Pumasok si Atlas sa loob ng kuwarto nilang mag-asawa at naabutan si Laurel na sinusuklay ang buhok ng anak nila habang mahimbing itong natutulog. Matagal bago napatahan si Laureen, bago nakumbinsing pumasok sa loob ng bahay at maligo.

Atlas watched Laurel care for Laureen and felt bad that his wife had to hear how their daughter cried and ask why she was raised to be strong. Laurel had no response but stayed with Laureen.

"Mahal? Tulog na siya?" tanong ni Atlas.

"Oo." Inayos ni Laurel ang kumot ni Laureen. "Magpabili ka naman ng seafoods for her. Can you ask someone at a hotel if they can make vanilla cake with caramel for her? Let's cook good soup."

Atlas nodded and held Laurel's hand. Inaya niya ang asawang lumabas muna ng kuwarto para mas makapagpahinga si Laureen. It was just almost seven in the morning, but it felt like the whole day was exhausted because of what had happened. Walang ibang nakakita, silang mag-asawa lang at si Travis na nakatingin lang din kay Laureen kanina.

Paglabas ng kuwarto, kaagad na yumakap si Laurel kay Atlas at malalim na huminga.

"Her question." Laurel shut her eyes. "It was the same question I had been asking since I knew I was pregnant with her. What have I done?"

And Atlas knew it was a question he couldn't answer. Mabuti rin na hindi nagsalita si Laurel habang umiiyak si Laureen. The emotions were heightened, and it was perfect that his wife didn't answer any questions. Mas mabuting magkausap kapag nahimasmasan na.

Nagsabi si Laurel na aayusin muna ang kuwarto ni Laureen. Nagpaalam na rin muna si Atlas na lalabas dahil nandoon si Travis na inabutan niya kanina ng kape.

"Na-book na kita ng room sa hotel," sabi ni Atlas na naupo sa reclined chair na nasa tabi lang din ni Travis. "Thanks for bringing her here. Buti napapayag mo?"

"Ayaw po noong una. Na-convince lang din nina Manang Tess at Hannah," sagot ni Travis. "Hindi rin po ako magtatagal, Tito. Matutulog lang po ako, pero baka bumiyahe na rin po ako bukas ng madaling-araw."

Malalim na huminga si Atlas tumango. "Have lunch and dinner with us 'pag gising ka na mamaya. I won't take much of your time. Again, thank you for bringing our daugther home."

Isang tango ang naging sagot ni Travis kay Atlas. Tinawag naman niya ang isang helper nila na mamili ng mga puwedeng lutuin para kay Laureen.

Alam na rin ni Atlas kung ano ang nangyari dahil narinig niya ang mga sinabi ni Laureen kay Laurel tungkol paghihiwalay nito at ni Aston kaya tinawagan niya si Luana tungkol sa sitwasyon.

Their kids knew about the breakup and didn't meddle knowing Laureen was a mess. Everyone thought Laureen was okay, and it pained Atlas that his daughter was alone for two weeks, dealing with things on her own.

—

Hours later, Laureen woke up and immediately smelled good soup. She wasn't wrong when she saw her parents fixing the table for lunch. Ngumiti ang mommy niya at sinabing mayroong paracetamol sa counter na iinumin niya para sa pananakit ng ulo.

Naalala niya na noong bata siya, narinig niya ang mommy niyang kausap ang Tita Amira niya tungkol sa pag-iyak. Ayaw umiyak ng mommy niya dahil masakit sa ulo . . . at iyon ang naranasan niya sa buong linggo.

"Let's eat," pag-aya ng daddy niya. "Nagluto kami ng sinigang na hipon, inihaw na boneless bangus na maraming tomato and onion sa loob, grilled squid, and your favorite inihaw na talong. We made melon, too."

Ngumiti si Laureen at naupo. Kaharap niya ang mommy niya na sinasandukan siya ng sabaw. Nakabalat na rin ang mga hipon para daw hindi na siya mahirapan at saka inayos na ang mga sawsawan.

