My breathing went shallow with each second that ticked off, if it did any way because it seemed like in that moment, the world had stopped revolving, my heart had stopped beating and most of all, I questioned if I was even alive and in reality or was it all a part of a nightmare.

Betrayal.

From the amount of books I'd read in the past year, I was familiar with the word and the pain it brought along to my favourite fictional characters but I didn't know that I would be placed in their shoes anytime soon.

My mind always wondered about this kind of emotion, but the practical side of me always subsided the topic with the thought that it's just slight disappointment and eventually people got over it.

I always associated betrayal with slight disappointment, but this was far from that, this was just another level of heartbreak that no one ever prepared me for. This was the kind of pain you didn't expect to experience neither were you ready for, but it comes anyway, without as much as a small notice. The thoughts, emotions and feelings I'd numbed from so long now started coming to their senses again and if this wasn't the most brutual kind of ache I'd felt, I didn't know what else could hurt worse than this.

"Tanvi." Karan spoke my name with a shocked expression on his face as he stepped forward towards me but I didn't find it in myself to even take a step backward from this demon.

My eyes roamed from Karan to Varnika who just stared at the ground with her lips pursed in a thin line and man, didn't that enrage me further. I wanted to ask her what the fuck was going on? Were they together, if yes, then how long? And why couldn't she tell me? But the worst of all was, I couldn't fathom the words to speak to these people. The ones whom I considered my gems, once upon a time, that is.

I felt someone's hand cupping my cheeks and that's when I realized how close Karan stood to me as he held my face in his hands. My eyelashes lifted up as I dared to look at him, the tears ready to leave my eyes but I didn't allow them to, never would I let him witness my weak moment.

"Tanvi." He whispered my name and I snapped into my senses and realized that this guy, the one who'd successfully crushed my heart had the guts to touch me without my consent.

Slowly, I took a step backward, slipping out of his embrace and my drunk thoughts went to sober in one nanosecond. However, the dumhead didn't get the hint as he tried to reach for me again and before I could realize what I was doing, I slapped him!

My hand instantly started stinging but that pain was bearable in front of the ache of my burning heart. I saw as Karan realized what I'd just done and his eyes wider, if that was even possible.

"I told you to stay away from me Karan Malhotra! Don't you get that? I had enough of your assholish ways now just get the fuck out of my life." I said through greeted teeth, audible enough for Varnika to hear which made her look at me and our eyes met, "And you!" I pointed at her, "Best friends, huh? Why, thank you for such an amazing result of this friendship Varnika." I scoffed at the end.

She opened her mouth to speak but closed it again as I observed her actions before I had enough, and started to move to where I initially planned on going. I passed both of them and managed to enter the lady's room without tripping, which thankfully was empty. After I was done with my business, I dared to look at myself.

I stood there, trying to hold myself up as I begged my reflection in the mirror to hold back the tears that fell down my eyelashes. In that moment,I realized that this was the real pain - the heart wrenching pain as I saw myself fall apart one after another. This pain was nothing compared to the heartbreak I'd felt from Karan's shallow words that day in park,it was beyond that. This ache just showed how much impact a betrayal can have on a person who wanted nothing other than a happy life with the beloved ones but they chose to rather back stab her.

The memories I'd made with Karan, the fun I had with Varnika was all playing in my mind in a flashback while thousands of questions were left unanswered which I knew I wasn't ready to hear an explanation for.

"Tanvi!" I heard a panicky voice as the door to washroom was opened, only to reveal Rayhan with worry stretched across his face. "What the fuck happened? Why the hell are you crying?" He entered, not even bothering that it was a girl's washroom.

"You cannot be here." I told him, my voice hoarse from the amount of crying and barely a whisper.

"Why? I don't give two fucks that this is girl's washroom or the fact I shouldn't be here. Tell me, what did he do?" He asked as he came and stood in front of me, immediately wrapping his arms around me.

"Rayhan! I don't really want to talk about it." I told him, pushing him a little away which made him snap at me.

"Enough of that shit, really! We're going to leave this party and you're going to tell me everything."

"But, Shanaya -" I started but he cut me off.

"No excuses! I'll go tell her you had too much to drink and you want to go home."

I nodded, I actually wanted to go home. "I'll come with. She wouldn't appreciate of me leaving without letting her know, but please don't tell her you found me like this, okay?" I looked at him with pleading eyes, tears still flowing down but I didn't know how to stop them.

"Yeah, okay." He huffed out.

I took my time to make myself look presentable in front of my best friend and smiled at myself in the mirror through the teary eyes, managing the best smile I could and surprisingly it didn't look fake at all, no wonder why no one could tell what I was feeling.

"Woah! How did you learn to be such a faker?" Rayhan eyed me and I shot him a look.

