Warning : Long ass chapter ahead. It's gonna be the longest chapter of this story. Enjoy & plz vote 🥺.
You're POV :
As I walked out of my apartment , I was welcomed by the early winter breeze. It was already dark outside. I checked my phone & it showed 8:35 pm . I pulled my hood on just like before & started walking towards the woods.
I liked walking at late evenings or nights . It has something that relaxes my mind & helps me to think .
Should I move on? Should I let go of the past ? But that'll mean letting go of Jungkook too right ? I don't want to forget about him or replace him . But I also want to overcome this guilty feeling. What to do ?
I kept thinking as my feet brought me to the woods. I looked around & witnessed the as usual calm atmosphere. The only sounds heard here were from little insects or the wind brushing by the trees . As I reached my usual spot my steps haulted .
Someone was sitting on the big rock . His body was leaned on the tree beside. It didn't take me a second to know who it was . But the question is what was he doing here & at this hour ? As I got near with slow steps making sure not to create any sound , I noticed Taehyung was still in his morning out fit . Which means he didn't go home all day !
" Taehyung " I called with a low voice but he didn't bubge . I frowned & went beside him only to find him sleeping while hugging his body. Of course he was cold . He was only wearing a denim shirt with black jeans. His face looked pale , hair messy . He looked tired yet angelic . I sighed & gently shook him by his arms. He needs to go home & rest . Did he even eat something ? This guy !
" Taehyung ! hey , wake up . " I shook him a bit & he stirred a bit . Then opened his eyes slowly. He frowned looking at his surroundings. I sat beside him keeping a little distance.
" Agh.." a low groan left his mouth as he straightened himself. " Y/ N ? " He asked when his eyes landed on me .
" Hi , why are you sleeping here ? " I asked as he rubbed his eyes .
" Ugh ... I might have dozed off while sitting here. What are you doing here ? Isn't it late ? " He asked.
" Just came to relax my mind. " I said with a small smile. Even with his messy self , he looked cute .
It's funny how we faught few hours ago & now sitting beside each other so calmly.
I thought he would either stand up saying it's late & we should head home to avoid me due to our little fight or lecture me about not roaming around late like he usually does but neither happened. We both stayed silent & it was becoming kinda awkward. Maybe it was our fight that was preventing us from talking like we used to do or our friendship that was preventing us from walking away or avoid each other.
" Sorry" his voiced out breaking the awkward silence between us.
" Huh ?" I looked at him a little shoked & saw him sitting with his head hung low. He slowly looked up & I could see sadness & a bit of guilt in his eyes. He cleared his voice & said,
" Sorry for acting like an asshole today . And .... " He trailed of biting his lips. Then said, " and also sorry for lying. "
Lying ? I questioned myself. When did he lied & about what ? I looked at him & he looked uneasy. Unlike other times when he would say sorry for something & stare at me with hopefull eyes , he wasn't even looking at me . His eyes went everywhere but me .
" Taehyung , what's wrong ? You're okay right ? " I asked , concern lacing my words.
" I ... Don't have any girlfriend. I lied about it. " he said still not looking at me. For some reason , his words made me feel relieved ! But then again , why did he lie to me ? And why isn't he looking at me ? It's not of a big mistake but he's acting as if he has murdered someone !
I sighed & went near him . " Will you tell me what is wrong with you ? Why did you lie & acted that way earlier ? And why are you acting so uneasy now ? " I asked .
Taehyung's POV :
" Will you tell me what is wrong with you ? Why did you lie & acted that way earlier ? And why are you acting so uneasy now ? " She asked .
I know I was acting weird. But I couldn't help it. I didn't know what to answer her & how to act . After I realized what I feel for her , I really didn't know what to do. Should I tell her ? Or should I wait ? What if she becomes angry or breaks our friendship if I tell her ? Or what if she has already accepted Jaesoon's proposal? And that Jungkook guy ? What if ... Ugh I don't want to think about this . But I had to answer her.