She remembered everything she said, and looking at her mom, Laureen felt her heart clenching. It was unfair for her to blame her mom. It wasn't what she meant, but it all came out of nowhere.

They started eating lunch, and her parents were asking about Baesa and were planning to visit soon, pero nauna siyang dumating. Napag-usapan din na sabay na lang silang babalik sa Baesa kung kailan niya maisipang umuwi.

Laureen was relieved that no one asked about her breakup with Aston dahil baka umiyak lang ulit siya. Her head was still throbbing, and she didn't want to cry again. Pinag-usapan nila si Lucien na nag-e-enjoy raw sa swimming lessons at mukhang susunod sa yapak ng mga magulang.

Pagkatapos ay pinag-usapan nila kung kumusta ang resort, ang hotel, at ang ilang establishments na ipinatayo nila sa Baler. Some were office spaces, rental houses, and franchise of convenience stores.

The lunch went well and Laureen excused herself. Hawak niya ang baso ng melon na ginawa ng daddy niya, tumambay siya sa labas ng bahay at naupo sa reclined chair habang nakaharap sa dagat.

"J?" Her mom handed her a slice of vanilla cake. "Pinadagdagan namin ng caramel."

"Thanks, Mom." Laureen smiled and silence dominated them for a minute.

Naupo ang mommy niya sa kabilang reclined chair, tahimik na nakaharap sa dagat ngunit malalim na huminga. "I'm sorry this happened," mahinang sambit ng mommy niya. "Sorry na nararamdaman mo 'yong mga bagay na hindi ko sana gustong mangyari sa 'yo."

Walang naging sagot si Laureen na nanatiling nakatingin sa mga along humahampas sa dalampasigan.

"I'm glad you could let everything out," sabi ng mommy niya. "It's okay to cry, to shout, and be hurt, LJ. Sorry kasi isa 'yan sa bagay na hindi ko naipakita noon sa 'yo."

Because of what she heard, Laureen looked at her mom and saw her soulfully looking at her. Her mom's fine lines on her forehead showed due to frowning.

"Unfair that I blamed you. I'm sorry," Laureen said in a low voice. "But why didn't you show me weakness? Bakit palagi kang strong, Mommy? How do you do that? Bakit ngayon . . . bakit hindi ako strong ngayon?" She sniffed. "I wanna be strong. Bakit ikaw, hindi ka umiiyak noon?"

Laureen saw how her mom wiped her tears away.

"I cry, too! Umiiyak din naman ako, pero mas gusto kong hindi ipakita sa 'yo. You were so mature and I was already hurting you. Ayaw ko na sanang dagdagan. I knew what it felt like to see my mom cry. Ayaw kong maranasan mo 'yon," her mom said in a low voice. "My mom taught me that crying was okay. Naalala ko noon na nakagat ako ng ants."

Pareho silang natawa, pero mayroong luha.

"Ang sakit. It stings like a lot!" Her mom wiped her tears and laughed. "Ang sakit noon, ha! Pero that time, ayaw kong umiyak kasi sabi ko ouchy siya, but I can take it. Mom saw me and I told her na it hurts and it stings. Nilagyan niya ako ng gamot and sabi niya na it's okay if I cry kasi it's a normal response to pain. So I cried while she's cleaning my wound."

Nanatiling nakatitig si Laureen sa mommy niya na ibinalik ang tingin sa dagat habang inaalala ang nakaraan.

"It was one of the best cries kasi after crying, we'll eat ice cream." Her mom smiled but immediately frowned. "But it was different when I saw how my mom cried. As a young girl, palagi kong iniisip noon is what's making my mommy cry. Why is she in pain? What's hurting her? Ang dami kong tanong noon sa tuwing nakikita ko ang mommy ko na umiiyak. Kasi ako as a young girl, umiiyak lang naman ako kapag sobrang in pain na ako, e."

Bumibigat ang dibdib ni Laureen habang pinakikinggan ang mommy niya.