I left him in girl's washroom to go find Shanaya whom I found on the couch, wrapped in Aarav's arms.

"Shanny?" I called her out and she immediately looked at me.

"Hey babe! Are you okay?" She asked and I nodded.

"Actually, I had too much to drink and I'm just going to leave, my head hurts badly." I told her, partially lying.

"How are you going to drive like this?" She questioned with a frown and I bit my lip, trying to find an answer.

"I'm dropping her home, she'll pick her car from here tomorrow." Rayhan said from behind me, almost scaring me because I didn't realize his presence. Didn't he say he'll join me after five minutes?

Shanaya wiggled her eyebrows at me suggestively and I chuckled. "Calm your tits babe, he's just dropping me back home because I'm too drunk and for some reason, he's sober and mind you, he's younger than me." I sticked out my tongue at her and she laughed as she stood up to give me a hug.

"Call me when you reach home or if the driver tries to be a pervert." She said the last words with her eyes locked with Rayhan which made Aarav and I chuckle at her.

"Bye Shanny!" I kissed her cheeks before leaving and grabbing my clutch and cell phone.

As soon as we were out of the lounge I turned to Rayhan, "Thanks for lying back there but I'll manage on my own. I'm actually sober now and can drive back home." I said and turned around to make my way to parking lot but he was quick to take ahold of my wrist.

"You're not getting away that easily." He looked in my eyes and I gulped, was this guy seriously going to make me talk about things I've been holding with myself from too long?

I crossed my arms across my chest, "What do you want?"

"I want you talk, Tanvi! I know something happened back there but you're still fucking holding back your tears trying to forget about it, but guess what? You cannot change the reality by distorting those thoughts so it's high time you talk and let go of things." He was mad at me, without a reason and his tone was snappy but calm.

"I want to go home." I told him, trying not to meet his eyes.

"It's already ten Tanvi, do you want to go home drunk?" He raised an eyebrow and I sighed.

"My parents are out of town and though I was supposed to be spending the night at Varnika's place, right now, I want to go home even if that means facing my brother with bloodshot eyes."

"Fine! I'll take you home." He sounded exasperated but I couldn't blame the guy, I could be stubborn sometimes.

The drive to my place was spent in utter silence, Rayhan's eyes were focused on the road while my jumbled thoughts tried to make a sense out of their own selves. I was mentally debating whether or not it was a good that I was going home in this state but I figured that I had no other choice.

I wasn't ready to face any of my friends and tell them the truth and though I pinky promised Nishant that I'll call him if something happens, I couldn't fulfil that promise either.

"I can walk from here!" I told Rayhan as he took a left turn for my house's lane.

"No!" He narrowed his eyes at me and in that moment I knew that asking him to drop me off was a bad decision after all.

Rayhan parked his car in my car's usual place after which we did the small walk to my doorstep.

"You can go now." I told him bluntly because I knew that was the only way to get away from him.

"Sure." He rolled his eyes as he went to ring the doorbell but before he could do that I swatted his hand away.

"Vaibhav probably went to his room by now, I'm just going to unlock, you take the backstairs and go to terrace, wait there and I'll join you after fifteen minutes. Okay?" I looked at him and he nodded with a small smile on his lips. "And try to be as quiet as possible."

With that, I unlocked the door with my pair of keys as we stepped in the darkness. I used my phone's flashlight to lead Rayhan to the backstairs and after that he went to terrace while I went to my room to change.

I undressed quickly after which I stepped into my stwarberry print pj's and a baggy tshirt before taking my long hair in one hand and throwing them into a lazy bun as I proceeded to wash away the make up.

After I was done, I made my way to the terrace only to find Rayhan occupying my usual place near the cliff.

"That's actually my place to sit." I said with a hint of an amused smile and he returned the smile before making space for me to sit.

"I think you look better than this, no make up and natural beauty." He looked at my pajamas as he winked at me and I gave out a laugh as I rolled my eyes, "So?" He asked as he eyed me lightening my cigarette. "Oh god! Tanvi, not again, please."

"Rayhan Roy! I'm going through an emotional turmoil and this is the only escape I have right now so keep your mouth shut if you want to stay here." My voice was cold but amusing enough for him to know I didn't mean to be rude.

"There's another escape I know of, but you're not willing to take that step forward with me."

I sighed, this guy was really keen to know what has been troubling me and all I wanted was to burry those thoughts deep in my mind and never let them surface over, ever again. But maybe, he was right, maybe someday I'd to let go of the pain if I truly wanted to be happy.

"Rayhan! Honestly, I appreciate that you want me to share but why are you so keen? Aren't boys supposed to be understanding and give space to girls when they say they don't want to talk about it?" I questioned him, with a hint of sarcasm which made him chuckle lightly.

