*** CHAPTER 43 ***

This has been a bad idea all along! His mind had warned him the moment he saw her leave and his heart urged him to follow her. Following her has been a bad idea. Allowing his heart to leap once again when he saw her hair flutter against the wind has been a bad idea. Holding her hand and bringing her to this secluded place has been a bad, very bad idea. And above all, letting her kiss him and not being able to pull back has been an utterly, completely bad idea. The worst one ever possible. Then why does it feel so right?

A part of his own self wants to pull himself away from her, and at the same time the other part of him encourages him to embrace her whole and let her scar his soul, if that is the cost his love demands. She makes him strong-willed and yet so vulnerable. A soft stroke of her lips against his own and his mind dominates his heart. In a haste, Sanskaar pulls back leaving Swara forlorn and downhearted.

Words fail him. He finds himself absolutely incapable of saying anything. Seeing the love of his life heartbroken, tears lingering in her eyes, he finds himself absolutely powerless. What is he supposed to do? Nothing seems to make any sense. And that is when it hits him. This is the first time... the first time she has kissed him after knowing that he is Sanskaar and not her husband Shlok. They do not need words to know that she has accepted him. After all that has happened, their hearts have finally united as one. It was their first kiss as Swara and Sanskaar. His heart dances with absolute exhilaration. Can he let this be a moment of regret for her?

If and only if, he has the slightest bit of idea about what is going on in that mind of hers. It is then when he hears her feeble voice, a voice so broken that it rips his heart apart.

"You wanted me to hold your hand, Sanskaar. Here, I am willing to hold it now. I am holding it now to never let it go again. I am so sorry. Please..." She whispers with a choking heaviness in her throat and her pleading tear laden eyes is all that takes to break his final bit of resolve. Her rugged breath, quivering lips, and her entire trembling self pleads him to hold her, to love her the way they both desire. Extending her hand towards him, she closes her eyes, as if surrendering herself to him, ready to accept whatever he has to offer... be it love or be it his fierce self. She is resolute... whatever her plight may be, she will never pull her hand back or hold herself back from loving him anymore.

In that fervent moment, nothing matters to Sanskaar more than the love of his life standing in front of him. He dashes towards her and holds both her upper arms as he presses his forehead against hers. "You mess me up, Swara. You mess me up so badly," she hears him whisper against her lips.

And the very next moment, he seizes her lips in an ardent kiss. Every time they have kissed before, he has always been gentle, but not this time. His anger, his frustration, his longingness, the pain inflicted upon his heart, every bit of pent-up emotion, he pours it all in that one kiss. Swara can feel his desperation, for his kiss demands to devour her entire being. The surging tide of warmth leaves her limp. She can feel everything that he wants to convey to her heart. She accepts it all as a teardrop slides down her cheeks. This is Sanskaar, her Sanskaar, who loves her the way no one can ever love her again, and in a heartbeat, she admits that she can never love any other man more than she loves him.

Raising her hand, she caresses his cheek and as if a magic spell has been casted in that burning moment, Sanskaar's searing kiss slows down to a delicate, passionate one as his arms encircle her, gathering her against him. Every heartfelt stroke of his lips sends a wild tremor along her nerves. Her hands slide along his chest and she wraps her arms around his neck clinging onto him as the only solid thing in the dizzy swaying world. As passion meets sensuality, they expose their vulnerable selves out in open for the other to embrace.

With a guttural, satisfied moan, they reach the apex of their thrilling moment. Pulling away, Sanskaar rests his head on Swara's shoulder.

Sanskaar: (takes a deep breath) What am I supposed to do now, Swara? What should I do now?

His helpless voice breaks Swara's heart. They stand here in such a disarrayed position, all because of her foolish insecurities. If only, she could have gathered this courage when he asked her to. Caressing his hair ever so tenderly, she kisses the top of his head with an unsaid assurance that they are in this together, that they will fight together for the love they rightfully deserve.

✨

The moment they step on the threshold of their house, an absolutely haphazard Annapurna dashes towards them, engulfing Swara and Sanskaar in a hug.

Annapurna: Where have you both been? We were worried sick thinking about your whereabouts.

Sanskaar: (smiles and pulls her away) Maa, we are completely drenched, from head to toe. Better to keep the hugs for the time after we change our clothes.

Sujata: But where were you both? We got up in the morning and both of you were nowhere to be found. Swara, where did you go?

Swara: Chachiji, I-I went for a walk.

Annapurna: And Sanskaar?

Sanskaar: I went for a walk too.

"Together?" They hear Narmada interrupt immediately as she comes out of her room. Sanskaar gulps and clears his throat.

