"You're here again?" Tumigil si Julien sa paghakbang pababa sa hagdan nang makita siya. "Namimihasa ka, ha?"

Natawa si Aston at ipinakita ang coffee cup na hawak. Nag-offer pang sumabay na sa almusal kasama sila. Ngumiti rin si Laureen na nasa kusina at hinihintay maluto ang pancake.

Julien shook his head and smiled. He was joking, of course. After seeing how broken Laureen was, it was a relief that they were seeing each other again. Both families had no idea if the two were already back together.

"Aalis ka ba ngayon, Ate?" tanong ni Julien. "We'll be home naman. Puwede mo munang iwanan si Alistair sa 'min if you're planning to go somewhere."

Sandaling napaisip si Laureen dahil wala naman siyang balak puntahan. Wala rin naman silang usapan ni Aston.

"I have no plans naman, but I have a meeting later kaya pahiram muna ako ng library." Ngumiti siya at ibinaba ang pinggan sa lamesa na mayroong lutong pancake. Hinarap niya si Aston. "Ikaw, do you plan on taking me on a date ba?"

Julien and Asia immediately gazed at each other. Madalas silang nagugulat sa mga lumalabas sa bibig ni Laureen nitong mga nakaraan dahil hindi sila sanay sa pagiging vocal nito kay Aston. Kahit si Aston, nakita nilang medyo may gulat, pero hindi iyon ipinahalata kay Laureen.

"Kung puwede ka, why not?" Sumimsim ng kape si Aston. "I would love to take you on a date."

Tumaas ang dalawang balikat ni Laureen. "Let's see. I have meetings later. Depende."

"Okay."

Muling nagkatinginan sina Julien at Asia habang nakatingin sa dalawa. Hindi nila maintindihan, pero sa pagkakataong ito, parang naging mas magaan. Mas nagkukuwentuhan sa harapan nila, mas nagtatawanan, at mas showy pa kumpara sa buong isang taon.

Siguro dahil hindi naman nila madalas na makasama ang dalawa kaya hindi rin nila nakikita. Hindi rin naman kasi showy ang ate nila kahit sa kanila, pero iba sa pagkakataong ito dahil naobserbahan nilang si Laureen pa ang naglalagay ng butter sa pancake ni Aston habang nakikinig sa kuwentuhan kasama si Julien.

Aston and Julien talked about basketball while Laureen and Asia were busy with motherhood.

Laureen had been asking for many experiences from Asia about raising a baby boy. The articles online were okay, but first hand experiences were always the best to hear.

Nasa crib si Alistair na nasa living room. Saktong katatapos lang nilang kumain nang bigla itong umiyak kaya nagmadali si Laureen na buhatin ang anak at nagpaalam sa kanila dahil papalitan ito ng diapers.

Sinundan ng tingin ni Aston si Laureen na paakyat ng hagdan.

"I still can't believe Ate Laureen's a mom," sabi ni Julien nang tuluyang mawala si Laureen sa paningin nila. "I remembered her saying na ayaw niyang magkaanak kaya imagine our shock when she had Alistair."

Nanatiling tahimk si Aston na nakatingin pa rin sa hagdan kahit na wala naman na roon si Laureen.

"Aston," pagkuha ni Asia sa atensyon niya kaya hinarap niya ito. "W-Were you able to talk to Ate Laureen about Alistair?"

Kung sa katotohanan lang naman, hindi pa nila napag-uusapan ni Laureen ang tungkol kay Alistair dahil hindi pa naman sila totally nagkakabalikan. They were just enjoying each other's company thru breakfast and sometimes lunch, but no deep talks about Alistair yet.

"Hindi rin kami nagtatanong sa kaniya about Alistair," sabi ni Julien. "Kung ano lang ang sabihin niya, 'yon lang ang alam namin. But we're not stupid not to know you're the dad. Late na, but congratulations."

Tipid na ngumiti si Aston at tumango bilang pasasalamat. Hindi siya nagsalita. Less talk, less mistake kumbaga. Gusto rin niyang ipakita sa iba na hindi siya komportableng pag-usapan ito dahil wala pa naman silang proper conversation ni Laureen tungkol dito.

Even his parents and brother asked about Alistair. He didn't say anything. May alam siya dahil kay Yeza, pero hindi niya alam kung ano ang desisyon ni Laureen—kung ipaaalam ba nitong siya ang ama.

