A/N (IMPORTANT)

Hey everyone! Before we begin I want to share three important things with you all...

# This update marks the second anniversary of my writing career. Exactly two years ago, on this day I posted the prologue of my first ff Mileya Mileya 🎉🎆🎇🎊 Thanks for bearing me for all this while 😂😂😂 I'm holding an interactive session for celebrating two years of MM in the edited version of the same story, that is, To You, My Heart I Surrender. If you want to ask me any questions regarding anything, feel free to check the latest chapter of the book. I would be more than glad to answer your questions.

# Second, a huge thanks to all of you who have voted for my stories in the Swasan Fandom Awards organized by @Einsfriendm4. If you still haven't voted and feel that my stories are worthy of it then please do vote. The voting lines are open till 3rd of March. That would really mean a lot to me.

# And right now I got to know that Mitwaa has won the The Literary Awards 2017 in the Fanfiction category. That was totally unexpected and I'm really very happy. Congratulations to all the Mitwaa lovers.

*** CHAPTER 12 ***

"Fighting others might be easy but fighting your own self is the hardest."

No matter how hard he is trying these new feelings budding inside his heart are debilitating Vidhaan beyond measures. Every time his eyes land on her he feels his heart twitch. It's wrong. He is not supposed to feel anything for her but he couldn't help but... feel. And this feeling is becoming unbearably painful with every passing moment. He is expected to help her retrieve her lost memories and then leave. But apparently, it's going to be harder than he has thought. This girl is driving him insane.

How is he supposed to leave after having felt the way he did seeing her an hour ago at the doorstep of their room! One look at her and he is still trying to calm down his erratically thumping heart.

They have reached the party venue about thirty minutes ago and ever since then Swara is with Ragini and Sujata, whereas Vidhaan is with the host of the party, Mr. Khanna and some other business delegates. But even then he couldn't help but steal glances without getting noticed by her.

He tilts his head a little again to look at Swara but immediately regrets it on seeing Annapurna storming his way. Her enraged features send jitters down his body and he silently prays to God.

Please don't say it that she has seen him glancing at Swara!

But apparently God isn't in a mood to listen to him right now!

"Shlok! Can I talk to you for a minute, Son?", Annapurna's calm yet warning tone makes Vidhaan gulp down nervously.

Vidhaan: S-Sure, Maa!

She glares at him discreetly and turns around on her heels without saying anything, expecting him to follow. And Vidhaan just follows her like a lost puppy with his head bowed down. Just as they reach outside the party hall to a much secluded place, Annapurna turns around sharply and Vidhaan flinches back.

Vidhaan: Is-Is everything okay?

He just hopes so!

Annapurna: Oh really! That's exactly what I'm asking you. Is everything okay?

Vidhaan: I'm sorry. I don't know what you are talking about.

Annapurna: What's going on between you and Swara?

Vidhaan: (shocked) M-Me and Swara? Nothing... Nothing is going on!

Annapurna: Look Vidhaan! If something is going on in your heart then sort it out as quickly as you can. I don't want my daughter to get hurt because of anyone. Not even you.

Vidhaan: I... I... You are getting it all wrong.

Annapurna: Do you think I haven't noticed! Let me get this thing very clear to you... What are you? A teacher, right?

Vidhaan: (nods his head) Yes!

Annapurna: Let's say even if I agree with everything... Can you cater to her pleasures and happiness with that minimal salary of yours? Do you think she'll be the same Swara she actually is if she is with you? Do you even think you deserve her? Just think about it and if the answer to a single question is 'no' then don't even think about my daughter.

With those final words she leaves as quickly as they came a few minutes ago. But Vidhaan fails to muster the courage to follow. No matter how harsh it sounds, but this lady has made him realize what he really is. His heart writhes with grief as her words keep ringing in his head again and again.

Can you cater to her pleasures and happiness with that minimal salary of yours?

Do you think she'll be the same Swara she actually is if she is with you?

Do you even think you deserve her?

And the answer to every damn question is a 'no' and he hates it. They belong to two different worlds. Swara is a princess and he's... just... just Vidhaan. They don't belong together. She'll never be happy with him.

The answer is crystal clear...

She's not meant to be a part of his world!

------------------.

Swara has been delighted ever since she noticed the look in his eyes when he saw her outside the room. She could feel something like 'love' in those mesmerizing orbs. She somehow has been expecting him to compliment her at least but he hasn't yet.

Has she imagined it?

Though her heart has been doing this crazy happy dance every time she notices him catching a glimpse of her discreetly. She smiles to herself... He thinks she hasn't noticed yet. After all, even she has been doing the same thing. She craves for his attention but she doesn't know why he is running away from her. She wants to love him and to feel his love.

