A/N: Credit to Renowned-Wolf for helping with a couple things.

Episode opens on Charlie narrating the origins of Heaven and Hell.

https://youtu.be/AdLSfFL0YX8

Charlie soberly looks out the window to Pentagram City burning to the ground, just as Vaggie comes into the room.

Vaggie: Charlie?

The key Charlie is holding transforms into Keekee who scampers away, and Charlie turns to Vaggie in surprise.

Charlie: Aah! Oh, shit. Did you hear all that?

Vaggie: Uh, yeah. I was right there.

Vaggie points her thumb to the doorway.

Charlie: Sorry. I get pre-tty worked up after an extermination happens. The story helps...

Vaggie: (chuckles) Don't worry. I enjoy your theatrics. Are you okay? (sits down with Charlie)

Charlie: I'm fine. Just... thinking, ya' know? Family stuff.

Vaggie: Did you hear from your mom?

Charlie shakes her head in dismay.

Vaggie: Oof... how long has it been now?

Charlie: Not that long, only...seven....years, off doing something important, I'm sure! But, this kingdom was something she really cared about. Something I care about.

Vaggie: Well, at least you're not alone.

Charlie: I just hope that what I'm trying to do here will work.

Vaggie: It will. I have faith in you.

KeeKee leaps into Charlie's arms as Vaggie stands up.

Vaggie: Alright, come on. Alastra says she has something to show us. (walks out the room)

As Vaggie leaves, a loud bell rings throughout the city, and Charlie turns to the Bell Tower at Heaven Embassy. She looks on with sadness, knowing that it's another year before the Extermination comes again.

Cut to a shoddily made commercial filmed by Alastra

https://youtu.be/cDtB-kYYYFk

Alastra: (through commercial) Well, hello there, you wayward Sinner! Do you like blood, violence, and depravity of a sexual nature? Of course you do, that's why you're in Hell! But what would you say if I told you there was a place to stay that had none of that? Welcome to the Hazbin Hotel, a misguided path to redemption! Founded five months ago by Lucifer's delusional daughter, Charlotte Morningstar!

Come place your fate in her inexperienced hands, as she tries to work through her daddy issues by fixing you! Here we offer fun things, such as somewhat functional staff and 24-hour pest control. Custom rooms, and just look at this tacky parlor! Enjoy riveting conversation with our two only residents, one of whom is far more charming than the other!

Angel flips her off while you awkwardly smile and wave at the camera.

Alastra: (through commercial) Wow! All this, and more at the Hazbin Hotel! Your last desperate attempt at salvation starts here!

Alastra turns the TV off. Charlie and Vaggie are sitting on the couch with you standing behind them

Alastra: So, what do you think?

Vaggie: I'm sorry, what the *fuck* was that?!

Y/N: (nervous laugh) It, uh, looks great. (Vaggie glares at you) But, maybe you could've tried to make the commercial more...serious? Instead of...uhhh...

Vaggie: Bad. The word you're looking for is bad.

Alastra: Funny. I was going for hilarious.

Vaggie: It didn't explain anything about how we're trying to save demons from extermination, which is the whole fucking point.

Charlie: Vaggie is right Alastra, the commercial was to let sinners know we are trying to help them.

Alastra: Well, my dear, I haven't been active in hell for some time and everyone remembers me from my radio show, the proper medium to express oneself. But, you insisted on this noisy picture box advertisement.

She taps the television twice with her microphone staff.

Alastra: So, I had a little fun with it.

Vaggie: Oh, fun? You had a little fun with it? (stands up) Well, this is not what we want to represent us. When you showed up here a few months ago, you told us you would help run this hotel. Instead, you're mocking us. Nobody's gonna wanna come to a place that a powerful overlord like you thinks is a waste of time.

Angel Dust raises his hand from the couch, catching everyone's attention.

Vaggie: What?

Angel: If'n you're filming a commercial, can I suggest you take better advantage of the talented celebrity you have right here?

Angel takes a bottle with one arm before pointing all three arms at himself.

Y/N: Angel, you're a *porn* star. You're not exactly the best fit to be the public face of this place.

Angel: You're dating Verosika. I bet she does all sorts of freaky stuff not much different than my films.  

You blush and turn away.

