Chains of Love by: PoisonAshes
Requested by: PoisonAshes

Ok, I thought I would begin this review by saying that I thought the story was interesting for a story where a demon wants to protect all humans and begins to fall in love with one.  I also thought the cover was nice too but nothing about it screams that it's a paranormal or fantasy story whatsoever. All there is a girl on the cover and grey and a bit of red colors on it. I would recommend you get a person who is good at making covers and have them make the cover or maybe have a cover with dark colors and chains with maybe a man with red eyes and woman on the cover to give readers an idea on what it might be about.

But there was something that was bothering me as I read your story. It's that your paragraphs are walls upon walls of text that it makes it hard to read and finish a chapter.

Plus it was also hard to to tell where one sentence started and where it ended since the descriptions and dialogue were all mushed together. I would recommend fixing it by separating the dialogue from the descriptions to make it easier to read and for readers to know what's going on in the story. Plus it would also help if you described things a bit better so that way we get a better idea on what things or people look like.

But speaking of people, why is there a ton of info dumping in like the first two or three chapters of your story. I feel like we shouldn't get entire history of our two main characters rather quickly like that unless they mention one or two things about themselves and then in a later chapter, bring up something new about themselves so that way they had time to have some sort of character arc during the story. A good way to do this, might be to leave a hint or two to maybe something they're hiding or maybe it's been some time since their relatives died and we get to see how that has affected them and how they will change over the course of the story. In short, don't info dump too much so early in the story because readers won't remember everything about the world or characters for that matter and are likely to forget most of not all of the information given to them because it was all dumped upon them so early in the book.

Plus I did notice a couple grammar errors or two in your story. So I would recommend that you go back and fix that as well.

Plus, I would recommend slowly introducing the world to us as well since we don't get a whole lot of the world, just that demons are roaming the earth and humans are somehow serving them. I would like to see more of this as the story goes on since it helps capture the readers in not only your story but the world and characters themselves too.

Overall, it has potential but could use a little more work to be a even better story.

Thanks for letting me review your book.

-Traveler_lilly