It's been a while that she noticed him walking away with Annapurna. Though her mother-in-law has returned but her husband is still nowhere to be seen. She takes a deep breath glancing towards the door occasionally.

Ragini has been noticing Swara's mood all this while. It's now she has noticed that how much is Vidhaan affecting her. But she's still confused... Is it Shlok or is it Vidhaan? She needs to confirm before reaching any conclusion and taking any decision.

Ragini: Swara, are you okay?

Swara: I don't know Ragini. I tried so much to make him look at me but he's still the same. I dressed up for him and trust me when I opened the door I think I saw something flicker in his eyes but it was gone as soon as it came. And now...

Ragini: (curiously) What now?

Swara: I saw him looking at me from time to time but he is not coming near me. He doesn't need a permission, does he? He's my husband.

Ragini: Swara, can I ask you something?

Swara nods her head solemnly with just a little 'hmm' and Ragini takes a deep breath before asking the question.

This is for both her friends!

Ragini: Swara, do you love him?

The question catches Swara off guard. Does she? Is she in love with her husband? For sure, his single touch ignites fire within her soul. His ignorance rips her heart apart. She couldn't even dream of a single day she can live without him being in front of her eyes.

Her silence and inner conflict says it all. Ragini understands her unsaid words and keeps her hand on Swara's hands which brings Swara back to her senses.

Swara: I... I... Ragini, do I really... love him?

Ragini: You can answer it better, Swara. It's your heart and you know it better than anything. It's only you who can realize what do you want!

Swara: I want his love!

The sudden declaration stuns both Swara and Ragini. Swara doesn't know how those four words flew out of her mouth but now it's been done. Ragini keeps looking at her little friend who is probably trying to sort out her feelings. A little smile slowly tugs at Swara's lips and she looks at Ragini with beaming eyes.

Ragini: A-Are you sure, Swara?

Swara: More than anything. I want his love, Ragini. I can't take his ignorance anymore. That really hurts. I want him to look at me.

She places her palm near her heart and looks at Ragini with hopeful yet thankful eyes. She has made her realize that she's in love. The smile keeps growing bigger and bigger every passing moment.

Ragini: Swara, how long has it been?

Swara: (narrows her eyes) What do you mean?

Ragini: How long have you been feeling differently about him? I mean there must be some point of time when your feelings must have started to change. You both have been friends, right?

Swara: (shrugs nonchalantly) I don't know. We have been best friend but ever since he has returned, I don't know why but he seems to be a different person. He feels different. He has become much more caring and I love the way he cares for me.

Ragini: So, you started having these feelings after he came back?

Swara: I guess. Yes. But why are you enquiring so much? Have you started reading some detective novels lately?

Swara chuckles and Ragini takes a deep breath closing her eyes.

It's Vidhaan she's in love with! What are you playing at, dear Lord?!

But before anything else, she needs to talk to him!

--------------------.

After struggling with his own self for several minutes, that feels like several ages, Vidhaan walks back to the hall where the party is being held. Without paying any heed to anyone, he walks away and takes a seat on one of the couches kept in a comparatively silent corner of the hall with hardly one or two people around. Ragini quickly excuses herself from Swara and walks towards Vidhaan.

Vidhaan goes stiff as he notices Ragini marching towards him. Her face emotionless. Has he done something again? But he hasn't even looked at Swara? Gosh! Why is everything so complicated?

Ragini: What are you doing?

Vidhaan: (keeps a stony face) Attending a party, I guess.

Ragini: (crossing her arms across her chest) I'm not talking about the party. I'm talking about Swara.

That triggers off Vidhaan and he stands up. He has had enough. Why the hell is everyone trying to point out that he is wrong having such feelings?

Vidhaan: (loudly but not loud enough to attract any unwanted attention) Alright, I'm sorry. Sorry. Sorry. A million times sorry. I have done a blunder but everyone doesn't need to remind me the same. What's wrong with you Maheshwaris? Just let me be!

Ragini is taken aback by his sudden outburst. This is not the calm Vidhaan she knows!

Ragini: What's wrong, Sanky?

A lone tear rolls down his cheek and he quickly turns around trying to hide that from Ragini. In a way, he feels guilty for bursting on her. She is the only friend he has amidst all the strangers.

A pang of pain hits Ragini as she notices him hiding his falling tear from her. He must be feeling so lonely not having anyone to share his feelings with.

Ragini: You don't need to hide your pain from me. I'm your friend.

Vidhaan: I'm... I'm sorry. I shouldn't have shouted on you. I know you are trying to help me but these are my feelings and I'll try to get rid of them as soon as I can.

Ragini: Who's talking about getting rid of your feelings? Do you like her?

Vidhaan: (closes his eyes tightly) Does it even matter?

