Humbug


A/N: Thanks to Renowned-Wolf, who was a huge help with this chapter. And I'm aware people in Hell celebrate Sinsmas. We started writing before that episode came out.

Scene opens on a Mall's Christmas set-up. IMP had been contracted to kill a group of criminals who had been abducting children from the Mall to sell on the dark web.

Loona and Millie are dressed as sexy elves, Moxxie is dressed as a Reindeer, Blitzo is dressed as a Snowman, and you are dressed as Santa Claus.

Surprisingly, everyone, even Blitzo, seems to be less on edge and in a chipper mood.

Everyone except for you, since you are shown with a determined glare.

Y/N: (frustrated sigh) Can these scumbags just make their move already? The sooner we take them out, the sooner we can go home.

Moxxie: I highly doubt they're going to try anything in front of a crowd full of witnesses, Y/N.

You accept this with a roll of your eyes.

Millie: Oh, c'mon. It's Christmas! I doubt even criminals would stoop this low.

Y/N: (through gritted teeth) You'd be very surprised at just how nasty the average human can be, most don't give a rat's ass if it's a Holiday.

Blitzo: Oh, would you relax? Even I'm not this much of a cynical asshole over the Holidays.

He shuts up when he sees you glaring at him with glowing green eyes. At that moment, children show up and you put on a smiling face and a jolly act. 

After tending to the kids everyone is on break.

Millie: I'm worried about Y/N.

Blitzo: You know it's bad when I'm not the asshole in the situation.

Loona: Yeah, I bent over giving him a perfect view of my ass, and... nothing.

Moxxie: Must be bad if that didn't get him flustered.

You walk in ,surprising them.

Y/N: Hey.

They all jump in reaction.

Y/N: Going to ignore that. Come on, we have work to do.

You all head off and see someone dressed as a mall employee leading a couple kids in the back of a hardware store at the end of the hall.

Y/N: You! Hold it right there!

Startled, the employee turns and sees you glaring.

Employee: Oh, shit...

He shoves the kids forward and dashes into the store.

You use your amulet to give yourself superspeed and dash across the hall, leaving the rest of IMP in the dust.

Employee: Guys, we gotta go!

Brian: Woah, woah. What's the rush?

Employee: The guy we got to play Santa saw me with these two brats. I think he knows something's up.

Peter: Ha! You got scared by a Mall Santa of all things? Unless he's secretly Art the Clown, I don't think we have anything to worry about.

You run into the store and see the criminals standing with the kids.

Y/N: Hey, dirtbags! Step away from the kids. Now!

You scratch your fake beard.

Y/N: (muttering) For the love of Charlie, this thing is itchy.

Chris: Don't worry, guys. I'll handle Jolly old St. Prick.

He picks up a hacksaw and marches towards you.

You dodge out of the way and punch his wrist, forcing him to drop the saw, and kick him in the chest, causing him to stumble and trip over a stack of paint cans.

Chris: Ok. Think you're tough, creep?

He throws a paint can at you. You catch it and Chris scrambles to pick up his hacksaw.

Y/N: Tougher than you at least, dipshit.

He swings again, but you block with the paint can. The impact from the hacksaw rips it open, causing red paint to splash in Chris' eyes.

As he's blinded, you whack him in the gut with the can followed by smashing him across the jaw, which knocks out several of his teeth.

Chris slips in paint and lands hard on his back. Looking up as you bring the paint can down on his head again and again until he stops moving.

Brian: Peter, do something!

Peter picks up a sledgehammer and charges at you.

You pick up a sledgehammer as well and parry Peter's swing before slamming the face of the hammer into his gut.

You follow up by hitting him on the knee, and the sound of bones shattering is heard.

Desperate, Peter picks up a nail gun on the floor. You yank it out of his hand, forcefully press the sledgehammer against his throat, and fire the nail gun at the employee, who's desperately looking for a way to escape.

A nail embeds itself right between his eyes, and he collapses to the ground

Brian pulls out a gun and points it at one of the kids.

Brian: Hey! Back off, psycho! Or I'm gonna blow these little shits brains out all over the floor.

