*** CHAPTER 39 ***

Sanskaar paces up and down the dining hall, peeping inside the kitchen from time to time as he awaits Swara. He has been trying to talk to her for last half an hour but all Swara does is ignore him. And that ignorance has been tugging at his heart so ruthlessly as if it is being torn apart into shreds. He does not know what is bothering her but ever since their last conversation, she has been acting quite strange and is trying to keep as much distance as possible from him.

His pace increases as Swara finally comes out of the kitchen with a bowl of curd in her hand.

Sanskaar: Swara, I need to talk to you about something.

Swara: I’m busy, Sanskaar!

Sanskaar: But it’s really very important. I need you to see something.

Swara: Then why don’t you ask your Anshika to see it? Why don’t we just end this cat and mouse game here?

Sanskaar: Look, Swara. This is not about the game. This is something really very important.

Swara: I don’t think I will be of any help, Sanskaar.

Swara paces up towards the dining area but Sanskaar holds her upper arm trying to pull her towards him. What neither of them had been expecting is that in an attempt to pull herself away, Swara loses the hold on the bowl and all the curd lay splashed over the floor in just a matter of few minutes. She glares at Sanskaar expecting him to cower back but to her astonishment he glares back at her. Realizing that this argument is going to take them nowhere, Swara turns around to leave. For the betterment of Sanskaar and of everyone else, she needs to keep herself and her feelings at bay. She does not deserve him.

But before she can take a step further, Sanskaar holds her arm rather tightly, and pulls her along with him away from everyone else and inside his room.

Swara: What are you doing, Sanskaar? Just… just let me go.

Sanskaar: Don’t shout, Swara, if you don’t want to create a scene early in the morning.

Swara swats his hand away as Sanskaar bolts the door of the room and glares at him.

Swara: What are you doing?

Sanskaar: (pushes her against the wall) Exactly! Exactly, Swara! What are you doing?

Swara: W-What have I done?

Sanskaar: Now, should I explain that as well? Ever since our last conversation you have been avoiding me. You are not even looking at me, let alone talking, and when I am saying that I have something important to talk about, you are not even ready to listen. What is wrong with you, Swara?

Swara: (chuckles humorlessly) Everything. Every damn thing is wrong about me, Sanskaar. I don’t think I am good enough for you. I… I…

Sanskaar: And who said that you could decide it?

Swara: Isn’t it obvious? You see… this life of mine is going to take me nowhere. I’m like an endless abyss, Sanskaar, the deeper you delve into it, more you will find it difficult to breathe, difficult to leave. Trust me, I’m not the best option you have.

Sanskaar: (holds her cheeks) I love you the way you are, Swara! No complaints, no demands! It is you who I want.

Swara: (pulling his hands away) No, Sanskaar. It’s… it’s not possible. This is the best for all of us. For you. For everyone else. We have to do this.

Sanskaar: W-What do you mean?

Swara: (taking a deep breath) You deserve someone better, Sanskaar.

Sanskaar: And who are you to decide that? We are meant to be together.

Swara: NO, WE ARE NOT! I…

Sanskaar: You, what, Swara?

Swara: (gulps) I…

Sanskaar: You are testing my patience. You know that right?

Swara: I AM A WIDOW, SANSKAAR! I DON’T DESERVE YOU!

Sanskaar: SWARA!!! Don’t. Don’t call yourself that!

Swara: Will… Will that change anything? I am…

Sanskaar: And do you think that will change my love for you? Do you think it’s that weak? I said I love you for who you are and I will never want to change a thing about you.

Swara: Even this that I am your brother’s wife? The brother who is not even alive.

And that hits him hard! As a tear drop rolls down the corner of his eyes, Swara feels her knees go weak. Her legs wobble and if not for the wall, she would have fallen down to the floor. There. She has said it and she already knows that only one sentence of hers will change a lot of things. But what she hasn’t been expecting is Sanskaar’s reaction to it.

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Taking a print of all the pictures his sister had found in Mumbai, he spreads them on his bed, thinking of nothing in particular as his mind goes haywire with all the thoughts. This man in here, Vidhaan, is not Shlok for sure. Then why is he doing it all? Is he doing all of this for money?

Although his tini-tiny brain fails to come to any conclusion in particular, but as he tries to do so, he gets startled by a really hard whack at the back of his head. Taken aback, Sahil turns around, only to find his sister smiling horrifyingly sweetly at him.

Sahil: Ow! What the hell, Kavita? Why did you do that? Am I the elder one or you?

Kavita: What the hell are you doing here then? Wasting your time, when you have a lot to do.

Sahil: What have I done?

Kavita: That is the problem. You are not doing anything. Like literally! And if by any chance you do something then it is to ruin all the plans I have made.

Sahil: (pouts) Now you are being mean, my little sister!

