Two days in Milan turn into two weeks, Samantha makes slow progress but she doesn't wake up from the induced coma. Cassidy knows she has to go home to her daughters and she has work to do, she will have to return home soon but two weeks don't seem enough to persuade her to return. She wants to stay with Samantha, a coma was what Cassidy expected but not what she hoped for.
« The doctors say her brain had swelled. » Frank explains as they sit for lunch in cafetaria. She has spent a lot of time with Frank this past week, he is the kindest of the family. Blake had to fly home two days ago and Sierra is still here, but she doesn't talk that much and it is better like that.
« She's a strong girl, she will wake up soon. » Cassidy affirms in a confident voice, or is it?
« I hope you're right. » He sighs in a deep voice.
« She has to. » Those words are not as confident as the first ones, they are meant to reassure Samantha's dad but they don't sound too secure.
« Will you talk to Sierra? » He randomly asks around his lunch.
« I don't think it's necessary. » She shakes her head, stubborn as she is.
« You should do it before you leave. » He knows this conversation might not be going anywhere but he tries.
« I am flying home tomorrow. » She stops, there is a surprise in his eyes.
They both knew she was going to leave one day but he did not expect it to be this soon.
« Tomorrow? »
« Yes, tomorrow. » She repeats. « My girls need me home. Samantha is stable now, she will be okay. And Sierra... She'll be okay too without me here. »
« I know you and my wife have a story, she told me everything. » He stops as he is interrupted by Cassidy getting up abruptly.
Samantha is in a coma, probably dying, and Frank wants to talk about Sierra. Cassidy has better thing to do.
« That was a long time ago, I can't erase what happened but I can tell you that I wish it didn't happen. Don't try to bring up what happened with Sierra into the hospital Samantha is probably dying in, I don't wish to talk about it because there is nothing more to say. It is what it is, it happened but it won't happen again. I love your daughter and I don't want to live in the past. »
Her words are clear enough in her blank quiet voice, she doesn't need to yell to make herself understood.
She takes the cup of coffee that she took as a lunch and walks out failing to see Sierra has been walking in behind her. Her gaze meets her husband's and raises her eyebrows, opting to turn back to buy a coffee and walk back to the waiting room. This is all a mess, how did something that happened so long ago come back to haunt her? How is that possible? Sierra too would give anything to change the past, only she would stay with Cassidy. She is aware of what this means, that in theory she still cares for the editor, she always has, she will always be more than just her daughter's new girlfriend. But she can not, she is married and her daughter loves the same woman. Samantha deserves all the happiness in the world. She knows she should go after Cassidy, explain that it all doesn't matter, that they can shake hands and bury it all. She knows that is the right thing to do. She knows it, she just can't do it. She can't do it, because there is anger in every thought she has of Cassidy. She's unfairly angry that she has stopped loving her, that she is deeply in love with her daughter. That she would willingly sacrifice her happiness to see Samantha happy, the Dragon Lady is willing to retreat in order to see her daughter happy. It angers her, and so she lets Cassidy walk away. She lets her get in a black limo cab to collect her belonging at a nearby hotel. She lets her get on a plane and fly back to New York.
Cassidy comes home to the long embrace of her two daughters whom haven't seen their mother in two weeks.
« Is Samantha going to be okay? » Is the first thing Andrea can ask.
« Yes honey, she'll make it. » Cassidy nods in an hesitant voice.
Emily pours the tired editor a glass of scotch and sits down that evening after the girls are gone to sleep.
« So tell me. » She starts. « Have you thought about what you're going to do? »
They had never talked about it but Emily had been there every time Cassidy's relationships failed. They had a certain type of friendship that can only be described as special. Emily was more than a maid, she was a shoulder to cry on, a celebration companion, a pseudo mother to the girls, and someone who always set her straight.
« I'll just wait. » She states in a tired voice.
« For what? »
« I'll wait for Samantha to decide if she wants me or not. It is not up to me anymore. » She answers.
« Decide what? You don't think pulling up in the middle of the night to beg you to stay with her is enough as a decision? Isn't it enough for you to see it as a decision Cassidy? »
Those words are wise, not hurtful. They are meant to be a wake up call, only Cassidy tries to deny the obvious.
« It was a long time ago. Now things are different. » She argues.
« Because she's in a coma in a hospital bed? »
Cassidy winces, she knows deep inside there is a point in Emily's word.
« No. Because we got time on our own to think now, things have changed, she has grown and met other people. » She says.
Emily nods and stays quiet for a while.
« And what if she doesn't make it? » She asks.
She always asks the difficult questions.
« I don't know why you would ask such thing... » Cassidy has never asked herself that before, from the day she saw Samantha laying in an hospital bed she has never thought about what could happen if she didn't wake up. The only thought of it is scary, and it is something she doesn't want to witness in real life.
« Because it can happen, you know it. » Emily sticks with her supportive tone.
« It can but it won't... it's a matter of time before she wakes up and asks something outrageous, like to see a Broadway play... she has to. » She says that more to reassure herself now.
Emily puts her hand on Cassidy's and shakes it friendly.
