This is an imagine that I have been working on for several months now... Not actively writing it but imagining and dreaming about it. And because this is quite possibly the last thing you will read of me I wanted to share it with you :) I hope you will like it!

Imagine Kili being a... (how do I put this delicately.... 

...............

...............

Can I even say that on this website... Screw it)

Imagine Kili being a cock-block to Thorin.

(Let the hate comments rain. Or you can see it as a little 'thank you' because you stuck with me all this time, and because this is probably the last thing that will be published on here :) )

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"You are a tease, you know that?" Thorin said. He was looking at you as you swung your hips seductively. You were a little too far away so that you were just out of his reach. The king could get up easily but didn't want to ruin the moment. 

A smile played on your lips as you turned around. "I have no idea what you are talking about" you said, making sure you sounded innocent. 

Thorin laughed heartily, finally getting up to pull you close to his chest.

His warmth spread through you as soon as your skin touched. The safe place that was offered on you on many occasions could also be a loving place when he chose to. And sometimes, like now, it was a touch filled with promise and want.

Thorin lightly brushed his beard against your hairless cheek. Slowly he leaned in so that his lips were almost touching your ear. "I think you know exactly what you do to your king." He smiled. "Do you like to bring your king to his knees?"

You let your hands wander across his chest to his lower abdomen. "Why are you wearing so many clothes?" you whined softly. 

"You are one to talk. I have to get you out of several skirts and a dress" Thorin said jokingly. He swept you off your feet, you giggled as your husband carried you to your bed. 

The maid had changed the sheets for the fifth time that week. She had probably gotten tired with you already even though she never made you feel embarassed. And if some of the guards knew what time it was when they saw the look in their king's eyes, then no word was uttered.

The linned felt soft and fluffy against your skin as Thorin laid you down on the sheets. He didn't waste time to crawl on the bed to hover above you. "What did you have in mind this afternoon?" Thorin asked. He started on the laces of your dress. 

Your hands tugged at his shirt but he didn't pick up on the hint. First he needed to get rid of your first layer then there was time to think about his own clothes. 

"I was thinking to give you a massage with our new oil" you whispered, articulating every word with care. 

A low growl send tingles throughout your body. 

*Knock, knock*

You placed your hands on Thorin' to stop him from undressing you. "What was that?" 

Thorin wasn't about to let anything distract him from his current task. "It was nothing. Look at this." He bend down when he finally found some skin to kiss.

"I am serious Thorin. I think there is someone at the door." You were starting to feel kind of nervous. Who knew what the person on the other side could hear. Even with the thick dwarven doors you suspected that you were too loud when you were with Thorin.

Sensing that you were feeling a little distressed, Thorin pushed himself up to kiss you. His lips caught yours in a breathtaking, long, wet kiss. "Don't worry my love. You are with me and that is all that matters." He rested his forehead against yours. "What about I massage you instead o-"

*Knock, knock*

You looked at each other as the sound of fist against wood could be heard again. 

"It will be just a minute" Thorin said, kissing you one final time before getting off the bed. He pointed a finger at you as he walked towards the door. "Don't get dressed. This will be over in a few seconds" he said. 

You felt sorry for whomever was standing on the other side. Though no one talked about the 'silent' retreats of the king it was known that the king didn't take to it kindly when his... 'retreat' was disturbed.

"What?" was the nice sounding greeting for the poor dwarf on the other side.

"I-I... Uncle... I need some help with Tauriel."

Thankfully you did know how your dress (and all the underskirts) worked so you were dressed just in time to; "Kili, no problem, come in." You gently pushed your husband aside before he could scare his nephew away. 

Kili was standing in the doorway with a small pout before you pulled him in.

Behind his back Thorin was signaling you to ask you what you were doing. You gave him the 'calm down it will just be a few minutes' hands.

But this was not something he would forget easily. Let alone forgive.

"Sit down and tell us what happened" you said gently.

Kili nodded, sitting down with his hands folded in his lap. 

You looked up to see Thorin still standing. His arms were folded and a fierce glare was never going to leave his brows. Before Kili could notice it you nudged him with your elbow. 

He shot you an angry glare. 

"...you understand auntie?"

Both of you looked up. "Yes Kili... I completely understand" you said, nodding your head trying to remember if you caught anything he just said.

