Prompt from random generator; He didn't say what he was really thinking.

Oooooohhh....

I had way too much fun writing this one xD

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Thorin got up with the help of Fili and Dwalin. As soon as he stood on his own two legs, no matter how wobbly, he pushed them off. He couldn't risk looking weak in front of his man.

The small man with his honey blonde curls stands a few feet away from him. A relieved expression that suits him so well and that just makes Thorin -  

"You!" Thorin growls.

The hobbit flinches.

"What were you doing?" Thorin can feel his heart beat fast in his chest like it has never beat before. "You know you could have got yourself killed?" He stares at the creature in wonder.

Even after everything he said to this amazing creature he still risked his own life for him.

Bilbo looks a little shocked, not fully understanding what the king's words mean.

"Did I not say that you would be a burden?" Thorin slowly walks up to Bilbo. "That you would not survive in the wild?"

The hobbit doesn't meet his eyes. Instead he looks down at the ground. Even now, after he tried to save the king, he has failed in his eyes.

"That you have no place amongst us?"

Thorin stands really close to him now. He looks at the hobbit with intense eyes. 

Before Bilbo can register what happens, Thorin takes a final step forward and as he lunges forward to hug his hobbit he says: "I have never been so wrong."

Now, we all know that this was what was going on in Thorin's head as he found out Bilbo was still alive and had saved him;

*Epic thump sound*

AND IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII-IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOUUUUUU!!!

IIIIII WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU

YOUUUUU, MY DARLING, YOU MMMMMMMMMMMM!!!   (Whitney Houston - I will always love you)

So of course he had to hug the hobbit. It was better than to burst out singing and humping him into the ground, now wasn't it?

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Smaug laid in his mountain filled to the brim with gold, jewels and jewelry. 

Everyone feared him. No one dared to come near him. If someone dared to enter his home he would play mind tricks on them and then eat them. He would swallow them whole.

That would teach them breaking into his house.

He had taken it from the dwarves after all. What you stole, you kept. And it belonged to you from that point on. 

He needed no one else. No lady dragon for off spring. No friends to keep him company.

Smaug was fine on his own.

The sparkling gold was there to keep him company...

Was it really?

*As Smaug lays on his back on the biggest part of gold, his theme music plays in the background*

Lonely, I'm mister lonely

I have nobody for my ooooown!

I'm so lonely, I'm mister lonely

I have nobody for my ooooown!

I'm so lonely.                   (Akon - Mr. Lonely)

The poor little dragon just needs a little love :( Maybe if he would stop eating everyone that came into his sight...

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Kili was struggling on the ground, trying to kick the spider off of him. But to no avail. 

Somewhere in the back of his mind he registered the call from his brother. There were other sounds too. One that sounded female. But that couldn't be.

Spiders started to drop dead all around him. They were killed with precision. By someone that knew what they were doing.

A single arrow found it's mark in the middle of the spider's head that was munching on Kili's leg. The dwarf turned around sharply and found that it was a she-elf who had killed the beast.

Her hair was long and fair and oh Mahal was he screwed.

"Throw me a dagger!" Kili said, seeing another spider crawling up to him. "Quick!"

Tauriel killed two more spiders before spinning around on her heels. "If you think I am giving you a weapon dwarf, you are mistaking." She threw a dagger not really paying attention to where she was aiming.

Still, the spider fell flat on it's stomache. Dead.

All spiders were dead. Now it was just Tauriel and Kili staring at each other.

And this is what was going on in Kili's mind:

I've been everywhere babe

Looking for someone

Someone who can please me

Love me all night long

I've been everywhere babe

Looking for you babe

Searching for you babe

Where have you been?

Cause I never see you out

Are you hiding from me yeah?

Somewhere in the crowd

WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN ALL MY LI-I-I-IFE  (Rihanna - Where have you been all my life)

All the while Tauriel is standing there like; "I live on the other side of the country. What is wrong with you?"

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"You seem familair with my name. But I don't remember smelling your kind before" Smaug says in his rich voice. He is now looking directly at the burglar whom he can finally see.

"Who are you and where do you come from, may I ask?"

The burglar stumbles over his words as he tries to come up with something. Not a good sign. Something sparkly and radiant catches his eye. Just like Smaug wants it.

"I... I come from under the hill" Bilbo manages to say. His eyes are still glued on the ultimate price.

"Under the hill?" Smaug asked. He doesn't believe a word the creature says.

Bilbo nods furiously. "And under hills and over hills my path has led. And... and through the air, I am he who walks unseen."

"Impressive, what else do you claim to be?" Smaug wonders if the creature knows he is just playing with him. Dragons love to play with their food. Especially Smaug who hasn't had company for a long time (aka mr lonely).

"I am" Bilbo halts as he almost faints from the dragon's breath. Has he never heard of peppermint? "Luck... luck wearer." He holds up a hand to try and shield his nose from that god awful smell.

"Riddle... riddle maker" he continues. Everything that pops into his head falls out of his mouth. 

"Lovely titles. Go on." Smaug finally pulls back, leaving Bilbo with some space to breathe.

"Barrel rider"

Now, this is what Bilbo was telling Smaug. All the while, as he was coming up with new names instead of giving his own, this is what Bilbo was thinking:

They call me 'Hill traveler'

They call me 'Riddle maker'

They call me 'Barrel rider'

They call me 'Halfling' *blasted dwarves*

That's not my name

That's not my name

That's not my name

That's not my name

THORIN THAT IS NOT MY NAME!

And this continues until Smaug catches up with him and Bilbo finally takes the Arkenstone. 

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I know this was horrible but it popped into my head when I read the prompt :P

And it was way too much fun so I am not really sorry, I guess. Sorry not sorry.