A/N: Credit to Renowned-Wolf for helping with a few things.

Scene opens on you, Loona, and Moxxie in IMP's office. Loona has an arm wrapped around you and is pressing her snoot against your cheek. Moxxie awkwardly tries to make smalltalk.

Moxxie: (softly claps twice) You know, I checked the scale today. (inhales) And it said I lost two pounds this week.

Loona rolls her eyes.

Moxxie: I...am not...FAT! 

Cut to the front door kicked open by a furious Millie as she stomps around the office, mumbling angrily.

Millie: (mumbling angrily) Ooh! Such a fucking asshole! That little motherfucker. I just wanna take my finger up and shove it up his fuckin' little thing!

Upon coming up to the table, Millie slams her coffee cup on the it disturbing you and Loona. Millie then passes Loona and hits a button titled "Nut button!!" that summons a cardboard cutout of a human saying, "Hi! I'm a Hooman!" then throws a knife and lunges at said cutout. Moxxie looks at her, disturbed.

Moxxie: Millie, honey. Is everything okay?

Millie hisses back at Moxxie in response, disturbing him even more.

Y/N: I'll take care of it. You'll be hard pressed to find someone who can resist this.

Moxxie: What do you-

You walk up to Millie and do this.

Millie and Loona: (entranced) So...cute...

Millie snaps out of rage-fueled state.

Y/N: Is everything ok, Mom?

Millie: Yeah. Just...bumped into an ex. (tail twitches)

Moxxie: Oh! Oh...

Millie: (retracts knife) He just kept going on about how he has money now, "a bright future," and "a bigger cock".

Y/N: Wait, what?

Millie: (raises voice) Every time I see his stupid face, I can't help it! I just need to—

Millie punches the filing cabinet beside her in frustration. Blitzo enters the room on his phone shortly after.

Blitzo: What the fuck is all this noise? I got a client!

Moxxie: Sorry, sir. I'll get this all cleaned—

He holds up a photo of two imps making out in horse suits.

Moxxie: What is this?

Blitzo: Uh, research! For science!

Y/N: If you're gonna keep a big stash of porn, at least digitalize it and put in a folder labeled "homework". Oh wait, you're an adult.

Blitzo: Just put it back correctly, okay? Alphabetize them.

He walks back into his office.

Blitzo: Okay, so let me get this straight: you don't want us going to Earth at all for this job?

Cut to the inside of a mansion, with a businessman holding a lit cigar, and his chair facing a green fireplace.

Client: Correct. That will not be necessary. I'd like to meet you and your whole crew at my estate.

Blitzo: Oh, you want us killing someone in Hell. 'Cause I got to tell ya, that ain't exactly our business anymore.

Client: I'll tell ya all about it when you get here. (smokes cigar) It's regarding a business venture I'm sure will be very worth (through the phone) your time.

Blitzo: Ooh, how ominous. (chuckles) Fine, whatever, what's the address?

Client: Transportation has already (through the phone) been taken care of.

Blitzo peeks through the office blinds and notices a helicopter in front of his building. He runs to the office the rest of you are in to find the helicopter before the main window.

Blitzo: What the fuck is that?

The helicopter shoots a grappling hook under the window, breaking the wall. Loona looks on without a word.

Y/N: Do people in Hell not know what a door is?! Seriously!

With the damaged walls, a wind gusts through the office and distributes all the photos Blitzo had been saving across the town.

Blitzo: My research!

Two imp children grab one of the photos and are visibly disgusted; one is crying, and the other is vomiting from the result. The helicopter approaches Blitzo, creating a bridge for them to walk upon, and the pilot steps out.

Pilot: I.M.P? Right this way, please!

Moxxie: Uh, sir?

Moxxie points a gun toward the pilot while Millie holds her knife out and you get into a fighting pose

Moxxie: What's going on?

Blitzo: Now, don't worry! It's just some fancy shmuck from Greed wanting to do business with us.

The Imps walk to the helicopter while you walk to Loona.

Y/N: I'll see you later, babe.

Loona: Give Mama a kiss before you go.

You kiss her on the cheek and she lets out a slightly annoyed growl before dipping and kissing you roughly.

Y/N: All according to plan

 You board the helicopter, casting a spell to disguise your amulet as a gaudy chain, and see how dilapidated the interior looks.

Millie: Is this thing safe?!

Pilot: Don't worry, we are professionals!

The pilots proceed to take out a huge chunk of a wall as they fly off. Later, the same helicopter is seen flying out of a hanger in the Greed Ring, flying over Loo Loo Land being rebuilt, along with a  mobster stabbing a victim before shooting the body repeatedly. 

The Helicopter flies over a sign that reads "Notamafiatown; No Mafia here! We're Mafia free!"

Moxxie: (disdained groan) I hate this place.

Blitzo: Oh, yeah. This is your old stomping ground, isn't it, Mox?

Y/N: Wait, I thought you said you were from Wrath?

