« I feel like the more I am surrounded, the more I feel lonely. »
Samantha is sitting on the couch of her therapist's office just like every Friday afternoon. She goes to see her every time she needs, she told herself it would be great to have an outer vision about her life.
« It might happen during an event or something, there's some time where I just close my eyes and I imagine myself somewhere else, far away from the crowd. » She adds.
« Where? »
« Just... somewhere. Anywhere. » She shrugs. « In another word, like paradise, where there would be no people, nothing. I've had this dream that I remember from not a long time ago, where I'm alone on this beach and I just walk. And then my feet get wet by the water, and I just bend down to swim in the salt water. It's perfect. And then... Then the minute after I'm drowning in the water, and I get entirely covered by it, like I'm dying. I try to swim to get out but then something grabs my feet and stop me from swimming out. And it turns out that that something that grabs my feet is my mother. And then I woke up. »
« Do you think that dream has a meaning or is it just a simple nightmare? » The therapist asks.
She shrugs her shoulders again.
« I think so, but I haven't figured out what it means. » She purrs questioningly as she looks on the side of the wall to avoid eye contact because somehow it sounds cringe to her that she's still having nightmares, even more if they have a meaning.
« You want to know what I think? »
« Yes. » The young girl nods immediately.
« I think this dream is about your mother and the love affair she had a long time ago with your ex girlfriend Cassidy. The sea represents your relationship with Cassidy and when you start swimming into it, that means when you enter that relationship, your mother and what happened a long time ago tear you down and stop you from living the relationship of your dreams. »
Samantha stares at her Prada shoes, stretching her fingers. She shakes her head.
« I have never thought about it that way but... It could be that. But I don't believe in all these things about dreams related and calculated and... Maybe it's just a simple dream. » She says.
Her therapist nods, she doesn't answer. She always does that when there is nothing to add, she lets Samantha takes her time to decide what she wants to talk about next and she never rushes into questions that she thinks unnecessary to talk about. Samantha is the master of conversations here, it feels good.
« I haven't got a real conversation with my mother since... Last year. » She starts.
« Are you mad at her? »
« I was but now I'm just... disappointed. I sometimes talk to her when I'm on the phone with my father but... It is like something is broken between us. » She explains, moving her hands to help her find the right words.
« What do you think has broken it? »
« Sometimes I try to hold her to hug her or something but I can't because every time I look at her I see what happened with Cassidy. So when I get to talk to her it's just a few... awkward words. » She chuckles sarcastically.
« So you're mad at her because of what happened? »
« I'm not mad at her. » She tilts her head on the side. « But I might be trying to make her pay off the fact that Cassidy has been in love with her too. It's unfair I know but I can't help it. »
« So you're jealous of your mother because Cassidy was in love with her? »
« I'm not jealous! » She shakes her head. « But... It doesn't matter how many times Cassidy told me it was not real love she felt for my mother and that she loved me more, I just find it difficult to accept. It's not jealousy but I just wish it didn't happen. It's weird, I know I might sound crazy but... » She chuckles.
« You don't sound crazy at all. I think it's normal to take time to accept what happened, some people have different ways to react and this is yours, and it is valid. »
She shrugs, she thinks she is crazy herself. She looks at her hands, gritting her nails again as her therapists stares at her.
« My mother's been sober for four months today. » She drops then.
« It's great. How does that make you feel? »
« Happy and proud. But... Scared too. »
« Scared? » The old woman raises her eyebrows.
« Scared that she'll relapse one day. Her addiction with alcohol has really been hard to live with as a kid and... I get scared only thinking of her going back to it just like during my childhood. »
« How did you handle it as a child? »
« It was traumatizing. » She affirms. « Seeing your mother finishing her... whatever number she was at, finishing another glass of wine as she yells violently at you because you've dropped the dishes on the floor is traumatizing. » She says like it is obvious. « What most affected me as a child is... Like... Not having a real mother figure to grow up with and craving physical attention by people... Because I feel like I haven't got the attention I needed as her kid by her and... And being brought down by your mother everyday because she says things you could never imagine her say is horrible, and to a child it's just horrible because... I feel like I've been searching my entire life for validation by people because I never felt validated by my own mother. I never felt like I was being enough and like I was doing enough. Maybe that's why I felt the need to go in the public eye and become a model, who knows. » She chuckles.
« So you need other people's validation to feel good? » Her therapist asks seriously.
« I needed. I've been searching my entire life for other people's validation when in reality, I think I no longer need it now. » She winces. « I no longer need it because I think I finally "validated" myself. Somehow it's what my relationship with Cassidy has brought me, it might have ended badly, now I can say I've got that for myself. »

Samantha has never been materialistic, monetary recompense has never been her sole motivator in life. She loves having anything and everything at her fingertips, yet she still feels uncomfortable at times. Wealth is something that everyone always wants and no one ever realizes how out of place it can make you feel. Having the money to buy anything is good; yet; she sometimes happens to feel overwhelmed by a life of good quality. This restaurant is very charming, there's a few candle on each table, the walls are decorated with some sculptures and some old paintings. Waiters are wearing suits, people have good vocabulary and drink expensive champagne, she can't slouch on her seat and has to use the bathroom if she wants to pull out something that's stuck in her teeth. It sounds a little bit overwhelming and weird, right? Now she is enjoying her time in that kind of restaurant right now, and even though she is not completely used to it yet, she's enjoying her time with her friend Agatha.