Nang matapos kumain ng almusal, nakatanggap ng message si Aston mula kay Laureen na hindi na muna ito makabababa dahil aasikasuhin si Alistair. Nag-reply naman siya para itanong kung puwede ba itong lumabas mamaya for dinner na kaagad namang nag-agree.

Aston smiled and bit his lower lip. Both knew what they felt; they wanted each other back, but they also liked that they were slowly getting to know each other again because they had changed a lot in the past seven months while on a break.

—

"Are you sure na okay lang na iwanan ko siya? I'll be home at around n—" Laureen didn't finish what she was about to say when Asia cut her off.

"It's okay, Ate. Kahit na gabihin ka, no problem. Nandito lang naman ako. Luce will be with Julien naman kaya ako na muna ang bahala kay Alistair." Asia excitedly entered the room. "Go enjoy your date with Aston. Don't worry much about Ali. Sobrang bait na baby nito, e."

Laureen smiled widely and agreed. Bukod sa pagiging fussy nito noong nakaraan na naging dahilan pa kung bakit siya nag-stay sa ospital nang dalawang araw, mabait na baby ang anak niya. Halos iiyak lang ito kapag magmi-milk na o kaya ay marumi na ang diapers.

"Go na, Ate. Enjoy." Asia smiled widely. "Thank you for giving Aston another chance, Ate. Thank you."

Nagsalubong ang kilay ni Laureen sa sinabi ni Asia, pero imbes na magsalita, nagpaalam na lang siya at nagpasalamat. Hinalikan niya muna si Alistair na nasa kama at dumedede, pero mukhang matutulog na.

It was almost seven in the evening, and she had no idea where they would go.

Habang pababa sa hagdan, napaisip siya sinabi ni Asia dahil kung tutuusin naman, siya ang gustong magpasalamat na gusto pa rin siyang balikan ni Aston. Pagkatapos ng mga nangyari noong sila pa, kung paano niya na-neglect ang relationship nila, nagulat siyang gusto pa rin siya ni Aston.

Naabutan niya sa living sina Julien at Lucien na nagbubuo ng nabiling Lego puzzle habang nanonood ng TV. Nagpaalam siya sa mga ito at saka lumabas ng bahay. Nakaparada na ang sasakyan ni Aston at nakaupo ito sa unang baitang ng hagdan.

"Let's go?" pag-aya niya.

Lumingon si Aston at tumango. Tumayo ito. Suot nito ang jogger pants na itim at itim na T-shirt. Suot naman niya ang maroon na polo shirt at komportableng straight leg jeans.

"Saan pala tayo pupunta?" tanong niya.

"Basta," ani Aston na natawa. "Anong oras pala kita ihahatid pauwi? Baka hanapin ka kaagad ni Ali."

Mahinang natawa si Laureen at tumigil sa paglakad. "I think I have to be home by ten? Okay na 'yon for us?"

Naningkit lalo ang mga mata ni Aston at tiningnan kung ang relong suot. "It's almost seven." Nagbilang siya gamit ang mga daliri. "We have almost three hours. It's good enough."

The car ride was simple. They talked about Ali, listened to Aston's playlist, and even asked about each other's day.

"Nag-sleep lang ako the entire day with Ali." Laureen chuckled. "Ikaw?"

"I worked out with Kalev. Aalis na kasi ulit siya. I'm not sure kung saang country this time." Aston gazed at Laureen. "Hindi na 'ko sumama."

"Why?" Laureen frowned. "Do you have any plans pa ba to travel soon?"

Tumaas ang dalawang balikat ni Aston dahil sa tanong ni Laureen. "I was actually planning to just go with Kalev wherever. Isang taon naman ang hiningi kong vacation sa parents ko kaya hindi muna ako magwo-work."

Walang naging sagot si Laureen sa sinabi ni Aston.

"But since I am talking to you again, bakit pa ako aalis?"

Sa narinig, nilingon ni Laureen si Aston. Nakahawak ang dalawang kamay nito sa manibela at direstong nakatingin sa daan. Tipid siyang ngumiti at ibinalik ang tingin sa bintana.

Imbes na kumain sa restaurant, dumaan sila sa isang fastfood para mag-drive thru. Nag-expect si Laureen na uuwi na sila dahil medyo late na rin, pero ikinagulat niyang dumiretso sila sa daan papunta sa dating condo ni Aston—kung saan sila naghiwalay.

