Winter fosters life, this I now know. When the snow falls, life begins.

   Winter had arrived early that year- nearing the third year of my reign.

   That fact was bad for the harvest and therefore, in turn, bad for taxes. I hardly relented, though, not willing to accept anything below what I asked for. I had little patience for those who didn't live up to their requirements. There were punishments for those who sought to excuse their laziness.

    If one individual refused or didn't have enough money to pay their taxes it crippled their entire community. Villages and cities always prided themselves on their close-knit core but it was amusing to witness how quickly neighbors turned against each other in order to better themselves. The strain would push them further and further until I received what I desired.

    But that year, the cold came in abruptly from the east destroying most of the season's hardwork. It was the earliest winter I had lived through and it was the most bitter of them all.

    A violent storm had crashed upon us that afternoon, increasing in strength by the time dusk came- though the thick clouds and sharp flakes marred any recollection of time. Sheets of rain mixed with icy patches of snow slammed upon the windows of the dining hall. Supper had just been served, ready and warm, when a guard arrived, hurrying to my side.

    "There is a...visitor at the door, my queen."

    "Is there? Out in this storm of hell?" I wasn't concerned, simply surprised to the news. "Have they stated who they are?"

    "No, your Majesty, but he requested to speak to the head of this manor."

     Setting down my chalice of wine, I kept my eyes straightforward at the door, my mind rampant.

    Request my presence? As if I was nothing more than a simple, commonplace hostess?

    Those heated thoughts combined with the unwanted interruption of my supper brought me to my feet which echoed hollowly throughout the corridors I walked briskly down.

    Arriving at the front doors of the palace, my anger had yet to be curbed. I wanted to know who was responsible for the intrusion at such an hour in a storm as that.

    Standing on the platform of the staircase, my eyes traveled to the figure hunched over in a dark, heavy mantle coated in icy snow. He kept his gaze on the ground- out of fear or secrecy I didn't know for certain- making it difficult to decipher his face or features. I kept my eyes on the figure as I slowly, deliberately, made my way down the stairs.

   "State your business." My voice rang out harshly against the cold stone but the visitor never flinched.

   "I'm simply a traveler searching for a place to board during this monstrous storm."

    His modulated voice carried a distinct accent that played more on my senses than my ears. Never had I heard a voice like that before, so much so I nearly paused on the steps, but I didn't let it stir me as I continued my descent down.

   "You disturb me at this hour?"

   "It's hard to tell the time when the sun is hidden behind thick curtains." His muted, yet apparent, jaunty tone aggravated me further. "I saw this palace up ahead and thought you might be so kind as to welcome me in. I do come bearing gifts."

   "I do not need your gifts. Get out."

    Though he masked it with a easy tone, I noted the quiver in his voice. "No, no, you mistake me. I'm not selling gifts of material value, I sell-"

    "I do not care what you are offering, I want you out." At my glance, the guards began to drag the stranger to the door but he was a determined one and began, in haste, to talk.

    "At least spare me five minutes before setencing me to that cruelty."

    Though I wanted to turn my back and give him out to the fury of the storm, something whispered in my ear to allow him a minute more of warmth.

   "Fine."

    The guards stopped in their efforts, causing the stranger to cease his flailing. He pulled free of the guards' grip.

   "If you can convince me your life is worth sparing you of that storm within a minute, I will allow you to stay."

   His face was now looking up at me but the hood of his mantle cast shadows over his features still. His voice remained the same, though.

   "My life in a minute?" He questioned. "My, I heard you were a queen with a heart of ice but now I know you are a queen with no heart at all."

    I was taken aback.

    Never in my years of being queen had someone spoke such a contemptuous retort to me in such a facetious manner. No one ever dared look at me in the slightest way, let alone speak to me in that manner. At that moment, I was stunned into silence for a moment allowing him chance to speak, or in his case chuckle.

    "Have I offended you? Please don't be, I'm not one to mind my words, especially with my life at risk."

    "How dare you speak to your queen in that manner," The words came out venomously, the fire had rekindled. My steps were hurried now to approach him. "You have no right to even think those thoughts."

    "You have little right to judge my life on the few words I speak in the next minute." He countered cunningly.

    At that moment, I wanted to order him to the dungeon, to send him to a slow, painful death but as the words began to form on my tongue he took down the hood of his mantle, finally, causing my words to dissolve and my feet to halt at the edge of the last step.

