*** CHAPTER 34 ***

Holding onto someone is hard, but letting go… even harder. And Swara has decided to do the same. Shlok will, undeniably, always be an important part of her life. But still she’s a human being, a mere mortal yearning for love, no matter how selfish it may sound.

Unclasping the mangalsutra from around her neck she keeps it in front of Shlok’s photograph hanging on the wall of the room. Stifling a sob, she sighs deeply and finally lets it all out…

Swara: I’m sorry! I really am. I had never thought that this is how it was supposed to be! You know ‘he’ says that I’ll know if I love him. And for this once, I want to believe his belief. I want to be happy and I hope you can forgive me for my selfishness. You’ll always have a special place in my heart but I want to see what it will be like to follow my heart for once.

Wiping off the lone tear that has traitorously escaped from the corner of her eyes, Swara takes a deep, rugged breath before picking up the mangalsutra and placing it in the box she has fetched from the first drawer of the cupboard. And she finally decides to place it inside the almirah.

It is this moment when she’s about to close the almirah that her eyes land on a blue cover lying in the corner, stuffed in between the clothes in an almost failing attempt to hide. And that’s when it hits her. It’s the gift she has bought for Sanskaar as the anniversary gift, though it was the time when she thought that he was Shlok.

‘The Secret Diaries of Miss Miranda Cheever’

A Regency Romance novel she has picked up for him when they finally decide that she should gift him a historical romance novel… Well, more like it was her who decided. But still, the gift is meant for him and technically, the first one she has bought for him. So, won’t it be unfair not to give it to him?!

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Hardly ten minutes later, Swara finds herself standing in front of Sanskaar’s room after a lot of debating with her own self. Clutching the book tightly in her hand, she knocks the door with the other waiting for him to open the door with a bated breath . But when even after two whole minutes she fails to get any response from inside she calls out to him. But no response even after that starts worrying her for no particular reason.

Swara: Sanskaar, are you in there? Are you alright?

She knocks the door a little harder this time only to find it already open. Hesitantly, she steps inside and sighs with relief as she finds him fast asleep on his bed in a rather awkward position. With his legs folded in an Indian style, he has a notebook resting on his lap and a pen in his right hand, and his head rests against the headboard of the bed, inclining a little towards the left. No matter how adorable he’s looking right now, she’s pretty sure that he’ll end up having a sore neck by the time he wakes up.

Deciding not to wake him up, she places the book on the table and writes a quick note to go with it:

‘I don’t know whether you’ll like it or not, but this is the first gift I ever got for you. So, I guess it’s better for you to have it, rather than having it in one corner of my cupboard.
-Swara’

Securing the note neatly under the book, Swara is all set to leave his room when a thought strikes her. Turning around she still finds him sleeping in that position. With slow and careful steps she picks up the pillow lying beside him and holds his head with the other hand to place the pillow between his head and the headboard. At least that will prevent him from any pain in the morning!

“But he asked you not to do anything for him. At this rate you’ll lose the game even before the month ends”, her brain reprimands.

Swara: (to herself) But how will he know that I’m the one who has put the pillow here?

“You’re leaving a note under the book, genius. Of course, he’ll know it was you.”

Swara: Ugh! Never mind, I’ll say that I had asked Ragini to keep the book in his room.

“And you think he’ll believe you?”

Swara: Then that’s his problem and not mine!

And that’s the end of her self debate. Just when she thinks it’s all done, she hears a faint murmur. Has he woken up? With her heart hammering against her chest, Swara pulls away from him slowly making sure that the pillow has been placed properly.

With her face inches away from his, she can easily make all his striking features. His midnight raven hair falling effortlessly over his forehead, his long eyelashes kissing his cheek bones, his enticing lips pulled into a straight line, but what catches her attention is his eyes, though closed they are scrunched up as his eyebrows have furrowed. Is he having a nightmare?

Swara leans closer to him, specifically her ears closer to his mouth to make out what he’s mumbling. And all she hears is a faint ‘no’. Hardly a moment later, his voice rises making his mumbling a bit clearer.

Sanskaar: No! Don’t!!