I looked at her & she was staring at me as if trying to read me . I wasn't liking the distance between us when she sat a bit far from me but why ? It was like I wanted to be near her . As close as possible. She felt safe & warm . I might sound like a lost puppy but I wanted to feel warm , safe , loved . I was sick of being alone. Feeling like a burden to everyone. When she came near me , I felt a bit warm but I wasn't satisfied yet . But why ? What did my mind wanted ? Ugh ... I closed my eyes & sighed , I feel like crazy.
" I .... I don't knooow . " I whined as if losing by myself. " I don't know what to tell you & what to do , Y/N . I don't know what you'll say or think of me if I tell you this . I don't know what's wrong with me . Argh ... " I said ruffling my hair.
" Did you eat ? " She asked as if I just didn't acted like a total mad person right now !
" No . " I mumbled.
" Me neither. " She said & I heard some shuffling. I looked beside & saw her searching for something in her bag . She brought a small box full of cookies that gramma had given to her . " Here , hold this ." she handed it to me & again dug in her bag . This time she pulled out a t-shirt . A boys t-shirt. She looked a bit hesitant at first. Then she looked at me & said,
" Here , I know it won't do much but better than only a shirt . " I smiled & extended my hands to take it but that hesitant look was back at her eyes . She bit her lips & handed it to me . As if she was fighting with herself whether to give it to me or not . I took it in my hands & I knew it was someone else's. Someone who's very important to her. Maybe more than me . And that feeling from earlier came back.
" whose shirt is it ? " I couldn't help but to ask . Now she looked a bit nervous. But then looked at me & said ,
" Jungkook. " As the name left her mouth , question kept gathering in my mind. Who is this guy ? Why does she have his shirt ? Is he that important to her ? Is he her boyfriend or something? And so on . As if reading my mind, she said ,
" I'll tell you who he is but first, please wear it. I don't want you to get sick , Taehyung. "
Her last sentence made me feel kinda special & a smile tugged on my lips . Whoever this Jungkook was , must be important to her but at this moment she was prioritizing me . I put it over my shirt. It was kinda awkward to wear a t-shirt over a denim shirt but the weather was worth it .
"Thanks" I said with a little smile.
She opened the lid of the cookie box , took one & extended the box to me . Honestly I was starving, so I didn't waste time & shoved a whole in to my mouth .
She chuckled at me & said , " slow down . You'll choke . " I nodded .
After a while , the box was almost empty & of course the credit goes to me . I ate the most of it . We shared the water she brought then she started ,
" You wanna know who Jungkook is , right ? " She asked & I nodded. She brought out a photo from her bag & handed it to me . I had to turn my phone's flash light on as it was dark in here . There was a picture of a handsome guy smiling. With that smile on his face , he kinda looked like a rabbit !
" This is Jungkook . My .... Ex boyfriend . " She said & my head snapped towards her. Her face looked sad as if it was hard for her to except that he was her ex . She looked at me & her eyes were full of sadness.
" Sorry , it's the first time I'm calling him my ex boyfriend. " She said.
I never knew she was having relation with someone. I didn't know what to feel about this information. Should I be happy that he's no longer with her & she's single or should I be mad at her for not telling this to me ? Or should I be sad cz the look in her eyes were telling me she isn't over him yet . Maybe she loves him. A little too much . Just like I love her.
Yeah, I love her . I know now . All that thinking & memories made me realized how deeply I've fallen for her .
" Oh . When did you two broke up ? " I asked not knowing what to say further. She looked at me & said,
" We never broke up. He ..... Died. " And I was beyond shoked. I never thought this will be her answer.
" He ... What !? " I exclaimed.
" It's been almost two years , since ....he..... died. He was suffering from cancer. He got to know when it was too late . The doctors told him that he had only few months to live . He was an orphan & me & Jimin were the only close one's he had. He decided to hide his illness from us . When I got to know about this , I was beyond mad at him . I-I ...." She trailed of looking down. I never knew she had to go through all this . I wrapped my one arm around her shoulders & engulfed her in to a side hug .
