Samantha is sure that Cassidy will have no time for her in Paris: she's booked and busy all the time. She knows the fashion week schedule. She knows how hectic it gets, she knows the emergencies, the shows, the behind-curtains, the meetings and celebrities and all the media attention. The medias are for sure going to be all over the place, everywhere, raging and chasing. They cover even the guy who holds Cassidy's umbrella in the rain. She is sure that if the two lovers attempt outing they would be featured not only on page six but the evening news. She is sure of all of this; however, she has promised Cassidy she'd go with her in Paris and she is planning on honoring the commitment. As she packs a few personal items in a carry on, she thinks about the possibility of a forever with Cassidy. She can not help but smile. She wants to believe that nothing would prevent that, not their age difference, not society, not their careers. Samantha can feel it in her bones, they are made for each other, long before any of their other loves they were meant to find one another. It was like the monarch butterflies find a sanctuary, like the turtles find the sea, like the waves find the wind to rise; that is how they were meant to find each other.
They have been dating for three months now, months spent like seconds through happiness and smiles, but also through pain and storms. They tried not to argue too much, not too get too defensive or too angry when they felt like a fight was coming. But they are a couple, every couple go through storms. What's important is that they always find their way to apologize after, they make up and kiss. Make up kisses are Samantha's favorite, they are full of love, they show how much both women needs each other. Samantha hears a knock on her apartment's door, she pauses from packing her things and gets up.
« Darling. » Cassidy greets her with her elegant but soft voice, she leans over to kiss her as she steps in.
« I didn't expect to see you before our flight in 10 hours. » She answers, watching the older woman stepping in.
« I thought we could have some time together before Paris. What do you say? I brought some food. » She says in an hoping voice, showing up a bag of fast foods.
Samantha smiles at her, she is well aware of how Cassidy hates fast foods.
« How can I refuse? » She smiles.
They both talk around their dinner, Cassidy doesn't eat too much but she is making the effort. Samantha is like a child, she loves how welcoming fast foods make the room feel, it feels like thanksgiving or something.
« I wanted to thank you for coming with me to Paris. » Cassidy states.
« No, I want to thank you for bringing me with you. You know how much I fancy Fashion week. » Samantha says, wiping her mouth with a towel.
Cassidy looks at her sadly, there is something going on her mind.
« I know. There is this thing I wanted to ask, speaking of that. » She breathes in. « Do you... Do you still want to do modeling? »
Samantha raises an eyebrow as she does not really understand the question that followed Cassidy's sad face.
« Of course, it is all I want. Why? » She asks.
« Then why don't you pursue? You haven't been working since you left Wardrobe. »
« I just haven't been thinking about my career for the past few months, I have better things to focus on. » She explains as she smiles at her girlfriend, she is talking about her when she says better things. Cassidy is better than anything else.
Cassidy looks down, sighing.
« I feel like you are quitting your dreams because of me, and it is the absolute last thing I want. » She drops sadly.
Samantha stops eating her meal to takes Cassidy's warm hand in hers to reassure her. The softness of her touch forces Cassidy to look up at her.
« I am not quitting, I am just enjoying my life as it is right now and I believe there is time for everything later. »
Cassidy is half-reassured, she knows how her girlfriend can be stubborn and it isn't because Cassidy says so that Samantha will focus more on her career than on love. But she thinks about her younger self, she remembers that odd feelings of wanting to give it all up for love. She knows she would have been ready to quit her job and her whole career for love, back then. If Sierra had allowed her to, she'd have gone with her, leaving her job and her dreams behind to live the rest of her life with her. Now she looks back at it and she is happy she has made the decision of focusing on her job, she is happier thinking about all of her accomplishments than thinking about what could have been with Sierra. And now, she is with the woman of her dreams that her job has led her to.
Samantha sees something is off with Cassidy as they talk about that, she wonders what it could be. Even after three months of relationship, she still does not really open up about her past, there is progress, but not so much.
« Why are you so scared of me giving up my dreams for you? » She asks with a reassuring smile, hoping this time would be the time to know everything.
« I love you against my better judgmental. I know it is not necessarily a romantic line but it is true. A part of me wished you had said you didn't love me. I wish it- not because I don't care about you. It's the contrary, it is because I'm afraid of caring too much and loosing you soon. »
The confession is something Cassidy has been mulling over since their relationship started. It is something Samantha accepts gladly. That confession means Cassidy is letting her guards down.
« I told you I am not going to leave you. Don't be scared to open up to me Cassidy, you know I am here and I won't go away. »
Cassidy nods, smirking. She is reassured, a huge weight has left her shoulders now, but she is still scared.
