Chapter dedicated to one of my favourite authors out here on wattpad. Vision-Of-Ecstasy for being such an amazing writer, reader and a sister to me. Her book, "Wild Eyes" is my favourite and her writing skills are so perfect. Mahn, I love youu di. <3

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"Why is that guy so persistent to explain you things though? All of this is getting so weird." Nishant uttered while I could tell he was lost in thoughts, trying to complete this puzzle in his head.

Of course after I told Rayhan and Nishant that Karan called, they didn't want to leave me alone. They treated me like a fragile glass that they were afraid could break any minute and that my friends was what made me roll my eyes at them.

"Who cares Nish? I'm done with him for real this time, even his voice doesn't bother me anymore like it used to." I said nonchalantly as I licked my ice cream.

Rayhan, Nishant, Zara and I decided to crash at my place for a while but before that I wanted more ice cream so Rayhan got me a strawberry one. I was just in mood for ice creams today.

"Why does this guy bother you so much though? He was your ex and I think it gets over as soon as you break up." Zara spoke and Rayhan gave her a pointed look.

I didn't blame her, everyone was not like Tanvi Kapoor who couldn't let go of things. She was right, things should've been over as soon as we broke up, stupid me who took a long ass year to realize that.

"Not when your ex also happens to be your first love though." Nishant pointed out and she just nodded in understanding.

Four of us were sprawled on my bed, somehow fitting by laying our legs on one another as we talked about every shitty thing - that included basically our past relationships.

"No one would want to know how many girls Rayhan dated though." Zara started with a giggle and that was enough to peek up my interest.

I sat up straight on the bed with the support of the headboard as I pulled a pillow on my lap as I finished my ice cream.

"Oh trust me, I would want to know." I said with a grin and Rayhan glared at Zara.

"Don't you even dare go there." He warned her but Zara was amused further.

"Hey, c'mon, it's for fun. No one's going to tease you for your choices." I patted his shoulder and he huffed before nodding a bit.

"I'll tell you that myself then. Just five." He said with an eye-roll and I swear I heard myself gasp.

"How can you add 'just' to that five Rayhan Roy?" I gaped at him.

He couldn't be serious, right? He was just seventeen and already dated five girls and most of all, why did this new information made me feel highly uncomfortable.

"Because they were casual girlfriends, I didn't love any of them. It was just like, 'Hey, let's date' and then later, 'Hey, I'm bored, let's just break up.' kind of thing." He tried to explain but that only made it worse.

Rayhan talking about his casual flings only made me wonder about his feelings towards me, was it just 'Hey, let's date?' feelings for me as well? Because if that was the case, all I saw was red flashlight in the form of warning.

"It's okay Tanvi, guys are like that. You don't have to think so deeply about it." Nishant said as he looked me in the eye from his place and I gave him a small smile.

"Okay."

Rayhan who was laying by my side earlier as I sat with a pillow in my lap, took it upon himself to come and lay his head on me. I refused to look down in his eyes and I knew that's exactly what he was aiming for when he moved his head to my lap.

He took ahold of the strand of my long hair and started playing with it while four of us indulged ourselves in another conversation.

"How was your first day though? I never got to ask that." Nishant popped up the question and I smiled as I was reminded of new friends that I made.

"It was actually nice, I made three new friends who happen to be cool and I do like them." I responded while Rayhan just stared at me.

I wanted to push him off but I would be lying to myself if I said I didn't like how it felt to be in this postion, I really loved how it wasn't awkward or anything.

"Great. I just made two of them."

"Do any of those two happen to be one of those girls?" I started teasing until it was too late to realize that Zara was there as well.

"Tanvi!" Nishant whined as he gave me 'the look'.

"Oops! My bad." I chuckled and so did Rayhan as he took in his best friend's features.

"Babe, they were just looking at me and Tanvi thought it was cool to tease me." Nishant tried to explain himself but Zara just shrugged it off.

"It's cool as long as you're not paying attention to them and in case you're planning to do that, we're done here." She sounded so cool and calm and I knew she was teasing but the horrified expression on Nishant's face just made me laugh.

"You wouldn't do that." He sounded surpised.