    Now, I could see his features clearly in the light. His hair was darker than midnight, like waves of the night sky. He had whispers of a beard but very subtle. His jaw was strong and his cheeks pronounced, yet his features didn't read of a harsh countenance, instead, in his deep eyes, the color of the richest blue in the dusk sky, the gleam of a blithe soul shone forth.

    My lack of words allowed him time to speak again.

    "As I was offering before, I have something worth more than the finest jewelry in the world if only you would permit a poor beggar to weather out the storm."

    I drew my face into a tight, scrutinizing expression but I couldn't bring myself to send him out again. I was transfixed on his face and though I wanted to look away I couldn't. Finally, simply to gain control again, I tore my gaze away, heading up the stairs with my back to him.

   "Fine. But no more than a night."

    He breathed out a sigh of relief. He must have been more frightened than he had revealed.

    I had made my way to the top of the stairs when one of the guards lifted his voice in question.

    "What are we to do with him, your Majesty?"

    I paused for a heartbeat before called over my shoulder. "Wash up then meet me for supper in the dining hall. Do not have me waiting long."

    "I thank you for the invitation, my queen," The stranger began. "But I have no appetite at the-"

    "That was a order, not a invitation. Do not be late."

    With that, I hurried away. Meanwhile, my heart thundered violently inside of my chest and I willed it, begged it, to stop but it continued in frenzy.

 
He did not leave me waiting long, but internally I was disquieted within and I couldn't suppress it. Externally, though, my mask of indifferent was the same.

   "Such a fine feast," He commented, studying every dish set before him. "I thank you for so graciously accepting me in."

    I said nothing on the matter, barely looking his way. That must have troubled him for he tried a different approach to get me to converse with him.

    "I must point out how ironic it is that I seek to escape such a storm outside and protect myself in a palace made of ice. Do you not find it so, my queen?"

    I paused, setting aside my spoon for the stew.

   "You will call me Aelita." I resumed my meal.

    He interrupted me once more by letting out a laugh that danced on the heels of a chuckle. Unlike the laughter I had heard from my uncle when I was younger, this was not something that rumbled the foundations of the earth but rather rang out like a victory bell throughout the universe causing everything to join in. It was the kind of laughter that nearly coaxed out a smile or urged on a chortle. I ignored the urge greatly.

    "Why must everything you say be a stern command?"

    I didn't reply, letting him become uneasy at my silence once more. But he was a good masquerader of his true emotions, nearly as much as me.

    "If you prefer me to do so then sobeit. I am indebted to you beyond compare."

    "Where are you from?"

     A puzzled look fled across his face before relaxing back to his mellow ways.

    "A far northeastern region many moons from here."

    "Why are you so far from your home?"

    "If you were to ask my mother, she would tell you it's a young man's wandering soul seeking purpose in life, but you are asking me, thankfully, and I say it is about adventure, going beyond the mountains where I was born to find something wonderful."

    "You seek something wonderful?"

    "Who does not?"

    "I do not seek anything in life."

    He tasted a ripe melon, seemingly savoring the experience before responding dubiously.

    "You seek nothing? All life's wonders reveal themselves to you?"

    "I already know all the glorious wonders of life."

     From my seat, my eyes looked at him for a moment and I was surprised to find him watching me with almost a mixed look of pity and intrigue. Though I didn't want to I quickly glanced away, feeling my body grow uncomfortably warm under his gaze.

    We concluded our supper, following it with wine in my main study, the roaring fire in the heathe the only source of light and heat.

    "You have many books." He breathed in admiration as his esoteric eyes roamed the volumes on the shelves. "Have you read them all?"

    I lounged with ease on the chaise, watching him study the binds with keen interest, peaking my interest- I tried to keep my voice separate from my thoughts, though.

    "I'm close to it if I haven't already." I waited a heartbeat. "You read?"

    "Since I was fluent in speech."

    His mind was so absorbed with the books I came to the conclusion he must have great reverence for learning as I did.

    Finally, he broke his attention from the shelves and joined me on the chaise, causing my pulse to quicken again. He wore an arcane smile that drew me closer yet made me wary. The way the firelight danced in his dark eyes cast even more mystic upon him.

    "Would you like to hear what I had been offering? I promise you won't regret it."

    "I see no harm in it," I sipped my wine. "But first, tell me your name."

    His smile broadened at that then evened out.

    "Dhisnaek."