Confused and a bit worried, Swara pulls away from him knowing it’s better to wake him up now. And no sooner she creates a little space between them, Sanskaar wakes up with a jerk screaming Shlok’s name.

Swara gets up from the bed with a start trying to comprehend what’s wrong with him. Breathing heavily, Sanskaar clutches the bed sheet in his fist as it takes him a moment to realize where he is. He finds himself still in the room where he has been trying to reminisce all those dreams, or must he say the memories of his brother, to find out any single clue of the person who has killed him.

Taking in his haywire condition, Swara quickly pours a glass of water and forwards it towards Sanskaar. It is then that he notices Swara standing in the room with worry etched across her beautiful features.

Still overwhelmed by the dream of his brother getting killed, Sanskaar loses the control of his emotions in that very moment. All he feels is the need to get comforted and that’s what makes him hold Swara’s hand and yank her forward towards him.

The glass falls on the floor with a clanking sound, the water now getting soaked in the carpet sprawled across the floor. And before Swara can comprehend, she finds herself in his tight embrace. With his body still trembling, he rests his forehead on her shoulder and involuntarily Swara’s hand shoot up to hold his back, while the other one caresses the back of his head.

Swara: It’s okay, Sanskaar. It was just a bad dream.

Sanskaar: They… They killed him!

Swara: W-What?!!

Startled at his statement, Swara tries to pull away but instead gets pulled back with a much greater force flush against his chest. She gasps as his lips graze her shoulder in a feather like touch, all the way up to her neck unknowingly towards her sweet spot. Swara shudders as she feels Sanskaar’s lips pressed delicately at the skin under her ear and a strange sound emerges from the back of her throat.

And that’s what breaks Sanskaar from his illusion. Pulling away, he opens his eyes only find her eyes closed, her palms fisting his t-shirt, as she tries to get a hold of herself.

Sanskaar: What are you doing here, Swara?

Swara: Huh?

Hearing his voice, Swara opens her eyes slowly and finds him all awake. And the intensity with which he is looking down at her right now, makes her entire being tremble with anticipation as if he’s staring right into her soul. This isn’t how she planned everything! All she needed to do was to place the book on his table and leave right away. But this surely isn’t happening that way.

Sanskaar: What are you doing here?

Swara: Uh… I… No! Nothing! I should leave.

Sanskaar: Um… Sure?!

Without a single word more, Swara makes her way towards the door but stops the next moment with her hand still on the doorknob.

Swara: S-Sanskaar?

Sanskaar: Yes?

Swara: Who killed whom?

Sanskaar: W-What?

Swara: You said ‘they killed him’.

Is that what he said? Should he tell her? Will she believe him if he does? Or will she think of him as a crazy person who has now started weaving his own stories?

Sanskaar: It’s nothing, Swara. Just a bad dream. Good night to you!

Swara: Good night, Sanskaar!

And without anything more, she just dashes out of his room into her own. No sooner she closes the door, she slides down onto the floor with a thump with a hand on her erratically beating heart. Never in her life has she met someone who can affect her to the point of dizziness. But this man here has turned her into an utter mess just by a mere touch of his lips. Her hands travel up to her neck as the sensation of his lips still lingers there. Her lips shiver with the remembrance of those lips on hers.

What’s wrong with her?!

Every damn thing!!

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By the next morning, Swara makes a mental note to herself to stay clear of Sanskaar. His proximity affects her way more than she has expected and to understand her own feelings, she needs to clear her head.

As the ladies set the table for breakfast, Annapurna walks up to Swara who has just placed the bowl of curd on the table.

Annapurna: Swara beta, please call Sanskaar for breakfast.

Swara: Me?!

Annapurna: (raises an eyebrow) Is there any other Swara over here?

Swara: Uh… Maa! I… I forgot milk on the gas. I’ll… I’ll go and get it!

And with that Swara storms out of the dinning hall and into the kitchen.

Sujata: What’s wrong with her, Jeeji? I have already boiled the milk an hour ago. What is she talking about?

Annapurna: I don’t know, Sujata.

Ragini: I feel something is bothering her. No problem, Badi Maa. I’ll go and get Sanskaar.

