The window was ajar, allowing a small flutter of breeze to gently sway the blinds to the room. It was cloudy and gloomy, outside, and inside. Waking up earlier than usual today, he wanted a few more minutes of quiet contemplation to fully examine his thoughts. Staring at the concrete ceiling, he lay still, thinking about nothing and everything at the same time. Thoughts clouded and misguided, often finding himself not knowing what to think anymore. He pulled his blankets off, slightly hanging off the bed, laying his feet on the floor. Flinching at the initial contact, it was colder than he expected, but he soon warmed to the experience, eyes flickering towards his room.

It was like it was out of a magazine. Nothing was on the walls, all the desks were vacant, and everything was neatly put into drawers, the room was plain and unembellished. Barely any dust or clutter covering the surfaces. Some would argue it was almost too clean. Nothing caught his attention because there was nothing to notice. Everything in its place, everything in order. It perfectly reflected Ash, no colour, no personality, just the feeling of tiredness and inertia.

He spent endless amounts of time rewinding the events in his mind, up to the point where he felt nothing. Often was the case where he didn't feel any feeling or emotion. Before his room was a mess, possessions cluttered the floor, posters and pictures scattered across each surface. Collections of pictures containing old memories, joined by more recent ones that held new ones. But now they were all tucked away, nowhere he could lay eyes on them. He was desperate to not relive past events, the thoughts that haunted him in his slumber.

Every day was the same, nothing changed and nothing new would happen. Ash looked at his reflection in the standing mirror, sluggishly looking at himself. His worn and dreary eyes cast a wave of dismay, but he quickly shrugged the feeling and let out a soft sigh/laugh.

Finally deciding to get up, he got dressed and went down to get some breakfast, descending the long staircase, frequent noises being exhibited by the old wood, convulsing under his weight. Once again, he woke up unaccompanied, nothing that he wasn't surprised by. Delia frequently left before Ash would awake, usually returning late in the evening. This merely resulted in the two drifting apart, like two boats in a storm. However, Ash paid no attention to his failing relationship with his mother, he was powerless and usually abstained from trying to initiate real conversation with her. Admittedly she did the same. She wasn't particularly proud of their relationship, but in her mind, she still blamed him after all these years for her husband's death.

He remembers that day clearly in his mind, as if it were etched into his very core. It was a couple of weeks after Ash's seventh birthday when his Father was driving home from work late at night. It was dark and raining, the forecast indicating for storms during the night. Ash remembered how they would both wait for him to come home, adamant on not going to sleep without wishing him goodnight. That night Ash was determined not to go to bed, after all he made his Father promise him to get him a new toy he had saved up for. It was months before he had saved up his allowance, and he was sure his Father wasn't going to let him down.

"When is Daddy coming home?" Ash lay in his Mother's lap, yawning slightly. Quickly putting his hand over his mouth, as if to not let her see his resolve wearing thin. She warmly smiled at her son's behaviour and they waited on the sofa for a few hours, mindlessly watching a show in the background. Both occasionally stealing glances at the door, expecting him to walk in with his usual smile and raven hair. Succumbing to his tiredness, Ash's eyes dropped until they were shut, Delia sympathetically looking at her son. She took him in her arms and tucked him into bed, quietly closing the door behind her. Although she would not appear upset for her son's sake, concern grew in the pit of her stomach, as it was beginning to get really late. She decided to ring her husband, probably caught up in traffic being the best excuse she could give her nerves to calm herself down. She dialled the number under Mark, but there was no answer.

He never picked up.

He never called back.

He never came home that night.

Mark had stayed late as he was working on a presentation from his meeting the next day. The rain was heavy, and the visibility was thin. He just got out of the toy shop, thanking the owner for staying open this late past closing time. He was determined to deliver Ash his promise. Scurrying out of the shop, he adorned his blazer over his head, providing small relief from the torrential rain. Sighing at the relief of finally getting into his car, cursing himself for not checking the weather before leaving the house. After a few small breaths and wiping his face dry on his sleeve, he set off. Not checking to see his phone was on silent.

