Joe

I like this girl so much.

More than I've liked someone in a long time. Possibly more than I've liked anyone in forever?

She's pretty, she's sweet, she makes me laugh and now that I've kissed her, I don't want to stop.

But I'm going to have to. Stop. At some point. Because I didn't mean to get involved and, now I have, I need to make sure she knows this can't go anywhere.

We're back in the bar at the apartments, that same place I struggled to resist her earlier. Was that just a few hours ago? Did we really only meet yesterday evening? It feels impossible. It feels like I've known her for years.

Sienna places a bright blue cocktail in front of me and then drops down on the seat beside me, curling her legs up underneath her. "I got us Blue Lagoons," she explains. "I thought it was an appropriate choice given the fact we seem to be surrounded by them on this island."

"It makes sense. Thanks." I glance up from my phone, where I was checking my emails, and see her watching me. She's chewing on her lip, and her eyes are darker than normal. She looks like she wants to say something. "What is it?" I ask curiously.

She lets out a whoosh of air. "Just thinking how good you look in those glasses."

I laugh. I think this is now the second time she's made me blush. "These old things?" I joke, adjusting them self consciously.

She doesn't smile. "Yep. They're hot."

I've never really thought of them like that. But I like the fact that Sienna seems to enjoy them. Really seems to enjoy them, judging by the lustful expression on her gorgeous face.

She's edged closer now and she leans in to kiss me again. "Really. Fucking. Hot." she murmurs breathlessly between kisses, almost repeating my own words from earlier. As is apparently now the case when it comes to Sienna, I can't resist, and the kiss deepens.

"What's going on here then?" We pull apart to see Kate and Jack standing in front of us. Jack looks amused, Kate looks smug. I groan.

"So much for just being friends," Kate laughs. "What's changed since this morning?" She asks Sienna. A bit inappropriately, in my opinion but each to their own and all that.

Sienna shrugs, smiling at me. "I couldn't keep pretending I didn't fancy him," she says simply. Her admission makes me feel . . . weird. In a good way.

I smile back. "Likewise."

"Wow." Jack shakes his head. "Who would've thought it, the monk has feelings after all?"

I know my brother doesn't mean it in a bad way, but his words still sting. It seems he and Kate are, indeed, perfect for each other. Both geniuses at making other people feel uncomfortable.

"You want to join us for a drink?" Sienna offers. I can tell it's half-hearted and maybe they can too. Or maybe they're still too wrapped up in each other as they decline the offer.

"I think we're going to head to bed," Kate says, looking meaningfully at Sienna. "In Jack's apartment. You know, just in case you're wondering where I'll be."

"Kate, you're about as subtle as a sledgehammer," Sienna sighs. "Have a nice night."

"You too." Kate throws us an exaggerated wink.

"Be careful with him," Jack adds as they take their leave. "Don't want to scare him back to the monastery."

"For fucks sake," I mutter. I take my glasses off and rub my eyes.

"What does he actually mean by that?" Sienna asks quietly, watching them leave.

I shake my head. "First of all, it's worth noting that Jack knows fuck all about my life. He's taken a couple of sentences I said on the plane and made an assumption."

"And what did you say? I'm guessing it wasn't that you're actually a monk and heading back to the monastery immediately after the holiday," she says dryly, picking up her cocktail and taking a long swig at it.

"He was talking about holiday flings, and I said I had no intention of getting involved with anyone - I didn't exactly plan to meet you. He then asked me when I'd last been involved with someone and I don't think he expected the answer he got." I realise now she's going to want to know the answer to this too and I'm now too far in.

She just nods though. "Okay."

I blink. "You're not going to ask?"

"It's killing me not to," she smiles. "But I'm trying not to be super-nosy. I already interrogated you earlier, after all." There's about five seconds of silence. "No, sorry, you're going to need to tell me."

"It's been a long time since I've been in a relationship," I tell her. "I find it easier being alone."

"Define 'long time'." She picks up her cocktail again.

"Not since my early twenties," I say briefly. Her mouth drops open. "Don't get me wrong, I haven't quite been the monk Jack is making me out to be, it's just the relationship thing I don't do."

"Can I ask why?" Sienna doesn't seem judgemental or anything, just curious.

"It's a long story," I sigh. "I'd rather not get into it. Let's just say I made some mistakes when I was younger and it made me decide relationships were too hard. Or that I wasn't good at them anyway."

"I'm thinking the shit with your parents didn't help with that either," she says perceptively.

"Probably not. That definitely fucked me up. But I can't put all the blame on that. Lots of folk have messed-up backgrounds and still can be in fully functional relationships. I'm the problem. Sometimes I feel like . . . I'm maybe a bit broken somehow?"

Why do I keep telling her all this shit?

"I don't think you're broken." Her voice is soft. "Relationships are fucking hard. Trust me, as someone who has just emerged from one a wreck of her former self, no one gets that more than me."

"What happened there?" Now I have to pry further.

She sits back, scowling. "Let's start at the end where I went to his flat to surprise him - I had a key. As far as I was aware, he was at work, and I was going to make him dinner because he'd been working so hard. Instead I found him in there shagging one of his colleagues."

"Fuck." I don't know what else to say.

"Now, at that point you'd think he'd be grovelling, on his knees, begging me for forgiveness, wouldn't you? But, no, he dumps me for her instead. Said it had been wrong for a while, he didn't think he had actually ever loved me." She's stirring the remains of her cocktail furiously, and then she looks up at me, dark blue eyes almost shooting sparks. "I can't be certain, as I was riding a pretty intense wave of humiliation at the time, but I'm pretty sure he actually said 'it's not me, it's you'."

"No!"

She starts to laugh, but there's no humour in it. "Seriously. I was the injured party in all of this, but he was just piling on more and more insults. And I was such an idiot, there were so many bloody red flags popping up throughout the relationship and I ignored them all."

She shakes her head. "In retrospect, I blame the pandemic. I met Greg just after we were allowed out to play again, and I'd just spent more than two months alone on lockdown. I was so sick of my own company, and then we had formed a bubble when everything locked back down again so I got way too attached and overlooked all the signs it was wrong." She frowns. "I'd like to think I'd have shown better judgement otherwise but hindsight's 20:20 and all that."

"He sounds like an absolute prick." I feel white hot rage on Sienna's behalf. I don't know how anyone could treat her this badly. She's the sweetest girl I've ever met, and she deserves so much more than that.

She deserves much more than me too, I realise. But, for now, I vow to myself, and for the next few days, I'm going to do my best to make sure I'm deserving of her. I slide my arm around her and pull her towards me so I can kiss her on the cheek.

I want any memories she has of me, of this short time we have together, to be fond ones.

We're all in agreement that Sienna's ex is a dick, right? She definitely deserves better.

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