" I-I stopped talking to him & d-didn't even visit him in the hospital. He kept calling me & begging me to meet him but I stopped answering his calls. Even Jimin told me to stay by his side at his last days but I refused. I was so hurt but the thing I didn't notice was he did all that only for me . H-he just wanted me to stay by his side on his last days & I couldn't even do that. When I realized that it was the last chance to be with him , I was late. When I reached the hospital, he was already g-gone. " She explained stuttering. Now it was all clear to me why she was like that . She was suffering from guilte . Now I know why she kept pushing me away & kept saying that she'll hurt me . She was afraid that something like that will happen again. Guilte & trauma made her hide herself from the world . It made her consume herself in to a small dark world . It took all her brightness away .
" Listen to me, Y/N. Whatever you did was because of the sudden shock you got. Your anger was normal. Anyone would be angry if they were in your situation. Yes , it was wrong when you ignored him for days . But it was your deep feelings that blocked your mind . You loved him so much & that's why niether your mind nor your heart could except the fact that he was leaving you for forever. You were deeply hurt which came out as your anger. You didn't do it intentionally. " I said hoping it'll sooth her wound a bit . Though I knew her wound was too deep for words to heal.
She broke the hug & said ,
"I can't forgive myself for this Taehyung.How could I be so foolish! He was nothing but an angel & I just hurt him like that . I still can't forgive myself thinking about how much pain I gave him in his last days. It was so cruel of me to do so. I know even if you're telling me all this deep down you also think of my as a cruel , self centered girl . Anyone who'll hear it would think of me such . That's why I never tell anyone about it . I know I'm cruel , self centered & emotionless who couldn't even stay by her lovers side in his last days. That's why I call myself heartless. " A tear made it's way down her cheek as she finished. ( The reason why I named this book "The Heartless Girl" )
" Hey , look at me . I'll never think of you like that. Cause I know you're not cruel , self centered or emotionless. You still feel guilty for what you did 2 years ago , you haven't let anyone take his place in your heart . Why ? Cause you still love him . Cause you feel for him . You're not cruel, Y/N . You know what you did , you know it was wrong & you feel guilty for it . I'm sure if you had a chance you'd try your best to correct your mistake. It's just destiny didn't wanted you to do so . " I said whipping her tears.
" Look at you , still crying for him . Hurting yourself for what you did to him 2 years ago. You're not emotionless. You were just confused back then. You had no one to make you understand what you were doing was wrong. It was situation that made you emotionless. " I said placing the fallen strands of hair behind her ear.
" You're talking about being self centered? When you selflessly put your happiness away for others. You kept yourself away from others thinking you'll hurt them too. Why would I think of you as cruel , self centered & emotionless when I know you're none ? You're not a heartless girl but a beautiful girl with a beautiful heart. I've seen you care for others , feel for others , Y/N . I know who you are & what you can do . And I'm sure Jungkook knew too. He knew how you were & how you felt. He wasn't hurt by you . I'm sure he knew you'd react like that & that's why he didn't told you earlier. He knew your anger was also a part of your deep love for him . Please don't blame yourself for this & let it ruin your life . Jungkook would never want that , would he ? " I asked & she nodded in denial still looking down. She sniffled a bit composing her self , she sat straight & looked at me .
" Thank you. " She said & hugged me suddenly , taking me off guard. " Thank you for thinking of me like this . " She said as I wrapped my arms around her . " Thank you for telling me this all . Thank you for bringing me back to light. Thank you for everything , Taehyung. " She said hugging me tightly. I didn't said anything cause I was busy feeling the feeling she was giving me . Warm , safe & loved . I looked down at her in my arms & couldn't help but to smile .I wanted her this close to me . I wanted her in my arms & I wanted to be in her arms . But would she let me ? What if she still loves Jungkook? I know she does & her feelings for him is too deep . What if she doesn't want to move on from him ever ? What if she doesn't want anyone to take his place ? What if she never feels the same as I feel for her ? My arms tighten around her as questions & insecurities started attacking me again . I felt like if I let my arms loose , I'll loose her . Now she has opened up to me . Now I know her past , her secrets . I know both her dark & bright sides & I'm ready to accept it all . She also knows everything about me as I've opened up to her long ago but the question is , will she be able to accept me as more than a friend ? Is there any place for me in her heart ? Will she be able to give her heart to someone else other than Jungkook ? Or she'll also avoid me like others if I confessed my true feelings ?
End is coming... :)
Bạn đang đọc truyện trên: AzTruyen.Top