You reach behind you and grab a boxcutter.

Brian: Did you hear me, man?! I'm not fucking around here! You're gonna let me leave, nice and easy, or else I'm gonna-

You fling the boxcutter across the room, and it stabs Brian in the eye.

Brian: (in agony) AH! SON OF A BITCH!

You charge across the room as Brian struggles to aim his gun before you rip the boxcutter out and slash it across his throat. He lies on the ground, gargling on his own blood, looking up just as you bring your sledgehammer down, splattering his head like a watermelon. The crowd cheers as the freed children praise you and IMP looks on a bit disturbed.

Y/N: What? Job's done, let's go home.

Loona hugs you from behind.

Loona: You know we're in no rush, Puppy.

She guides you under a hanging piece of mistletoe.

Loona: We could stay up here just a bit longer and-

Y/N: Babe, this beard itches like crazy and I'm sweating my ass off in this costume so let's get back to Hell and get this day over with.

You open a portal back to Hell while the others look on in shock and concern.

Cut to the hotel later that night where everyone is getting ready for Christmas tomorrow. Charlie, Vaggie, Octavia, and Stolas are putting up a few small decorations, the various groups are sitting around the tree or in front of the fireplace, and you are sitting at the bar, your mood hasn't improved. A concerned Husk hands you another drink while Charlie and Vaggie put up a few last minute decorations.

Charlie: Hey, Y/N, want to put the star on the tree?

Y/N: NO.

Owls, Hotel crew, and Verosika's crew: O_o

Cherri: What's his problem?

Loona: We don't know, he's been like this all day.

Millie: I'm really worried about him.

Verosika: We've even tried flirting with him, but it seems to make it worse.

Octavia: That bad?

Charlie: Did anyone at least ask him what's wrong?

Loona: We tried but he kept shooting down the question.

Moxxie: He kept saying that nothing was wrong and we should drop it.

Vaggie: Maybe we should just leave him be.

Charlie: But it's Christmas, Vaggie.

As they argue Angel is seen approaching the bar with a still concerned Husk tending as you've become drunk.

Husk: Think you might have had enough, baby?

Y/N: No, I don't.

Angel sits next to you wearing a two piece Santa dress.

Angel: Hey, stud.

Y/N: Ugh, go away, Angel.

Angel: Hey, I just got here. You look like you could use some (pushing his "tits" out) comfort.

You pour your drink down the front of Angel's dress causing his chest fluff to deflate.

Y/N: The one time I'm glad to spill a drink. Pour me another, please.

Husk: I don't think so, baby, I'm cutting you off.

Y/N: What?

Husk: I'm cutting you off, whatever's-

You summon a tentacle that takes the bottle from Husk's hand and pour yourself another drink.

Husk & Angel: O_O

Y/N: I'll let you know when I've had enough.

Angel: Hey, I know I'm the last person to talk about someone's bad choices-

Y/N: Got that fucking right, you crack whore.

You use a tentacle to push Angel away causing him to fall off the barstool and knock over some glassware making the others notice and get involved.

Octavia, Stolas, and Millie: Y/N!

Loona: Babe!

Charlie: Y/N, you know not to treat people like that!

Y/N: Just like how you should know not to intrude where you're not wanted!

Everyone is shocked to hear you say this.

Y/N: Everyone just leave me alone.

You grab another bottle of Beelzejuice and head up to your room.

Y/N: Fuck this holiday, if I want to be miserable, that's my own fucking business.

You finish off the Beelzejuice and lay down on your bed immediately blacking out where you're almost immediately woken up by a bright light.

Y/N: What the fuck?!

You fall out of bed, trying to block the light. When your eyes adjust you see the light's source.

Y/N: Charlie?

You see what looks like Charlie wearing a long flowing white dress with gold accents and glowing with a blindingly bright light while holding a large candle snuffer.

Spirit: I'm the ghost of Christmas past, take my hand, Y/N.

Y/N: I have to be able to see your hand first. Please turn down the light, it's blinding.

Spirit: You would snuff out the light I provide?

