What the fuck was I thinking? 

    How could I do that to her? The fear in her voice and the way she looked at me when she knew what I was becoming. I want to vomit just thinking about it. 

    I burst through the door of Alex's apartment, the door automatically swinging shut behind me.

   Yasmin turns to me almost immediately, her face filled with horror as she takes me in. I reach my hand up, rubbing the blood from my lips but truthfully just spreading it further. 

    "Thomas, what the fuck?" She calls. I turn my back to her, ignoring her as I pivot to the bathroom. Before I can, she appears in front of me in a flash, her eyes studying me with a harsh glare. 

    "Yasmin, just-"

    "What the hell happened?" She asks through her teeth. She takes in my appearance once more, her nostrils flaring as she catches the scent I'm drenched in. "Is that..."

    "You already know the answer so just move," I dismiss, attempting to get around her only for her to step in my way once more. I look up, gritting my teeth to try and calm myself down. "Yasmin-"

    "Thomas," She says my name sternly, her arms crossed over her chest. She flicks her eyes over to the couch where Leila lies sleeping, her transformation physically exhausting. Yaz turns back to me, something like fear in her eyes, "Did you kill her?"

    "No, god no," I shake my head, pulling my hands up to cover my face. It only makes me feel worse, the smell of her blood all over my hands and face lingering. "I didn't mean to hurt her,"

    "How did this happen?" She whispers, searching for the answer somewhere etched in the blood covering my skin. 

    "I don't know," I shake my head once more, dropping my hands back down to my side, "I never lose control,"

    She takes a few seconds to look at me deeply as if she's staring through my exterior and right through to my inner workings. "You kissed her, didn't you?"

    I don't say anything, my silence being enough answer for her as she lifts her arm and hits me hard across the chest. I stumble back only a step, looking down at her with a deep numbness. 

    "You fucking idiot! You know what happens when you let your guard down! What did you think was going to happen?" She raises her voice, flicking her eyes from me to the sleeping blonde on the couch. 

    "She kissed me, Yaz. I... I don't know why I let that happen," I sigh.

    "How could you do that? You know how unfair it is to her to let feelings like that run wild. You are such a selfish prick," She shakes her head, her teeth gritted in anger as she punishes me further. 

    "I really care about her, Yaz," I confess, my voice cracking ever so slightly at the end. All my blinks feel like they're in slow motion, my body exhausted for the first time since I turned. "I know I shouldn't-"

    "No, no, no," She shakes her head, crossing her arms back and forth as she turns her back to me. She stays that way for only a second before turning back to me and shoving me, "Feel all you want but you made things physical. You made things real! I don't care if she initiated it you should have stopped it!" 

    "You don't think I know that?" I finally yell back, stepping closer to her with my hands pointed towards my chest. "She tried to turn herself, Yaz! We can't let that happen. If we did, all the secret training and mindfuck would be for nothing!" 

    "Oh, and you just had to jam your tongue down her throat to save her from herself. What a hero," She rolls her eyes. 

    "That's not what I meant," I groan, holding my hands over my face once more. 

    I'm sure I look like a mess. Blood spread all over my face, my fingers sticky from the same substance between the gaps. 

    "Thomas!" I hear a familiar male voice shout from outside. 

    I groan once more, dropping my hands and turning around just as Levi storms inside and beelines right for me. 

    "Save it, Levi-"

   I'm cut off when he sends a fist flying right across my face. My head snaps to the right but in an instant,  I make eye contact with him before grabbing him by the shirt and throwing him against a wall. 

    "I'm getting really tired of this," Yasmin snaps, trying to grab me and yank me back. I toss her hand off of my shoulder, walking up towards Levi as he pushes himself up from the ground. 

    "You are such a hypocrite, Thomas," He scoffs, looking me up and down like I'm a piece of garbage. 

    "I lost control, Levi. I wasn't thinking. You were just too busy thinking with your di-"

    "Okay, maybe I was," He cuts me off, raising his voice even louder, "At least I didn't terrify her. I know you got the luxury of dumping her but I saw the aftermath. You fucking scared her, Thomas. I have never seen her scared,"

     I pause, taking a physical step back from the blow of his words. I knew what happened would have an effect on her, but I didn't expect to hear it so soon from one of my closest friends. I blink, staring at him for a beat before whispering, "Is she okay?"

    He looks me over as if my question changes my form and I'm now left standing in front of him shaped like a galactic being. He finally reaches my eyes, a tinge of sympathy on his face, "I don't know. She locked herself in the bathroom and, when she came out, I left to come here. Michaela's not easy to read,"

    She is if you look hard enough. 

    Before I can say anything, Yasmin's ringtone blares through the air and distracts us from the current conversation.

    She pulls the device from her pocket, glancing at the screen before looking at us sceptically, "It's Alex,"

    "When did you have time to get his number?" Levi questions silently as Yasmin answers the call and puts it on loudspeaker.

    "Remember when you said to call you if Alis says anything suspicious or Mic does anything dumb?" Alex's voice echoes through the speaker and around the room.

   "Yes, get on with it," Yasmin nods.

   "Well, Alis told her something in code so I couldn't understand. Something about compulsion and how they can be compelled despite Mic believing they took vervain. I tried to go with her but she took off before I could ask any questions or do anything," Alex stammers, trying to get out all the information in a timely manner. 

   "Alis wouldn't set her up, would she?" I join in, looking down at the phone as I wait for his reply.

   "She said something weird. Something about a compulsion too deep for us to undo. I think that was a clue. I don't think Alis is... Alis. Not yet,"

    I snatch the phone from Yasmin's hand, turning my back to her as I run my free hand through my hair, "What else did she say? Where could she be?"

    "Mic mentioned having vervain every week and Alis implied that was a thing of the past. Pretty much right after that Mic left," Alex informs, verbally rattling his brain for any hints. "She also said I can't go where she's going,"

    "Vervain," I repeat, looking up as I try to recall everything I know about hunters and that stupid substance. 

    "She's at the church," Leila chimes in, her voice shocking us enough for all of us to turn and face her. She sits up, looking right at me as she continues, "That's where they get their vervain from. Mic would always take me there on busy Vampire nights because she said they--we--can't enter a holy building," 

    "She's right," I announce to the others, tossing the phone back to Yasmin as I pace back and forth, "What the fuck is happening? We can't get in there,"

   "I think that's the point, Tommy," Levi thinks out loud, looking at me with a look of horror. "You know what they want with her. They sent her to the one place where we can't interfere," 

    Fuck. How did I let this happen? She wouldn't be anywhere near there if I had just controlled myself. 

   I pull at the roots of my hair, continuing to walk back and forth down the hallway until I'm sure there are marks in the wood. 

   "Is she in trouble?" Leila asks, standing up and walking over to us. Her brows are furrowed and her eyes seem somewhat watery, the worry clear on her face.

    "Yes, she is," Yasmin replies, feeling no need to sugarcoat it. 

    Within seconds, Leila disappears from our sight faster than we can blink. We all look at each other for a second before taking off out the door right behind her. 

________

AUTHORS NOTE

thomas pov yayyy

we're getting somewhere I promise. everything will make sense eventually.