"I scream, yet no one hears. I'm drowning in my pain and guilt. Does anyone care? They all seem to turn a blind eye carry on about their day. Am I even here? Am I anyone's concern? Just let me out, let me out! Save me from myself. Each day that goes by I'm slipping further off the edge. With no ones help I'll surely be gone. Putting my pain and guilt at ease once and for all. Save me, before my whole world comes crashing down.

There's a lot about me you won't find out until the every end. No one knew the real me. That's because all my life I've lied to and manipulated the ones I care about. I didn't realize how messed up I was until I set out to punish the ones who have made my life a living hell. Hell is a major understatement to the pain and loss I've suffered in the hands of my uncle and the world. No one understood why I did what I did. Then again, they never really knew what set me off. Maybe by the time this is all said and done you and everyone else will understand. Truly understand. No more lies. I promise."

It turns out that someone was listening. That someone could see past my 'I'm alright facade.' My dear Melissa, you could see past the walls of lies I hid behind much like a protective barrier. I begged silently for no one to ask me what was wrong. You knew of one earth shattering events that consumed me, but knew that my troubles stemmed deeper than that of the death of my daughters. I remember pacing the small dinning room, a bundle of nerves and you taking my hand and pulling me down in the chair beside you.

"Phillip, whatever it is you have to tell me I won't judge, I won't shut you out. That's the last thing you need right now." You say, your soft hazel eyes never leaving my blue ones.

I think on it for the longest time before standing and shedding my shirt. Without a word I turn around so my back is facing you and I hear you gasp. Deep, discolored scars and several burn marks lace every inch of my back and shoulders. I clear my throat before I speak.

"My whole childhood was nothing but a fucked up mess.... Father abused me over the littlest of things. I bore the brunt of everything back then and still do today.... Melissa, I'm not a sane man as you've already figured out.... I'm mean, and I appreciate your efforts but there's no fixing someone like me...."

You come and wrap me into hug and for the first time in a long time I show weakness, I bury my head into your shoulder and cry.

"Phillip." You whisper, "I'm not leaving you. I'm going to help you get through this."

So I began the task of explaining my childhood, step by step, piece by piece. I explained things I remembered fully and tried my best on the aspects that were a little hazy.

"Well Melissa you know that my father abused me. He also trained specifically to dismember. Wether the people were dead or alive. Day and night I was locked up with the dead and learned not to mind it. You could tell them anything and they won't judge, they'll just sit there and listen...." I paused and looked at you, only to see that you had tears streaming down your face.

"No sane person does the things that I've done! Why do you insist on helping me, Melissa? A monster like myself can't be helped!" I snap.

"Because I love you...." You say and pull me into a hug. "You helped me and now I'm returning the favor. I don't see you as a monster, Phillip. You're a damaged soul that needs someone to be there for him. You've been there for everyone else."
****

I was shocked that you excepted me so easily. I just wish everyone else was as understanding as you, my dear Melissa. Now, I sit in front of your headstone, holding on to the slick marble with shaky hands. Tears rolled silently down my face. We were happily married for two years before I lost you to cancer. Those were the happiest two years of my life. Back when you were with me Melissa you were the only light that was breaking through the window.