Angel Why not? Sex sells don't it? I swear if you film me going at it with Mr. short, fluffy, and adorkable here, you'd be rolling in participants willing to stay at this tacky hotel.

Y/N: Ha ha. Never going to happen.

Husk: If we're honestly even considering something like that, (wraps her wings around you) it should be the two of us.

Y/N: (flustered) Babe, we're in public.

Husk: So? 

She purrs and nuzzles into your neck.

Vaggie: We are not filming a porn as a commercial.

Charlie: Angel, I appreciate you wanting to use your special skills to, um, attract folks to the hotel, but I really don't want to exploit you in that way.

Angel: Oh, please, baby. This body was made to be exploited. I got the arms, I got the stamina, I got the legs. I got the lung capacity. (laughs). Oh, I got the legs. The gag reflex, the holes, the chest fluff everyone thinks are tits.

Charlie chuckles nervously until her phone rings from Lucifer.

Charlie: Hold that thought! I'll be right back.

Angel : I could keep going all night, baby.

While Angel drinks his beer, Charlie breathes nervously and answers the call.

Charlie: Hello? Dad?

As Charlie take the phone call, the scene switches to You, Vaggie, Angel, and Alastra.

Angel: Hey, I have a question. If freaky face over there is so powerful, then why can't she just make people stay here?

Alastra: Oh, trust me,

Smiles in a mischievously creepy look with dark magic.

Alastra: -I can.

Husk: Why do you think I'm here? You actually think I'd be cleaning bottles and listening to you fucks bitch and moan all the time if she wasn't forcing me?

Niffty pops up from behind the counter with a hand raised.

Niffty: I like being forced. 

You shudder in disgust.

Y/N: Niffty, maybe you should keep that to yourself. And what's the deal with this whole extermination? Is that why Charlie portaled all of us up to Earth last week?

Husk: The fuckers in Heaven come down here once a year and kill as many Sinners as they can. Hellborn are off limits.

Y/N: So Heaven just annually commits genocide against Hell? That's...beyond fucked up, even if some people down here are just scumbags overdue for some karma.

Alastra: Unfortunately, that's just the way things are, darling.

Angel: No point in trying change things, Puppy.

Y/N: Hey, only my girlfriends get to call me "Puppy"! Do it again, and I'll ram that bottle up your ass.

Angel: Kinky. Come on, keep talking dirty.

Vaggie: (sighs) Angel. Leave Y/N alone. And, no, we can't force sinners to stay here. They need to choose to.

Angel: I'm choosing to be here and I think it's all stupid. We're in hell, toots. That's kind of the end of the road, ain't it?

Y/N: I'm only in Hell because my illiterate boss opened a portal beneath me, and I'm not even a full-time resident. I'm only here because Charlie asked to be.

Vaggie: Well, Maybe it doesn't have to be. Just because nobody has made it out before doesn't mean it's not possible.

Angel Dust places a hand on Vaggie's shoulder, giving her a deadpan expression while the latter makes the same one.

Angel: Hey, whatever means I can keep crashing here rent-free. Crack is expensive.

The scene comes back to Charlie, and after the phone call, she seemed really happy with the news her father brought to her.

Charlie: Yeah, I can totally, yeah. I'll head over there right away. Okay?

Charlie hangs up the phone and gasp in excitement.

Charlie: Yes...YES!

Charlie giggles in excitement when she hears about the news until she calls Vaggie in gibberish, waving very franticly that freaks Vaggie out.

Charlie: Vaggie! Holy, shit!

Vaggie: Ah! what?

Charlie waves her to come to her for some exciting news.

Charlie: (mumbling excitedly) Get over here!

Vaggie sighs happily and comes to Charlie while she is jumping around in a very happy mode. 

Vaggie: What's going on?

Charlie breathes in and out to calm her nerves so she can explain, but she was explaining so fast due to her excitement.

Charlie: My dad just called, he said that the leader of the Angel Army wants to meet. He asked if I could go instead.

Vaggie: But-but, the extermination just happened. What could they want this soon after-

https://youtu.be/mjPHjWrgKRU

Charlie: Hello! (voice echoes)

Charlie enters through the door and finds the whole embassy deserted. She walks to the front desk to check in.

Charlie: Hello? (voice echoes) Creepy...

Charlie comes to the front desk with no one but a single bell. She taps the bell to ring it, and at the instant, a golden scroll and feather ink pen floats from above over to her.