"Really? Where did you learn that from?"

"Books." I told him which made an amused smile appear on his lips.

"Of course! But no Tanvi, in real life people don't understand the word 'space' and I guess having all of it inside you for an year was enough, now it's high time you let go of things." He said as he gently took ahold of my hand and pulled away the cigarette from it and then took a long drag himself while I watched him, surprised.

"I thought you didn't smoke."

"You think too much about me, babe." He winked and I smacked his head.

"No, seriously! You keep telling me all the time not to smoke and then you do this." I looked at him with my jaw still hanging low.

"Chill out babe, I smoke sometimes for fun and that's all," He winked at me and I closed my mouth. But he continued, "Now, time you tell me your story.. I mean everything."

I took in a deep breath before looking ahead of me and staring at the dark sky. "There's not much to know Ray, just that he asked me to be his girlfriend and I agreed. Eventually, I found myself getting attached to him more than I think it was possible and it took me weeks to figure out that I loved him. Honestly, when I confessed it in front of him and he said those words back, I thought he meant them but six months later he broke up with me with no as such explanation." I said in one breath as I closed my eyes to push the thoughts of his bitter tone away.

"What exactly did he say while breaking up?" He questioned and I gulped, no one ever asked that, neither did I bother to inform anyone.

"Let's please just not go there." I looked in his deep brown eyes and he gave me a stern look.

"We're definitely going there Tanvi, you can cry all you want but you're going to talk." He said as he scooted closer and for once I felt as if this guy was a lot more mature than normal kids of his age.

I searched for words to describe my emotions as my thoughts went back to that day in park with Karan, where he announced he wanted to break up.

We sat in silence while I tried to read out his face but too soon started admiring his perfect feautres.

"Do you want to talk about what is bothering you?" I killed the silence after fifteen minutes.

Karan's gaze was set on something in distance and when he nodded, he didn't look me in the eye.

"What is it about?"

My gut feeling told me it was going to be something bad, really really bad but I kept the negative thoughts at the back of my mind.

"About us." He replied, his voice deep and serious.

"What about us?" I tried to hide the panic I was feeling inside from my voice but it came out squeaked.

"Tanvi just remember that whatever I do, I have reasons."

What is he going to do?

"What are you talking about Karan?" I took his hand in mine, lacing our fingers but he left it loose.

"I'm sorry Tanvi, I am really sorry okay? I cannot do this anymore."

Did he just say that or am I hearing things?

Something striked me then and I cracked up, "Why are you laughing?" He asked.

"Babe, one joke can work only one time. I'm not falling for this break up joke again."

He sighed deeply, "It's not a joke anymore Tannu, I am serious."

From his voice and facial expressions it looked like it pained him to say the words but he did say it anyway, "I'm breaking up with you Tanvi."

Pain.

That's all I felt at those words, and the pain wasn't even physical it was a mental torture when I registered his words into my head.

'I'm breaking up with you Tanvi.'

I didn't move and just sat there motionless.

"Why?" I think I heard myself speak, but I wasn't sure about what I said anymore.

He took in a deep breath before he got rid of my hand that was so comfortably tangled with his as he set his hands in his lap and turned to look at me, for once.

"Tanvi, you don't get to ask me why. You know this was going to come to an end anyway, if you thought we were going to last, then you were highly mistaken." He snapped at me, his voice cold and bitter, something I'd never heard before.

"What do you mean?" I frowned at him, trying to hold back the tears as he looked me into the eyes.

"Oh, and now you'll start crying! Great, just great Tanvi. I'm sick of you clinging onto me, I cannot even breathe fresh air with you by my side." He said and I gasped, his words cutting off omething deep in my heart.

"Why now?" I questioned him, my voice barely a whisper.

"Why now?" He scoffed, "The last time I tried breaking up with you, you started crying and went all 'I love you' shit. What did you expect me to do?"

"Wow!" I was shocked as I took in the features of the person I doubted I knew anymore.

"Yes! Wow on the victory I achieved as I survived six months with you and suffered through all those sappy text messages you send me all the time especially in the morning when my phone starts vibrating, totally ruining my sleep." He said, not meeting my eyes as he looked ahead of himself with a pained expression on his face, again!

"Karan, why did you ask me to be your girlfriend in the first place?" I managed to ask him, wanting to get the most I could while I refused to give him the satisfaction of witnessing my tears.

"Because I wanted to have fun, I didn't know I was singing up for this boring shit." He cursed out right after as he closed his eyes momentarily and I observed his demeanor.

Was he lying? He had to be lying. He couldn't have pretended to be happy with me for such long six months.

"Karan! Are you mad at me for something that I did and you're taking this anger out in form of revenge?" I tried to reason with him but he just shook his head.