A smirk took over Zara's features as she cocked an eyebrow, "Don't challenge me Nishant, if you have other girls to keep you entertained why would I bother myself with you?"

She had a point but Nishant was of course offended because he was just touchy when it came to Zara and I wanted to tell him she was just joking around but I rather found my fingers fidgeting with Rayhan's hair as I encountered Nishant and Zara's useless argument.

"Fine! But just remember that I wouldn't do that you, I find every other girl boring after I met you." He pecked her cheeks and she gave him a goofy smile.

I gasped overdramatically, "Nishant Khurana, other girls include me, did you just call me boring?" I narrowed my eyes at him, obviously getting fun out of this.

Rayhan chuckled from my lap as he saw Nishant getting trapped between his best friend and his girlfriend while Zara and I shared amusing looks between us.

"Damn, this is a deathtrap. You both need to stop tricking me." He pouted like a baby and all of us laughed.

"Alright! You had enough for the day I guess but Rayhan and Zara, don't you guys have exams coming up next week?" I asked them as I continued to ruffle through Rayhan's hair who didn't mind it much.

Honestly, I liked the feeling so much that I didn't want either of us to move. I felt like I could spend one whole day with him like this and the whole situation where four of us casually hung out, it was so soothing that I would rather spend each day like this than go out and have fun.

"We do, which is why I need your help, you're going to help me with studies." Rayhan looked up at me and I gave him 'Have you gone insane?' look.

"You don't have the same subjects as I did, I have zero idea regarding them. You should ask Nishant for help, because I guess all of your subjects are same as his." I explained and Rayhan pouted.

"I don't need you to teach me Ms. Tanvi Kapoor, I just want you to make sure that I'm following my study schedule, which of course you will prepare and look through things a bit and for that you do not need to have knowledge of my subjects." He elborated as to what he meant when he asked for my help and I found myself agreeing to it.

"Alright. I can do that." I grinned and Nishant cocked an eyebrow at me which made me avoid eye contact with him.

After fifteen more minutes Nishant and Zara decided to leave which left me with Rayhan. I pushed him off my lap as I started checking my social media on my phone.

"Will you at least give me a reasonable explanation as to why you ignored me?" He asked from beside me and I kept my phone at side as I turned to face him completely.

He was half lying, half seating on my bed beside me as I sat with the support of headboard with a pillow on my lap. When I turned around to face him, he kept his elbows at the pillow and supported his chin on his palms.

I looked down into his dark brown eyes as I took in a long breath. Honestly, I had no idea what to explain to him and even if I tried, I knew I would fail miserably as he would end up thinking I'm insane.

"I don't really have any reason Ray, I just thought that if we don't talk as much, it will reduce your feelings or some shit like that?" I sounded so unsure of myself as I spoke which made him frown at me.

He himself got up and sat straight as he turned to face me and he held my hands which were placed on the top of the pillow.

"I understand why you did what you did but it didn't help, I still like you as much and you should stop avoiding me because that will only make me feel the dumb one here. I don't want you to force your feelings for me if you don't have any, but I also don't want to fight them back if they are present. Are you getting me?" He looked into my eyes as his thumb caressed my knuckles.

"Yeah, I do." I gave him a small smile and he returned it as he placed a kiss on my forehead.

There was a comfortable silence between us as we just sat there as he casually held my hand, a gesture that held so much more meaning to me. It was small things that Rayhan did that counted on and that's what made me who I was around him.

"What do you feel anyway?" He asked after a while and I opened my mouth to respond but closed it again, not sure of what to tell him.

"I'm afraid of trusting you." I gave him the most honest answer that I could decipher.

"Nope, you're actually afraid of getting hurt Tanvi. You trust me already, you just don't admit it to yourself because you're in fear of what will happen if I hurt you. None of it matters though, I just want you to know that I wouldn't hurt you."

"Never?"

"Ever." He promised and I grinned at him.

As I looked into his eyes, my gaze flickered to his lips and damn, I wanted to kiss him for being who we was, for treating me like I mattered and for just being himself. He annoyed me but he also knew how to make me smile.

My thoughts were cut off as I leaned in and molded our lips together, catching him off guard as I heard him gasp and that made me smile as I synced our lips together. He took his time to respond back, but when he did, I felt every ounce of my body dancing with happiness. I kept my hands at his shoulder as he closed off any distance between us by throwing the pillow away while he held me firmly by my waist.