Charlie: Oh, okay... (signs it) Also creepy.

The scroll and feather flies up before disappearing. Right then, the twin doors slide open to show Charlie the meeting room, and she enters inside the dark room with no one around.

Charlie: Uh...hello? Is anyone here?

The lights suddenly switched on, revealing Adam and Lute. Adam is eating a plate of ribs while Lute stands behind him.

Adam: 'Sup!

Charlie: Holy, shit!

Charlie immediately fell down after getting surprised by the sudden appearance of two angels in the room. She gets back up and readjusts herself to introduce herself properly.

Charlie: Hi, I'm Charlie. My dad asked me if I could meet you.

Adam: Yeah, I know.

Charlie: Okay, well.

Adam eats his rib like a buzzsaw.

Charlie: It's nice to meet you.

Adam: Totally. Nice to meet you, too.

Adam reaches over to give Charlie a handshake, and as she was about to shake his hand, her hand slips right through, revealing him to be a hologram, fizzing on and off after being touched, which freaks Charlie out.

Adam: Ha! I fucking got you. (turns to Lute) Did you see that?

Lute nods once.

Adam: Ha. Good shit.

Charlie was trying to get something straight with Adam being a hologram.

Charlie: Uh...so, wait. You aren't here?

Adam: No, you think I'd come down there? (laughs) No, I mean, I love the vibe, totally, I love your tunes. Pretty fucking hardcore, don't get me wrong. But! it's such a bummer, man! Everything down there's just so "eugh", ya know? (chuckles) Ew.

Charlie: Right. So, I'm happy we've got this opportunity to meet. There's a project that I've been working on that I really want to talk to you about-

Adam puts his finger on Charlie's lips to quiet her down for a moment.

Adam: Hey, hey, hey, hey, slow down. We've got time. How about we get to know each other a little. Mmm. How about lunch? You hungry? I got you.

Adam takes a plate of ribs he's been eating toward Charlie.

Adam: Here's my personal favorite. You'll love it.

Charlie: Uh...thanks.

Charlie went to take a piece of a rib, but her hand past right through them, also revealing to be a hologram, as they fizz on and off from the touch, and Adam laughs way too hard at his immature prank.

Adam: I got you again, bitch! (laughs) Fuckin' hilarious!

Charlie makes a small unamused chuckle alongside Adam's hyper laughter.

The scene cuts back to the Hazbin Hotel, where the workers and residents are summoned by Vaggie to discuss their poorly misleading commercial. Angel is giving you a seductive gaze while you sit in Husk's lap and the two of you glare at him.

Vaggie: Okay, so, Charlie is dealing with something very important, so while she's gone, we are making a new commercial. One that represents her vision and what we're doing here. So, we need a camera. Alastra?

Alastra snaps a finger to conjure up a camera for Vaggie; however, the camera is a folding-type old camera from the 1930s with no recording films at that time. Vaggie is unamused.

Vaggie: A *video* camera?

Alastra: Hmmm.

A/N: Me when I see horrible takes on the Hellaverse. 

Alastra adheres to Vaggie's request and snaps her finger again, conjuring up a video camera that's poorly used with pieces of tape stuck together.

Vaggie: Alright! Let's do this!

Cut to her filming you and Angel.

Vaggie: And...action!

Y/N: (actually trying to act) Oh, wow, Angel. How are a couple of ne'er-do-wells like us supposed to turn our lives around? 

Angel: Well, it looks like this (looks at sign) "Hazbin Hotel" could be just the place for a couple of (seductive) bad boys like us...on the path to redemption!

You roll your eyes.

Y/N: Well, it looks like we've come-

Angel: (moaning) Oh, yeah!

Y/N: ...To the right place.

Vaggie: Cut! Okay, Angel, I need you to be less horny if possible. Y/N, that was...actually good.

Y/N: This script may be "eugh!" but ever since I landed that voice acting gig on Earth, I need to take any role seriously.

Angel: (bedroom eyes) Well, if the script isn't to your liking, we could always improv this shit, Puppy Dog. (gets in your face) Woof.

You roughly shove him off the bar.

Y/N: (innocently) Whoops.

Vaggie: Y/N, come on!

Husk: Angel was violating his personal space and acting creepy. How was he supposed to react to someone not taking a hint? 