Sanskaar: I went out of the home alone, Dadi.

Phew! That should be fine. He does not like lying and says the safest thing his mind can conjure upon in that very moment. Though, he is not telling the truth but he is not lying at the same time. Narmada nods her head.

Narmada: Dry yourself up before you catch a cold. Anshika's parents will be here soon. We must make sure that we do not leave a bad impression on them. Sanskaar, come straightaway to my room. We need to discuss a few things. And Swara...

Swara: Ji, Dadiji?

Narmada: You are to stay in your room from now onwards. Do not come out or participate in any ritual unless you are asked to. Am I clear?

Feeling a lump forming in her throat, all Swara manages to do is nod with an uneasiness weighing down her heart. There is something more to this whole ordeal, more than what it seems. However, one thing that she is absolutely sure of is that she loves Sanskaar. And, after taking the first step towards the life she has started dreaming about, she does not want to be held back.

✨

Changing into a fresh set of clothes, Swara takes a towel to wipe the excess water off her hair. Standing next to the open window of her room, she glances at the merry dance of the raindrops on the trees out there in the front. The heavy downpour has now toned down to soft drizzle. Her mind drifts back to their impassioned moment from before, and her heart dances with the thrill and ecstasy. She knows that the road ahead will not be easy for either of them, but she is willing to strive for what is rightfully hers. He has given her the courage, and her soul has never been at peace as it is now. It is as if standing out in the rain, each one of those magical drops have washed away the pain, the angst, the anger.

The abrupt knock on the door breaks her train of thoughts. Taking a deep breath, she trudges towards the door and pulls it open only to find Ragini standing over there with her eyebrows scrunched.

Swara: Ragini, do you need anything?

Ragini: They are here, Swara.

And her heart drops dreading the inevitable.

Swara: W-Who is here?

Ragini: Anshika's parents, Swara. They are here and Purohit ji is going to read the kundalis right now.

That is not possible! Swara can feel her head reeling and dread washes over her. She cannot lose him, not after she has finally gained the courage. The fear of losing him even before she can him as hers engulfs her heart and she stumbles back.

Ragini: (immediately holds her arm) Swara, are you alright?

With tears lingering in her eyes, Swara tries to word her feelings out but the avalanche of emotions tugging at her heart renders her speechless. Taking several deep breaths, she tries to calm herself down. Ragini holds her hand and leads her towards her bed, before bringing a glass of water. Swara holds the glass with trembling hands and tries taking a sip pouring half of the glass contents on herself. Startled, Ragini rushes to bring a towel before dabbing her dry.

Ragini: What is it, Swara? You are scaring me now.

Swara: I... I... cannot lose him, Ragini. I... cannot...

As Swara starts becoming frantic, Ragini immediately pulls her into a tight embrace trying to calm her down. Seeing her best friend breaking like that, tears her heart apart and a tear escapes the corner of her eyes as well. Swara grows hysterical with every passing moment and Ragini knows she has too do something. After what seems like hours but has hardly been a couple of minutes, she finally manages to calm her down a bit. Pulling her from the embrace, Ragini places her hand on Swara's cheek.

Ragini: You are not just my best friend, Swara. You are my sister. But in order to help you, I need to know everything. Were you and Sanskaar together this morning? You were, right?

Looking up Ragini, not being able to trust her voice, all Swara manages to do is nod.

Ragini: And what happened? Did you guys argue?

Swara: (sniffs) No, Ragini. We did not.

Ragini: Fight?

Swara: No, Ragini.

Ragini: (huffs) Then what did you guys do? Kiss?

Swara: N...

And that has Swara tongue-tied. Shock engulfs Ragini as she stared at Swara wide-eyed trying to find a single hint that whatever she has deciphered from their conversation is wrong. She opens and closes her mouth several times as if a fish on its deathbed. But on finding no such thing, she takes a deep breath rubbing her temples.

Ragini: You guys have your own way of complicating things. You know that, right?

Swara: I-I am sorry. I swear, it... it just happened.

Ragini: You have not done anything that you should apologize for. However, I must say... Impeccable timing, Swara!

Ragini chuckles, eventually leading Swara to smile as well.

Swara: Only you can joke at a time like this.

Ragini: Crying will not do us any good. So, why not just joke and smile!?

Swara: But what are we supposed to do now?

Ragini nods her head as she paces up and down Swara's room. She knows she cannot let her friends suffer like that and she also knows that she cannot do this without any assistance. Huffing, Ragini quickly fetches her phone and types a message before pressing the send button.

✨