     He truly was from a far region for the name was the most foreign I had ever heard. Everything about him drew me closer, though I resisted the urge to inquire more about him.

    "The tale I am about to tell you is called a čakr in my region. It is different than what you are used to in traditional storytelling but I believe you will enjoy it."

     I gave him my divine attention.

    "There once was a man who lived in a beautiful country, in a beautiful dwelling, with a beautiful wife and many beautiful children. But this man was very unpleasant to the eye. Though he lived a beautiful life, he was a hideous man whose face could frighten any soul. Though he was a most heinous monster of a man, he had many friends and lived a wonderful life. How is this so?"

    He said no more after that, momentarily bewildering me before I collected myself.

    "That is it? There's nothing more?" I asked, becoming rather irritated with his foolish story.

    "I posed a question that needs answering. Why is it this unsightly man has such a wonderful life? Should he not have any friends? Should he not have the most beautiful wife and children?"

    Though this story didn't satisfy me, I pushed aside my irritation and leaned back, pondering on his words.

    "What does it matter if he has the most attractive things? He himself is not pleasing to the eye."

    "What about his soul?"

    "His soul?"

    He let out a soft chortle that seemed to brush against my skin causing a chill to go through me.

    "A soul is important. You believe we all have one, right?"

    I straightened only to slouch in my seat, unmindful of my posture. My face was set, not a single thought betraying me.

    "A soul is a beautiful thing," He started, the flames playing in the nights of his eyes. "It shows us exactly what we are made up of."

    I leaned forward with cynical curiosity.

    "And what are we made up of?"

    He leaned closer as well, his voice swelled with hushed passion.

    "Whatever we put in."

    "Can you see what my soul is made up of?"

    I had asked it with mostly doubt in his theory but a small part of me marveled at such an idea.

    He seemed to stare into me, peering into my very being. His expression morphed into pure concentration for several drawn out seconds. While he studied my soul, I tried gazing into his eyes to see what I could but my thoughts became scattered whenever I looked at him.

    Eventually, he spoke up, his eyes shifted in a different mood. His voice wavered between a secretive whisper and zealous energy.

    "I see an endless soul."

    "Aren't all soul infinite?" I questioned.

    "But yours bleeds through time into a different realm. You host a great burden but even greater hopes. I am not gifted to be a seer, but I know you are made up of something troubling and wonderful. What it is? I am unsure if I want to discover it or not."

    He left off with an easy smile that kept me transfixed. In his soul I saw something as equally wonderfully strange- its aurora drawing me nearer, the nearest I'd ever been to a soul.

    I didn't fight it anymore, I simply couldn't.

    He tasted of something hearty yet overwhelmingly subtle and strong. Never had I felt more steady in my spontaneous actions. My suddenness must have startled him for he drew back but not greatly.

    He said nothing, his eyes read of blatant confusion. I said nothing either, setting my hand on his cheek, feeling his heat as I rested my brow against his.

   "Aelita..."

   I kissed him once more, my lips never far from his.

   "Say nothing," I whispered, my eyes closed.

   Breathing him in, my mind was focused on nothing else but the moment we were in until I felt him kiss me back.

   "Of course." He breathed back, cupping my face as well.

    My body leaned into his, forming itself like a missing piece against him. Recuperating my touch, he brushed back a loose strand of hair, drawing me in for another passionate kiss.

    Whenever I felt his touch it frightened me, for it brought out emotions I was desperate to keep inside. Those emotions wracked havoc in me until I was reduced to nothing.

    His kisses were amorous, soft as a feather against one's skin, but I far beyond the tender affections. Something within me craved a more sensual taste, something that would release all my impulsive thoughts.

    My kiss was deep, wanting, it drew both our breaths away. As I looked up at him, my eyes must have portrayed my soul's desire for clarity rang throughout his face before the seeds of strong desire were planted in him as well.

    I had never felt like I had as I led him toward my chambers. Never had there been such a fervent wanting that my body ached with it. Every second that passed, my restraint wore thinner until it was nearly frayed.

   If ever there was an act of pure lust, that was it.

   The moment the door had shut, my self-discipline was discarded and I acted in nothing more than my carnal desires.

   My thoughts, my soul, my body was consumed by one man, by one force of nature. His name became the most potent utterance from my lips. Never had my name felt so moving than in those moments he muttered it in my ear.

   That night would become etched in my mind for all the days of my life- and I was glad of it. Every moment exhilarated some part of me as I gave myself fully to him.