« You should do more. Samantha deserves more. » She gives her a quick smile before leaving the kitchen.
« But what more can I do? » She mumbles to herself as she is now alone with her glass of scotch almost empty.
She is panicked, because it is not up to her if she wakes up. She is always panicked when she is not the one in control, that's why her job is always a safe place when she doesn't know what to do. There she is the boss, she commands everything, she plans everything and everything is about business. But Samantha... Samantha is not work. If she wakes up, it can only be up to her. The only thing Cassidy can do is wait. Just wait. But she is not used to be sidelined, she has to do something to help. So what more can she do...?
It then hits her, she has always thought about it but never got the balls to do it.
She has to talk to Sierra. She has to do that so that when Samantha wakes up she would not be anxious about it, she would probably be able to forgive her mother and they could all live happily.
But when? When will she be ready?

Time passes slowly through the buildings of New York, the sun is fading to snow slowly, it's already soon the end of the year. Cassidy watches the time passing through the window of her office, she barely steps out of it now, she barely has a day off. She has chosen to, she does three times more work than she usually does just to keep herself busy. It's been a month since she returned to New York from Milan, she has not got the time to go back yet. It's all blurry in her head, she wants to go back and spends the whole days waiting for Samantha to wake up and hold her hand; yet, she can't seem to do so. She is scared of reality, she is scared Samantha won't wake up. She was confident at first, as time has passed her confidence has slightly faded away, that confidence she had morphed into hope now. The only thing she can do is hope, she hopes every mornings of every days as she thinks about her through the window of her office. She told Lucy to cancel her venue to every single show she was invited, cancel every plans that implicated parties and crowds.
She works most of the time, sometimes she even tells Lucy to let her do her secretary's work when she has free time.
« Go have some fun home, I will handle it. » She told her in her blank voice.
« Are you sure? I can still do- » Lucy argued.
« Leave now. » She said as she glanced at her from the sit of her desk.
She could understand Lucy's surprised face, usually she pours her three or four more tasks to do before she can go home.
Usually when Cassidy has free time she goes outside for a coffee, she would hang out with her girls or with Samantha, now she works until her eyes are closed.
Her mother had called the girls last week, told Andrea and Alexandra to go visit again whenever they wanted.
« Could we go visit next week? » Alexandra asks with puppy eyes, almost as a beg, she likes her grandmother very much.
Andrea follows the eyes trick, but Cassidy doesn't flinch.
« Now is not the best time to honey. » She answers simply around the table as they are having dinner.
« Why? » She asks again.
She always wants clarification when Cassidy refuses something. Cassidy puts her towel on the table dryly, she hates repeating herself even with her girls.
« Because mommy has work to do here and does not have time to go to London with you. » She says quietly but authoritivaly.
« Emily could go with us. » Andrea proposes.
Cassidy closes her eyes, the last thing she wants is an argument with her daughters now.
« Emily also has work to do here. »
« Then Lucy could. » Andrea argues again, she is incredibly stubborn just like her mother.
Cassidy clenches her fist on the table, she doesn't want to play the villain in this but she will if they don't understand.
« No means no, I told you. »
« We know you are going through hard times because of Samantha and we miss her too, but it's not a reason to completely forget about us too. » Alexandra states.
She knows she has hit a sensitive point in Cassidy, they haven't really talked about Samantha as Cassidy doesn't want to.
Cassidy acts irritated instead of apologizing, but she does feel sorry towards her girls for not sticking around with them as much as she used to.
« May I remind you that I have an entire office to run on my own? »
She is angry now, not angry at her daughters but at herself.
« No mom, you've got plenty of assistants to help you but you just stick there because you don't want to spend time with us. Have I got a point? » Alexandra bites angrily.
Cassidy winces at the way her daughter talks to her.
« Do not speak to your mother like that Alexandra. I did not raise you like this. »
Alexandra has entered her teenage years, she is hitting puberty, a lot of things are changing in herself. Cassidy knows teenage time is a hard time in life, but she does not wish to be neglected and despised that way by her own daughter. It isn't how she has been raised, it isn't how she has raised her own children.
« I'm just expressing my anger, you're the one to tell me to let it out when something's wrong. I just did, I am angry. » Alexandra yells at her mother, Cassidy flinches and closes her eyes to fight the urge to slap her.
She doesn't like to slap her girls, she has never done it, but sometimes she knows it would make her feel better.
« Angry at what? »
« You're never home mom! I have barely seen you all month because you said you were working, but well that's bullshit. » The blond teenager spits out.
« I should be the one angry about how you talk to me. » Cassidy breathes.
Alexandra gets up from her seat briskly, dropping her spoon on the dishes to express her anger. Andrea watches them quietly.
« Everything is not about you! » Alexandra practically screams at her mother before leaving the kitchen.
Andrea quickly follows her sister upstairs without saying anything, leaving Cassidy speechless, alone in the kitchen.
Cassidy shakes her head and tears up, it is all her fault and she should have been there for her children. She blames herself for suffering that much about Samantha, in the end she blames it on love too, she knows her children should be a priority but now they are both angry and mad at her.
What goes around comes around, she thinks.