After the ruckus, Tobias sent Rudy to walk me back to my room, despite the fact that I was perfectly fine. The walk was silent, and when I entered the room, all the girls were asleep.

However, I couldn't sleep. After I changed and went into my bed, I began sobbing.

It was scary. Tonight had been the scariest night of my life. For a moment, I actually believed Silas might do worse things to me. Despite the calm exterior he always wore, a storm brewed beneath it. A storm that, once released, would hurt all those around him.

It was all thanks to Rudy and Tobias, who met up and wondered about my late arrival and then heard Silas's shouts, that I was saved. If they hadn't, or even ignored Silas's shouts, or had been too afraid to come in—I didn't even want to think about the possibility.

I cried for the longest time that night, wishing Eugene was by my side.

Wishing Eugene saw my suffering and comforted me.

Wishing Eugene was the one who saved me.

***

The next morning, Rudy asked me if I was better. I had sheets gathered in my arms and was making my way to Tobias's room when he came. I nodded, hoping he didn't notice the swelling of my eyes.

"Tobias is in his room, waiting to talk to you," he said. "I hope everything goes well."

"Thank you."

Tobias was, indeed, in his room, sitting at the table we played chess in and looking out the window. He had opened the curtains, but not tied them back.

"Good morning, Master Tobias," I said. I placed the sheets down at a chair and tied the curtains back. He watched me as I did, in an awkward silence.

"I'm sorry," he finally apologized after I was on my way to make the bed.

"Please don't apologize. You've done nothing wrong."

"I said Silas wasn't violent." He turned away from me. His eyes wouldn't meet mine.

"Don't worry, it didn't hurt. Well, not that much." I wanted to kick myself for saying something so stupid. "What did you want to tell me yesterday?"

"I want to tell you that there's another lead that I want to check out this Sunday—and I want to take you with me." I frowned.

"But I'm working for Master Eugene now."

"So am I."

I stopped in the middle of tucking in the sheets.

"What?"

"I said, I'm also helping Eugene now." He looked at me, then frowned. "No, how should I phrase it—I'm also hoping Eugene becomes the heir now."

"You—didn't you want to protect him from the fight, though?"

"Do you know why Eugene has been eating breakfast with us lately?" he abruptly changed the subject.

"No. Why?"

"He's been trying to fit in with us. Asking us about what type of household we want to live in. He's quite obvious." There was a small smile on his lips. "He's also talking about planning parties. Inviting people over for a 'Christmas Ball' next month. It was an annual event we used to have, but we haven't done it ever since Father became the head—we almost forgot about it."

"That's why everyone knows he's trying to be the heir now," I whispered to myself.

"Yes," Tobias answered. "Augustin is particularly happy at Eugene's new motivation, and the children want to meet people. Silas says he will take control of the party, once again taking someone else's ideas for himself. But, you know, when I saw Eugene taking control of the household, I had a glimpse of it."

"A glimpse of what?"

"A wonderful future." Tobias's smile grew again, and then he looked at me, eyes shining. Full of a hope I've never seen him have. "A future where we no longer have to be tied down by the accursed name Beardsley. A future where we can be set free, and have friends, guests, parties, and love each other as all brothers do." He stood up.

"I probably sound delusional, I'm sorry. Either way, I only wanted to tell you yesterday that I'm not against you. I'll be working along with you. And Rudy—I've realized how much I'm neglecting him. I should learn how to rely on him too."

"Yes. Yesterday he saved me—along with you." I smiled at him. "I haven't thanked you for it yet. Thank you, Master Tobias."

It was only after saying that that I felt guilty for wishing it was Eugene who saved me.

"No, it's fine," Tobias said. "Anyways, Sunday, I will find an excuse for Mister Kupka to let you off. Meet me at Tudor Square around ten. From there we will get going."

"Yes, Master Tobias."

After I finished with his room, I was in better spirits immediately. Silas might be against Eugene, but Tobias was for him. Maybe part of it was still because of what happened years ago with the accident, but it also sounded like Tobias genuinely believed Eugene could make a change.

When I went to Eugene's room, he was also there. However, this time he was dressed up and leaning on his cane.

"Miss Shuyan!" A smile broke out on his face. "It's been long. I'm sorry I haven't seen you for a while!"

I froze.

"Yes. It's fine, though. I heard from Tobias you were planning for a Christmas Ball."