"Pero whenever I was asking my mom, sasabihin niyang she's happy kaya siya umiiyak, pero hindi, e. She wasn't crying because she was happy. She was crying because she was in pain. My mom used to hide her tears from me. I was young, but I wasn't naive. She always lied to me, and I hated seeing mom cry," pagpapatuloy ng mommy niya. "Growing up, I made a promise na my children won't see me cry kasi I know what it felt like."

Nagsalubong ang tingin nila at nakita ni Laureen kung paanong nangunot ang noon ng mommy niya habang nagmamalabis ang luha.

"And I'm sorry kasi 'yon ang nakalakihan mo. I thought I was protecting you." Her mom shook her head. "I thought I was being a good mom for not letting you know I wasn't okay. I'm so sorry, Laureen Juliana, that I wasn't a good mom."

"Mom." Laureen sniffed while shaking her head. "Mom, you're a good mom. You were so strong, but you failed to show me that there's beauty in weakness."

Her mom looked down and sobbed. "Your question earlier. What have I done? I'm so sorry, LJ. I will never, ever justify my bad decisions when I was young. I was naive, in pain, and decided wrong. Dinamay ko kayong lahat. I thought I was doing the right thing. I was stupid."

"Mom."

"I could've done better. Kay Vaughn." Humagulhol ang mommy niya. "Sa 'yo. Natakot akong maramdaman mo 'yong naramdaman ko growing up. Natakot ako na baka 'pag nakita mo akong umiiyak and it was too late for me to realize that we were two different people. We both have different understandings, and you are so mature."

Pareho silang natawa sa sinabi ng mommy niya.

"Habang lumalaki ka noon, amazed ako how you handled things when you were young. Akala ko ang galing mo kasi hindi ko nakita 'yong weakness ko noong bata ako. Sabi ko sa sarili ko na ang talino mong baby for you to understand situations at a young age, and I failed to see that you were my victim." Her mom looked up and sobbed. "You were the victim of my wrong choices, and I fucked up. I know you're blaming me."

Yumuko si Laureen. "I do."

Ngumiti ang mommy niya. "Thank you for being honest, Laureen, and I really am sorry."

"I'm sorry, Mom."

Lumapit sa kaniya ang mommy niya at hinaplos ang pisngi niya. "Wala kang dapat ikahingi ng sorry. Ako dapat 'yon. I'm sorry for all the trauma I inflicted. Sorry kasi naipasa ko sa 'yo 'yong dapat na sa 'kin lang. I remember what Patrick told me years ago."

Laureen kept on listening.

"Sabi niya sa 'kin na my issues should only be my own issues. Hindi ako dapat mandamay ng iba. Hindi dapat kita dinamay. Kung may issue ako sa sarili ko, 'wag kitang idadamay." Her mom smiled with tears in her eyes. "And all these years, nadamay kita sa sitwasyon ko na hindi naman dapat."

"I'm sorry, Mom, for blaming you." Humikbi si Laureen habang nakayakap ang dalawang braso sa mommy niya at nakasubsob sa dibdib nito.

Narinig niya ang mahinang pagtawa nito. "Ano ka ba? Ako lang ang dapat na mag-sorry sa 'yo. It's too late for me to make things right and I won't be able to do it. Baby, please, I hope you'll heal, too."

Tumango si Laureen at mas humigpit pa ang pagkakayakap sa mommy niya bago ito nagpaalam na babalik muna sa kuwarto dahil may lakad pala ito kasama ang Tita Amira niya. Mayroon daw kasing kausap ang dalawa para sa isang lote na nakita sa kabilang bayan.

Her parents were expanding some businesses with Amira and Jude.

Naiwang mag-isa si Laureen sa labas ng bahay, pero lumabas ang daddy niya at inaya siyang mag-roadtrip kung saan.

"How's lunch?" tanong ng daddy niya habang nagmamaneho papunta sa kung saan. "Ano'ng gusto mong kainin mamaya?"

"Sabi ko kay Mommy, gusto ko ng tinola for sabaw," sagot ni Laureen. "Tomorrow, puwede tayong bumili ng talaba, Dad? Parang nag-crave ako bigla."

Natawa ang daddy niya. "Oo naman. Kahit ano. Dito ka muna, ha? 'Wag ka munang babalik sa Baesa. Bigla kitang na-miss, e. I miss my first princess."