Moxxie: I was born in Wrath, but grew up in Greed, just over there (points through glass), swore I'd never come back, and— uh uh— what— what, where are we going?

The helicopter starts changing direction, as Moxxie grows more and more anxious.

Moxxie: What— Blitzo, who did you say this meeting was with?

Blitzo: I'm not sure, just some rich somebody or other who wants to do biz at his place.

The helicopter finally lands, and Moxxie grows heavily worried after realizing where he's landed.

Moxxie: Oh, no, no! No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, NO!

The place in question is revealed to be a huge mansion, dark smoke fuming through both chimneys. Moxxie shivers in fear of the place, as Blitzo shoves him to move forward.

Client: (off-screen) There he is!

The client moves out the doorway, being visible on screen.

Client: There's my boy! Get over here and give your daddy a hug!

Y/N, Blitzo, and Millie: "Daddy"?

Client: I only let Moxxie call me that. Unless you pay me! (laughs)

Moxxie: Guys, um, (clears throat nervously) this is my father, Crimson. Sir, this is my boss, Blitzo. My co-worker, Y/N. And my—

Millie: —Millie! I'm his wife!

Millie takes her hand to greet Crimson as he accepts.

Crimson: And what a beautiful wife you are. *kisses Millie's hand* Mox, where have you been hiding this pretty little thang?

Millie: Oh, I'm sure he would've introduced us.. eventually.

Crimson: Oh, I'm sure.

He notices you.

Crimson: You must be Y/N, the human. Pleasure to meet ya!

He shakes your hand too hard.

Y/N: Uh, thanks. But how did you know-

Crimson: Hey, you might still be living, but you're already making a name for yourself down here, kid. Satisfying two of the Sins, being involved with the Princess' hotel, not bad for someone who's only been here for a few months.

He walks over to Blitzo.

Crimson: You got to be Blitz, with the silent "o", right? I've heard a lot of good things about you and your work.

Blitzo: Really? (turns to Moxxie)  What kind of shit has Moxxie been spreading about me? I'll fucking kill you Moxxie, don't you fucking test me!

You smack Blitzo upside the head.

Y/N: Don't *you* fucking test *me*. You really think Moxxie's one to spread gossip like that?

Crimson: No, no! From all over.

Blitzo: Really? (chuckles) Well, I guess it's about time folks recognized my talent.

Crimson: (laughs) I like your attitude. Well, I hope you're all hungry. We put together a fabulous dinner for you.

You and Blitzo head inside.

Millie: Hey, baby. Why haven't I met your Pa before?

Moxxie: (nervously) Well uh, y'know, i-it's just, never been a—

Crimson: Hey! You two, move it before it gets cold.

Moxxie: Look, look, Millie, we can talk about it later.

Millie takes Moxxie's hand and both enter the house with Blitzo. Crimson's smile fades then he snaps his fingers and enters the house. The two men standing at the door follow him inside, closing the door behind them. Inside, Crimson prepares drinks for Blitzo.

Crimson: So, Blitzo, ya always been a hitman?

Blitzo: No, no, not always. Yeah, (takes the drink from Crimson) I was in the circus for a long time.

Crimson: (finger guns) Show business! (sits down) Good money in that. Y/N, how about you?

Y/N: (awkwardly) )Oh, my first kill was totally accidental. Fought back against my abusive mom.

Everyone sits in the room in an awkward silence.

Moxxie: (looks over to Blitzo) What are we doing here... (then, to his dad) sir?

Crimson: (rolls eyes) Moxxie, I raised you better than that. (lights cigar) Ya know there's no business before dinner. Besides, we're still waitin' on one more.

The last guest loudly and obnoxiously kicks the door open and makes his presence known.

A/N: I am honestly surprised this douchebag has fans. I see some people on social media go "you were supposed to like him". What part of a character who's a sleazy, creepy, selfish con-man who doesn't take "no" for an answer am I supposed to like? 

Guest: Woo-hoo-hoo, what is up, party people?!

Millie and Moxxie: Chaz?! (to each other) Wait, what?

Moxxie: You know him?

Millie: (groans and slaps forehead) You remember that "ex" I was talking about?

Chaz walks over and hugs Moxxie and Millie.

Chaz: Looks like I got two big sex reunions today. (singsong voice) How lucky am I?

Y/N: (disgusted) Both of you dated *this* guy?!

Chaz: Ha, yeah. No big deal, but I usually bone half the people in any room I'm in.

You turn back to Moxxie and Millie.

Y/N: ...Neither of you are allowed to criticize Loona or any of my other girlfriends ever again.

Moxxie and Millie: Agreed.

Chaz: Aw, come on.

He sits on the edge of the couch and gets right in your face.

Chaz: (bedroom eyes) I'm not that bad once you get to know me. Just ask your friends.

You narrow your eyes, sensing M&M clearly broke up with him on bad terms,  and punch Chaz square in the nose, knocking him off the couch as Moxxie and Millie smirk.