Kili looked at you with hopeful eyes. "So you know what I need to do then?"

You stopped nodding. Why didn't he warn you that you were supposed to give him advice? It was all Thorin's fault really. So he should be the one solving it. "Yes Thorin," you said, turning to your husband, "what should Kili do in this situation?"

Thorin knew better then to shoot you a death glare although he came very close. "What Kili shouldn't be doing is keeping his uncle fr-"

"And that was your uncle's lovely advice for today. Let's see, what was the problem again?" you interupted him before he could hurt Kili's feelings.

Kili looked from you to Thorin and back. "I just told you. You did hear me, right? Or am I interupting something."

"Yes."

"No!"

Another elbow made it's way in Thorin's ribcage. You put on a smile to keep everything peaceful. "I did hear you Kili I would just like to hear it again so I get everything right. If you don't mind, of course" you said. 

Happy to hear that you had been listening Kili gladly told his story again. Him and Tauriel were together for only a few months. Now that it was getting more serious he wanted to get to the second mine.

"Second mine?" you asked.

Kili and Thorin looked at you like you were mad. "Second mine, as in... you know" Kili explained, making circles with his hands to make it clearer.

"As in what we should be doing right now" Thorin said grumpily. 

Kili was too caught up in his story to hear his uncle's complaint. "But every time I try to get to the second mine Tauriel says she has to leave. Why do you think that is?" 

"What have you done?" Thorin asked before you could even open your mouth. He was still frustrated but he was also interested in discovering what Kili had tried out already.

His nephew shrugged. "Well, I told her I wanted to go to the second mine the first time I tried. And for some reason she got up, put on her coat and expected me to leave with her. Something about going out to explore" Kili said, his nose wrinkled in confusion.

Thorin frowned. "That is odd."

"Right? And then, the second time, I made myself even clearer. I told her that I wanted to" Kili hesitated here. 

"You told her what?" Thorin asked, slightly amused. His bulge was still straining against his tight pants but this may be the best thing he would ever hear. Next to you saying yes at the alter, naturally.

"I-" Kili rubbed the back of his neck. "I told her that I wanted to hammer her wood."

For some strange reason you had no idea what they were talking about. You were still trying to figure out the second mine thing. And now he wanted to hammer her wood? You were no dwarf but that didn't sound romantic at all.

"And how did she respond?" Thorin asked carefully.

You nodded, shuffling closer to Thorin to support him when he would teach his nephew a lesson about how you talked to woman. 

"She frowned at me, shook her head and left. What did I do wrong?" Kili asked. It was clear that he really had no idea what he could have said differently. You prepared yourself for the yelling that was surely going to wash over Kili after Thorin had heard this.

Thorin brought his hand to his beard to stroke it. "That is indeed very strange. What could it be she is waiting for?"

"ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!" you shouted. Both man looked at you with wide, confused eyes. 

"Love-" Thorin started but a finger on his lips silenced him. 

"Don't. Even." you warned him. "And you" you shouted, pointing a finger at Kili. "You can't talk to woman like that! Were you raised by pigs? You march over to her right now and apologize for your shameless behaviour!" you yelled.

"Raised by pigs? I was personally involved i-" Thorin stopped talking when he saw your flaming eyes.

"Auntie I really don't see what I have done wrong" Kili said, getting up to do as he was told.

You let out a sarcastic laugh. "Try to tell her with a little more tact and try to use anything but your innuendos" you said. 

"Innuendos? I was being as clear as I could be" Kili said as he was pushed outside your room. 

"Kili, you are sometimes as thick headed as your uncle, you know that?" You put a hand on his shoulder. "Just tell her what you feel. Don't bring dwarves sayings in to it. If you hadn't noticed your consort is an elf. She may not understand what is obvious to you" you tried to explain calmly. 

He nodded thoughtfully. "I will just tell her that my wood i-"

A door in his face was the only right answer to that. You didn't want to hear anything about anyone's wood or hammers or mines or whatever.

"Bed. Now." You said, snapping your fingers. 

Thorin didn't dare to smile. He was just going to use that fire in you in his benefit.

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Second mine as in second base? I just thought I made that clear because people sometimes don't understand me xD