Ragini opens the door to Sanskaar’s room as soon as she hears a faint ‘come in’ from inside. Sanskaar is sitting on a couch near the bed as he furiously scribbles something on a paper. Confused with his sudden behavior, Ragini walks up to him to see what is he doing that has all his attention.

Ragini: Sanskaar, are you drawing something?

Sanskaar: (immediately folds the paper) W-What? Oh… yes… I mean no! It’s nothing.

Ragini: (folds her arms across her chest) It’s either a yes or a no, Sanskaar. Why are you so confused? Is something bothering you?

Sanskaar: No, Ragini. I’m fine. It’s nothing like that. Do you need something?

Ragini: No, I don’t want anything. Badi Maa is calling you for breakfast.

Sanskaar: Yeah, okay! I’ll be there in a bit.

Nodding her head, Ragini turns around to leave when she notices something from the corner of her eye.

Ragini: What’s that?

Sanskaar: (confused) What?

Ragini: (chuckles) I never knew you read romance stories, Sanskaar?

Sanskaar: (rolls his eyes) The only books I’ve ever read with utmost interest are the mathematics books, Ragini. You know that!

Ragini lets out a little laugh as she saunters towards his table looking at the book. Following her line of sight, Sanskaar, too, notices the book kept on the table. How come he hasn’t noticed it yet?

Sanskaar: Where did that come from?

Ragini: How am I supposed to know? It’s your room and your table.

Sanskaar gets from the bed and moves towards the table as Ragini picks up the book. No sooner she does that, a piece of paper comes flying down towards Sanskaar’s feet. As he picks it up and reads it, a smile slowly makes its way up to his lips.

Ragini: You’re acting creepy, Sanskaar. You know that?

Sanskaar: (chuckles) It’s from Swara. Only she can do something like this.

Ragini: (gleefully) You mean… a gift?

Sanskaar nods his head with the smile still on his face and Ragini claps her hand together.

Ragini: Finally!! Otherwise I would have to take the pain of playing the cupid for you two dumb heads!

Sanskaar rolls his eyes but decides not to say anything. With his heart beating rather crazily, he traces the edge of the book. Her first gift for him! His day couldn’t have been any better.

Ragini: Are you going to keep smiling like a maniac? Or will you do something as well?

Sanskaar: (takes a deep breath) Well, I guess for the starter I should thank her.

Ragini: Then I guess for that you’ll have to get your lazy self out of the room and towards the dining hall!

Sanskaar: I guess so too!

Ragini: Then, shall we?

Sanskaar: (smiles) Only after you!

With a chuckle, Ragini moves out of the room with Sanskaar following right after her. His mind full of the thought of how he should thank her!

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The whole time during the breakfast, Sanskaar tries to talk to Swara or thank her at least, but she outright ignores him, not paying any heed to whatever he has to say. Getting frustrated by her behavior, Sanskaar decides to talk to her after the breakfast before anyone else notices something weird going on in between them. There has to be a reason for her sudden change of behavior.

Walking past the hall, Swara sneaks a glance at Sanskaar’s room and finds the door already closed. Believing him to be inside the room, she sighs with relief. She has successfully managed to survive him during the breakfast. Surviving during the rest won’t be a big deal, right?

A bit pleased and a bit confused with her own self, Swara enters her room. No sooner she enters, the door is shut right after her and she is shoved right against the wall, though not harshly. A gasp escapes her throat but before she can shout, her intruder has his hand on her mouth. It’s nothing less than a shock to her to find the man who has occupied her thoughts right in front of her. Isn’t he supposed to be in his room now? He’s supposed to get ready for the office now!

Swara: Mmmm…. Ammm…. Hmmm…

Sanskaar: What?

Swara slaps his hand away and glares at him as if he has committed gravest of all the grave mistakes.

Swara: What the hell, Sanskaar? What are you doing in my room?

Sanskaar: Why are you avoiding me?

Swara: I’m not avoiding you. Stop being delusional.

Sanskaar: Yeah, right! You’re not avoiding me. You’re outright denying my whole existence! What’s wrong with you?

Swara: Nothing is wrong with me, Sanskaar. But isn’t this what we were supposed to do? The game, remember?!