« My mom called yesterday, she wants to meet my boyfriend as soon as possible. » Agatha starts as she takes a bit of her meat perfectly cooked, here all the food is a luxury.
Samantha nods, she is hanging out with her friend she met at a photo shoot. Agatha and Samantha are pretty similar in terms of thinking, but they are very different from the outside. Agatha is a brunette, she has short dark hair that fits her light brown eyes perfectly, she looks like she is coming out of a disney movie. She is wearing a fancy black dress in velvet from Chanel. Samantha is wearing a long brown dress signed Vivienne Westwood that's open on the cleavage and on the side of her waist to show her pale skin. Her white hair are falling on her naked shoulders.
« It's a good thing, isn't it? » Samantha says.
« It is, but have you seen Marvin?! I'm just scared my mom is going to say something about his childish jokes or... I think I'm gonna have to train him. » Agatha answers, panicked.
Samantha chokes in her wine, almost spitting it all out. She swallows hard, looking at her with an amused gaze.
« Train him to meet your mother? » She asks, chuckling.
« I'm afraid It'll be a need. » Agatha nods.
Samantha shakes her head as she laughs, eating some of her salad.
« Will you need some more wine? » The waitress asks, coming to them with a bottle of wine in her hand covered with gloves.
Samantha is the only one to nod and the waitress pours her another drink.
« Thank you. » Samantha smiles as she looks at her.
Agatha looks at her playfully, leaning on her elbow on the restaurant table as the waitress goes away.
« So... » The brunette starts as she purrs.
Samantha doesn't understand the look she is giving her at first and looks at her questionably, until she understands and chokes again.
« Don't look at me like that, she's a waitress! » She whispers as she coughs, praying that the redhead waitress didn't hear them.
« And? She seems around your age and I'm sure she is very lovely. It's obvious she likes you. » Agatha shrugs.
Since they have met, Agatha has been trying to get her a date, but Samantha always refused.
« She doesn't like me, she's just doing her job. » Samantha points out, pouring herself the whole glass of wine in her throat all at once.
Agatha smiles playfully again, shaking her head as she straights up on her seat.
« Don't you think you need someone to take care of you now? » She asks seriously this time, looking concerned.
Samantha wipes her mouth with her towel.
« I am being taken care of by myself and I wouldn't want it any other way. » She replies with an insisting gaze.
Agatha purses her lips.
« You're still not over her, are you...? » She whispers in a worried tone, knowing Samantha doesn't like to talk about her.
« Mmh.. » Samantha shakes her head and looks down at her salad.
Agatha takes a deep breath.
« Doesn't matter, you'll get over her when you'll fall in love with this one. » She turns around. « We need some more wine! » She shouts at the waitress at the other side of the room.
« Agatha... » She growls before she is cut out by the redhead woman.
She looks up to her and takes time to analyze her head to toes. She has bright red hair, freckles and little dark eyes. She looks like she is around her 20s, a bit older maybe, and Samantha must admit that she is pretty. She looks very professional but very shy as well, which is cute to Samantha.
« My friend here is in need of some more wine. » Agatha points out Samantha with her finger.
The waitress walks toward her and pours her another drink, Samantha watches awkwardly the wine filling her glass.
« She is single too. » Agatha drops. « Are you? »
« Yes. » The redhead answers shyly as her cheeks quickly turn red.
« Agatha! Excuse my friend, she can be very unpolite sometimes. » Samantha smiles as she coughs.
The waitress seems more comfortable and smiles.
« It's okay... » She says. « And I'm sorry to ask that but... Are you Samantha Gates? »
Samantha opens her mouth surprisingly, getting recognized in the street or in public places is something she got used to with fame, but sometimes she forgets that she is quite famous and forgets that some people know her name and like her.
« That's right, it's me. » She nods.
« I'm such a fan, your campaign for Calvin Klein is the best! Can I get an autograph or something? » The waitress asks, enthusiast.
The white-haired model turns her head to take a look at Agatha, she is giving her a supportive gaze. Samantha looks at the waitress again and smiles seductively. Having some fun with someone can't kill her, and she is allowed to go out and date people. She hasn't had any news about Cassidy for some time now but she is sure Cassidy is enjoying her life as well now and dating other people too, just as she probably did in the first weeks of their breakup.
« No. » She drops, the smile on the waitress's face disappear. « But you can get my phone number if you want. »
The woman shakes her head, she looks confused but the smile on her face draws again.
« Hum... Yes. Yes I would love that too.»
« You guys could go on a date someday, maybe? » Agatha adds, shrugging her shoulders.
« Mmhh.. » The woman replies in an hesitant tone.
« Come on, Sam is really nice. » Agatha insists.
« It's true, hum, I'm not gonna eat you alive or bury you somewhere... It's not like I'm triggered or anything. » Samantha chuckles awkwardly, sadly she is the only one to laugh at her joke.
Both women in front of her are wincing, the redhead even looks a bit afraid, an heavy silence spreads between them three. Agatha forces a chuckle to break the silence and get her friend out of that awkward situation.
« What she means is, she'd really like to go out with you. » Agatha says with a forced laugh.
« Well, why not then. » The waitress smirks.
Samantha pulls out a pen and a piece of paper from her little Louis Vuitton hand bag, which she always has with herself in case she needs to write a rendez-vous or an appointment down.
« What's your name? » Samantha asks as she leans down to start writing her number on the paper.
« Sally. »
« Well then, » She wets her lips with her tongue as she gives her the piece of paper with her number on it. « It's nice to meet you Sally. »