Ragini: Believe me it does. It really does. And trust me I'll be the happiest one if this works out for both my friends.

Vidhaan: I...

Ragini: So, you do like her!

It isn't a question. She has hit the right chord of his heart and Vidhaan falls short of words to get back to her. He opens his mouth several times but fails to form any word. He can't accept it but he can't deny that either. It's like he's stuck in between his two lives. One his real life and one that he has fabricated on his own.

Vidhaan: I...

Ragini: Don't try to deny it. Your tears have said it all.

Vidhaan sits on the couch with a thump, his fingers gripping the edges tightly and his breathing coming out in pants as if he has run miles. Are his feelings that obvious? Ragini gives him all the time he needs to get himself together and moments later, Vidhaan speaks...

"I don't deserve her!"

Ragini: And who says so?

Vidhaan: I know so, Ragini. There's no point in denying. I'll never be able to give her the life she deserves.

Ragini: Stop being ridiculous. You are here. She's here. What else do you want? Trust me, no one... and I mean it... no one can make her as happy as you can! Don't let anyone else tell you what to do. You're mature enough to take your own decisions. Just follow your heart.

Vidhaan: I-I don't know what to say.

Ragini: Don't say anything. Don't do anything. Just let it go wherever it wants and believe me everything will fall into place. And to give it a start, why don't you ask Swara for a dance?

Vidhaan: Will she dance with me?

Ragini: (smiles) Believe me, she's dying waiting for you to ask her. But for that first you need to get up from this damn couch.

Vidhaan quickly looks around the hall and finds Annapurna standing with some ladies of her own age, probably wives of some business associates. And then one of them speaks something and all of them leave the hall for some place unknown to him. And he doesn't even want to know now. He is tired of everyone telling him what to do and what not to. For now, he just wants to follow his heart.

----------------------.

Swara's heart leaps inside her chest as she finally sees Vidhaan walking towards her and the smile on Ragini's face says it all. Maybe! Maybe, the things will be better from now on. She jumps to her feet and stands straight as he reaches near her.

Ragini: Swara! Your husband wants to ask you for something.

Swara beams looking at Vidhaan jumping lightly with childish anticipation and she waits for him to say something with a rapidly beating heart.

Vidhaan: Um... Swara!

Swara: (excitedly) Yes Sanky?

Vidhaan: Would you dance with me?

He tilts his head sideways signaling towards the dance floor where several couples are already enjoying their time together and Swara immediately hugs him out of delight. Finally, the moment she has been waiting for has arrived and she's planning on living it to the fullest. Holding his hands she pulls him to the centre of the dance floor and smiles seeing Laksh and Ragini joining them as well.

Vidhaan, being a little hesitant, keeps his hand awkwardly on her waist trying not to touch her inappropriately in any way. Swara rolls her eyes inwardly on the shyness of her partner. Well, at least he has asked her for this dance.

She smiles looking at him and before Vidhaan could realize she grabs his palm and places it on her bare waist. Vidhaan's heart skips a beat on this new level of intimacy and he couldn't help but let himself drown into the depths of her deep spellbinding orbs. The music turns into a soft romantic number as Swara places her hand into his entwining their fingers together. Each and every word of the song expresses exactly what Swara has been wishing to say to him out loud but still couldn't. With her free hand she holds his broad shoulder and they start swaying their bodies together to the music relishing the most beautiful moment of their lives.

Oh! How they wish life to be like this forever!

Tu aata hai seene mein
Jab jab saansein bharti hoon
Tere dil ki galiyon se
Main har roz guzarti hoon

Hawaa ke jaise chalta hai tu
Main ret jaisi udti hoon
Kaun tujhe yun pyar karega
Jaise main karti hoon

Vidhaan twirls Swara around in his arms and back hugs her. He leans in a bit more and whispers in her ear. Swara closes her eyes in anticipation as she feels his lips brushing lightly against her ear.

Vidhaan: Swara, I'm sorry.

Swara: (breathlessly) For what?

Vidhaan: For not telling you how beautiful you look today. You look ravishing tonight.

Saying this he twirls her back facing her towards him. He smiles seeing her eyes still closed and a small smile tugging at her lips. She's is indeed a true beauty.

Meri nazar ka safar
Tujhpe hi aake ruke
Kehne ko baaqi hai kya
Kehna tha jo keh chuke

Meri nigaahein hain
Teri nigahon pe
Tujhe khabar kya be-khabar

Main tujhse hi chhup chhup kar
Teri aankhen padhti hoon
Kaun tujhe yun pyaar karega
Jaise main karti hoon

Tu jo mujhe aa mila
Sapne hue sirphire
Hathon mein aate nahi
Udte hain lamhe mere

Meri hansi tujhse
Meri khushi tujhse
Tujhe khabar kya be-qadar

Jis din tujhko na dekhun
Pagal pagal phirti hoon
Kaun tujhe yun pyaar karega
Jaise main karti hoon

Can life be any better? All this while they couldn't take their eyes off of each other, a small smile playing on each of their lips. Swara almost wishes to pinch herself.

