It's ironic how good both of them become at playing pretend. Cassidy is shamelessly photographed on dates, horse races and the occasional weekend trip now. She always looks as if she stepped out of a photoshoot and five makeup artists have been slaving away to make her look flawless. Her gowns are taken in just the right light, the casual attire accompanied by the best jewels, her hair has the perfect wave and her lips done hues according to the clothes. If one didn't know better they could argue it was an offstage theater production. Samantha wants to believe it is publicity, the magazine has slightly fallen after their Paris romance had been smothered over quickly like church candles after mass. The partners Cassidy chooses are flashy wall street investors, television producers and a few businessmen. Obviously they are never spotted kissing or whatever, it is just what the medias make up, they are just seen walking together even though it can only be for professional matters. None are younger than her and all are very good looking. It is as if Cassidy is posing for the life section every week, but also she kind of disappeared from the medias and the drama, Samantha can tell because people rarely hear about her except when it's about Wardrobe, unlike before when there used to be scandals and rumors and she used to play games with the paparazzis and simply be rude to people for publicity.

Samantha had played all her cards when she flew out to Milan to find a modeling job. If her mother had betrayed her trust and broken her world, she had no reason to stay away from her dad. She had informed him she was going away, she needed now to focus on her career and what was to come. He approved in silence, but Samantha knew he was a little bit worried about her since the disaster on her weekend with Cassidy. He had asked a few questions about what happened, but neither did Sierra or Samantha said a thing about Sierra's love affair with Cassidy, they just told him they had a fight and that Cassidy had an emergency at Wardrobe and that's why she had to go back. She then told him they had broke up because they no longer understood each other, which was of course a lie.
She then met Lucy and Neil in a coffee shop in New York to tell them she was going away, they hadn't talked for a while but after all they were still her friends. They of course both knew about Samantha's love affair with Cassidy, they had read it all on page six.
« How long have you been hiding it from the press? » Neil had asked her.
« Something like three months. » Samantha answered in a shrug.
« I can't believe you've been dating the Cassidy Vaughan all this time. What have you done to her? » Lucy asked jokingly, obviously stunned and shocked about their relationship.
Neil and Lucy both had million of questions, but they only asked a few because Samantha wasn't ready to talk about it yet. She just told them that Cassidy and she got closer with time, leading to an unexpected romance between them both. She didn't tell them about her mother, she told them the same she told her dad; they no longer understood each other.
« It's written on page six that you guys are taking things slow. You should tell them. » Lucy adviced her.
« I won't tell anything to the medias, it's none of their business. They will stop talking about it with time. » Samantha had answered. « And Cassidy will know how to handle it, she knows how to fool the medias. »
« Cassidy doesn't want to talk about it. I mean, no one dared to ask a thing but you know how she is at work, she barely even looks at her employees now. » Neil explained.
The conversation had ended talking about Samantha's future without Cassidy, without Wardrobe, it sounded terrifying to her.
« And what are you gonna do now? » Lucy asked, curling her dark hair with her fingers.
Samantha sank into her chair, crossing her arms on her chest.
« I think I'm gonna go and settle down in Milan or something. Somewhere in Europe. » She said.
Both Lucy and Neil opened their eyes wildly at the woman's confessions.
« But to do what? To go where, with what money? » Neil asked.
« I will try to find some modeling jobs maybe. I know it sounds insane but I promise, it's like a very good plan. » Samantha claimed.
And as always, Lucy's mother side had taken over.
« You're going to starve. » She said in a very serious tone, it sounded like a warning. It was one.
Samantha reassured them, told them she would find little jobs to pay the rent and buy food, and that if something went wrong she'd have her dad by her side to help her out. But to Lucy, she had lost her mind.
« It's all Cassidy's fault! » The dark-haired woman had repeated over and over, almost going crazy in the little restaurant.
Samantha reassured her.
There was nothing people could say that could change her mind.
She flew out to Milan just as promised after she went to visit some family in Connecticut for a while. A lot of things changed in Italy, Samantha cut her hair a little bit shorter and she dyed them whiter. Like polar white, like she told herself she would a while ago. It might not seem like a lot but as said before, Samantha's hair had always been a way for her to express herself and changing the color meant a lot. Also, it made her look way more older and mature, which was true since she broke up with Cassidy: she had kind of lost a little bit of her innocence and delicacy she used to have, now she was being careful about who she met and who she trusted and she always kept herself from getting too attached to somebody. But it was also sort of a lesson for her, Milan was like a sign she was getting older and wiser, it was a city where she could take responsibility and see real opportunities. Milan seemed like a dream come true, there was so many things related to fashion there, like luxury brands, designers... And obviously the huge place named "Quarter of Fashion" which was a literal dream, with those architectural treasures and the Duomo just 5 minutes away. Samantha had found the money to buy a little apartment there, it was nothing but it still seemed perfect to her. The last thing she wanted was something big, something luxurious, something that reminded her of Cassidy. She didn't want to be reminded of it, it was painful as it was beautiful of a memory. Though every time she walked in an agency she imagined her ex girlfriend there with her to support her, and when she got promoted ambassador at Calvin Klein after several other modeling jobs, she closed her eyes tightly and imagined the older woman hugging her and congratulating her.