Sanskaar: But you were the first person to break the rules!

Swara: Excuse me?

Sanskaar: You entered my room yesterday, Swara!

Swara: (gulps) No, I didn’t!

Sanskaar: (chuckles) Then I guess the book has grown a pair of legs. It walked inside my room last night!

Swara: Huh?

Sanskaar: You can’t even lie, Swara. So, don’t even try!

Swara: Whatever! I don’t care. Just… Just stay away from me.

A flabbergasted Swara amuses Sanskaar beyond comprehension and he steps forward placing both his hands on either side of her head, forcing Swara to push herself more against the wall.

Sanskaar: And why is that, if I may ask?

Swara: (accusingly) Because I need to think, dammit! And you just keep messing up with my head.

And that catches him off-guard. This is definitely not one of the reason he has thought because of which she might have been ignoring him.

Sanskaar: (leans closer) But I don’t think I have done anything of that sort, Swara!

Swara: F-First, stay away…

Sanskaar: (whispers) And second?

Swara: Stop kissing me whenever you wish to… just like you did last night!

Sanskaar: (pulls away) I kissed you?

Swara: See… You don’t even remember now! Just leave Sanskaar. Just forget I ever said that. It’s not like that it matters.

With that being said, she pushes him away and moves towards the door. But even before she could open the door, she is yanked back in the same position, with her back against the wall and Sanskaar’s tall frame hovering right over her.

Sanskaar: What did you just say?

Swara: W-What?

Sanskaar: Each and every kiss we share means the world to me, Swara! A feeling so pure that nothing… I mean nothing can mar its piousness. What I feel for you is something much stronger to be expressed by the mere use of just few words. So, never ever question my feelings for you again!

Swara: But… But you said you don’t remember…

Sanskaar: I thought I was dreaming, Swara!

Swara: What?! Are you joking?

Sanskaar: Does it look like I’m joking? Then let’s get serious.

The intensity his voice holds at that very moment makes her entire being shudder. The way his eyes bore into hers weakens her down to the knees and she tries looking away… anywhere but him. She refuses to see but she can very much feel him leaning closer to her, the warmth of his body now seeping inside her skin.

Sanskaar: Look at me, Swara!

And when she turns, her nose brushes against his nose. Even a gasp refuses to escape from her at the close proximity, their lips hardly few inches away but his eyes still locked with her own.

Sanskaar: Right now, at this very moment… There is nothing more I want to do than to feel those lips of yours on my own. But I know you will not appreciate that. I have given you a month to sort out your feelings but that doesn’t change the fact that ‘you are mine’.

Swara’s entire being goes haywire and her knees decide to give up at that very moment. Sanskaar immediately wraps his arms around her waist before she falls and pulls her flush against his chest. She feels as if she can melt in the warmth of his embrace and if she does, she'll possibly die a happy woman! Because for sure, if he keeps on behaving like that, he’ll be the death of her.

Swara: Sans… Sanskaar…

Sanskaar: Yes, Swara?

He whispers as he tucks a lose strand of her hair behind her ear. And smiles as she closes her eyes even just at a simple touch of his.

Sanskaar: You were saying something, Swara?

Swara: (opens her eyes) This…. This is not fair! You’re not following the rules of the game.

Sanskaar: My Game! My Rules! Keep up if you can!

Swara: What do you…

Before she can complete, Sanskaar lips grazes the corner of her mouth in the briefest of the moment and her heart skips a beat. But no sooner the sensation comes, it goes away too.

Sanskaar: Thanks for the gift, Swara!

And without waiting for a reply, Sanskaar walks out of the room with a satisfied smirk on his face. Whereas on the other side, Swara slumps down to the floor the very next moment trying to control her erratically beating heart.

If this is how he is going to play the game, she is not very sure how long she is going to survive!

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A/N

Hey everyone!

So, here’s the new chapter. Pretty long one, I know. But I hope you all liked it! I’ll be back with a new chapter soon as my exam for now is over.

Till then, stay blessed and happy reading!! And Happy Vijayadashami to all of you!

With love,
Stella ❤️