine and the youngest is a sickly baby girl, your majesty. We have five children, my wife and I. We also take care of my wife's parents- they are ailing in health."

   The answer was quite simple to me at that moment, but I stole another glance over at Xalale to see his reaction. I was troubled to find him reverting back to his usual sympathetic gaze.

   "Might I suggest my solution?" I spoke up patiently.

   "Of course, your majesty."

   "Your wife's parents, you said they were ailing in health. That must be a heavy burden for the family, two extra mouths to feed. If I were you, I would put them out of their misery and out of your family's misery as well."

   Unprepared for my words, the man recoiled in shock then quickly was overtaken by disgust and malice.

   "Put them out like sick horses? I respect my family and life enough not to slit their throats with swords. I don't kill family like you do."

    That time, it was me who recoiled back in shock as if slapped by his words.

    In that instant, my wrath was summoned. It had been years since I'd thought of my family's death, and it took me by surprise that people knew of the truth. My anger was even greater due to the words being revealed to my son who knew nothing about his disgraceful familial tree.

   "You beg for mercy then insult your queen? Now I will show you and your entire family of dogs no mercy."

    My words cut sharper, deeper, than his. They accomplished their initiative, causing him to wilt back into the begging coward that he was.

   He begged frantically for his family to be spared but I would have no such retorts given to me, especially in front of my son.

    I gave him his sentence then fought to rein my voice under control once more.

   "You should be thanking me for ending your family's life here in this cruel world. They will all go where there's not as much pain. While you shall stay here and work off the debt you've made."

   The anguish in his eyes was exactly what I sought. I had just taught him and Xalale a lesson as old as time; watching your words could save you a great deal of heartache.

   But as the man was being dragged away I was startled by an outcry beside me.

   "No!" Xalale stood to his feet looking desperately at the man who was escorted out of sight. "Leave him alone."

    When the man was gone he turned his attention sharply to me, despair dancing like flames in his eyes.

   "Why are you punishing them? Why do you punish the people who need help?"

   I was at a lost. I thought he was prepared for this, I thought he could handle and learn what was set before him. Even I as a child could understand such matters.

   "Xalale, you are too young to understand why I-"

   "I'm not too young to understand kindness and mercy where it's deserved."

    It was still a novice concept to me for him cut back at me when I spoke and it was not a pattern I believed appropriate. Becoming stern in my tone, I made sure he knew I was not favoring his outburst.

   "This is part of being a king, part of exercising your power."

   "Then I don't want to become king."

    I was at my last conclusion with him. His comment stung me speechless but something else lurked beneath my dismay.

    He ignored my voice as I called for him- he was deeply upset, I could tell- but just as he nearly reached the door something changed. He halted abruptly, gaining my attention and sudden concern. Putting aside our previous disagreement, I hurried to his side, inquiring what was the matter, but he wouldn't answer.

   "Xalale, tell me what's wrong?" I said firmly.

   He held out his hands to me as if to show me his palms, and that was the last thing my mind could process before the surge.

   Never had I felt so much raw power.

   It was unlike anything I had ever witnessed or heard about. It brought me to my knees. It wasn't just the sheer force of it that weighed against me, it was the feelings it evoked. Never in my life had I experienced such a crushing sense of fear and heightened awareness of malevolence that plagued my soul in that moment. It lasted only a breath but felt as though an eternity drew by, the energy drowning me continually. I didn't know how to react, how to relieve the chills from my skin.

   As I breathed in steadily, I saw Xalale approaching me, his hands outstretched to help me. In that instant, everything changed.

   The damning words of the sibyl rang out louder than thunder in the valley.

   "You will fall by the hand of your son."

   Those words I had scornfully scoffed at were now becoming truth. A pungent dread came over me.

   "What was that?" I choked out.

   "It's my abilities."

   His tone was eager, almost as if nothing malicious had occurred.

   "I'm like you now."

   The words were like a slap to my face. I hardened against him.

   "No, you're not. There's something wrong with you."

   He faltered at that. Hurt filtering across his face as he looked down at me.

   "That's dark, demonic magic. You could've hurt someone. Where did you learn that?"

   Dark magic was not to be meddled with. Only the Fates in their unadulterated wrath could strike a guilty soul with dark magic; child or adult. I remembered after I learned I was blessed by the Fates that dark magic could exist. I had heard stories about it but never until then had I ever witnessed or felt it.

   "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to, it was-"

   "Xalale, where did you learn that?"

   My harsh tone frightened him for I had never raised my voice against him before. I stood to my feet finally but never dared approached him.

   "I-I didn't learn it anywhere, I promise, momma."

   "Only monsters possess dark magic. You're lying to me, Xalale."

   I hadn't realized my heart was racing, terrified and livid at the same time; it was startling to me to be shaken so much by such a force.

   Tears began to trickle down his face as he looked at me, ashamed. "No, no, I swear I'm not lying. Please, momma."

    There I saw the shame in his eyes, the damning truth to his lies. He must have done something to anger the Fates. For the first time, I felt no remorse for the tears in his eyes nor as he fled the room. The heaviness in the air lifted the moment he left, solidifying the grim truth.

   With tremors wracking me, I went to my throne to sit for a time. So troubled was my spirit that I couldn't find the thoughts to think, so I sat upon my throne with my hands clutching the armrests, willing my tremors to cease.

   Still, I sat there in silence, letting the cold reality creep over me.

   Xalale was going to be my downfall, my destruction, the one who would bring me to the valley from the mountaintop.

   After an hour, I got up and went to somewhere I didn't expect myself to go: my study. Taking out a thin journal, I opened it to a new page and began an entry.

   He'll never forgive me for what I said to him. It was a moment of anger when I said it. But I can't say that I didn't mean it fully. He'll never forgive for what I said, but one day he'll hopefully understand why I said it. Hopefully he'll understand why I do the things I do. They may hurt him now, but he'll be much stronger afterward. No one will be able to hurt him because he won't let his walls down. No one will be able to overthrow him because he'll be perfect in his punishments. I wish I could've had someone to say and do those things to me before I found out how cruelly one could be torn down because of weakness. That's the one thing he'll never have- weakness. Right now he's weak, but soon he'll be stronger and I won't have to always protect him. He'll never forgive the words I said to him, as I won't forgive myself, but one day he'll be strong enough to crush anyone that ever says those things to him again. But for now, he'll cry.

   Setting my writing tool aside, I knew the inevitable was coming upon the horizon.

   My downfall was already in my midst.