XXX

my dreams are full of black seas, frozen lakes and peacekeepers. i would fall asleep for minutes at a time, always waking up with a sick drowning feeling. finally deciding to get out of bed, i head to the bathroom that's connected to the room. i avoided looking at myself in the mirror because i hated seeing the dark circles under my eyes and i wasn't going to fall apart again.

i brushed my teeth before getting into the shower. the shower turns on at the press of a button, the perfect pressure and temperature. the sensation of the steamy water calms me; it takes my mind of things. after half an hour, i finally get out and dry myself with a white fluffy towel.

i sit down on the floor and pick up the dress i wore to the reaping. the sight of it makes my stomach hurt just thinking about the reaping. i find a plastic bag and toss it inside, not wanting to see it but also not wanting to throw it away.

there are drawers filled with fine clothes at my disposal. i decide on a pair of jeans and a grey sweater that's too big for me, along with a pair of simple white shoes.

in the bathroom there's a ton of hair tools and products that i have never seen before in my entire life. i pick up a large tool and turn it on, immediately it begins to blow warm air onto my face. i use it to dry my hair, then brush it before pulling it up into a ponytail as i leave the room.

i find my way to the dining room, where vivian bloom awaits. she doesn't pay me any mind as i sit down at the table and take my choice of breakfast. after twenty minutes of excruciatingly painful silence, she speaks. "we're nearing the capital. once we reach the city you'll be placed into the hands of stylists."

vivian looks at my choice of clothes in distaste and i have to bite my tongue in order not to comment on her outfit. she's wearing a pink dress that puffs at the shoulders, pink tights and an insanely frizzy pink wig. it's ridiculous to say the least.

haymitch walks through the door, freshly showered and in a fancier outfit than the one i picked out. "i need coffee," he says and takes a seat across from me. he looks tired - dark circles are under his eyes. "where's nightlock?"

"probably practicing his smirk in the mirror," i answer, gaining a chuckle out of haymitch.

"we're almost to the capital," vivian said panicking. "go find him."

"isn't that your job?" i say and immediately wish i hadn't. i don't have to look at her to know that she's glaring. "i'll go get him."

haymitch winks at me in approval as i stand up and smile back as if to say, she deserved it.

i follow haymitch's directions to kit's room and knock on the door. he doesn't answer the first time or the many times after that. i don't hear the sound of the shower or running tap water so i know he's not there. he had to be in bed.

i open the door and see him asleep, propped up against the headboard and still in the same clothes he'd worn the day before. his long dark eyelashes curled in the hollow of the shadows beneath his eyes. he looked vulnerable asleep - a younger, innocent version of himself.

i don't know why, but i turn around and start to leave the room.

"davina."

i turned. his eyes were half-open; he was looking at me through his lashes, his eyes dulled with exhaustion. "what's wrong?" he asked, sitting up straighter, suddenly alert.

"what?" i ask dumbly, confused as to why he immediately expected something was wrong. "nothing, it's just we're almost to the capital. you should get up now."

his shoulders slump back down, relaxed. "okay," he says with a yawn.

i begin to leave the room but quickly tell him, "you got it right."

"what?" he asks, this time he's confused.

"my name," i say. "you got it right."

as the door swings shut behind me, the car goes dark. there are still a few lights inside, but outside it's as if night has fallen again. i realize we must be in the tunnel that runs up through the mountains into the capitol. i stand completely still and close my eyes, feeling claustrophobic like the day of the reaping.

the train finally begins to slow and suddenly bright light floods the compartment, relieving the pressure in my chest. that's when kit comes out of his room. he first looks at me before moving to the window. "davina," he says, still staring out the window. "did i ever tell you how much i appreciate your ability to dress like a normal person?"

i roll my eyes but refuse to look out the window. "we should go back to haymitch and vivian."

the train came to an abrupt stop. i share a look with kit. "we're here."