Chapter Forty

When we finished eating, the children ran around playing tag and hide and seek, with the twins, Beth, Clo, and even Rhiannon. I stayed behind at the same table with Eugene and Tobias.

"It's been a long time since I've been outside," Eugene mused. "I finally remember how stuffy the house is."

"I can't deny that," Tobias mumbled.

"Why do you and the rest of them always stay cooped up inside?" he asked him. "I don't think it's good for Olive and Elias, with them been so young. They should be running around like now."

We turned, all three of us, to look at the children, and indeed, they were smiling and ruddy-cheeked, unlike how they were in the house: pale and quiet.

"That's simply the way we grew up," Tobias whispered.

"But what about now? There's nothing holding you all back anymore."

Tobias turned to look at Eugene.

"The boys wouldn't go out to town or the park and play if that meant leaving you here all alone, Eugene." His eyes were sincere. "And I wouldn't, too."

Eugene was quiet, then I thought I saw something melancholic on his face.

"When everything gets settled, and if one of us is the heir, and not Silas," Eugene whispered, "we can start foremost by changing the lifestyle of the twins and the children. Get them accustomed to the outside world, and maybe even see if they would like going to school."

"I wonder about that," Tobias said. Then he turned to Harper and asked, "Harper, how are the children doing recently, if you don't mind me asking?"

Harper smiled, and for a moment I thought he was a different person.

"Olive has been a great deal happier. Elias is very mature: he takes care of Olive, and often helps him with reading and writing."

Clo and Rhiannon stopped by, faces rosy from the running.

"Yes," Clo said, laughing, "they make their beds now, making my job much easier. And they don't leave their things scattered around."

"Really?" Rhiannon smiled. "I'm glad."

"Having the maid was a great help," Harper told Eugene. "It helps the children to know their is an actual loving person cleaning after their mess, and they feel guilty."

"You've taught them well, Harper," Eugene said.

"Thank you, Master Eugene."

"Are you and Miss Clo on close terms, if you don't mind me asking?" Eugene had on a devious smile, and Clo made a face.

"Absolutely not!"

"Really? It seems that way to me."

"And me, too!" Beth popped up from behind us, disheveled and grinning. She had grabbed Olive from behind and he was held in her clutches like a criminal, and trembling. "And I found you, Olive! I win!" She released him, and he immediately ran away, back to Rhiannon.

"We both like children, so we became friends over that," Harper answered, ignoring Clo, who only got more frustrated.

"We aren't friends, only staff who work in the same house!"

"Anyways, it's getting dark, maybe we should go back in the house," Rhiannon advised, Olive holding her hand and the twins following.

"Yes, that's a good idea," Mister Kupka said. "Girls, you'll bring in the dishes, and we men will bring the tables inside. The masters can get changed for dinner, and Harper, go help the children get dressed."

Even the masters couldn't say anything but "Yes" to Mister Kupka, and within moments we were doing our jobs.

We all stood up and began gathering things. I was about to pick up the empty porcelain teacups when I saw a shadow at the door leading to the servants hall.

It was Silas.

He was decked in a black hat and coat—he had just returned from his mysterious trip outside. He didn't even get undressed yet. He beckoned for me to come over.

I looked around. No one else saw him: the girls were stacking the dishes, the servants folding the tables and chairs, and the masters standing up and helping out with miscellaneous tasks.

I looked back at Silas and was reminded of that night in his room. I wanted to ignore him desperately, but at the same time I no longer wanted to be haunted by him.

So I inhaled deeply and walked over to him.

I looked up at Silas's smiling, calm and collected face.

"Miss Shuyan, I want to talk to you. Is the front hall fine?"

Once, this face instilled fear into me.

I would no longer let it anymore.

"Yes."

I looked back behind me. Everyone's attention was on Eugene who was talking to Augustin and Tobias. I smiled briefly at the look of his happy, talking face, the face of a young boy that I believed would soon be heir.

Silas held open the door to the servants hall and gestured for me to go in before him. I stepped into the house and left the sunset-basked outside and was in the darkness of the Beardsley House.

I followed him as we walked into the wide front hall where the Christmas ball was held merely a season before. Now it was empty and hollow, chandeliers unlit, curtains also pulled over the balconies.

But nights were no longer cold. It no longer scared me. The stars were bright and the waning moon big and close. The wind was warm, the flowers blooming, and most of all, I knew that Silas would not have it his way.

Silas stopped in the middle of the hall and turned around to face me. His face was eerie, suddenly devoid of his usual calm smile, and I could see how ragged he was. His eyes seemed heavy, his goatee untrimmed, his cheekbones protruding.

"I'll come out and say it," he said, voice hostile, there being no need to pretend in a room of just the two of us. "You are a hindrance to Eugene."