His made a note of driving slowly that night, not taking any unnecessary risk. However, he was blinded by the lights in his mirrors, the car behind him horning for him to let them through. A worried look grew on his face, there was only space for one lane, other cars coming on the opposite direction. Deciding to keep his speed, he continued, endeavouring to ignore the car behind. However, they grew impatient, and before he could notice, they switched lanes facing the oncoming traffic. Eyes widening at the realisation, he tried braking as a way of letting them through, but he was unable as a car behind him already approached. His concern grew and he saw feint lights coming towards him in the opposite lane.

Glancing to the car on his side, he saw a young teenage boy with a bottle of alcohol in his hand. Goosebumps grew on his skin, not knowing what to do, and before long, the teenager noticed the car coming towards him as well. That moment he decided. Turning into the car beside him, he swerved in an attempt to get into the right lane. Contact being made between the cars. Not expecting the events to unfold, Mark tried to turn away allowing the teen's car to come across, but the contact was already made. Nudging the front of his car, Mark saw his whole vision spin as his car was sent spiralling rightwards. He made an attempt to catch the wheel, but this proved unsuccessful and his car spun onto the barriers and into the grass beyond it.

Emergency services arrived but it was too late. The car flipped on its descent down the small gradient, the conditions proving costly as the lines of rubber could be made out on the grassy terrain. Small embers were being emitted from the car, providing little visions of light in the dark night. The last thought Mark had was not being able to deliver on his promise. For letting his Son and Wife down, his eyes finally closing, never to be opened again.

It was the early hours of the morning when Delia got the call, lying on the sofa who fell asleep looking at the front door. Ash awoke to the ring of the phone, venturing downstairs where his mother screamed at the phone, hot tears streaming down her face. Not understanding, Ash ran to his mother, remembering the screams she bellowed in the echo of the house. A memory he would never forget. 

Wish you were here Dad.

Since that day it was just him and Delia, it was okay to begin with, both sought solace in each other's arms, but the gap created by Mark's death always played heavy on their relationship. Not too long after however the two drifted further and further apart, waves of bitterness and loss clouding their relationship.

Of course, Ash would try and make amends, but arguments and conflict were not something he wanted to partake in. She had given up on him, and so he was left alone. No one to converse with, to share his thoughts and emotions with, to hug him when the days got dark and to laugh with him when the days were tranquil and jubilant. He sorely missed his mother, and it felt as if nothing would bring her back. So, there he sat, staring at his empty bowl of cereal. It was repetition to him; he experienced the same morning for the last year. Each awakening dashing the new hopes he lay to rest with the previous night. 

Hope was a distant memory now. He could not rely on hope anymore, so he the only person he could depend on was himself. Snapping back to present day, he slowly washed his bowl and looked onto the counter adjacent.  A crisp note on the surface, a small magnet holding it down. Even though she left money for food on the counter every day, he felt like he grew into a burden that she could just throw money at to go away. There was no note, no 'have a good day', no positive words or apologies on missing him. Truthfully, he couldn't remember the last time they did anything together, let alone talk. Self-dependence grew into Ash's demeanour and so this meant he taught himself how to cook, do laundry and all the other necessities.

It was a good day today, but life still felt slow and painful. He began walking to school, forgoing to drive his car as he usually did and seeking solace in a gentle walk. and after getting onto the campus, he headed straight to his locker. People often stared at him, his weary expression causing some concern, but he didn't really care. He was early to class so taking his seat he got out his notepad and stared at the empty seats around him. It was a couple of weeks into the new academic year, Ash making it into the town's university with flying colours. His worn relationships with Alice and his mother meant his focus was diverted completely into his studies, seldom going out with friends.

Alice was in California and for the first couple of weeks they tried a long-distance relationship, but resistance was futile as their lives couldn't be further apart. They sorely missed each other, Alice often apologising for leaving, but Ash was determined to make it work. However, their contact time was minimal as their lives took them in different directions. She was off to a university of her own, studying Arts and Drama in a prestigious institution and he could tell she found contentedness. He received an occasional postcard and they saw each other through video links often. But this became increasingly difficult, and soon they could no longer find time anymore.