Moxxie: (bitterly) We dated a long time ago.

Chaz: But, I still remember it like it was yesterday. You, a fledgling mafioso! Me, the dashing and extremely sexy muscle! It was like (fondly) it was written in the stars.

Blitzo: Ha! Moxxie in the mafia, that's fucking rich.

You nudge Blitzo in the ribs and the two of you look around the room, seeing photos of Crimson shaking hands with other gangsters, disturbing wall decor such as Succubi wings and chokers, Hellhound collars, Imp horns, and Loan Shark jaws, and a painting that shows a young Moxxie with both of his parents.

A knocking on the door is heard before two of Crimson's lackeys enter carrying a bodybag, causing the rest of you to become apprehensive.

Y/N: Yep, this is a mob organization alright. (looks at disturbing decor) Or a whole bunch of serial killers.

Millie: (concerned) You've never told me this before.

Moxxie: I-I don't really like to talk about this part of my life. But, (dramatically) I first saw Chaz at my induction.

As Moxxie narrates, you use your magic to see the visuals.

Flashback to Moxxie's time in the mob. Moxxie gets a handshake and a kiss from Crimson, welcoming him into the business. Moxxie looks around the room and stops upon seeing Chaz grinning and applauding at him. Moxxie blushes at the attention Chaz is giving him.

Moxxie: (voiceover) -in the family. Our eyes met from across the room. And there was just something about him. Something that was magnetic!

Moxxie finds himself hiding behind a car in the middle of a mob turf war. He throws away the Tommy gun and pulls out a grenade, but it slips out of his hands before he can pull the pin. Moxxie runs after it and catches it the same moment that Chaz grabs it, touching his hand. Both share a smile before Moxxie picks up the grenade, pulls the pin, and throws it away. Chaz and Moxxie stare fondly at each other as the grenade explodes in the distance, the smoke forming the shape of a heart.

The scene switches over to Moxxie greeting Chaz at the door. Chaz is holding signs that he lets fall from his hands. The signs say "TELL YOUR DAD IT'S A SALESMAN" "I CAN'T STOP THINKING ABOUT YOU" and "MOKSIE, WILL YOU BONE WITH ME?" Moxxie blushes fondly and lets Chaz in.

Another scene has Moxxie polishing a rifle when Chaz comes up from behind and assists. Moxxie grows aroused by the interaction.

In another scene, Moxxie poses nude, except for a necklace and his socks, on the couch while Chaz paints him before the flashback fades back to the present.

Moxxie: It's been 84 years...

Y/N: You stole that from Titanic.

Millie: (skeptical) Did any of that stuff actually happen?

Chaz: Oh, yeah! (licks lips) But, he skipped over the jizz-covered parts.

Moxxie: Anyway. Things changed when we went on a heist together.

Flashback to the heist, Moxxie, carrying a bag of money, is running with Chaz to the exit as the security gate begins to drop. Moxxie throws the money out of the bank and catches the gate with his shoulders to give Chaz time to slide under. Moxxie tries to escape but his leg and tail are caught under the gate when it drops to the floor.

After struggling to get out he turns to Chaz for help. Chaz suddenly hears the police sirens and grabs the money, giving Moxxie a final look before running off, leaving a betrayed Moxxie devastated and in tears. Moxxie is thrown inside a jail cell. He sadly climbs into the bottom bunk of the bed.

Cellmate: So, what're you in for?

Moxxie quietly pulls his tail closer to him. His cellmate, Blitzo, is lying on the top bunk.

Blitzo: Okay, not much of a talker, are you? (hops down and shakes Moxxie's hand* I'm Blitzo, the "o" is silent. I'm sure we're going to get along just fine. So, what's your deal? What'd you do? Who'd you diddle? You look like someone good with a gun. You look like someone who could shoot up an office-

Moxxie attempts to speak.

Blitzo: -and I hope you are 'cuz I got a plan to get us out of this dump but I'm going to need some help, you think you can give me a hand? I need to get out to my daughter. The babysitter will kill me if I don't get back soon. Do you like kids? 'Cause lemme tell 'ya. They're a-fucking-dorable.

Moxxie tearfully smiles as Blitzo continues talking about his escape plan. The scene returns to the present day.

Moxxie: Once I got out, I never looked back.

Blitzo sits worriedly and you duck behind the couch as Millie glares and growls viciously toward a nervous-looking Chaz. Crimson frowns in his chair.

Chaz: Well, heh, as you said, it was a long time ago. (chuckles nervously)

Millie: (foaming at the mouth; furiously) I'LL FUCKING KILL YOU!!!

Millie leaps onto the top of the couch, missing Chaz as her knife pierces through the fabric. Chaz hides behind Crimson's chair.

Chaz: Whoa, the fuck- Crazy bitch!