   That night was the only time in my life I had felt completely whole.

To awake in the arms of someone else is a strange yet endeavoring feeling. I felt wanted, I felt protected, but as I laid there in Dhisnaek's strong arms I refused to allow myself to admit the one fact that chained me down. Even my heart refused the notion.

   Even if I chose ignorance over truth, I could meaningfully say I felt content in those few morning minutes before I would have to pull away.

   Several minutes passed before he stirred awake. I had been studying the window while I waited for him to rouse and as he did I let my eyes rest on his, allowing a smile to tug at the corners of my mouth. I nearly forgot what it felt like to experience true joy, to truly smile and beam in someone else's presence. He caused that.

   Dhisnaek was not one to mask his smile, which was a sight for any weary soul. We said nothing in the hushed, pale morning light but our eyes conveyed every word.

   All he had to do was brush his lips against my brow and I became overwhelmed in sensual sensations.

   In the morning light, I took him again in heated passion.

The whole palace had to have known- it would have been absurd had they not. Gossip was the only form of entertainment for the servants and guards to relish in, but they made care never to speak of it in my presence. But even if they had, I don't believe I would have heard anything other than what my ears became inclined to hear. The only voice that mattered belonged to Dhisnaek.

    He had quickly become an overnight visitor to an extended guest with no designated time of departure.

    Even if I refused to admit what was growing stronger by the day there was no denying the change in my ways. Nothing could stunt my benign mood- I was rather benevolent in those days.

    Dhisnaek spent most of his time by my side, telling me about his childhood in the mountainous northeastern region with his mother, father, and brother. There was a charm to him that most people could not achieve; not even the most charismatic person could duplicate the flawless manner in which Dhisnaek drew one in with his jovial expressions and steady voice. He was a man with spirit yet possessed something deeper in him- he always left me in a puzzled, intrigued state.

    As I learned more about him, he began to study me closer as well. His questions, though, would be odd yet he began to understand me better than I understood myself. It brought me comfort, knowing that if I lost all parts of me he would be there to repair everything, repair me.

    It was rare if our nights and early mornings weren't filled with pleasurable passions. It was never as it was the first night- nothing could compare to it- rather we handled each more tenderly, taking care to feel every vicarious emotion as much, if not more, than the acts resulting in those feelings. Gradually, our lust devolved into what I had feared from the start.

    I cursed myself at nights when I laid there in his arms, invigorated yet torn. I wanted to lose myself to him, to scold my heart and mind for working in sync, for denying me access the one and only thing my soul asked for. But I couldn't forget Odel. I couldn't forgive the betrayal, that I let myself be played the fool by two imprudent wenches. It lurked in the back of my thoughts, festering. I had been through it once but would I apply the lesson taught?

    Unfortunately, I had trained my mind and heart too wisely in those manners.

    So even as he grew closer, more familiar, as necessary as air to me, I refrained from giving myself over to him completely. I would continue punishing my soul for something ruined long ago.

    Though my heart was shattered years ago, my soul was soon to be struck as well.

    It was a tranquil evening, one where the sun blazed the magnificent mountains on its descent from glory. I would try to attend every day but some days eluded me. That day, though, I took great pains to witness such a brilliant passing of another day. The spectacle was made even more memorable when Dhisnaek eventually joined me.

    We were silent, watching the retreating sun vanish before he began.

    "I will never tire of seeing such a sight. But if I were granted one last vision before death, it would be you."

    His words warmed me, but concern began to creep into my face. I knew something was amidst- his voice was not its usual vigorous self, he was hesitant.

    I looked over at him. He sat next to me, but his back faced away from the view. Already my pulse was becoming jittery but I kept calm.

    "Is everything fine? You look troubled."

    His eyes contained the same cautious expression is voice held, but his words were direct, meaningful.

    "I love you, Aelita Domshov. You must know that."

    So there it was. Finally out in the open air, free to fall upon whoever was curious enough to incline their ears toward our conversation. It felt different than how Odel told it- so much more direct and blatant, but no less true.

    I stared into his enraptured eyes and all I could see was me. I was the apple of his eye, I was his reason. In that moment, I wanted to tell him the same. I longed to tell him the same, but my mouth was a coward's mouth and the rest of me as much. As I rested my brow against his, my soul whispered back with all the truth in the world-

   "And I love you, Dhisnaek Lantstdar, so much more than you could ever fathom."