"Yes! It's an old tradition some noble families do. On Christmas, they invite friends and even their servants to the ball, and disregarding status people dance together. I heard the last time it was held here was when father was a young man." He realized how quiet I was, and stopped.

"Oh, I'm sorry, am I boring you?"

"No, it's not that." I  hesitated, wondering if I should tell him or not. "It's just—are you fine standing now? Are you no longer going eating breakfast in bed?"

He looked surprised.

"Well, I might not be having breakfast in bed as often as I'm busier now. I do suppose I need to dress up now, instead of lounging in my night-clothes all day." He laughed at that.

"Oh, that's true. It's good to have breakfast with your family."

I tried to smile, but it hurt. I remember those days when I did his bed and he wasn't there. His face, his voice, wasn't there to greet me—smile like it always did, say my name and laugh.

"Yes, and recently Matheus has been helping me practice walking during the day—I want to be able to at least dance when Christmas comes next month."

I raised my head.

"Practice walking?"

He nodded, face flushed, clearly overjoyed.

"Yes. I am using leg braces. I'm able to stand without a cane and even take a few steps, just not dance. Not yet. But I want to dance at the Christmas Ball."

"You don't have to force yourself—" I stopped when I realized what I was saying.

Why was I saying such a thing?

Why wasn't I wishing for Eugene's well-being?

"Sorry. Something strange came over me," I explained. "I'll clean the room now."

"But it does make me sad that I won't see you much." There was silence. Did he feel the same? "But I have a good idea."

He turned to me.

"I'll have Mister Kupka assign you to clean my pet room as often as you can, and I'm always there. Also," he leaned in like he was going to share a secret, our lashes close and him leaning down to me, "I'll leave you a sketch each day. It'll be like a letter."

I found it hard to breathe.

"I remember you told me you don't sketch anymore," I whispered.

"Yes," he said, leaned back again, allowing me to catch my breath, "but I've started again. Small things, like the scene out my window. Snow-White. Even strange things I imagine."

"Like what?" I asked. He grinned mischievously.

"You'll find out."

I laughed. "I'll be looking forward to it."

"Yes. Also, I would like to try going outside again."

I whipped my head towards him, sheets falling from my hands.

"Going outside?"

"Yes." He smiled. At that moment he looked like a statue of a Greek god. His skin glowed, his eyes bright, and his brow was determined.

"I'd like to go to Ravensborough's Market with you, and the park. And then other places too, like the Crystal Palace."

"The Crystal Palace?"

"Yes. It's a building made entirely of glass. I've heard it looked like the Hanging Garden of Babylon inside." His smile softened. "Doesn't that sound majestic?" I nodded.

"Yes, yes it does."

I turned back and continued making the bed. I wondered why, but each time I spoke, my voice became more unsteady and strained.

And there was a nostalgic feeling growing in my chest again.

I hated it.

I turned back, the used sheets folded and in my arms. I was about to leave when Eugene suddenly called my name.

"Miss Shuyan," he said, softly. "Can I ask you for something?"

He took two almost perfect steps to me. I turned my body to face him.

"Of course, Master Eugene." His face was solemn, brows a bit furrowed.

"Can I have a dance with you during the Christmas Ball?"

I stiffened.

The strange feeling inside me grew.

Nevertheless, I smiled.

"Of course," I said. "You'll be dancing with all the girls, wouldn't you?" I laughed, to ease the tension.

That was right, it was going to be an ordinary dance—a dance he will do with Clo, Beth, and Rhiannon too. Maybe even the female guests, if they invite any.

What was I expecting?

"I'll be going now, Master Eugene."

"Yes—also, I won't be here until maybe next Monday."

"I see."

"I'm sorry, Miss Shuyan."

I put on my biggest smile, but I still couldn't meet his eyes.

"No, it's fine. I'm happy we could talk today."

I turned and left the room.

There, I stopped in the middle of the hallway and gazed outside the window.

Eugene didn't understand at all.

Yes, I was happy we could talk today, but it was for a different reason. It was because one day, for sure, like Silas had said, I would no longer be the only one he would talk to.

I would no longer be the one by his side.

One day I will no longer hear his voice calling out my name as he always did.

One day, it will no longer be me he walked with.

And why was I still wasn't used to it?

How come I still wasn't used to people leaving me, even after all these years of being abandoned and being alone?