Millie tries to lunge at Chaz again but is intercepted by You, Moxxie and Blitz. Crimson stands in between I.M.P and Chaz as Millie holds up her knife angrily, pointing it at Chaz.

Crimson: Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, HEY! Hold on!

Millie: (to Chaz) You're going to die, bitch!

The maid enters the room.

Maid: (French accent) Dinner is served.

Everyone is seated in the dining room. Millie is viciously cutting through her food and glaring at Chaz, but the room is completely silent.

Y/N: So, this is aggressively uncomfortable.

Crimson: I suppose you want to know why you're here.

Blitzo: Yeah, so what gives? You know we kill people on Earth, right? We don't usually do contracts for locals. So, if you want to do business with us, you got to—.

Crimson: I don't want to do business with I-M-P, I want to do business with Moxxie.

Moxxie: *stops cutting his food* ME?!

Crimson: Yeah, kid. I summoned I.M.P to be sure you'd show. Because, well, we're bringing Chaz into the family.

Chaz smirks while raising his eyebrows.

Moxxie: What? Since when can just anyone join the family?

Crimson: Come on, Mox. You had responsibilities here that (bitterly) I had to pick up once you left. Now Chaz is going to lighten the load.

Moxxie: Wait, I thought you always hated his guts.

Crimson: (Chaz looks confused) Well, I didn't exactly 'hated' him.

Moxxie: You called him a "friendless horse-fucker" and said we lived a "sissy lifestyle".

Crimson: Yeah, well, I was wrong. You've been gone a long time, Mox. A man can change. And so has Chaz.

Chaz: Yeah. I've grown, matured, and, recently, came into millions! (shifty eyes) But, y'know, mostly the "mature" thing.

Y/N: (not buying this bullshit) Yeah, the shifty eyes really sell it, Chaz.

Blitzo: Oh, okay, okay. So the "horseless friend-fucker" over here gets a little moolah and suddenly, it's worth wasting our time over?

Chaz: Well, I'm the whole "package" if you know what I mean. 

IMP:

Chaz: (confidently) I got a big dick.

Y/N: (rolls eyes) Sure you're not compensating for anything, creep?

Millie: (annoyed) What does any of this have to do with Moxxie?

Crimson: (sets down utensils) There's going to be a ceremony tomorrow. Moxxie here is going to officially release his holdings in the organization. Then you can get back to (bitterly) ignoring your family to your heart's content.

You glare at Crimson, the verbal/emotional abuse he threw at Moxxie reminding you of your mother.

Y/N: You know what? I'm really starting to see why Moxxie was so reluctant to come home. 

Millie: (stands up) Maybe he wouldn't "ignore his family" if they didn't force him to rub elbows with a no-good, shark-toothed FUCK FACE!

Chaz grins at Millie. Millie points a knife at his neck, threateningly.

Crimson: Ey, look. Everybody, relax. I know tensions have been high tonight. Say, why don't you stay here and get some rest? We'll have the ceremony tomorrow and then you will be free to leave. I have your rooms all prepared.

Moxxie: (Millie is about to object.) Yes, sir.

Millie: Mox?

I.M.P and Chaz begin to leave the room, with you and Millie looking reluctant.

Crimson: A moment, Moxxie.

Moxxie: Just give me a minute, Millie. I'll be there.

Millie looks on with worry as Moxxie steps back inside the dining room. Chaz tries to lean into Millie but jumps back when Millie growls and tries to bite him. Alessio closes the door behind them as they leave, leaving Moxxie alone with Crimson.

Crimson: So... you think you're too good for this family now?

Moxxie: What?

Crimson: (sternly) C'mere.

Moxxie approaches his father.

Moxxie: I- I don't understand---

Crimson stands up and backhands Moxxie in the face, knocking him down.

Crimson: (angrily) You think you're gonna just get to walk away from this family and never come back?! You're dead wrong, Mox! (grabs Moxxie) As a matter of fact, the only thing you're right about is that obnoxious piss-stain can't get made! Not unless he marries in!

Moxxie: "Marries?" But, but who would marry—?

Crimson: Who do you think? (lets go of Moxxie and sits back down) This family needs that money and it's about time your pathetic-ass was useful for something!

Moxxie: Sir, I'm already married. I- I can't---

Crimson: You think I give a shit about your stupid beard? C'mon Mox, I even went through the trouble of makin' the house more to... your kind's liking.

Crimson presses a button on the table and bouncing dildos appear from the dining chairs, the walls, replacing the framed severed body parts, vases, and even behind a potted plant in the corner. A party ball hanging from the ceiling opens, pouring out confetti, revealing a banner that says "CONGRATS, GAY" and a trumpet fanfare.

Moxxie: Wait, what? What do you think I'm into?

Crimson: What? This is the kind of shit gays like, right?

Moxxie: Okay, first off - Dad, I'm bisexual.

Crimson: (shrugs) Yeah. Gay.

Moxxie: Oh, for fuck's sake! Secondly, (holds out a hand to block a dildo from hitting his face) I don't know a single person of any sexuality who would enjoy this.

