Adult topics. Warning for graphic language about rape.

But also important for teens to read.

There is something that I want to talk about.

Something that I have noticed a lot on Tumblr (especially there), at AO3 and sometimes here on Wattpad. And that is fan fiction writers who make it appear as if rape is okay in some situations. "Because it isn't rape if I write it like this or when I add this."

Let me show you what I mean by two small stories that I wrote just to illustrate what I mean;

"No" she said, pushing her hands against his chest. He didn't stop coming though.

"You know I love you. Don't you love me back? Just let me love you. Why are you resisting our love?" he said as he pushed himself in. She cried but he paid it no attention. She was his and his only. It was his right to take her.

(Skip to the end of the fic)

He leaned over her to kiss her on the cheek. "You made me feel so good babe. This is what true love feels like. I love you so much."

It hurt as she moved to kiss him. She wouldn't be able to walk for days. But she did know that he loved her. And that made it alright. That made the pain bearable.

And now the other version of this;

"No" she said, pushing her hands against his chest. He stopped. Moved to her side.

"Are you alright?" he asked. He looked her straight in the eyes. He was looking for something.

She looked down, looking away from him. "I-I am not sure if i a ready for this." He put a finger under his chin, forcing her to look into his eyes.

"Then we are not going to make love tonight." He kissed her. "Not until you are ready. Are you alright with cuddling? It is alright if you are not."

She smiled. "I would love to cuddle" she said. She pressed herself close to his chest and let his arms take her away to a far-off place.

I shouldn't have to say this, but story 1 is not an alright situation.

There seems to be this believe among some fan fiction writers that, as long as you make your male character say that he loves the reader at the end, he is allowed to do whatever he wants. Even when the other character says 'no'.

No means no though. In fan fiction, in other genres of stories and in real life. There is no difference.

The reason why I want to talk about this is because there are more and more stories going up that have their stories built this way. And in my opinion it is the wrong way to go.

There are actual real life people reading your stories. You, as an author and in my opinion, have a platform of readers who read your stories. And you should be aware of what you send out there. Especially because we all know that the main demographic for fan fiction are 13-18 year old teens.

But this also goes for older readers.

It is not alright to romanticize rape.

And if you, as a writer with a lot of followers, decide to write a story that romanticizes is... then I think you're going down the wrong path.

We as authors have a responsibility. At least that is how I see it.

Of course I also write sex stories and even though I put the 'don't read if you are underage' thingy above the chapter, I know that teens will read the stories too. And I know that there are people of age who read it and have certain thoughts about certain topics.

So I choose to be a writer that knows where the boundaries are.

People read my stories. And let's face it, the more followers you have the more 'power' you get. People can start looking up to you, you become a sort of role model.

So if you go around writing stories that romanticize rape and you write a lot of those stories... then people will start seeing things that way. And that is dangerous. Because this is not a thing that is okay. There is a reason why the act is punishable.

There is a reason why there is therapy for rape victims.

It isn't because it is 'okay as long as he says he loves me'.

True love means stopping when the other person says 'no'.

Stopping when they don't say 'no' but you can see that they are in doubt. True love is not stepping over the boundaries of the person you love. It means respecting them.

I wanted to talk about this mainly because of some experiences I have had.

When I was 8 my boyfriend at the time tried to rape me. He closed his bedroom door and told me that 'it was my turn to give him what he wanted'. He was 8 as well but this sexually advanced.

At some point he even got his sister in the room to hold me.

Later on I found out from a friend that he had done things to his sister as well. Then I understood why she tried to help him at the time.

Luckily our 'playdate' was over before anything happened but me being trapped, and my mother came to pick me up.

I had therapy for this when I was 15 because my mother didn't think I needed help at the time. As long as we didn't talk about it, I was fine. She seemed to think that at least.

I couldn't speak to boys, I just froze when I was around them. And I thought that it was my fault that it had happened in the first place. Because I was the one who had suggested trying out french kissing with him. So maybe I was a tease for not giving him what he wanted in turn?

Then we skip ahead to two things that happened last year, in 2017.

December to be exact.