However, they mutually agreed to end their relationship and remain as friends, promising to keep in contact and give occasional updates. This satisfied both to the extent, where they no longer felt the everlasting pressure of having a partner without being able to hold them. But Ash still felt like his heart was in California, something Alice took with her the day she left, leaving him empty inside. But he admittedly began to feel more and more at ease with the situation, accepting it for what it was and moving on. But some days he truly did feel lonely in his solitary existence.

Glancing at the empty seats around him, he recalled saying goodbye to most of his friends, all off on their own career paths, striving to achieving their own dreams. He wouldn't ever stop them from doing so, but he silently wished they didn't have to leave for someplace so distant. Hating himself for the thought, he ran a hand through his raven hair, his attention being drawn to someone enter the room. Class was finally starting, and he observed people walk past him, navigating to their respective seats. Subsequently a few minutes later Gary and Shauna both sauntered in, smiling slightly, whispering something to each other.

He was glad they did not leave as well, enjoying their company from time to time. They were the closest of his friends, Gary because they knew each other since forever, and Shauna because she always made time for the people she cherished. Absent-mindedly, his thoughts switched back to his mother, yearning she was more like his friend, but this memory ceased as soon as his Professor Juniper walked in. He watched Shauna say goodbye to Gary, almost hugging him as she walked out the door, not before waving her hand in Ash's direction, who could not help but smile slightly, waving back.

Gary weaved through some empty seats, locating himself next to Ash, gently putting an arm on his shoulder. "What's up man?" Gary spoke as he got ready for class, but Ash's reply consisted of a hushed 'hey'. It was hard for Gary and the others to see their friend so lost and sombre, but they had to admit that the events last year and his situation at home was something no one deserves. In due course their class started, the scratching of pens and pencils the only sounds heard apart from the lecturer's bellow voice. Heads looking up and down, memorising and cramming, flicking in between textbooks. The clock ticking, sometimes faster and sometimes slower, at least that is what Ash thought anyways.

Towards the end their Professor handed out their essays back and to no one's surprise Ash had done well. He had always been a smart person but then again, he always spent his lunches and after-school time in the library. What many thought was a distraction was merely a way to help him avoid social interaction and accommodate his more inclusive attitude. Going home wasn't much better either, so he did what he could to remain focused, inner turmoil or not.

However, Ash was different when he was with Gary and the others, he was a little more outgoing and more open, something that the group was grateful for, but he remained very reserved. Suddenly Professor Juniper asked him a question, and with ease Ash stood up and answered perfectly. He wasn't afraid of talking to people, he just felt empty inside. If one were to look at his auburn eyes, they would be looking at a once determined gaze transformed into one of loneliness and hurt. Satisfied with the response, a simple nod was permission enough for Ash to take his seat, and soon enough the class ended. Students scurrying out of the room to their next class, or just catching up with their friends for a free period.

Lazily swinging his bag onto his back, he looked towards Gary. "Hey what do you have next?" His quiet voice being drowned out by the small crowd still in the room. Gary, looking up briefly to acknowledge his question, got his phone out of the crevice of his pocket. The pair made their way out of class, Ash still waiting for a reply as Gary finally scrolled to his timetable, confirming that he was due in another class five minutes ago. He shook his head and sighed, bidding Ash a quick goodbye before hastily breaking into a jog across campus. Something the raven-haired man could only nod his head at.

He made his way towards the library, slowly realising that it was becoming his second home, but he saw no problem with that. Quiet spaces, a plentiful amount of room and time to focus befitted his nature and complemented his habits well. His walk was calm, he didn't have much else to do for the rest of the day, and in all honestly, he mused his thoughts into finding something to make it to evening. Ash often found himself with a disproportionate amount of time, and when he wasn't burrowed in textbooks, he found himself bored and spiritless. His love for his past hobbies dwindled into embers until he lost interest in where he used to find happiness. His walk gave him time to mentally think to himself, until his tracks were halted by a rendition of his name.