Blitzo: (from the hallway) Hah! There're dicks on the walls! (Moxxie frowns in response) Oh, that is fucking hilarious!

Crimson: (grabs Moxxie by the face) Look at me, kid. One way or another, you're going to do what I fucking say. Don't cross me.

Moxxie reflects on his childhood. A child Moxxie was struggling to cut his steak at the dinner table. His mother gently takes the plate and cuts the steak for him. She smiles sweetly at Moxxie and he smiles back at her. Crimson glares at Moxxie. Moxxie takes the plate and begins eating his dinner. Crimson then glares at his wife, nudging her foot with his. She quickly pulls her leg away from Crimson, now sitting more properly. Crimson stomps his foot.

Another memory shows Moxxie shooting three bullseyes in the shooting range. His mother ruffles his head proudly. Suddenly a goon grabs Moxxie and rushes him away from his mother and toward another shooting range.

Two goons prep a live target as Crimson hands Moxxie a real gun and point to it. Moxxie slowly takes aim but his mother takes the gun out of his hands and pushes it into Crimson's hands before grabbing her son and walking away. Crimson glares at the disrespect.

Moxxie now hides underneath the bed as his parents argue. A slap is heard and his mother walks out of the room. Later, only Crimson and Moxxie are at the dinner table. Moxxie struggles to cut his steak and then looks at his father. Crimson glares at Moxxie, who then goes back to trying to cut his food. Crimson takes a drag from his cigar and blows the smoke in Moxxie's face.

Later on, Crimson and Moxxie take a boat ride on the lake with a passenger. Crimson places a cinderblock that the passenger's tail is tied to on the side of the boat over the edge and gestures for Moxxie to push it. Moxxie looks at the cinderblock, then the pleading passenger, and backs away only for Crimson to push him back into the cinderblock.

Teary-eyed, Moxxie takes one last look at the passenger while pushing the cinderblock overboard, sending the victim into the lake with it. Moxxie watches as the air bubbles fade. Crimson preps another body over the side of the boat.

Crimson: (flashback) Let this be a lesson, Moxxie.

Crimson gestures to the lake, filled with hats, bags, shoes, and light articles that belonged to previous victims thrown into the water.

Crimson: (flashback) This is what happens when you cross me.

A high heel that resembles the ones Moxxie's mother wore floats to the surface. The scene returns to the present day.

Crimson: Now, get to bed, Moxxie. You have a big day tomorrow.

Crimson lets go of Moxxie.

Moxxie: (fearfully) Yes, sir.

Crimson: Oh, and Mox? You ever talk back to me again, (Moxxie backs up to the door) you and that pretty little thang you brought here... are goin' home in boxes. Capiche?

Moxxie: Yes, sir.

Moxxie quickly finds the doorknob and steps out of the room, leaving Crimson alone in the dining room still covered with bouncing dildos and the banner. Moxxie walks up the stairs, shaken and Millie is standing at her bedroom door. Alessio gestures for Moxxie to go into a different room

Millie: Wait? How come we aren't in-

Alessio: Crimson wants you all to stay in separate rooms.

Millie: Why? Moxxie?

Millie grabs Moxxie's hand.

Moxxie: It's just one night, Millie. (forced smile) It's okay.

Millie: Mox, are you ok?

Moxxie: I'm fine, (shrugs off her hand) please don't worry sweetie.

Millie: You know you can tell me anything, (Moxxie looks away in sheer guilt) right?

Moxxie: Yes. Everything's fine.

Millie: We're partners, Mox. (holds Moxxie's face)

Moxxie: (takes off her hand) It's just my dad. It's okay, really. (kisses her hand) it'll be over tomorrow.

Millie: Ok, I love you.

She softly kisses Moxxie.

Moxxie: I love you, too. Goodnight.

Moxxie opens his bedroom to see many framed pictures of Chaz on the wall. Music plays as he sees the pictures on the wall.

Moxxie: What the--- (facepalms) Fucking why?

The music stops playing once he closes the door. He snarls, walks into the bathroom, and washes his face with cold water. He glumly leaves the bathroom and goes to turn off the lights. When he hits the switch Chaz pops up on a heart-shaped bed.

Chaz: Like what I've done with the place?

Moxxie: Ugh. Just get out of here!

Chaz: Come on, Mox.

He pulls on a switch which lights up the words "Cum Zone".

Chaz: We used to have so much fun here. Remember? (puts his arm around Moxxie)

Moxxie: (pushes him off) I'm married, Chaz. And, even if I weren't, I would never.

Chaz: Never what? Let me take you to cum town again?

Moxxie: You are so gross! Just leave me alone!

Chaz: I know what you want most Moxxie Poxxie. (spins Moxxie around*)How about a sexually charged (singsongy) musical number, heyyyy!

Chaz holds a button on the wall down with the side of his fist.