Ang buong akala niya, roon sila, pero nagkamali siya nang lumagpas sila at dumaan papunta sa Eastern U.

"Walang masyadong tao ngayon diyan kasi holiday. Let's have a date sa field," ani Aston bago pumasok ng university. Ibinigay nito ang ID sa guard at saka sila sinaluduhan.

Idiniretso na rin ni Aston ang sasakyan sa mismong field kaya hindi na sila dumaan sa parking lot. True to his words, kaunti lang ang tao. Mayroon pa ring ilan na mukhang galing sa library, pero halos bilang na bilang lang.

"Huling punta ko rito noong mag-date tayo before we broke up," sabi ni Aston pagtigil ng sasakyan. "Let's go?"

Lumabas si Laureen at saka ipinalibot ang tingin sa buong lugar. Kahit na walang klase, nakabukas ang mga ilaw sa labas ng mga building kaya maliwanag pa rin. Mula rin sa tinigilan ng sasakyan, nakita ni Laureen ang mataas na condo building.

"Maybe someone's looking at us right now thinking what we're doing in the middle of the field?" Aston stood beside her. "Okay lang ba sa 'yong dito tayo?"

Tumango si Laureen at saka nilingon ang nakalatag na duvet sa mismong damo. Nandoon na rin ang mga binili nilang pagkain at ilaw mula sa sasakyan ang magsisilbing liwanag nilang dalawa.

Naupo siya at kinuha ang pie. Bubuksan sana niya iyon, pero kaagad inagaw ni Aston sa kaniya na siyang nagbukas at hinipan dahil bagong luto.

Mabuti na lang din at maraming stars. Mukhang hindi uulan kaya kampante silang dalawa.

"Before breaking up, dito rin tayo nagpunta, e." Natawa si Laureen.

"I hope no more breaking up after this," sagot naman ni Aston.

Nagtama ang mga mata nila. Ngumiti si Laureen. "But we're not a couple so no breaking up naman talaga," sabi niya bago kumagat mula sa burger na hawak. "But I wanna say sorry about the past, Aston."

Tumigil si Aston sa pagbukas ng softdrink at matagal na napatitig sa kaniya.

"Sorry na napagod ka sa 'kin, sa relationship natin." Yumuko si Laureen at hindi inasahang babagsak ang luha. "Ano ba 'yan! I'm not supposed to be crying."

Ngumiti si Aston habang nakatingin kay Laureen. Tumingala ito kaya nakita niya ang pagbagsak ng luha sa magkabilang pisngi. Hindi niya ito pinigilan, hindi sinabihang huminto.

"I'm sorry." Tumingin sa kaniya si Laureen. "I'm sorry we didn't work out."

"Pareho naman tayong may kasalanan. Bakit ka nagso-sorry?" Yumuko si Aston. "Ang laki rin kasi ng kasalanan ko sa 'yo, Laureen."

Matagal na nakatitig si Laureen kay Aston habang nagmamalabis ang luha. Ni hindi siya makapagsalita at ipinagpasalamat niyang hinayaan siya ni Aston na ilabas ang iyak niya.

"I really want you back." Laureen sniffed. "But I don't wanna burden you anymore. Natatakot ako na 'pag sinubukan ulit natin, mapagod ka ulit. I don't want that. You don't deserve that kind of relationship and—"

"Lack of communication was our problem," sabi ni Aston habang nakayuko. "It was hard to communicate with you, and I kept things from you."

Laureen inhaled and exhaled after hearing what Aston said. "I know about the group chat. I read things from your cousins and . . ." She sobbed. "Bakit hindi mo 'ko pinagtanggol? Bakit hindi mo sinabi sa 'kin lahat ng sinasabi nila about me?"

"I thought I was protecting you by not telling you. It was my mistake. Akala ko okay lang." Aston bit his lower lip. "I didn't wanna hurt you. I thought I was doing the right thing. Akala ko . . . akala ko hindi na importante na malaman mo and I'm really sorry, Laureen. I was so wrong na inisip kong less talk, less mistake. I was wrong for not defending you. I could've done better. I'm sorry."

"It was painful. Hindi mo 'ko pinagtanggol." Laureen sniffed. "I was so hurt reading the conversation and you didn't say a word. I know na they're your cousins, but I was your girlfriend."

Yumuko si Aston at walang nasabi. Nakita niya ang pagbagsak ng luha niya sa suot na jogger pants ganoon din sa kamay niya mismo.