   We remained that way for a moment before he lifted his head ever so much to look me in the eyes with an expression so sullen and pained it nearly tore my soul in two to witness.

    "But I fear our time together is drawing to an abrupt end."

    "Dhisnaek, what do you-"

    "Let me finish, please."

     I quieted my protest.

    "I've been visited many times by the same dream every night. Every night I put it out of mind, but yester night it was different. It convicted me, Aelita. Ever since I have left my home, my family, I have been tormented by my conscious and at last I have been broken. I must go home to do this thing. If I continue to ignore it it will drive me to the brink of insane guilt. Please. If you love me you won't persuade me to stay, for if you do, I surely will- I'd never willingly leave your side- but I must do this thing."

    Never had I heard him be so earnest, so pleading in his request. He was asking this one thing of me, this one grace. I could have questioned him on the dreams, I could have persuaded him, finally received my well-deserved happiness and welcomed love back into my life. But in that moment, in that tedious moment that would forever shape the rest of my future, I decided to be selfless, to demonstrate my love.

    "Then do it."

    My voice was resolute, giving him the reassurance he needed. He looked at me with so much tender love I almost wanted to take back my words and keep him close, but I withheld my wants.

    He embraced me, kissing the side of my neck in relieved thanks.

    "I promise you I will return. With everything I have, I swear my life that I will return. Then, then I will never again leave your side."

    "How long will you be gone?"

    "Two months at the latest, no more than two."

    I stared into those infinite chambers of mystic light, studying every fine detail of his face- to memorize it to heart. He seemed to be doing the same, instead running his thumb over my features, wanting to experience the touch one last time.

   "I won't watch you leave," I said in a brittle voice that was carried away by the slightest of breezes. "Please don't make me do such a thing."

    "Do as you please. Just let it be known that you will see me again."

    I nodded numbly.

    Before I could get up and excuse myself he took hold of my hand and held up his own, taking off a priceless blue gemstone ring he wore at every occasion. He presented it to me.

    "This is my promise to you."

     He slid the treasure, which shone in the fading light, on my slender finger. I was speechless for only a mere second before touching the piece, savoring it.

     He gave me a slight smile. "My father made that ring for me when I was nine. He crafted many like it just to create one worthy of me. Now, I give it to you to remember me by, to remember my love for you and the promise I give to you today."

    I wasn't worthy of such a gift, but I refused to take it off. This token of love would remain on my finger at all times. I would remember his promise.

    As I told him, I did not rise the next morning as dawn warmed the sky to watch him depart. But I was awake when he rose from the bed, leaving an empty space beside me as he prepared for his journey home.

   It was only until I felt my body would burn from within did I toss aside the covers, running down the corridors in my nightwear to stand by the window, staring out at the vast path did I finally watch him depart. I remained by the window, clutching my ring hand, even when he faded from my sight.

    From that time on, I counted down the days till he was due to return- returning with my soul which left with him.

   The first month came and went yet I did not worry for I knew that left one month was left for him to return. As the end to the second month approached my joy rose likewise and I kept watch at all times for his arrival. But my excitement began to morph into concern when a third month began and he had yet to return. Mentally, I kept myself in check but I was beginning to become worried. By the end of the third month my worry had dissolved into fear at what may have happened to him out on the roads. Fearing for his wellbeing, I sent a few guards out to inquire on the main highways if there had been any recent incidents or casualties but they all returned with negative reports. By the fourth month, my fear had become dread and dread cemented into angry bitterness.

    Abandoned.

    I had been fooled by another honeyed voice thief once more. First, my heart shattered beyond repair, now my soul stolen, unretrievable. But it was strangely different than Odel's betrayal.

   Though Dhisnaek's abandonment left me with no doubt in my mind about love, there was something in me that remained vigil for his return- as though he would. He gave me his word, his empty promise of a future with a shallow ring.

   But it was the ring that kept that meaningless hope alive. Why would he bestow upon me such a gift that he valued so highly if he didn't mean to return?

   The damage was done. I was a woman shattered, alone, and filled with such bitter resentment that there could be no force on Edalirwen or above which could bring me comfort.

    Though brimstone now rolled in me, something else began in me that winter. I tried to conceal it, to be defiant to the truth, but the truth has a cunning way about it.

    Dhisnaek left me with a bitter remnant of a soul, a taunting ring, and with child.