Chaz: You always loved those.

https://youtu.be/xNMm_QJlX3A

Moxxie kicks him out and slams the door on him. Moxxie then crouches down on the floor behind the door. Tears start to form in his eyes and starts to sob heavily. We cut to Millie's room where she is anxiously pacing back and forth. There is a knock on the door.

Millie: (relieved) Moxxie?

She opens the door and sees it's Chaz.

Millie: (angrily) What do you want?

Chaz starts to sing to Millie before being immediately cut off by her. She growls at him and puts her knife to his throat.

Chaz: (annoyed) Damn it, this usually works.

Cut to you in your room, FaceTiming Loona.

Y/N: I'm telling you, babe, this whole situation has a bad vibe. I've never seen Mom or Moxxie *this* upset.

Loona: You think this Chaz guy might be up to something?

Y/N: I'd be surprised if he wasn't. He's either too stupid to realize M&M hate him and want nothing to do with it, or he's a weirdo who gets off on being hated. 

Loona: What about Moxxie's dad?

Y/N: Even more of a creep. He's one of those people that acts all nice and chummy at first, until they get you alone and the mask comes off. ...He reminds of my mom in some ways.

Loona: (ears flattened) I'm sorry you have to deal with that, babe. Just be careful. I love you.

Y/N: I love you too.

You hang up and FaceTime Verosika, who is wearing a Maid costume.

Verosika: (seductive) Hey, babe.

Y/N: (nosebleed) Hey. Did you have a photoshoot today?

Verosika: Yeah, had to pose for an "occupation of the month" calendar. Everyone who buys it get to look, but only you get to touch.

She poses seductively before noticing you seem a little off.

Verosika: Hey, is everything ok?

Y/N: It's just the whole vibe for this assignment. Turns out Moxxie's dad didn't even want us to carry out an assassination, calling us was the only way he could get Moxxie to come home.

Verosika: That's weird. Why would he need to manipulate Moxxie into coming home?

Y/N: Because his dad is a creep that honestly gives off serial killer vibes. Seriously, his decor looks like something out of a horror movie. And then there's Mom and Moxxie's douchebag ex, Chaz.

Verosika: (groans) Chaz?!

Y/N: *You* know him?

Verosika: I made a mistake and had a drunken one-night stand with him not long after I dumped Blitz-O. Honestly? Worst sex of my life. Just...be safe.

Y/N: I will.

Y/N and Verosika: I love you.

She makes several kissing noises before hanging up. You FaceTime one more contact, your phone lighting up with the Hotel crew sans Alastra sitting on the couch. She is standing off-screen due to her refusal to be shown on-screen.

Husk: Hey, handsome. 

Charlie: Hey, Y/N! How's the Greed Ring?

Angel: Is it as big a trash fire as I hear?

Y/N: It's even worse. Have you ever seen one of this post-disaster movies where everything is run down and polluted? It's that, but somehow worse. 

Alastra: (off-screen) That bad, darling?

Y/N: When we flew in, I saw people blatantly dumping toxic waste into the water supply. I'm not drinking anything while I'm here unless I make it. (conjures water bottle)

Charlie: Are the people at least nice?

Y/N: Not really. I have to deal with a creepy crime boss and some sleaze named Chaz.

Angel:  Ugh, that guy?!

Y/N: I'm almost scared to ask, how do *you* know him?

Angel: He used to be a security guard for Val until he stole a bunch of money right from under him, ran, and never looked back. I honestly don't think I've ever seen Val that mad.

Y/N: So he's not just a sleazy asshole, he's a con man. 

Angel: Exactly. Watch your back, Y/N. That guy *can't* be trusted. 

You're interrupted by knocking on your door. You make the "one minute" gesture and mute the call.

Y/N: Hey Moxxie, is that you? Mom, is everything ok?

Silence

Y/N: (walking to the door) Blitzo, for the last time, there are no monsters your bed. On Earth, you'd be the monster. 

You open the door and see Chaz's smug grin.

Y/N: (disgusted groan) Get outta here, Chaz.

Chaz: Oh, come on. Moxxie and Millie gave you the wrong impression about me. (lecherously) I can be a very generous lover, little doggy.

As he invades your personal space again, you sock him across the jaw. He stumbles back before you use your magic to toss him across the hallway and against the wall. 

Y/N: Stay the fuck away from Moxxie and Millie, if you know what's good for you.

You slam the door in his face.

Chaz dusts himself off and knocks on Blitzo's door.

Chaz: Hey there, good-looking.

Blitzo: Oh, I was wondering how long it would take you to make a pass.

Chaz: Mmm, does that mean you're down to clown?

Blitzo: Ew, what the--- you think I would violate my friend's trust by sleeping with their ex, especially one who fucked them over the way you did?

Chaz: I'll show you all of the things they liked in the sack.

Blitzo: Deal! (pulls Chaz in)

The camera pans over to Moxxie where he is lying on his side in bed, awake, his eyes wide open.

