XXX

the moment the anthem ends, we are taken into custody. a group of peacekeepers march us through the front door of the justice building and into separate rooms where we will be given time to say good-bye to our loved ones.

as i'm waiting in the unfamiliar room, the realization starts to hit me. the thoughts are accelerating inside my head. i want them to slow so i can breathe but they won't. my breaths come in gasps and i feel like i will black out until the door opens and i see my father.

i've never seen my father cry before. i've always known him as a man who never shows his emotions. but today, standing in the empty room, i can see his eyes turn glossy with tears. but his eyes were dry even on the day mom disappeared. his hand reaches for mine as he mutters, "i'm sorry."

i want to tell him that there was nothing he could've done to prevent what was happening but couldn't speak past the lump in my throat. instead, i wrap my arms around him. i sob into his chest unceasingly, hands clutching at his jacket. he held me in silence, rocking me slowly as my tears soak his shirt.

"you're smart, davina." he tells me once i let go. "i know you are. use your knowledge to win."

"i know what kind of plants are edible and how to handle common injuries," the words pour out me as i think about them. "but i don't know how to handle a weapon, let alone kill someone."

"then you run. don't try to kill unless you have to. i know you have it in you to survive. you just have to trust your instincts."

"and what about my humanity?" i finally ask the question that has been weighing on my mind since i heard my name called. all tributes are given the chance to turn off their humanity before the games. which means they no longer feel pain or sadness or guilt. they are willing to do anything to anyone and experience no remorse. the people of the capital think they're doing tributes a favor by allowing them to switch off their humanity. i always thought it was just so they get a bigger show.

but now that i'm a tribute, the humanity switch is so tempting.

"you already know the answer to that," he says quietly. "i know you, davina. even if you turned it off and lived to turn it back on, you wouldn't be able to live with yourself. all you would feel is pain."

the peacekeepers came in and begin to usher my father out of the room. "don't forget who you are, davina!" my dad yells just before the doors close.

i'm too sad to cry out or wail, so i just stand there as still as a statue while the magnitude of my loss swept over me. the words of my father play inside my head. "i'll see you later," he told me just before the reaping... little did we know that later would be the last time we would ever see each other.

someone else enters the room, and when i look up, my eyes meet a stranger. a boy, sharp-featured and blue-eyed, no older than seventeen.  "davina, right?" he asks nervously, the sight of me crying making him uncomfortable. he continues before i can answer. "look, i know we don't know each other and me coming here is awkward and uncomfortable for the both of us but i need a favor to ask."

i almost scoff. i'm literally falling apart at the seams and he's asking me for a favor. "what is it?" i ask, curious as to what made him so desperate as to come to me - a tribute on her way to possible death.

"it's about kit," he says with a heaved sigh. "i know what he's going to do regarding his humanity, and i'm begging you not to let him turn it off."

the favor catches me off guard. "how am i supposed to do that? i don't know him and he doesn't know me. he won't listen to me."

"you're probably right but all i'm asking is for you to try," he can tell by the look on my face that his words have little impact. "i don't know him that well either, but i kinda owe him one."

i open my mouth to ask him why but the peacekeepers are back and the boy has to leave. he gives me one last pleading look before he's gone. i feel anger towards him. i have enough things to worry about like what the arena will be, how i'll manage to survive, and my father. the thought of him all alone in our house brings an ache to my chest. and now i have to worry about kit nightlock, a boy i don't know.

finally feeling the exhaustion, i sit on the couch with my head in my hands until the peacekeepers come to bring me to the train station. i start to panic, confused as to why isaac didn't show and then it dawns on me, he wasn't going to come to say good-bye.