"I missed you, too." Ngumiti si Laureen. "Sorry kasi hindi na 'ko nakakatagal here."

"Wala naman 'yon. Tinanggap naman na namin ng mommy mo noon pa na darating talaga ang araw na lalayo kayong lahat." Tumingin sa kaniya ang daddy niya. "Na sa huli, kaming dalawa lang talaga ang magkasama."

Ngumuso si Laureen at naningkit ang mga mata. "Gustong-gusto mo naman 'yon, Dad!" pagbibiro niya. "But thank you for loving Mom so much, Dad. Thank you for being with each other."

"Bakit ka nagte-thank you riyan?" Natawa ang daddy niya nalingon siya. "Being with your mom is an honor."

Malakas na natawa si Laureen dahil sa sinabi ng daddy niya, pero kaagad iyong napalitan ng paghagulhol dahil naalala niya si Aston. Naalala na naman niya ang paghihiwalay nila, ang mga sinabi nito, at kung gaano niya ito kagustong makita.

"Why don't you reach out?" her dad asked. "You miss him. Go talk to him."

Laureen looked down and shook her head. She started sobbing again. "I don't wanna burden him anymore. H-He's tired na, Dad, and I don't want t—" She stopped talking when her dad started laughing.

"Grabe kayong mag-ina."

"W-What do you mean? You mean . . . napagod ka na rin kay Mommy noon?" she shockingly asked. "Dad?"

Her dad smiled and nodded. "Pagod na pagod ako kay Laurel noon and she was aware. She was exhausting to love, Laureen. Sobra."

"B-But why did you stay with her kung pagod ka na?" She sniffed.

"I love her," her dad said and gripped the steering wheel. "I wanna be with her. I wanna love her more. Kahit nakakapagod, siya pa rin 'yong uuwian. Hindi madali, pero fulfilling. Ang sarap sa pakiramdam."

Laureen stared at her dad, confused. "But love shouldn't be tiring."

"Says who?" her dad asked. "Sa quotes na nababasa mo? Sa mga sinasabi ng ibang tao? Laureen, we all have different ways of loving someone. We deal with different people, situation, and it doesn't always align with others. Siguro nagkakapareho sa ibang pagkakataon, pero hindi natin puwedeng kuwestyunin ang pagmamahal ng isang tao."

Seryosong nakikinig si Laureen sa daddy niya na nakangiti habang nakatingin sa daan.

"When we love someone, we'll accept every mistake, but that doesn't mean we'll justify or tolerate it. We'll embrace the flaw, hug every imperfection; we'll love without reservation." Mahinang natawa ang daddy niya. "Ang hirap gawin niyan sa mommy mo, pero mahal ko, e. I love your mom so much, Laureen."

Yumuko si Laureen. "Dad, I'm sorry for hurting Mom. For blaming her for what I've become."

"Wala naman 'yon. Your mom loves to hear more of your honesty, bub. Your mom had been crucifying herself almost everyday because of what she did to Vaughn and because of how she raised you. Araw-araw niyang iniisip na she could've done better, she wished she did better." Hinawakan ng daddy niya ang kamay niya. "And you don't have to forgive her right away for whatever she did. It'll take time."

Tahimik lang siyang nakatitig sa daddy niya.

"I'm sorry you'll have to heal because of what we did. The past wasn't very good to your mom, Laureen. I'm sorry that you have to suffer, too, because of it." Her dad kissed the back of her hand.

Laureen nodded and faced the road. She remembered all the stories her mom used to write. Her mom didn't know she read all of them despite hiding them years after marrying their dad.

For a moment, she understood her mom's decision to be "strong". It was her only choice at that moment. But Laureen thought she wouldn't do the same and would intervene.

She would heal. She would ask for help so she wouldn't have to hurt anybody. Sa pagkakataong ito, alam niyang siya lang ang makatutulong sa sarili niya. Blaming the past wouldn't change the present.

But healing would change her future. That was for sure. 

—
T H E X W H Y S
www.thexwhys.com