Blitzo: (off-screen) Augh... chill the fuck out! (groans in pain)

Chaz: (off-screen) Who-ho-ho! That's what my dick does to a bitch!

Moxxie turns onto his stomach and pulls out his phone. He goes on to his social media and looks at pictures of himself and Millie, they show: a younger Moxxie and Millie on a date; Moxxie and Millie in bed; Moxxie and Millie at the theatre holding up Phantom of the Opera programs, Moxxie has tears in his eyes indicating how much he loved the performance, and Moxxie and Millie at their wedding, kissing.

Moxxie starts to cry again, he then growls knowing that he must stand up to his father. We cut back to Blitzo and Chaz in bed. Chaz is asleep and snoring.

Chaz: (sleeptalking) Oh, I got a big dick.

Blitzo tiptoes out of bed, picks up Chaz's jacket, and puts it on. We see his clothes have a tag that reads "Mammon's Suit Rental". 

Blitzo: Okay, fucker, nobody who's that bad in bed can score two hotties that easily. I know you gotta be hiding something...

Blitzo checks Chaz's clothing until he finds his car keys. He smiles and sneaks to your room before rapping his knuckles on the door.

Y/N: (off-screen) Chaz, if that's you, I swear to Charlie, I will turn your teeth into a necklace before throwing you into that polluted-as-fuck water.

Blitzo: As satisfying as that would be, I'm not Chaz. You got a few minutes?

Y/N: (off-screen) Yeah, hold on.

You open the door and Blitzo shows you the tag on Chaz's clothes.

Y/N: Can't be too surprised. Angel was telling me how Chaz is a con man who managed to getaway with running off with of Valentino's cash.

Blitzo: Wanna check out his car?

Y/N: (smug) Oh, yeah.

Cut to the two of you rummaging through Chaz's car, finding an eviction notice and a plan that proves Chaz isn't rich and wants to marry into Crimson's crime family for money.

Blitzo: Well, Chaz is either very brave or very stupid. No one fucks with M&M's marriage but me!

Y/N: I'm leaning towards the latter, and stop getting involved with their sex lives, you weirdo.

You suddenly feel a painful prick in your neck and turn to see Blitzo slumping with a syringe in his neck and Chaz with a sinister grin.

You muster your remaining strength into a punch and land a solid blow on his stomach before passing out. Chaz locks the two of you in his car trunk.

Chaz: Sorry, guys. You aren't the only "junk in my trunk".

He chuckles before realizing that joke sucked.

Chaz: Damn it! That was not a good one. What is wrong with me?

Cut to the next day. Alessio is filling Crimson's mug with coffee. Chaz goes to sit in a seat with another filled mug of coffee, but Crimson gestures him to sit at the other side of the table. Moxxie and Millie walk in.

Crimson: Hey, hey! The man of the hour. You ready to get started?

Millie: Wait, where's Blitzo and Y/N?

Chaz: I think I saw them head outside. Y/N said something about (trying and failing to mimic your voice) needing some fresh air. (back to normal) Or something. Pfft.

Crimson: Why don't you grab him so we can get moving?

Millie: Be right back, baby.

She kisses Moxxie on the cheek and leaves.

Crimson: What ya looking so glum for, kid? It's your wedding day, the best day of ya life.

Moxxie: (sits down) I'm not doing it.

Crimson: What was that? I couldn't make it out over the sound of you being a whiny bitch.

Moxxie: (slams the table with both hands) I said I'm not doing it, sir. I've spent my whole life being afraid of you, but I'm not giving up the only good thing I've ever had just so you can keep your fragile little sense of control over everything. Millie is a good woman, a better woman than I deserve, and there's nothing that scares me more than hurting her. Not even you. I'm leaving, Dad! And if you or Herpes the Clown over here—

Chaz: (offended) Hey!

Moxxie: (louder) Try to stop me, you'll learn firsthand just how good I've gotten at my job.

Moxxie is face-to-face with Crimson now. Alessio comes from behind him and tases Moxxie in the neck. Moxxie groans and falls forward unconscious. He hits his head on the table and then falls to the floor.

Crimson: Now, take care of the others.

The scene cuts to Millie searching the carpark outside Crimson's mansion, confused and worried as she hasn't found you and Blitzo. She hears a bang coming from Chaz's trunk and opens it with her knife to see you and Blitzo. Blitzo is still a little out of it while you had used magic to fight off the effects of the tranquilizer.

Blitzo: (groggily) Oh, Millie, you found us. Who're your friends?

Millie: Friends?

Two goons pop up behind her. 

Y/N: Mom, watch out!

You move her out of the way and kick your feet out, knocking one of the goons on his back.

Millie decapitates the other goon with the trunk before you snap the first goon's neck.

The scene cuts to the back garden where a makeshift wedding is set up. Crim has Moxxie in a wedding dress with his hands bound behind his back with rope and his mouth gagged with duct tape.