Y/N: No, but please, I can't see!

The spirit dims her light so you can see.

Y/N: Thank you. Why do you look like Charlie?

Spirit: Take my hand, Y/N, walk with me.

You do so, and the moment you start walking you're both instantly in your old house.

Y/N: My Dad's house?

Spirit: Not exactly.

You hear yelling and instantly recognize it as your mother then turn to the spirit.

Y/N: What the fuck is going on?

Spirit: These are merely the shadows of things that have been allowing you to view the past.

You see instances from various Christmases from your past seeing the abuse you suffered from your mother and sister which always seemed worse around this time of year.

Y/N: There better be a good fucking reason for this, I already know my childhood was more Hell than literal Hell.

Spirit: It's not surprising you focus on the negative aspects.

Y/N: What possible positive aspects are there with this?!

The spirit shows you the same visions of the past but this time highlights the instances where you spent time with your father.

Y/N: Right, he always knew how to make it bearable.

The spirit then shows you more similar memories, including the one where your father fought your mother, and the first Christmas since being freed of her.

Spirit: They weren't all bad, in fact it only gets better from here.

She then shows you a vision of when you first met Verosika.

Spirit: Seems this one was rather pleasant.

You blush as the vision fades and is replaced with the moment you first met Loona then it shows your first date and when you first wound up in Hell and found out the truth as well as connecting with Octavia.

Spirit: Yet despite the good that has happened in your past you let the bad consume you and influence your present.

Y/N: I know, I fucked up! I just-

Spirit: (mimicking your voice) Got that fucking right.

Y/N: What?

You turn and see the spirit's face now resembles you and is speaking in your voice.

Spirit: You should know not to intrude where you're not wanted.

The spirit glows brighter and brighter, making you cover your eyes.

Y/N: Ahh!

Spirit: I'll let you know when I've had enough.

The spirit gets in your face but you fight back and grab her snuffer and place it on her head and force it down sniffing her out and leaving you in complete darkness.

 However light creeps in from underneath the door. You look around and see you're back in your room before heading to the source of the light. The door opens revealing a bright room with a large feast prepared and another spirit welcoming you in.

Spirit: Come in, Y/N! Know me better.

You enter the room and see the spirit this time resembles Verosika wearing a crown of holly and a green robe with white fur trim that hugs her curves in all the right places and shows off plenty of cleavage.

Y/N: Verosika?

Spirit: I'm the ghost of Christmas present.

Y/N: I take it you are here to show me visions as well.

Spirit: You don't waste time.

She chuckles and stands up approaching you.

Spirit: Touch my robe.

You grab her sleeve but she grabs your hand and places it on her chest, making you blush and go wide-eyed.

Spirit: We all know that's where you wanted to touch.

Before you can say anything a gust of wind transports you to the hotel lobby.

Y/N: The lobby?

You see Angel and Husk at the bar cleaning up the last of the broken glass from earlier as  Blitzo sits nearby.

Y/N: Husk?

Spirit: These are but shadows like before.

You turn and see Husk with a crestfallen look on her face.

Husk: Damnit, Y/N. What happened to you?

Angel: Out of everyone in this hotel, you were the least likely to crash this hard.

Blitzo: You know it's bad when I'm not the asshole in the situation.

Husk: Please don't go down this road, Y/N, it's nothing but misery.

Y/N: (downtrodden) ...I did this to them.

Spirit: Yes and they're not the only ones you've hurt.

You're suddenly transported to another room where you see Millie crying and being comforted by Moxxie.

Millie: I don't understand, Moxxie.

Moxxie: Well we do know Y/N's past.

Millie: But so much has changed for him for the better, maybe I should've done better for him.

Moxxie: Millie, you did nothing wrong.

Their argument fades out as you shift to another room, this time showing Charlie and Vaggie.

Vaggie: I know Y/N had his moments but this is... You don't think he might -

Charlie: He's *not* regressing, he can't be. He literally died for us and this hotel.

You get a disappointed look as you fully realize what you've caused. The room shifts again this time showing Stolas and Octavia.

