I haven't been through as much as the other people but I can say I feel like I have nothing in this world. I have been suffering from depression for a long time and it's only growing stronger. Sometimes I feel like no one cares - even when I'm with my closest friends, I feel alone.

I always feel like I'm living in my older brother's shadow. I also have a lot of self pity. I hate what I see in my mirror everyday. People see a young, intelligent, talented girl but all I see is a monster. My worst enemy is myself - I can't listen to all the compliments on my art, my brain tells me that they just want to make me feel good. Same thing with my singing, writing and appearance. As much as I want to bring it up with my parents, I can't as I don't want to get a therapist like my brother. I don't want to take antidepressants - I want to talk, but I can't bring myself to. I walk around everyday on the verge of tears, faking a smile and sometimes helping friends with their problems but I can't save myself. I have cried myself to sleep so many times. Ever since my cousin died of cancer, I don't feel like I can keep going, I CAN'T DO IT!!

And I try to hide it, I dance, I sing, I draw, I try everything I'm good at but I still feel like I have no purpose - I feel useless. Even my dad thinks that me playing the tube is a bad idea because it's not for women. I'M TIRED.

I don't want to live in a shadow, I don't want to be a puppet because that's what I feel like I've been all my life... A puppet. Maybe that's why I feel like I have no purpose and maybe that is what I've always been. A puppet. I need help but I don't want it! I want to show that I'm strong, I want them to feel like I'm not lying to my friends with my fake smile and telling them that I'm just tired when in reality I feel like I'm going to cry. I don't want to live in my brothers shadow, I don't want to be my parent's puppet, I don't want to be the perfect girly girl my parents want me to be. I want to be happy... I don't want to be a puppet... But I can't break free.

It's okay to feel depressed. You don't always need therapy, you can easily get yourself out of depression by talking about it - not necessarily to your parents if you don't feel comfortable doing that, but maybe talk to your friends, or even internet friends. It's good you told me about it. We don't know each other, but just talking about it would have made you feel better, right? That's the first step towards feeling good again. :)

And people around you do care. Your friends do care about you. You wouldn't be their friend otherwise.

But to be honest, you really can't expect them to help you unless you ask them for it... Just talk to your very closest friends/ friend.

Nobody's perfect. We all have our imperfections. And that's what makes each person beautiful.

(sorry, I got a little One Direction-y there XD but I do mean what I say)

So if people tell you that you're good at something, believe them. You know you're good at singing, dancing and drawing right? That's great! You seem pretty talented to me.

And you don't have to be Beyoncé to be beautiful. I think that everyone is beautiful. You may have frizzy hair, or imperfect skin, or a potato for a nose, but what really matters is your personality. Everyone likes looking at someone who's pretty but would you like being with someone who's looks great but has an ugly personality? No you wouldn't.

You seem like a nice person. I don't know how you look, but I can tell you have a pretty beautiful personality. And that's all you need.

You know, there was a phase last year when I felt like I was useless. I felt like I haven't really done anything in life, so why do I even exist? But then I decided to start this Help Book, and I've been feeling amazing since then. I feel like I'm of some use if I can bring a smile on someone's face and help them, in whatever little way I can.

So it's great that you're helping you're friends with their problems, but now you need to get them to help you.

By the way, if you want to play the tuba, GO AHEAD. There are so many successful female tuba players out there.

Adolescence is a hard time. One of the hardest phases in life. I can say that as a 17 year old. You are figuring out who you really are. You may feel like you are living in someone else's shadow, by remember, you're not a kid anymore. You're growing up, becoming your own person. Discovering yourself, forming your own opinions. You don't have to be what anyone else wants you to be. You can, and you will, be who you want to be.

Think about it. What do you want to be like? Write it down, and work towards it. You have the power to do it.

Don't ever think that you're not strong.

You are strong.

You are powerful.

You are in control of your life.

And above all, you are loved.

Lots of love,
A_B