Vaggie: I, uh...let's just film Niffty's scene.

Cutting back to Charlie's meeting with Adam, she's looked bored, propping herself on her elbows while listening to Adam exaggeratingly boasting himself and his sex life. The camera cuts to Adam.

Adam: So, I was playin' this gig, and for some fuckin' reason, this virtue chick was diggin' on the drummer, and it's like, "do you know who I am? I'm fuckin' Adam. I'm the original dick!" (pointing to his penis down the table) All dicks descend from me. You think you want drummer dick? (Lute shaking her head) No way! I'm the Dick-fuckin' master! (eats a mouthful of ribs sloppily) So, anyway, then we fucked, and it was awesome. What'd you do this weekend?

Charlie: Wait, your name is Adam? Like the first man Adam, that means you...Oh....

Charlie puts the pieces together, realizing she's meeting her mother's ex.

Charlie: (low voice) That explains so much.

Adam: I know. I fucking rock. (Holds a rock pose)

Charlie brushes off the awkwardness from Adam and gets to her subject of matter in hand.

Charlie: Well, Adam, sir. Mr. Adam, sir.

Adam: Call me Dickmaster.

Charlie: Adam. You seem like a smart (paused) well, stand up guy.

Adam: (picking his teeth) Uh-huh.

Charlie: And I know you are the leader of the angels. And you are a big thinker, a revolutionary. A— A genius!

Adam: I mean, your words, babe.

Charlie: Who would really love to put his name on something.

Adam: Fucking love putting my name on shit! Shit's the best!

Charlie: It's a solution to our biggest problem!

Adam: Oh, Herpes. Yeah, that's a bitch.

Charlie: No! Our... other biggest problem.

Adam: Oh...uh..ugly people? Math? Global Warming? Nah, wait, that's Earth's problem.

Charlie:

Adam: Ummm...

Cuts back to the hotel. Niffty tries to stab a bug. She tries to stab the bug, but misses, and starts stabbing the bug multiple times before Vaggie stops her

Niffty: Stab! Stab! Stab!

Vaggie: Alright Niffty, Niffty. Niffty! Your line is "We have the cleanest rooms", okay?

Niffty: Got it. I'm ready.

Vaggie turns the camera to Niffty.

Vaggie: Action!

Instead of saying the line, Niffty freezes and stares blankly at the camera without a breath or blinking from the scene. You, Vaggie, and Angel are shown looking creeped out.

Vaggie: Uhh, cut.

Niffty snaps out of whatever the fuck that was and returns to her normal self.

Niffty: (giggles) How was that?

Vaggie: Well, Niffty you actually have to say the line, so let's roll again.

Niffty: Ok!

Vaggie: Action!

Niffty freezes again, leaving Vaggie irritated, as Angel comes close to her face.

Angel Dust: (smug) You're doing great, Vagina.

Vaggie: (irritated) Cut! Alright, uhh maybe we can try to fix it in post.

Y/N: Do you even know what that means?

Vaggie: (angrily) I'll figure it out!

The next scene cuts to a dark room with Vaggie sitting in front of a broken TV, watching the poorly edited shots of the commercial. She groans with frustration before Alastra enters the room.

Alastor: Seems like you're having a bit of a trouble there, hmm?

Vaggie: Ugh, esta pendeja (this asshole)... Why are you even here?

Alastra takes a seat on a couch next to her.

Alastra: For the entertainment.

Alastra shadow slips out of his form before reappearing behind the couch, making laughing gestures.

Alastra: I came here because I love seeing wasteful souls struggle to accomplish something meaningful and (shadow disappears) fail spectacularly, like you are doing now. Good job!

Vaggie was getting ticked off by Alastra and her carefree insults, stands up and turns the camera toward her.

Vaggie: And here is Alastra, the egocentric bitch that—

As Vaggie was viewing the camera scene up to Alastra's face, the video camera glitches violently from green to red and Vaggie freaks out, dropping the static camera on the floor.

Vaggie: UGH!

Alastra: I wouldn't try that, my dear. (pointing at her face) This face was made for radio...

Vaggie: That's it. I don't care who or what you are. If you're staying here, you're going to make this work, because it won't be so (imitating Alastra's voice) "entertaining" (back to normal voice) to watch over an empty hotel, will it, shitass?