Now it's still painful to the young woman, that she has everything she has always dreamed of but Cassidy. She has built the career of her dreams in one year, she is now working at Calvin Klein as a model, she has got a good place that she calls home in Milan now, but something still seems to be missing. That something is Cassidy. She'd never thought she'd feel so alone even when she is surrounded by paparazzis or journalists. She has got a few friends, some were very close friends, some were simple friends, some were colleagues. But what she doesn't have is Cassidy, she hasn't a distant and scary editor-in-chief all for herself, and nothing seems to replace her. She had tried to let it all out to her friend Agatha three months after her breakup as they were holding a random conversation around a dinner in an Italian restaurant.
« I don't think I need pastas tonight. It is way too much. » Samantha had complained as she read the ordering plans.
« Why not? » Agatha asked concerned.
« I'd rather eat something light like a salad I think. » Samantha told her as she shook her head and the white hair that moved along with her head.
« Don't tell me you're already restricting food because of your job. » Agatha said with an irritated voice.
Samantha had just shaken her head to say no, she does not need to starve to be a model. She is just not hungry these days, the breakup has impacted her more than she thought.
« I kind of think I need to take things slow with myself for now... That is it. I could have pastas though. I don't know. Should I? » Samantha dropped and asked in a calm voice.
Agatha winced and pursed her lips sitting around the restaurant table.
« My god you're so indecisive... It is because of Cassidy isn't it? » She said quietly as she knew Cassidy was still a delicate subject to talk about.
Samantha simply nodded.
« It's been three months Sam... You've seen how she handles the separation on Page six, you need to move on and live your life too now. » Agatha had praised her friendly. Samantha pursed her lips as she took a cigarette and lighted it. She did not smoke very often but she did not contain herself from doing it when she really felt the need to.
« I know. » She stopped. « It's somehow weird because a part of me wants to forget her and the other part never wants to love someone else. »
Agatha nodded and stayed silent for a while.
« How did you handle the breakup the first days? » She asked, she did not get the chance to ask that before.
« Pretty bad. » She shrugged. « Cried a lot. »
« And is it better now? »
« I think so. You know when I say I'm still not over her I don't mean it in, like, a way where I cry over her everyday and read our text messages every night, I mean it in a way where I'm better now but... I just don't want to love someone else. » She tried to explain to her friend with an awkward smile.
« It's normal you think that, it's because you haven't met the right person that will make you forget her yet. » Agatha stated.
The white-haired woman shrugged her shoulders again, gritting her nails. She looked at the rain over the window of the restaurant and she smiled. The rain reminded her of New York, those rainy days where she would go with Cassidy to drink a coffee in search of some warmth.
« I have thought about it but... I feel like Cassidy was the right person and when we love someone that much, it's impossible to feel that way again for someone else. I know it sounds cheesy or whatever, but it's what I think. And I don't see myself loving someone else because... I tried to meet some people but every time I did I found myself comparing them to Cassidy, and trying to pick their flaws just to tell myself that they would never be as great as her. It's weird, isn't it? » She chuckles sarcastically.
Agatha chuckled too as she shook her head to smile.
« Because she was your bisexual awakening? » Agatha laughed to make her feel better, it worked for a second because she laughed loudly too.
« I kinda always knew I was bisexual but before I used to date men, because in my mind it was... easier. It was easier to date a straight man than to find a bi or lesbian or whatever woman in the street. » She said chuckling and then she stopped to be serious and kept talking. « I always felt attracted to women but to me most of them are so superficial. Not all of them, but you get it. Most of the women I met in my life were all trying to bring other women down, criticizing their weight, or their height, their lips, or their nose and it has always made me sick. » She explained with a hand gesture.
Agatha nodded as she simped her martini.
« I feel this way sometimes too. »
Samantha raised an eyebrow to continue.
« You know I feel like every women are making society pay for giving them insecurities by bringing down other women so they can feel better about themselves. »
« But not Cassidy? »
« Not Cassidy. » She nodded with a smile as she reminded herself of the editor. « It's funny because I always thought she was that kind of woman when I met her. But then I got to know her, and I found out she was caring, and interesting, she had a million things to say and to share. I had never dated a woman before so I was not aware of what it meant at first, I just thought it was worship I had for her. » She laughed at her sentence, if only her younger self that was getting close of Cassidy knew what those feelings of admiration really meant.
Agatha giggled.
« And what are your plan now that you're sure of your sexuality? Will you try and date other women or stick around with men? » She asked seriously.
« I don't know, I think I'll just stick around with fashion for now. » She said with a smile, it was meant to be a joke but it was also very true.
« You always turn to fashion when you're feeling down don't you? » Agatha asked.
« Yes. » Samantha stopped hesitating as she looked at the ceiling. « For me fashion is... It's spiritual, like it's mine, it belongs to me, it's who I am. » She says as she puts her hand on her chest. « I always end up disappointed but fashion never did. It is more than a simple thing to me. »
Agatha looked at her with sparkling eyes.
« I know. » She said before chuckling. « So will you have those pastas or not? » She laughed with Samantha as they thought about how this simple conversation about pastas had turned out.
« Fine. I will. » Samantha said with a satisfied smile as she replaced herself on the chair and smiled at her friend.