This isn't a dream, right?

By the end of the song, the dance floor gets stuffed up with more and more couples joining in and Swara starts feeling uneasy in there.

Swara: Sanky!

Vidhaan: Yes?

Swara: It's suffocating in here!

Vidhaan: Do you want something to drink?

Swara: Can we please go out of here? I think I need some fresh air.

Vidhaan: Sure!

Both of them make their way out of the hall towards the garden of Khanna Manor. They walk towards the small fountain gleaming and appearing a bit more alive in moonlight. The silver disc of moon glimmers in its own glory cascading a milky white band of elegance and beauty over the water of the fountain. The only sound that could be heard is the singing crickets trying to suppress the mundane silence of the night.

Swara smiles feeling the cool breeze playing against her skin. She closes her eyes with contentment as the breeze ruffles her hair.

Vidhaan: Feeling better?

Swara opens his eyes and smiles nodding her head in approval. Vidhaan smiles back returning the favor as he sighs looking at the moon. What has his life become? If it would have been his true self here with Swara, this would have been the perfect moment for him to confess that he has feelings for her but right now he can't. He just wishes to be Vidhaan to her for once before he leaves this place forever.

Not hearing a single word from her husband, Swara turns to look at him and is enchanted seeing his eyes shining in moonlight. How perfect he looks bathed in the milky aura of the moon! His sharp chiseled cheek bones, hair strands falling lazily over his forehead make him appear even more perfect, captivating her being beyond infinity.

Swara: Sanky?

Vidhaan: Yes?

Swara: Do you hate me?

Shocked would be an understatement as Vidhaan's head jerks in her direction. What made her feel like that? He stares at her in confusion and she keeps looking at the water flowing gracefully.

Vidhaan: N-No! I don't hate you Swara!

Swara: (smiles) So, do you love me?

Why the hell is everyone asking the same question today?

Vidhaan: I... I...

Swara: (turns towards him) Close your eyes!

Vidhaan: What?

Swara: Just for once. Please, listen to me. Close your eyes.

Unsure of what is about to come next, Vidhaan closes his eyes and Swara smiles seeing him obey without any argument. She slowly takes a step closer to him and speaks...

"Can you feel the cool breeze soothing your soul?"

"Yes"

One step closer.

"Can you hear the music of the gracefully flowing water?"

"Yes"

She takes another step closer and Vidhaan intakes a sharp breath feeling her closer. What is she doing?

"Can you hear the song of the silent night that is just for us?"

"Hmm", he whispers breathlessly.

Swara steps even closer and places her palm on his chest. Vidhaan tries to open his eyes but Swara places her another palm on his eyes making him close them again.

"Just let go! Do you know what does this mean?"

"W-What?"

Swara stands on her toes to bring herself to his level and leans towards his ear. Vidhaan could feel his heart jumping inside the ribcage and his mind ceases to work as Swara whispers in his ear.

"This means we are destined to be together. I love you, Mr. Maheshwari."

Before he could react or think any more, he feels something oh so softly pressed against his lips. And the sudden confession makes Vidhaan's entire being tear apart. A foreign feeling tugs at his heart. Is this love even meant to be for him? She loves her husband then why does it feel that every word is meant for no one but him.

This is his first kiss. With the girl he is possibly in love with. But he is yet not sure whether he should be happy or sad about this? He wants to lean in, embrace her in his arms and take her away from this world where no boundaries could keep them apart. But he can't. No matter how hard his heart yearns for more of her, he can't do this. She'll hate this moment the most when she finds the truth about him.

Swara's hand slides down from his eyes as she rests her palm on his shoulder and Vidhaan immediately opens his eyes to pull her apart. But the moment he opens his eyes, he finds a figure glaring at them from a few feet away. Even in the dark he could make it who the person is.

Annapurna Maheshwari looking absolutely livid and displeased!

Oh boy!

"Welcome to hell, Vidhaan", his mind chides sarcastically and his heart skips several beats.

-------------------------.

A/N

So, finally the first kiss. I hope you all enjoyed reading the chapter. Let me tell you all in advance, please don't miss the next update as it's important and is going to be an intense one. At least I will try my best to portray the feelings correctly. I won't be updating next Sunday as it's my exam.

So, that's all we have for today. Happy Holi to all my lovely readers.

See you all on Wednesday with To You, My Heart I Surrender. Till then stay blessed and happy reading!

With love,
Stella ❤️