As Vaggie returns to her chair, Alastra approaches her.

Alastra: Fair enough. I'll tell you what. Let's make a deal.

Vaggie: Pfft, you think I'm that stupid making a deal with a demoness like you?

Alastra: Not for your soul, just a simple deal. I do this for you, and you never ask me to engage with this frivolous television technology ever again.

Vaggie is shown looking conflicted letting Alastra do the work for her.

Alastra: Or...Charlie can come back to absolutely nothing. Your choice.

Vaggie glances away for a brief moment before making her decision.

Vaggie: (sighs) Fine.

Vaggie picks up the camera and gives it to Alastor, which he evaporates it with a clap of his hand.

Alastra: Now then!

Alastra snaps his finger and transforms the hotel into a film set with all of you into an old-timey style film crew. Ink demons conjure up as additional background characters.

Vaggie: Alright everyone, let's make a fucking commercial.

Cut to Charlie looking exasperated, dealing with Adam in the middle of a sexist rant.

Adam: When you take her out for the fifth time and she still expects you to pay the check but you're like, (high pitched-voice) "Hey, I thought you wanted equality."

Charlie: NO! Our shared problem of overpopulation in Hell!

Adam: Ohh, well that's not a problem! We got that covered! (turning to Lute) Lute, how many demons did you kill this year?

Lute: Got a good 275 this year, sir.

Adam: 275? Woah! Badass! Awesome job, danger tits! Pound it.

Adam raises a fist for Lute to make a fist-bump, which she did.

Charlie: Uh no, not awesome. Those are my people. You know that, right?

Adam: Oh yeah. That must suck for you! (bursts into laughter)

Charlie: But these are souls...Humans souls just the same as the ones you have up in heaven. And we have-

Lute: We're well aware of the human staying at your hotel. The circumstances are the same. If he chooses to stay in Hell and commit evil acts, then he deserves his fate. 

Charlie: You're wrong. Sinners  and Humans make mistakes, sure, but everyone makes mistakes.

Lute: Angels don't make mistakes.

Charlie: You really think that?

Lute: I know that.

Adam: Yeah, I've never made a mistake in my fuckin' life.

A/N: Hey, Adam? How are Cain and Abel doing?

Charlie: You would really murder a human just because he wound up in Hell? (getting pissed off) By pure accident?! 

Lute: Don't get snippy with me, "your highness". Maybe it was always destined. He does murder people without remorse after all.

Charlie: Oh, yeah?! Well, so do you-

https://youtu.be/kMy8W0j-Slw

Charlie sadly returns to the hotel. Vaggie runs to her and hugs her while you lounge in a chair.

Y/N: Hey, Charlie. How'd it go? 

Vaggie: Did they listen?

Charlie: Oh, they sure did hear it But-

Vaggie: Oh come here, we have something exciting to show you.

Vaggie leads Charlie to the group

Vaggie: Alastra pulled some strings and it's about to air.

Alastra: I pulled a few limbs too, hahaha!

Charlie: Wait, the commercial? You all made a new one?

Y/N: Yeah, it was nice to expand my acting chops.

Angel: One of my better performances if I do say so myself.

Charlie: (beams brightly with tears in her eyes) That's... that's amazing.

Angel: Sshh, it's starting.

Vaggie (On TV): Welcome to the Hazbin Hotel -

TV cuts to the News report

All of you except Alastor and Niffty get annoyed and angrily complain.

Katie Killjoy: Breaking news in Hell today! We have just received word from the Heaven Embassy that the next Extermination is happening sooner than ever before. Do you know what that means, Tom?

Tom Trench: No, what does that mean, Katie?

Katie Killjoy: It means we're all royally fucked! (Eye twitches)

Screaming can be heard from Sinners as the time on the Clock Tower reduces to 176 days till the next Extermination.

Y/N: (freaking out a little) They better have a good fucking reason for this!

A drone scours an area until it finds a dead Exorcist corpse with its head missing. The drone scans the corpse.

Lute: We found the body, sir. They've never managed to kill one of us before. We should just go down there now and destroy them!

Adam: No, no. We can't risk them catching on. But, don't worry, when we come back, there won't be a demon left alive to pull a stunt like this again!

Adam destroys the projector, causing its light to disappear only showing Adam's glowing evil smile.

End of chapter.