The mornings after the tea party Eugene ate breakfast with his brothers every morning. I would open the door to an empty room save for a piece of paper.

His sketches got better and more detailed. He still drew flowers—lily of the valleys, mostly—rabbits, koi fishes, sometimes a still-life of a fruit, other times the unused piano in the parlor room or the familiar divan in his pet room. They were all things filled with memories of us talking about it, looking at it, or even sitting there together.

Despite seeing each other sometimes, we rarely managed to talk. Usually he'd ask me about my day and I'd tell him, and in response he'd tell me about his, but I couldn't focus. Not when the looming presence of the the promise that I would soon betray him loomed.

I still remembered the first time we met each other. The first time I opened the door and and found him laying there, on his bed, leaning against the propped up pillow and hands folded on his lap.

His warm eyes, messy hair, the light shining on his and his boyish smile—maybe I knew, from that first meeting, that one day I'd fall for him. Why else would the image be engraved upon my image like this?

Nine months had passed since last September, the start of my employment in the House of Beardsley. I had spent late summer and fall here, met the girls, the valets and staff, and the strange masters. Taken cold baths alone and traversed the big hallways jumping at every creak.

But I also played cards on Beth's bed dressed in my nightwear, bathed with Clo, chatted, shared secrets, and got advice from each other. I even went to my first Ravensborough's Monthly Market, and even went shopping like I always wanted despite how scary it was with the help of Rhiannon.

I'd also spent winter here. Went to a department store with the girls, the twins, and Tobias. Tobias had looked for gifts with me, and me and the girls brought gifts for each other. We ordered gowns from a catalogue, and they were all beautiful. We dressed up on the Christmas Ball and even danced with the men of the house. Then on Christmas we all celebrated together and grew closer.

Then spring came. Snow faded and it began to rain more. Beth told us who she really was. We had a rough time, but in the end we all went back to each other.

After all, we were the closest friends we ever had—we suffered together, cried together, and laughed together. We were the sisters we never had.

When May twentieth came I stood outside the door to Eugene's room and prayed he would be inside in bedroom. I slid my hand over the brass doorknob and inhaled deeply before I opened the door.

The bright sunlight stung my eyes, and I had to turn my head away before my eyes adjusted to the light and I turned to face the window—and him.

There he stood at the window, curtains parted, window opened, chilly air filling the room. He turned, and looked at me.

His hair was combed down, but his eyes were familiar and that smile still charming.

"Shuyan."

And his voice. I'd recognize it anywhere.

"Master Eugene." I smiled. We probably seen each other yesterday, but it felt like ages since I've seen him. Maybe I only ever really feel like I see him when he is in this room with me, not in the halls were we are master and maid, but here, were we share secrets and talk like friends.

He was dressed up already, in a crisp white shirt and formal green and golden embroidered vest, making him look regal, like a prince.

Yes, today might be the last day he'll be Master Eugene. Starting tomorrow he could be Lord Beardsley, and I'll never have the chance to call his name again.

"Master Eugene," I said again, savoring the sound of it on my tongue. "You're dressed." I walked over to his side of the bed. It was a habit from when I used to help him out of bed. Now he no longer need my help.

"Yes. I was excited and woke up early."

"But isn't it cold? You don't want to get sick on such an important day."

He laughed, looked down at the windowsill, and back up again.

"You're right. It's just—the sunlight was so bright. Spring really is coming, isn't it?" He looked outside the window at the scenery. He was right: trees were turning green and some had blossoms.

"It feels like such a long time has passed. I used to never wake up to the sunlight, you know. I wouldn't even get dressed for the day. Matheus would probably change my nightclothes and bedsheets every night when I shower, but I wouldn't have anything to look forward to. I had everything in bed, breakfast, lunch, dinner. I didn't care for anything, and I never would've dreamed of wanting to be heir."

He turned to look at me.

"But now it's different. Thank you for everything, Shuyan."

"You don't have to thank me." I was about to change his bedsheets when he grabbed his cane and walked towards me.

"Remember the promise I made on the balcony during the Christmas Ball?"

"Of course."

"I'm serious, Shuyan. Today, no matter who is heir, I'm determined to tell you my feelings."