"No, you didn't do anything at all Tanvi. You're the kind of girl who needs way too much which I cannot give you, not anymore. You fantasize about us lasting but let me make this clear, if we stay together any longer all it is going to lead is physical attachment which will be worse than the emotional attachment you already have, so say thank you because I'm doing you a favour here."

I took in a deep breath as I tried to look into his deep brown orbs for the last time but he didn't even let me do that as he kept his gaze away from me, not even wanting to look at me once.

"Why don't you want consistency when I can give you that? Was I not a good girlfriend?" I wanted to shut up but my mind didn't listen to me as I kept on asking him more questions,hence giving him an opportunity to insult me further.

"Good? No, you were not a good girlfriend at all, in fact, far from it. All you want is someone to pamper you all the fucking time, like for once you need to grow up and be mature, you ain't a kid anymore so stop acting like one." He snapped and that was it.

My heart which was his, was placed back in my hands but not in the same condition as I gave it to him, it was broken down, even crushed to small pieces as I looked at him and tried to make a sense out of what all he had said.

"Can you please leave now?" I asked him, still now showing any emotion as I numbed my thoughts.

"Yeah! Goodbye, Tanvi." He said as he looked at me for nanosecond and then stood up from the bench to leave.

My eyes followed his figure as he left the park and as soon as that happened, I bursted out all my emotions I'd kept in from an hour as I broke into sobs when I finally realized that it was done, we were done, for good.

I felt Rayhan's arms around me as soon as I finished repeating Karan's bitter words. I had kept his words deeply buried in my heart from an year, not having the strength to remember that day neither having the patience to calmly think about them.

The worst part of all was when I still wanted him around after all that he had said and done, but I realized after half an year that Karan Malhotra didn't deserve my time and thoughts. I cried sometimes, hell, I cried a lot of times at night but in the morning I transformed into a person who wanted the world to look at her and realize that happiness was real.

I made myself believe that I was enjoying my life, successfully convincing myself that I was happy and that I had all that I wanted but at night when the loneliness loomed over my thoughts, I found hard to resist my emotions. That's when the salty tears rolled down my cheeks and many a times I tried and fought with myself to make sense of my thoughts because sometimes I realized I didn't miss Karan Malhotra, I missed the person he'd pretended to be with me.

"Why were you crying today in washroom?" Rayhan cut my trail of thoughts as he looked down at me with a frown on his face.

"I found out Karan and Varnika making out." I said through sobs, finally crying out all my emotions.

I heard Rayhan suck in a breath at my words as he looked at me with wide eyes, "What?"

"You heard me, Rayhan." I looked at him through my tear soaked eyelashes and he just nodded at me with his lips pursed in a thin line.

"I didn't know about that." He said and for some weird reason he sounded mad, or probably I was overthinking.

"Neither did I." I whispered.

Rayhan turned to face as he cupped my face and looked straight into my eyes, his brown orbs matched the darkness of the night, almot pitch black but nonetheless there was some hint of brown in them.

"See Babygirl, I know you had a shitty past with a boyfriend whom you loved with all your might but trust me Tanvi, he didn't deserve it. When he left you, he didn't realize that while running after some shitty fun he was leaving behind a gem that will never be his again so if we look at it that way, it was his loss. You should be thanking god each day for this heartbreak since it's a blessing, he gave you another chance to find the one who knows your worth, the one who will take care of you and will love you the way you actually deserve to be loved. So, until you find him, just let go of the past because the more you hold onto it, the more you will dwell in it." He wiped my tears with his thumb as he gave me a small smile while I mirrored his expressions as he leaned down and placed a kiss on my forehead.

"Thank you, Rayhan." I said as I embraced him in a tight hug.

"What for?" He whispered in my ear and I just shook my head as I parted.

"For paying attention to small details, for hearing me out and for noticing how much I really needed this." I confessed, being honest.

"Leave this formality stuff, do you feel better?"

"Slightly, except the kissing image wouldn't leave my mind." I sighed and he took ahold of my hand.

"It's okay, confront it and then let it go. If you try to push it, it will keep appearing back, more like a spring." He tried to explain with a smile and I laughed.

"Yeah, okay! You're a lot more mature than I thought you were."

He grinned at that, "So, no more calling me 'Kiddo' or 'Kid' shit?" He made a puppy face and I laughed.

"Mmm, considering you called me babygirl, I'll really try to stop calling you that." I said with an amused smile as I saw him blushing at my words.

"No teasing, really!" He elbowed me and I laughed.

As I spent the rest of the night with Rayhan on terrace in comfort, with no company of cigarettes, I realized that snapping out of the walls of numbness was one of the worst things that could happen to somebody.

But, at the same time, letting go of the past can genuinely make people happy and live in the present and probably that was all I needed to create my heartbreak into a bless.

X-x

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