Kavita: Really! Am I? Then what are you doing here, staring at those pictures as if you are in love with him instead of finding the information I asked you about? Hadn’t you lost Hemant, I would have used those photographs by now.

Sahil: Ah, that!

Kavita: Seriously! Ah? Is that all you have to say?

Sahil: Um, no. Actually, I found about it and it seems like Hemant has ran away somewhere.

Kavita: And you are telling me that now? How come you are so sure?

Sahil: No one has heard from him for last one month.

Kavita: And what about his house? His family?

Sahil: No one has entered the house in a month either. No traces of his family either.

Kavita: But how is it possible that has he left without informing Maheshwaris about anything? Because if he had informed them, they would not have kept quiet. At least, Durga Prasad would have questioned us.

Sahil: Isn’t that a good thing for us? Maybe Hemant wasn’t able to tell them anything in a haste. I guess we can carry on with our plan now. What do you say?

Kavita nods her head without a word, her eyebrows squinted in confusion. Something definitely feels amiss! They need to plan everything out soon and effectively.

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A widow!

How can she say that? Does she think so lowly of him and his love? Her, being a widow… Will that change anything?

For a moment, he feels as if he has lost his voice. Words fail him as he looks into those remorse filled orbs. And what does he see! A turmoil inside of this woman he has come to love, and more definitely than anything else he can see how much she loves her. But this shell she has created around her own has made everything so blurry. He can feel her soul screaming, screaming to be saved, but she will never word it out. He knows that very well! Those lashes heavy with tears weigh his heart down unless a resolve is made. He needs to break that shell of hers, and he needs to do that soon, before that shell consumes her entirely. And if he has to test her limits for that, then so be it!

Sanskaar: You’re taking it all in a wrong direction, Swara.

Swara: No, Sanskaar. I’m not. Everything is alright unless and until everyone out there finds out that you are not Shlok but Sanskaar. Then this relationship of ours, will it get the respect it deserves? Will all our family members be able to accept it?

Sanskaar: Swara, people will talk this way or the other. What we need to realise is what our heart desires. I’m ready to hold that hand of yours, Swara. Will you be courageous enough to take mine?

The turmoil inside of her wrecks a havoc on her entire being as her gaze falls on Sanskaar’s hand. The part that loves him more than anything else in the world urges him to take the hand instantly, but her sane self holds her back. If she truly loves him, then she should let him go. She will be nothing but a bad omen for him.

Swara: I-I still feel that I don’t deserve you, Sanskaar.

Sanskaar’s outstretched hand rolls into a fist as he closes his eyes. Taking a deep breath, the moment he opens them, Swara stumbles back for those orbs feel totally foreign to her. Tinted red, those eyes that always seem like talking, are devoid of any emotion today.

Sanskaar: Very well! If that is what you want then… You know what let’s finish this game fair and square. You can be as unsure about your life, but I know what I have to do. And no matter what it is, I don’t want you to do anything for me, Swara, and I mean it this time.

That is all he says before opening the door and storming out of the room but not quick enough to not let Swara see him wiping off those tears. Her heart sinks not only on realizing that she is the reason behind those tears but she also dreads whatever is going to happen next.

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Without looking back even for once as if the decision has been made, Sanskaar storms into the dining area where everyone has started gathering by now for breakfast. But his eyes seem like searching for someone in particular.

Sujata: Sanskaar, beta, have you seen Swara anywhere? She came out with this bowl of curd and…

Even before she can complete her sentence, Sanskaar dashes past her, stopping right in front of Anshika. Everyone narrow their eyes in confusion on the sudden turn of events, and can already feel an impending storm in its wake.

Anshika: Sanskaar, what’s wrong? Have you been crying? Is… Is everything alright?

Taking a deep breath, Sanskaar looks at Anshika and then at everyone else before finding Swara leaning against a pillar in a dark corner. Closing his eyes, he takes another deep breath before getting down on his knees, and stretching his hand in front of her.

Sanskaar: Anshika, I know we haven’t known each other for very long… but… but... Will you marry me, Anshika?

Anshika gasps as she stumbles back and instantly Annapurna holds her for support.

Annapurna: Sanskaar, what are you doing?

Sanskaar: I know what I am doing, Maa. It is Anshika who should decide. Will you marry me, Anshika?

Anshika: Sanskaar, I…

Sanskaar: Within a week!

WHAT?!!!

Sanskaar: If not, seven days later, I will leave for Mumbai forever!

Shock engulfs everyone as their eyes lay fixated on Sanskaar and Anshika, and what no one else has noticed is a lonely figure slumped against a pillar, sliding down to the floor ever so slowly as her heart tears apart on seeing the most precious thing of her life slipping from in between her fingers.

And that's all because she hasn't been courageous enough to take that hand!

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