I always thought I'd feel different from I hear him saying words, but today, with the cold air blowing at our hair and the curtains fluttering in the backdrop, his eyes on mine, I could only feel something sad in me.

I didn't want to hear it, because it would make our goodbye final.

"I'm already happy enough to hear you say such words, Master Eugene." I meant it, too. "Growing up, I never felt as special as you made me. It isn't only you, being here had changed my life. Clo, Beth, Rhiannon, Rudy, Matheus, and Master Tobias—they've all made me feel special. You're all special to me."

"But I want to be special to you."

I didn't know what to say.

His eyes were sincere.

"I mean it, Shuyan," he said, brows creasing. "I've realized, I don't want to be master and maid with you." I didn't want to continue listening. "I want to do so many things with you—go shopping outside, have picnics, ride trains, go rowing in rivers, dance together, hear more of your stories, show you my pets and tell you about my parents and childhood, and talk together forever."

My heart ached. It must be punishment, for planning to run away, and having to hear him say this.

I didn't know how to respond.

"Master Eugene—" I finally whispered, "you shouldn't be saying such things."

He propped his cane by the chair that he always sat in while I changed his bedsheets, and held my hand.

Just like we danced that day, on the balcony. My heart fluttered again, against my will.

"Then I'll tell you formally after everything." His voice was low. "And I'll be waiting for you answer, Shuyan."

Then he drew me close to him. I could no longer deny it and I closed my eyes, allowing me this one moment of happiness. He kissed me, and I felt the warmth I'd been searching for my whole life.

***

When I left the room, Clo was outside the hallway.

She saw my teary eyes.

"Shuyan?" She ran towards me, voice low, and held my elbows. "What's wrong, Shuyan?"

My knees buckled, and I crashed against her.

"I'm sorry," I whispered, "I'm just nervous about today."

"You can't fool me."

I looked up at her in surprise, and sure enough, she had the face of someone who wasn't going to be fooled. I smiled to myself. It was my loss.

"It's Eugene, isn't it?"

It was Silas, and now it was her. I must be easy to read. I nodded.

"Yes." She smiled a little.

"We still have some time before Rachel Mondeschein arrives, come outside with me as I smoke." She didn't seem upset that I was still in love with Eugene, despite the impossible.

"Yes."

Both of us walked down the stairs, I deposited of the bedsheets and feather duster at the laundry room and then we walked outside. It was cold without our coats, but Clo didn't seem to mind, and dug into her apron for a cigarette, but then halted.

"I have to stop, I smoke too much."

"I never imagined a day would come where you would change herself for a man," I said, and she shook her head.

"It's not about Harper, if that's what you're thinking." I wondered what she meant. "But that doesn't matter, what is wrong?"

I wanted to tell her about Silas, about Eugene, about a lot of things, but I couldn't.

"Do you think Master Eugene will become heir?" I asked instead.

"I think it's much more likely than Mister Silas, the twins, or the children. Master Tobias is the only person who could possibly rival him."

Could he?

"But truth to be told, I see more potential in Master Eugene than Master Tobias," she continued.

At that, all my hopes were crushed.

"Of course," I said, trying to laugh. "I'm really glad. Master Eugene will be so happy. This suits him best, after all."

Clo peered over at me.

"Are you really, Shuyan?" She folded her arms. "If he is heir, there'll be even more of a gap between you and him. And I know you and Master Eugene—" The sentence was never finished.

The cold morning wind blew at our skirts, and I looked at the pale lilac sky gradually turning bluer, and then spoke.

"You are right. We will have a big gap." I looked at a bird fly by. "Maybe we'll never return to our old ways again, but I'll be happy for him. He is my first love, and he will always stay his wonderful self in my memories, talking to me despite my status, laughing with me, surrounded with all his pets, trying to dance, and loving me in return. Even if it was just once."

The tears slid down my face, and then an arm was around me.

"Oh, my poor Shuyan," Clo whispered.

I closed my eyes and held on to her.

"Do you know why I love lily of the valleys so much, Clo?"

I could feel her shake her head. "No, why?"

"Because they symbolize the 'return to happiness'." I whispered. "When I first left the orphanage, the first thing I thought of buying was that bottle of perfume, because I wanted happiness. Today, I think, I've finally found that happiness I've always been searching for."

Her embrace tightened around me, and I closed my eyes.