Her voice was loud and absolute, moments after still ringing with the echoes from the old building. He spun on his heel, unkept hair flicking to the side slightly, looking to see where the sound originated. It gained the attention of the few other students who also walked the hallway, much to the annoyance of Ash himself. He wasn't one for so much attention, as eyes were drawn to him wondering what the commotion was all about. From some metres away, a fast-walking professor Juniper smiled to the students who watched the events unfold, intimidating them into averting their gaze. She had that effect on people, and she knew it. Ash watched her approach him, a yellow file in her hand until she stopped in front of him, heels clicking together, straightening up her jacket. She studied him for a moment, wondering if he would initiate the conversation, but she soon did so herself. "Erm, yes Ash sorry for making you wait. I know you're going to the library, so I need a favour if it's not too much trouble."

Ash cringed at the interaction; her voice far too loud for his liking. Students watched the interaction unfold, to be honest it was hard not to considering she was almost screaming. Internally sighing Ash replied in a softly spoken tone, attempting to conceal his annoyance "Yeah sure, what is it that you need?" She must have gotten the message about her own tone because she almost whispered her response, something that he was appreciative of.

"Well, a fellow student of yours needs a bit of help with an assignment, and I thought that seeing as you seem to be good at these tasks, it might be more your forte if so to speak". Ash's eyebrows ruffled, trying to decipher her almost cryptic request. It was odd to him in the least, but Ash wasn't the type of person to deny someone help. He needed something new to do anyways, laughing in his mind about the irony of it all. He gave her a nod, before she dropped the small yellow file in his hands. Ash gave it a once-over but waited for her to leave before he revealed its contents. "Thank you, Ash, it might be harder than you think but I'm trusting you to stick with it".

Ash found himself with confusion once more, not being able to figure out what his task was exactly. Regardless he thanked her out of courtesy and began walking to the library again. She walked away also, heels clicking and staring at students menacingly. She was definitely a character alright. A few corridors and flights of stairs later, he approached the hefty library doors, pulling on its handle and letting himself through. Plunging his world into silence with only the sounds of shuffling and keyboards audible. He navigated through the room with ease, having done so many times before. Mentally reckoning he could've done it blindfolded as well, but he had nothing to prove, so he made his way to one of the mahogany wood tables, and silently sat down. Something about the smell of old books satiated his senses, allowing his shoulders to relax into the wooden seat.

He looked up at the counter at the far end of the room, waving to Daisy, who lowered her oval glasses and smiled back, reciprocating the gesture. She was an amicable woman to Ash, and they would usually converse about novels they had read. Having a certain affiliation with science-fiction, she encouraged Ash to flick through one of her past reads, and although it wasn't his usual choice, he found it vaguely interesting. Their little conversations became more frequent, both enjoying talking about novels; it was their little own book club and given how often Ash was in the library, these conversations were a regular occurrence. However, he didn't have time to talk about books for the task he was assigned did admittedly pique his curiosity.

Daisy walked back towards the staff room, pressing her identification card on the reader, before a small noise allowed her access, and away she disappeared to everyone there. Ash's gaze averted back to the file, which he opened, spilling the contents on the table. Uncovering sample essays in plastic wallets, he noticed here was a fair few of them, but what Ash noticed most was the handwriting. While he wouldn't boast his own was the best, this one was barely legible. Still, he could confidently read all the words, bar a few which had missing letters or the sort, so he read them one by one. The general topic being fashion trends and art styles.

Now whilst Ash wasn't someone who necessarily read about fashion, he did admit some of the passages did intrigue him. It was evident that whoever these belonged to had a clear sense of the topic, and brilliant ideas to go in hand, but there were some gaps and spaces missing which did raise some confusion in the young man's mind.  He ordered them again once done, before noticing the grades on the back of each paper. Almost all of them had low scores, rarely being near what Ash was used to seeing on his own papers. He landed at the conclusion that he was supposed to improve the grades, and so took out his stationary, highlighting mistakes and inaccuracies. Being someone who read frequently, this task took a mere thirty minutes and admittingly, he wished he took his time.