The words crushed me. More because it was true. I looked down at the willowy white skirt, no longer feeling pretty, like a normal girl. I should've been wearing my black one. The color I always wore in the orphanage, at the nun's convent, and here. I was not a normal girl—I was below him.

"Me and Eugene are friends. Partners," I whispered. But who was I convincing?

"But you don't feel that way towards him."

I didn't respond.

"Isn't that true, Miss Shuyan?"

He walked closer to me, until I could feel him before me, and then he leaned down and looked into my eye. I could feel his breath, and although inside I was screaming to push him away and run, I didn't.

I won't.

"Yes," I said instead, my voice loud and proud. "I love Eugene."

I could see his face as I said it.

His gentle smile from our first meeting. The way he chuckled whenever I got flustered. Him sitting down on the chair by his bed and watching me as I made his bed, always having a conversations with me, asking me about my day, telling me about his pets, treating me like a friend. A person that mattered.

Him wanting to save every life there was out there. Him wanting to change what no one thought was possible. So full of hope, so full of life.

The tears began to fall as I thought about him.

"I love Eugene."

Not Master Eugene.

Not Eugene Beardsley.

Just Eugene.

"You'll never be able to be with him," Silas said.  He pulled back. "Especially if he is the heir."

"I always knew that."

"It's not only because you are a maid, or an orphan. You're an Oriental." He turned away. "Even if I'm not the heir of the Beardsley family, I can't let us become the laughingstock of England."

This time, his words were different. They were not trying to hurt me. They were only stating a fact. And yet they hurt me much more than previously, when he said them with the intent to hurt.

"Therefore, if he is heir, leave the Beardsley manor. If you don't, I'll do everything in my power to stop Eugene from being the heir."

"What ensures me that you won't, if I leave?" I asked.

"I'll leave too." I looked at him, and his grave expression. "You can come back and check, but if you return and live here, my spies will notify me." 

I didn't reply.

"Pack your things tonight. Just one bag. Here," he handed me a train ticket and letter. "I will have a carriage bring you to Churchpoint and I've paid in advance for a room in an inn there. In the following days I will mail you a generous sum of money. After you receive it, feel free to live as you see fit."

So that was what he was preparing for today.

I wanted to rip it apart, tell him I didn't need any money, but I didn't do anything.

The ticket and letter stayed in my hands, feeling so heavy despite being so thin.

Very heavy.

"Mister Silas—" I whispered, managing to smile, "you are a very sad person, aren't you?" There was a moment of silence before he finally spoke.

"What are you implying?"

I forced myself to smile, to straighten my back and speak louder. I had lost, but I was going to leave hurting as much of his ego as I could.

"You have everything ready and your plan is so detailed. It seems like you've given up before even hearing the results."

"And?" There was something in his voice now—was he provoked?

"I never could've won," he muttered. "It was always me against everyone. Eugene. Tobias. Augustin and Valentin. The majority of the staff here. Even my own father."

"You knew?" I was, admittedly, stunned. He glared at me, face dark.

"If you want to hurt me, you've been late. Years too late."

He walked past me, then he stopped briefly before continuing. I turned around to see why he had stopped, and saw Tobias standing there, hidden among the shadow of the balcony curtains.

"Master Tobias—you heard?"

His silence confirmed it. I didn't know what to say.

"Are you really going to leave?" he asked instead.

"I promised." I looked away. "But it's proof of our victory, it's not a loss."

"Eugene wouldn't want this."

"I promised myself I'd do anything for him to reach his goal!" I was loud, but I didn't care. "If me leaving pacifies Mister Silas and will allow Eugene to be heir, I will!"

He walked up to me. "But Shuyan, you know Eugene would rather give up his title than you—"

"I know!" I shouted. He stopped some feet away from me, mid-action. I was barely holding back my tears. Why did he have to remind me of Eugene's kindness? Of what he'd give up for me if he could?

"I know, but it doesn't matter. This is my choice."

"Then Shuyan—" he whispered, "do I have a chance?"

I looked up at him.

His eyes were looking at me. It felt like it was the first time I properly looked at him.

His eyes were dark, and beautiful too. But I've never looked at them, because I've only looked at his brother's. His slim, smooth face, less of a Greek god's, more of a young prince's. His slender build in his dark suit, knuckles once bruised for my sake, long fingers always wrapped around cold chess pieces.

I couldn't reply.

I thought of the way Eugene cradled Snow-White like she was a treasure, the way he pointed out each part of the scenery that night we danced on the balcony, the way he winked at me like we shared a secret and made my heart flutter, and then I looked at Tobias again.

He looked away once he understood.

"Never mind." His voice was soft. "Forget what I said."

"Master Tobias—"

"Farewell, Shuyan."

He smiled, then turned and left. I've hurt him, and I will hurt Eugene. My existence had only ever hurt people. Alone in the empty hall, I hugged the ticket to my chest and sobbed.

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