Here are those reasons.
1. My brother's wife mentally and emotionally abused me when I was younger. I was a child and she would spend her days screaming at me when I got home from school and it continued from about age 12 to 15. I remember coming home from being bullied at school, to just be more bullied at home. My parents tried to do something about it, but she is one of those people who won't listen to anything you say. She does what she wants to do, regardless of anyone else.

2. I was bullied at school, as I mentioned before. For my entire public school life, from kindergarten through 9th grade. I was never one of the popular kids, so I was always being picked on by them for any little thing, which has affected me in quite a few ways. I have a hard time making friends, and I can't handle being around others that well. I always think that people are thinking negatively of me and if anyone shows signs of not liking me, my mind takes it to another level and tells me that they hate me. I have spent most of my time indoors due to not being able to be around people.

3. Someone I was deeply in love with physically abused me. Not too bad, but still. He put his hands on me and I didn't want him to. He would choke me and push me around. But then he was so kind and funny, that for a moment I would forget about it. Eventually, he would put a knife to my neck and threaten to kill me, but again, in my teenage mind, he was such a great guy at other times so I would overlook it. Until later in life when I can now say that none of that was right. I was only 17 at the time and he would make me cry almost every day of summer break when I was living with my brother.

4. Everyone I have ever dated has shattered my heart in some way. Except one, who I hurt, but that's not what this is about. The last guy I dated blackmailed me and tried to ruin my family. Nearly every guy has dumped me for someone better. A guy I liked just used me for sex, and I allowed it because I was 17 and stupid. It all just breaks a person after awhile. So now, I have a hard time with dating and even feeling anything towards people. It's hard, especially when I don't want to die alone in life. It's harder because my screwed up heart is still set on the guy that physically hurt me. It's been about 5 years since I've seen him, and my heart still cares for him, despite everything that he's put me through.

5. I recently found out that I am bipolar. I have serious anxiety. It turns out that when I was on depression medication, it made the bipolar a lot worse, causing me to do many things that I now regret. Those regrets are a part of why I'm messed up, but I won't go into detail about them.

So yeah, not that I need anyone to care about this, I just needed to get this out there. I get that these are just all excuses to explain why I am who I am, but still.