Mid-October

It was just past midnight when Sherlock started to awaken after a few hours of fitful sleep. Both he and Adelaide had been soundly asleep until that point- exhausted from a mutally long and work-intensive month. He'd been in and out of London on the trail of a serial trafficker and smuggler while she had been busy with wrapping up her research project. They'd both gotten home late and barely even chatted before passing out in bed, craving some well deserved rest.

But it could not seem to come for Sherlock. He drifted in and out of dream state, too aggravated to power down completely. His thoughts were running amok in his mind palace, darting from abstract to concrete. The bits of dream he did have were brief and dark. So without anything conducive to deep sleep, which he needed, the detective was not at true rest.

Given the content of his thoughts and dreams, and because he was growing too agitated with this dilemma, the brunette finally woke up. He blew out a breath and turned his head to find Adelaide. She was still fast asleep and soundly tucked under his arm, hugging him gently. He wrapped his free arm over her and squeezed her close while he contemplated. Should I tell her?

She seemed to be dreaming and he didn't want to wake her up just to tell her why he wasn't able to fall asleep. Despite the fact that she always encouraged him to do so. The blonde was so peaceful that he couldn't bring himself to disturb her. Instead he released his grip and carefully detached her, repositioning her on the pillows before lifting the blankets and swinging his legs over the side. I can work through this one on my own tonight.

Sherlock leaned forward, bracing his elbows on his knees while supporting his head in his hands. He made to stand up and head out to the living room but his fatigued muscles wouldn't allow it, and he stayed put on the edge of the bed. The chilliness of the room made him shiver, but it came from within as well. Sherlock sighed and massaged his face, "Why can't I just..?" He pondered to himself.

"Honey..? Are you alright?" So much for not disturbing her. Adelaide stretched and then sat up, placing a cool hand on his back, "What are you doing up?"

Sherlock exhaled and then replied, "I just could not get to sleep, Love. I can't quiet my mind enough." While anybody else would have been shrugged off, he knew that Adelaide could and would help him. And it was a matter that involved the both of them anyway.

"And what's on your mind then, Darling? Is it a case?" She asked softly. He shook his head," So what is it then, Sweetie?" He reached back and grasped her hand, tugging her gently around to sit beside him. Once she was there he answered.

"I've been thinking more about us starting our family... It's been nearly impossible not to think about it with Mary and John expecting their second and watching them with Rosie as she grows. But this last case involved a few instances of child trafficking and when I was meeting with the victims' families I couldn't help but feel... Lacking."

"Lacking?"

"Mm. I could deduce their sentiments of loss and pain, but I couldn't quite understand them. John could, but not me, and because of my lacking the appropriate sentiments I had trouble handling the families. Even John snapped at me a few times for being too cold and detached."

"So you want to start our family because you want to have the appropriate sentiments for cases?"

"No! Don't think that of me, please. I know I'm still dense but I'm not quite that numb and inhuman," He gushed and took a deep breath, "Adelaide, just observing so much familial interaction and sentiment has made me think very hard about our own for the past few weeks. Objectively, I should argue that I should not endeavour to have a family because of the risk and danger our children would be raised in, but seeing the happiness and love when I helped reunite those families has proven one thing to me that I cannot deny."

"And..?"

"Despite everything that could go wrong, Adelaide, I still do want to have a family with you. But I can't sleep because my mind palace is flooding my dreams with every scenario possible where the worst happens to you or the baby. Statistics and probability of failure flashing through my mind almost constantly, but still..."

She looped her arms around his and kissed his shoulder, "I know, Sherlock. I'm scared of the bad things too, but I want children despite it all."

"... Angel?"

"Mm?"

"I will always respect and support you, and I will not press you for this, but when you're as ready as you believe you can be,.. Please tell me."

She smiled and hugged him tightly, "And what if I think I'm ready now?"

"Th-Then I should probably call Mycroft and have him background check the appropriate private clinic for us. A-and secure appointments and-"

Adelaide cut him off with a giggle and a tender kiss to the lips. He melted into it completely. She pulled away and hummed, "How about we do that later and just get some rest, alright?"

"Stress is known to hinder the odds of a successful conception. It would be wiser not to rush in this instance."

Adelaide ended up falling asleep to Sherlock's rambling on about every little thing he'd researched that could impact their chances. Now that he could focus on more positives, it didn't take long for him to talk himself unconscious and into the first happy dream he'd had in weeks.

Just a heads up- I probably will not be updating until next week because I'll be travelling. Thank you for reading and Love you all!! 😘❤