Elder Jaws: Is everyone here?

Crimson: Yeah, yeah, yeah, don't worry about it. Let's get this thing rolling, ey?

Moxxie: (mouth behind duct tape) Mmmph!

Chaz: Awww, you told me all the chairs would be filled!

Crimson sighs and presses a button which causes dildos with smiley faces in tuxedos to pop out of all of the seats, including the two that has goons sitting on them.

Crimson: Satisfied?

Chaz: Oh, fuck yes!

Cut back to the car park. Millie pulls Blitzo out of the trunk, holding him up to support him.

Millie: What's goin' on?

Blitzo: (groggily) That seductive dick-hole is trying to marry Moxxie, and he's not even rich!

Millie: (panicked) Moxxie!

Millie runs to the front door. Suddenly metal shutters block off all doors and exit the house, including the front gate to the estate. We cut back to the wedding, where the priest is reading the wedding vows and Moxxie unsuccessfully tries to scream for help.

Elder Jaws: Do you, Chazwick Thurman, take Moxxie Knolastname to be your lawfully wedded husband?

Chaz: (grinning evilly) Oh, yeah.

Elder Jaws: And do you, Moxxie... whatever, take Chazwick Thurman to be your lawfully wedded-- Uh...

Moxxie: (muffled) Millie! Millie!

Moxxie tries to pull away and almost escapes until Crimson pulls him back. Crimson forces Moxxie to face the priest and forcibly nods his head.

Crimson: Look at that! He's just so fucking happy to be here!

Back outside.

Millie: (panicking) Everything's locked down! How are we gonna get in?

Blitzo feels around the jacket until he finds Chaz's car keys. He grabs Millie and pulls her to his car and opens the door to climb in the driver's seat. Millie then goes into the passenger seat and you climb in the back as Blitzo starts the car and revs the engine. 

Blitzo: Buckle up, guys. We're doing a Shrek...

The car suddenly backpedals. Back at the wedding, Chaz is about to forcefully kiss Moxxie when Blitzo crashes the car through the wall to the wedding scene and steps out dazed.

Blitzo: (groggily) I object! (faceplants on the ground)

You and Millie jump out of the car and slide into fighting poses, standing back to back.

Millie: You want my husband? You're going to have to fucking kill me!

Y/N: Ditto!

Crimson rolls his eyes and snaps his fingers, signaling his goons to kill the two of you.

https://youtu.be/Wmv9halQNGE

Millie slashes the goons with her knife, and tears their skulls out while you use magic to summon tentacles, toss the goons around, and tear them in half.

Crimson:  He has magic?!

You dodge an attack from a goon before one of your tentacles wraps around his head and pulls it clean off his shoulders.

You then make your teeth sharper before biting into a goon's chest and pulling his organs out.

Crimson: What the fuck?! She's a dame! He's a human! Kill them! 

You grab a gun from a goon before shooting him and two more before you rush at Crimson. 

Alessio tries to shield Crimson before you kneecap him and shove him to the side. 

You shoot at Crim before hearing the gun click due to the chamber being empty. You then chuck it at him, nailing him in the forehead before grabbing by the throat, lift him off his feet, and punch him in the face repeatedly as he desperately tries to shield himself.

Cut back to Millie massacring goons and getting in a car with lights wrapped around a goon's throat while you are shown dragging Crimson, forcing his mouth open, and shoving him towards the dildos. 

He helplessly bounces in the air, gagging, before he frees himself, looking mortified. Millie goes to grab Moxxie.

Chaz: Hey, what about my-

Millie tosses one of the dildos and it gets lodged in his throat. You then summon a tentacle that goes all the way up Chaz's ass before sprouting razor sharp barbs and he cries out in agony.

Millie lifts Moxxie over her shoulder.

Millie: This ass is MINE!

She spanks Moxxie before the four of you turn to leave.

Y/N: By the way, Chaz isn't rich. Check his car. (chuckling) He played you like a fiddle, you fucking moron!

The four of you leave and hijack a helicopter to fly back to Pride.

Chaz manages to dislodge the dildo and whimpers from the tentacle up his ass.

Crimson: 

Chaz: (nervous chuckle)

Cut back to I.M.P where the helicopter arrives. As you exit, Loona glomps you and licks your face. Everyone else exits and the helicopter crashes

Moxxie: Millie, Y/N, thank you for saving me.

Millie: (smiles) Next time, just tell me if your dad is a psychopath --- I can handle it.

Y/N: Yeah, it all worked out ok. (ruffles his hair) Good to know we both have issues with an evil parent.

Blitzo: Also, I got to plow your ex-boyfriend; isn't that great? (hugs Moxxie and Millie) Now we ALL fucked the same guy.

Cut back to Crimson's mansion. He adds Chaz's teeth jaws to his collection of body parts.

He then growls in anger before tossing a knife into young Moxxie's portrait, setting himself up as a recurring villain.

End of Chapter.