"I want us back, but I don't wanna be in a situation where I'll feel unwanted again. I know you'll always want me, you won't make me feel unwanted, but I can't be with you if you'll let them talk shit about me." Humikbi si Laureen. "I want us back, but if you'll let your family hurt me . . . then—"

It was a long pause, and she stared at Aston who was looking at her. She sobbed but chuckled.

"I love you," Laureen murmured. "But I also value myself now, Aston, and I don't want you to choose! But last night, I was thinking about everything. We've been spending a lot of time recently and . . . we haven't talked about what went wrong. I don't wanna waste any more of our time again. Alam kong marami kang gustong sabihin sa 'kin. I wasn't a good girlfriend and—"

"I hate that you don't communicate. Palaging bukas na lang, palaging sa susunod na lang, palaging sa tuwing malayo tayo. Ayaw kong halos buong araw tayong hindi nagkakausap, pero okay lang sa 'yo. Ayaw ko na parang okay lang sa 'yong hindi tayo nagkikita . . . na parang okay lang sa 'yo na hindi tayo nag-uusap." Aston sniffed and stared at Laureen. "I hate that your solution was to always break up. I hate that you're always breaking up with me. Napagod ako roon, Laureen."

Nakagat ni Laureen ang ibabang labi sa mga sinabi ni Aston.

"Napapaisip ako kung mahal mo ba talaga ako? Am I even important? Gets kong hindi mo 'ko priority kasi you're doing a lot! You're busy, you have a life in Baesa, you have to deal with your ex because of businesses, you have to do this and that, but I was already asking myself. I was doubting you. Did you even l-love me?" Aston inhaled. "I'm so scared to know the answer. I know it will break me."

Laureen wanted to tell Aston she was a mess during the breakup, but didn't. She wanted him to let it all out. Alam niyang maraming frustrations si Aston sa kaniya. Alam niyang siya ang naging problema.

"I hated that we really didn't talk about the issues when we had a chance. We would sleep, have sex, kiss, and make up without talking about the problems until it all piled up and it was hurting us. It was exhausting. The situation was exhausting, not you. Seven months, and it was more draining without you."

Sunod-sunod ang pagbasak ng luha ni Laureen nang marinig ang sinabi ni Aston. Isa-isa niyang in-absorb ang mga hinaing ni Aston sa kaniya at nahiya na halos isa lang ang naiisip niyang dahilan niya.

"I'm sorry I didn't speak up. I'm sorry I hurt you by not speaking up." Aston bawled and held Laureen's hand. "I'm sorry I hurt you that night."

"It was true, though." Laureen smiled and bit her lower lip. "Thank you for being honest that night. It was painful, but it also opened my eyes. I underestimated you. I underestimated my love for you . . . but I really do love you, and if I can make everything right, I will. I want you, and I don't wanna lose you again."

Aston smiled and scraped his lower lip using his teeth. "You never lost me at all. Do you know what's funny, love? I travelled to fifteen countries in the past seven months and took photos of the places I wanna show you in each country. Every place, all I thought was Laureen would love this, Laureen would surely eat that, Laureen would try this. Everything was about you. I wasn't sure if we'd still have the chance, but I want to."

Tumingala si Laureen at natawa. "And there I was trying to heal myself and didn't think about you that much during those seven months," aniya at humagulhol habang nakatingala sa langit. "All I did was think about myself while you were thinking about me."

Walang naging sagot si Aston na pinunasan ang sariling luha gamit ang hinlalaki.

"Kasi I wanna be a better person. I did it for myself because I knew I needed to. I did it. I am even crying now." Laureen's chin vibrated.

"I can see that." Aston chuckled and wiped Laureen's cheek.

"I wanna be a better person for you, too," Laureen said truthfully. "Ayaw ko nang mapagod ka sa 'kin. Ayaw ko na, Aston."

Aston shook his head and smiled. "Kahit pagurin mo 'ko, okay lang," he playfully said.

"Aston naman, e!" Laureen sounded pissed.

"I was just kidding!" He laughed and sat comfortably. "Laureen, I want to be Ali's dad."

Laureen smiled. "Ali's dad lang? You won't ask me to be your girlfriend na ba ulit or maybe wife?" She did the peace sign. "Just kidding. Girlfriend na lang muna."

Aston stared at Laureen, smiling. "You really did change, but I love this new version of you."

—
T H E X W H Y S
www.thexwhys.com