I have a paper round for which I get up at 5 a.m. each day. Here in Holland it is still dark out at that time of year. It isn't now, in May, that the sun is back in our lives.

Anyway, there are some newspapers that I have to deliver to an appartment building. For a few weeks there was an elderly man who got up early to clean the three apartment buildings. It isn't the best neighbourhood but he is trying to keep things clean around there.

At some point he asked me how much a subscription costs. I told him that I didn't know but I have an extra newspaper everyday so I could just give him that one for free.

And then he hugged me. Which I didn't feel comfortable with. There was a voice in my head saying "You should say stop because you are not comfortable with this happening". But I didn't listen because I felt like I shouldn't make a big deal out of it.

It was just a hug.

I was simply uncomfortable with it because of the situation from when I was 8, I figured. This was just a last step that I had to get used to with man. Nothing going on here.

From that moment on he started hugging me every single morning that I came.

And every morning it felt wrong.

Every morning I told myself that I was seeing and feeling things that weren't there. Just me being ridiculous.

I started dreading going there because I didn't want him to hug me anymore. But I said nothing.

Until one morning. I hadn't seen him for four days, which made me really happy. Then he came around the corner of the fifth day. He walked towards me, smiling brightly. "I have missed you so much!" He said.

Immediately he hugged me, pulled back but still with his hands on my shoulders. "I have missed you so incredibly much". He almost teared up as he said this.

He leaned in to kiss me. I turned my head in time so that he 'only' kissed my cheek.

"Aaawh come on, just hug me back the right way" he said when he hugged me again and I didn't hug him back 'correctly'.

My mind was racing. I didn't know how to get out. It wasn't as if I was frozen, I just didn't see my options. I told him quite a few times that I had to get on with my paper round. That the papers were going to be late.

Finally he let me go. Not until after he had touched my butt and 'accidentally' my breast.

Finally I got away. When I was on my way I started crying. I called my boss. From that moment on I didn't have to deliver newspapers to that apartment building anymore.

I stayed home from school that day. Mainly to reflect.

I am not good at talking about my emotions. I'd rather not feel them. And I knew that I would put my emotions away if I would go to school that day. So I stayed at home. And I allowed my feelings to be exist.

That day I realized something; I was crying because he had violated my boundaries. I was crying because I didn't have much control over the situation. I was crying because I told him no and he wasn't listening. He didn't respect me as another human being.

And that was wrong.

Some people may think: "No, duh, of course that is not alright!'

But as you can read, you make excuses for the other person. You are telling yourself why something is wrong with you instead of the other person.

So this was an important step for me; this wasn't my fault. Realising that he was the one who had done something wrong was an important step forwad that I needed to take.

Before anyone mentions it; I did learn how to protect myself when someone holds you. I knew how to get away. My mind just didn't come up with the solution at the time. Still not because when I was frozen, I just didn't want to hurt the old man because I didn't want to hurt him.

Silly. I know.

The point is this;

We already make excuses as to why someone isn't completely at fault for overstepping your boundaries. So don't be a writer who throws reasons at your readers as to why it is 'alright'.

Because it isn't. And it never will be.

Two years ago I had a discussion with someone on Tumblr.

This person believes that you are not allowed to tell fan fiction writers that you disagree with the message they are sending through their stories.

"Because I have the right to express my point of view and others will just have to deal with it."

I'm very sorry but that is a rubbish excuse for not allowing people to critique your work.

And it is very dangerous in my opinion.

On what cloud do you want to live where all people should just nod and accept what you say? Yes you have the right to freely express yourself but you should be aware of the fact that your readers are too.

And sometimes, some people, really need someone else to hold a mirror in front of their face

We should reflect on the choices we make in live. We should reflect on what kind of stories we choose to write. And you should be aware of the impact your stories can have on others.

Because yes, to a certain degree you are responsible for how others take your stories.

It should never be your intend to teach young people, and older people, that rape is okay in some situations.

Even if you don't say it literally, your stories speak for themselves.

And of course we don't always have control over how a reader reads our stories. Or what message they take away from our stories. But we can control them more than we think.

That is called being a writer.

Thank you for reading this.

Love, Nathalie