Octavia: Do you think Y/N will be alright?

Stolas: I'm not sure, Via, I certainly hope so. He suffered through worse.

Octavia: I hope you're right, Y/N is someone who really gets me.

You run your hand down your face.

Y/N: God damn it...

Spirit: You need to see exactly what you've done.

You're taken to see downtrodden Verosika along with the other succubi and Tex and Roxy

Verosika: Didn't think Y/N of all people would be "that guy" at Christmas.

Apple: It was actually kinda scary when he was yelling earlier.

Just then Loona enters the room talking to your father over the phone.

Loona: Yeah, he freaked out at the bar and just stormed off.

D/N: I was afraid of this, I had hoped he outgrown this by now. It has to do with his mother and sister.

Loona: Great, (rubs temple) those bitches again.

Y/N: Alright, I get it!

The room fades away and you reappear in the now hauntingly empty lobby.

Y/N: I get it, I've ruined the holiday! Just end this already and I'll fix it in the morning!

Spirit: No, you need to see the full extent of your actions.

You look and the spirit looks old and withered.

Y/N: What's happening to you?

Spirit: The present is so fleeting.

She sinks to the floor and crumbles away into a cloud of dust. You walk over and stand where she was where you notice your shadow enlarging and taking the form of a hooded figure.

Y/N: You must be the ghost of Christmas future, alright, show me what I need to see.

The spirit just stands absolutely still, staring at you.

Y/N: There isn't much time, lead on-

Suddenly the spirit jumps towards you, becoming a fully formed figure, and tackles you to the ground where you're surrounded by darkness and you start yelling as you begin falling. After what felt like hours you suddenly stop hard on pavement. You cough, leaving a bloodstain, and stand up in an Imp City as the spirit forms behind you looking like a hellhound wearing a hooded robe.

Y/N: I suppose that was all completely necessary?

The spirit just silently stares at you.

Y/N: This how you're going to be the whole time? (sarcastic) Great. Where to?

The spirit points above you to the office building where the IMP office and Verosika's studio are located.

Y/N: Oh, shit.

You enter the building and see the IMP office completely abandoned with broken windows, the door hanging on one hinge, furniture destroyed, and debris scattered about.

Y/N: What happened?

You hear rustling and see the spirit pointing to a half open door. You enter and see an emaciated Blitzo frantically scribbling on the floor, walls, and even the ceiling. He rambles incoherently about different schemes and ploys for his business, occasionally yelling how Moxxie was the smart one and how "that asshole" ruined everything.

Y/N: Who ruined what?

You turn and see the spirit pointing across the hall to Verosika's studio. You enter, seeing it also abandoned with a notice saying to vacate immediately. You look around and see various papers, magazines, and news articles saying Verosika was on the decline, suffering from depression, and was put back in rehab for drinking.

Y/N: No...NO!

You turn to the spirit.

Y/N: Show me the others, right now!

The spirit waves an arm of her robe transporting you to the inside of Stolas' mansion now covered in ice.

Y/N: (downtrodden) No. Where's Stolas and Octavia?!

You see Octavia in an almost catatonic state being dolled up by Stella and Andrealphus who speak of Stolas in past tense.

You turn to the spirit who waves the other sleeve of her robe making the mansion fade to an office in Greed.

Y/N: Oh no...don't tell me.

You turn and see Crimson talking to a loan shark.

Crimson: Take food to our "guests" and make sure that fucking hick eats.

You see Moxxie and a pregnant Millie being held captive, you would look away but the spirit grabs your head, holds your eyes open, and forces you to watch. Tears stream down your face as you're enveloped by darkness and dropped in front of a rundown Hazbin Hotel.

Y/N: Not the Hotel too...

You see it's completely ransacked and covered in graffiti saying "LIES", "FRAUDS", and "THERE'S NO REDEMPTION".

The spirit points to the open doors as lightning and thunder are heard. You enter and see distraught Charlie crying in Vaggie's arms.

Y/N: Get me out of here, Spirit, show me some tenderness, anything.