« I wish you would tell me what happened for you to be so guarded... I know it isn't William or someone I have heard of. »
Cassidy clears her throat. Sierra is a delicate topic, it is a part of her life she doesn't want to look back on but also a part of her life she desperately needs to open up about. It had caused her so much troubles, anxiety, fears and insecurities.
« It's an old story, it doesn't matter now. You would be disappointed if I told you. » She sighs.
She is not ready to talk about it. Samantha tries one more time looking at her with insistant eyes, but she doesn't force either, she knows Cassidy will tell her when she is ready. At least she has tried.
« I'm sorry for being so distant with you when it is about that. I wish I could tell you but... It will just sound silly. I know that I know everything about you, I wish you could know everything about me too, but there are some parts I don't wish to talk about. » Cassidy explains with vulnerable eyes. « Not yet. » She adds, persuaded that she will be able to tell her about it all one day.
Samantha is beyond proud of Cassidy for saying those words. If she doesn't know what happened yet, at least she knows why she doesn't want to talk about it. Cassidy would never have been able to say this when they started dating, this is already a huge step.
« I understand. » She smiles at her. « I told my parents by the way. » She drops, changing the subject.
Cassidy looks at her with wide eyes, she is still processing in her head. How could parents react about their daughter dating a divorced woman in her 40s?
« You did? » She doesn't believe it.
« Yep. » Samantha laughs at the worried expression on her face.
« Really? When did you tell them? »
« I called them yesterday as I told them I was going to Paris. »
Cassidy moves closer to Samantha on the couch, searching for warmth and comfort from the question that was coming.
« How did they handle it? » She asks, almost in a whisper.
« I didn't tell them who you were, I don't want them to find out like that. I just told them I was dating a woman and they are very happy if I am. They want to meet you. »
Cassidy almost chokes in her own breath. This is the first time Samantha sees Cassidy doubting, she's usually very confident and intimidating.
« When? » Cassidy questions, looking at her.
« I thought after Paris we could spend the weekend over. »
The older woman smiles, her eyes sparkle softly under the cheap fluorescent light that hangs from the dingy living room.
She leans over to place a loving kiss on Samantha's forehead. Samantha looks at her deeply, she wants to stay that way forever. A mixed face of joy and sadness takes control over the young woman, the moment is so joyful but also so sad. She knows it is one of the happiest moments she'll ever live with Cassidy, there is going to be plenty more of course, but there will also be lows and fights. She is ready to face it all with Cassidy just to live plenty more of those incredible simple moments, yet so beautiful.
« I wish things could be like this forever. » Samantha catches herself saying loudly, intertwining her fingers between Cassidy's.
« We can. » Cassidy whispers as she straights up to talk louder. « You know it's hard for me to tell you this, but I would never have thought I would get so attached to someone like you. But you are everything I have ever wanted, I never want to let you go. I feel like I have known you forever, you understand me better than anyone else. » The older woman declares with bubbly eyes.
Samantha is sparkling, she feels the same too. She is happy to see that her feelings are shared with the woman of her dreams, she never wants to let her go either. She is planning on keeping her forever.
« I feel the same. I love you. » Samantha answers simply, her words say it all.
She doesn't need to make a big speech, those few words are enough for Cassidy to smile. Their love is weird, it doesn't make sense at all but at the same time it explains everything. They don't know why they love each other that much but they could spend hours contemplating and enunciating each other's qualities and flaws.
The moment is drowning in hope, you can feel the smiles that grace their faces. It isn't euphoric, it isn't erratic, those sentiments would not represent them. This moment ... it's melancholic. It pulls from their past and their present, it mimics the movies of yore, the classic scene where the lovers know this is it. This is true love. Cassidy complies, reaching for Samantha's hand.
« I love you too, Samantha. That's why I want to spend as much time as I can with you, can you give me that? » She smiles as she squeezes her lover's hand.
« Are you asking me to move in? »Samantha would not have asked that if she wasn't sure Cassidy was actually asking her to move in. « Is Cassidy Vaughan asking her assistant to move in with her? » She giggles in an high-pitched tone, sticking out her tongue as she is not able to contains herself from smiling.
Cassidy rolls her eyes as she laughs, Samantha has always been more than her simple assistant.
« Depends on what you answer. » The older woman looks at her playfully.
« I say... » She stops as she leans over to kiss her in a long and deep kiss, smiling against Cassidy's red lips. « Yes, always yes. I will always say yes to you. »