He looked at the clock in the north corner, black hands indicating it was just after midday. Gently putting the files back into the pouch, he took out a notebook, writing up his notes from his previous class. His ball pen gliding across the paper, and soon enough, the blank canvas of empty lines were replaced by intense comprehensions of knowledge and ideas. The clock made two full revolutions and Ash was glad to see that it was half two. Leaning back in his chair, the young man turned his head, looking out of the full view window. The sun glistening on the empty benches outside, and small leaves on the concrete floors being swept away by journeying winds.  A few litters of students were around, some just talking and some making animated gestures, earning befitting responses from others. It was a serene image; he could've stayed like that for hours, but a small tap on the shoulder broke his trance, eyes diverting from the window to the culprit.

Turning his head the opposite way, he saw Daisy gently smiling at him, her glasses now resting on her neck with a golden string-attachment on either side. She was near a trolley of books, of which Ash assumed to be put backs but there was a book that did grab his attention. "That boy just now just dropped this off, I suppose you wouldn't be interested in reading it, now would you?" Her pale finger pointing to a student who left the library, only allowing Ash to see his side profile. Turning his attention to the woman, she picked the book up from the silver trolley, extending her hands out.

A smile adorned Ash's face as he accepted the book, gracefully thanking the woman. "Thanks, honestly I forgot all about this. I thought it would never make its way back". It was a book Ash had wanted to read for a while, a crime-drama series he had gotten into, but there was only one copy and it always managed to elude his grasp. Daisy smiled again, before noticing a small paper on the desk. Immediately her eyes were drawn to the various scribbles and etchings, before meeting Ash's chocolate irises.

"Wow, I didn't think you knew so much about Fashion Ash. Were you holding out on me?" Ash sniggered at the joke, taking the paper back, ensuring it made its way into the file. He grinned at the woman, who despite her shoes, still looked up slightly to meet his gaze.

"Nah it's not mine. I don't really know why Professor Juniper gave this to me. It's not really my area of expertise, as I'm sure you're already aware." She smiled at his response. There was barely anyone left in the library, so their tones weren't as mellow and soft as usual. Her dulcet tones ringing with a small echo, but Ash maintained his usual whispers.

"Well, it's actually quite good, well given that the actual writing is much to be desired. Maybe that's your task?" Her voice ending inquisitively, almost reading Ash's thoughts. The same idea washed through his mind, but he wanted to be sure of things, so he made a mental note to drop by his Professors office first thing tomorrow. Daisy bid Ash goodbye, mustering the strength to push her trolley around and wishing him a good evening, which he responded with in similar fashion, before leaving the quietness of the library and into the bustling atmosphere of the carpark.

Waving a hand to Shauna, she stopped leaning on the front of her car and took a couple of steps forward to greet the boy. Gary emerged from the building also, and ran up to walk beside Ash, commenting on the fortuitous timing. They entered the car and Shauna drove the two boys home, which she wasn't bothered by as their homes were relatively nearby her own. The drive was relatively quiet, with Gary and Shauna exchanging stories with frequent small responses from Ash from time to time. "Hey what's with the folder? Ser-nera.." Gary twisted his body, examining the file on Ash's lap, attempting to decipher the words written. Cocking his head in confusion, Ash followed his line of sight, coming to the realisation that he was reading the name card on the bottom.

Chiding himself for not noticing before, he flipped the file over, reading the name out loud. "Serena Blakely. Huh, you guys know her?" He looked at Gary, who responded with a simple shrug of his shoulders, before turning his eyes to Shauna's back, who was approaching an oncoming red light. Once she shifted down gears and pulled on her handbrake, she turned around slightly, wondering what the boys were looking at. Gears moving inside of her head, she swore she had heard that name before, but came up short on remembering where exactly. A few moments later, still with the boys staring in anticipation, she pointed a finger in the air.

"Oh yeah Serena, she's in my Design class. Can't believe I didn't remember her sooner; I've talked to her once or twice and she seems sweet. Definitely good at fashion, the girl's insane at it." Ash smiled at the statement and was glad she agreed with him. It also meant that he would be able to find her and give her work back. His mind set on his task, he smiled, turning to Gary who still looked at him from the passenger's seat.

"Well, I guess I'm looking for Serena Blakely tomorrow".