The spirit wraps you in her robe and transports the two of you to a graveyard. You notice storm clouds have rolled in and thunder in the distance. Then you see Loona and Husk standing over a tombstone and sharing a bottle of Beelzejuice while crying.

Y/N: (under your breath) Loona... Husk...

They finish off the Beelzejuice and depart still crying.

You want to run after them but realize you can't interact with anything. You notice you're standing over the grave Loona and Husk were at. You turn to look at the tombstone but it's covered in shadows as rain starts to fall. The spirit stands over the stone staring at you.

Y/N: (disbelief) Who was Blitzo talking about? Who ruined everything? Who's name is on this tombstone?

The spirit lights a lighter showing the name on the tombstone;

"Y/N L/N. Died lonely and bitter"

The spirit brings the lighter up to her face, lighting a cigarette as her hood falls revealing she looks like Loona.

Loona: Why yours, Y/N, the most miserable man in the cemetery! Hahaha!

Your grave opens up into a deep burning hole where the spirit grabs you and lifts you up with one arm while still laughing. You struggle, but to no avail, as the spirit throws you down into fire. You scream as you fall but black out. 

You wake up realizing you're back in your room having fallen on the floor.

Y/N: Huh?! It was all a dream... just a dream.

You smile and laugh in relief then remember everything that happened up until then.

Y/N: I have to fix this.

Transition to later. Everyone wakes up to the smell of breakfast and the sound of music

https://youtu.be/oJ1P5UKlHAs


Octavia: What's going on?

Loona: Let's find out.

Everyone makes their way down where they see small Eldritch monsters setting up some decorations, a mountain of presents under the tree, and you cooking a massive breakfast, using tentacles to help, and wearing this outfit.



Charlie: Y/N?

Y/N:  Morning everyone and Merry Christmas!

You use your tentacles to set everyone's places at the table.

Moxxie: This is a little creepy.

Blitzo: I think I liked it better when he was a Christmas hating asshole.

Millie elbows him in the gut.

Millie: (under her breath) Be nice. (regular) Not that we don't appreciate it, baby. But, uh-

Loona: You were a raging asshole yesterday, what happened?

Y/N: I was letting past traumas influence my future, I am truly sorry and wish I could take it all back. But since I can't change the past I'm going to make up for it in the present, that is if you'll let me.

Everyone smiles at you, knowing you mean it.

Charlie: Of course we'll let you!

She runs up and hugs you, followed by Loona and everyone else.

A loud knock at the door gets everyone's attention. You answer it revealing Bee, Ozzie, Fizz, and all the background hounds.

Bee: Sorry we couldn't make it last night.

Ozzie: But we made sure to make it now.

Charlie: Aunties Bee and Ozzie! (she hugs them tightly)

Everyone gathers around for breakfast and spends the rest of the day just enjoying themselves and the holiday.

Cut to you talking to Vaggie when Blitzo runs up and hangs a piece of mistletoe over the two of you.

Y/N and Vaggie: Blitz-O!

Blitzo: HA! Now you two have to kiss!

Vaggie: No, we don't!

Pan to Charlie, who's had a little too much spiked eggnog.

Charlie: (tipsy) Oh, come on! It'll be hot!

Y/N: (exhales heavily) If we kiss once, will you all finally shut up about this?

Blitzo: Maybe.

Loona smacks him.

Blitzo: Okay, we'll stop.

Vaggie: (exhales sharply) Let's just get this over with.

You stand in front of each other, close your eyes, and lean in.

Angel: Come on, put some effort in it!

Y/N and Vaggie: -_-.

You lean in again as everyone watches in anticipation.

Charlie: (tipsy) I wish I had a camera for this.

Angel: (holding one) Got it covered.

You and Vaggie share a brief but sweet kiss before quickly coming apart as Charlie drunkenly cheers.

As the stars start to shine in the night sky everyone turns in for the night where you head to your room and see all your girlfriends and girl background hounds waiting for you wearing Christmas themed lingerie.

Loona: Come open your real Christmas gift, Puppy.

You get a scaroused look before getting the best Christmas gift of your life.


End of Chapter.

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