Imagine Thorin dying
Marco Borsato - Rood
https://youtu.be/RUsz1_cUe_4
At that moment, as Thorin and Azog stand in front of each other, one of them about to die, he realizes what he has thrown away.
In the many years of wandering from place to place, hoping to find shelter and food he had kept many things from himself. Among those things are warmth, a comfortable bed once they settled into the Blue Mountains and love.
There has been a dwarf by his side for many decades now. He can't remember seeing them when they were little but his father told him many times that he did.
Sometimes he tried to remember. He really did. But he was so young back then that it doesn't matter how hard he tries.
In the years that they were together they never spoke about how they looked at each other. Never did they say anything about the tension that they both felt when they were together. It wasn't important when the growling stomache's of thousands could be heard from inside.
Even after they had found a home, Thorin was too busy following up about stories of his father.
He traveled alone on those searches. At first others had followed him but they had given up hope. And Thorin didn't wish to surround himself with people who believed in lies.
There was still hope in his heart. It was the last piece of him that held on to his father.
Dis even told him that he should give up the search. His own sister betrayed him. So it felt to him.
Maybe his father was lying somewhere, waiting for Thorin to find him. How would he feel, thinking that someone was still out there looking for him while in reality they had given up on him.
So he continued.
He spend year after year after year, searching for his lost father. In his absence there were others who looked after his kingdom for him. Since he wasn't of age until he was 80 years old, he had a little more freedom. But princes had their duties as well.
He had to come back every so often to solve problems that had arised during his absence.
And then he would leave again, once news arrived of another sighting of his father. Some mentioned that he was seen at Dol-Goldur. The council forbad him to go searching for him there.
No army would come with him.
They still wouldn't go with him when he went on his quest to reclaim Erebor. Only a few dwarves followed him because there was a wizard on their side. Some of them would have followed anyway, for others, Thorin knew, it would have been too much of a risk.
He could see that they had honor in their hearts, they didn't come with him for the gold. And why would they since many called it a suicide mission.
At the start of their journey they also managed to persua a hobbit to come with them. Only at the end would Thorin know what true strength that little creature held.
He was like gold, it wouldn't show it's true power until you worked with it.
And his most dear companion had followed him also, without hesitation. He couldn't deny the pang of guilt he felt once he found out that you had signed up as well. Would he lead you to your death?
He had done everything in his power to make sure you stayed behind. But like him, you had seen too much and weren't discouraged quickly. So you came along.
Still neither of you would admit to the other how comforting their presence alone was. Or how you weren't able to sleep not knowing for sure that the other was safe and sound. Just like you never mentioned how often you dreamed of the other.
Thorin felt like he didn't have the right to be loved. He didn't want to find out that his feelings weren't returned.
You thought of yourself to lowly to be fancied by a king. So you never voiced your feelings.
Now, at the brink of death, Thorin would call himself a fool. He should have tried to make his feelings known to you.
Had he not wasted his life this way?
Even with the search for his father he could have had someone waiting for him at home. They had the right to make the decision whether they wanted to live that life. It shouldn't have been him making that decision for you.
And now it was too late.
Azog had stabbed his sword through his foot.
Thorin had let him pierce his sword through his chest so that he in turn could do the same. Finally this horrid creature wouldn't go after his people anymore.
Though knowing that the pale orc had succeeded in his job of erasing the direct line of Durin, the hurt of never seeing you again was equally hurtful. He dragged himself away from the dead corpse.
He had come here with two jobs once he found out that the pale orc was still alive. He had succeeded in both.
Now he would only have to close his eyes and he would be remembered as a great king.
Maybe it was better this way.
He wouldn't be able to fail during his reign. Because his reign was short but powerful. He had accomplished what many thought to be impossible. Dain would reign in his place since he had lost both his nephews.
Thorin closed his eyes as tears welled up. He had heard Kili's scream coming from far away. And he had known what happened. He lost both his nephews. Never could he face his sister with that news. Now, he wouldn't have to.
She would call him a fool, lovingly. He would be buried deep inside his mountain. The dwarves of Erebor would return to their home. He had done his job.
It was time to rest now.
"Oh no you are not you stubborn ass dwarf."
What a beautiful way to say goodbye to this cruel world. Hearing the voice of his beloved in his dying daze. "Know that I have always loved you" he said to the face that appeared in front of him.
"And you will keep loving me until your dying days. Which is not going to be today" you said. "Please hurry" you whispered.
Cold hands pushed aside Thorin's shirt.
He hissed as the person' cold skin came in contact with his. "Why is death this uncomfortable?" he whispered.
"Legolas is trying to help you" you said gently. You rubbed a part of his arm that didn't look like he was a cow who had gone to a butcher. "Stay still and it will all be alright soon."
(If PJ can have Legolas written in as the saving grace in a story he doesn't belong, than I can too.)
"I love you" he said.
"And I love you. Now, keep quiet. You have to save the little energy you have left my beloved."
A smile fell on his lips. "I will if you stay by my side."
"I will, forever more."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
(Rough translation of the song;)
Red has long not been red no more
The red of red roses
The color of love from before
appears to be chosen by hate
That beautiful red was once for me
A color of passion and of wine
I want her back, that beautiful time
But she appears to be long gone
And all the images on TV
Of blood and war around us
Don't really help
So I make a concious decision
I put the newspaper away
And turn the TV off
Chorus;
Today is red, the color of your lips
Today is red, everything that is supposed to be red
Today is red
The red of red white blue
Of my whole heart for you
From the redcolored roofs I shout that I love you
Today is red again the love between me and you
I walk outside through the door where the sun begins to shine
I leave everything behind, look forward and with my last dime
I buy a too large bouquet of one hondrud and fifty red roses
One for every year that I hope you will be with me
Chorus
And now you are standing in front of me
The red evening sun strokes your cheek
You are a miracle to me
I think, as a thorn stings my thumb
Red is my blood that drops to the ground
And for a moment I appear to be lost
But you take my fingers to your lips
And you kiss them
And I know
Chorus
Today
Is red
Put the carpet on the floor
And drink a good glass of wine
Catch the day because it may be your last
Today is red again the love between me and you
Today is red again the love
Between me and you
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