"Relax your hands, baby." He whispered between the kisses and I was reminded of something, someone.

But the thought was gone as soon as it came when I felt our tongues colliding as my hands went to discover his hair which were never in place. He placed every kiss on my lips so carefully as if he was afraid it would break me down but I wished he knew that each time he pressed his lips to mine, I felt every broken part of myself molding back together.

We parted to catch our breaths and as I opened my eyes to read his face, there was a beautiful smile plastered on his perfect features.

"What made you do that?" He asked, his tone not accusing at all.

I felt myself amused with the situation as I poked his dimples while caressing his cheeks.

"I just wanted to." I grinned at him and he gave out a small chuckle.

"What will you take, another year to admit it?"

I tried to play innocent as I frowned at him, "Admit what?"

"That I'm incredibly hot?" He winked and I found myself laughing.

"You think too highly of yourself Mr. Rayhan Roy." I said as I climbed off the bed to pick up the pillow he threw away.

"So do you, Ms. Tanvi Kapoor." He winked at me and I smiled to myself as I noticed we were back to our playful encounters.

"You should leave before my mum comes home and finds her daughter with a kid in her room."

At my mention of 'kid', Rayhan got up from the bed, ready to run after me as he screamed, "You did not just call me that."

I yelped in suprise as I ran out of the room and into the living room as I made couch as the only barrier between us, laughing all the way.

"I know what you're thinking of Rayhan, don't do it." I warned him with my finger pointed at him, trying to threaten him as I stiffled a giggle.

"Oh, I will. You call me a kid, so I gotta be one." He winked at me.

"Baby, please don't." I pouted at him and his eyes widened at my use of the name 'baby'.

"Call me that again?" He had this goofy grin across his face that I wanted to jump across the couch and pinch his cheeks.

"Ray Baby!" I sticked out my tongue at the end, trying to hide away my flushed cheeks.

There was this strange feeling that was overwhelming me as I spent time with Rayhan, it was such a strong emotion and it made me feel so giddy and I knew what it was, it was happiness.

"You're forgiven, now come here." He opened his arms and I laughed as I jumped on the couch to cross it and move into his embrace.

He wrapped his arms around me and I felt his chin on my head, oh well, I was short and he was kinda taller than me. I nuzzled my nose in his neck but before I could even feel the butterflies in that position, the bastard started tickling me.

"Rayhan! Ow- " My words were cut off as I giggled before falling down on the ground.

"Yes, you thought I'll forgive you so easily? Don't ever call me 'Kid' again, not right after you kiss me." He chuckled as I felt tears forming up at the corner of my eyes.

My breathing went shallow with the amount of laughing and I wanted to push him off me but he was stronger.

"Tanvi?" I heard my mother's voice and that was enough to make Rayhan freeze in his place.

I stiffled another laugh that was about to slip as I saw all the color draining from his face and taking the opportunity, I pushed him off of me.

"Hi, Mom." I stood up as I straightened my clothes with my hands and tried to get my hair in place.

"What's going on?" She looked between Rayhan and I, and I could clearly tell she was mad or rather confused.

"We were having a tickling fight."

There was no point of lying, one thing I've learned is that the more you lie to your parents, the shittier the situation gets so it was always good to be honest to them, lying wasn't really an option.

"Who is he?" She crossed her arms over her chest as she took her time observing Rayhan and I felt anxious as I stood next to him, trying to process what exactly I wanted to tell her.

"A friend."

She cocked an eyebrow as if pointing out at what exactly was happening minutes ago. "Just friends?"

"Yes, Maa, we're just friends." I told her with the confidence in my voice and she nodded as she looked at Rayhan.

"Namaste Aunty, I'm Rayhan." He said as he went on to touch her feet and I literally felt my eyes popping out of their sockets.

Did he just touch my mother's feet? Woah, someone learned their values right.

"I've heard about you from Vaibhav, he happens to like you." My mother responded and I felt myself shocked, further.

What the hell was wrong with my family? Oh, yes, they realized that their small and kiddish Tanvi was finally growing up.

"Mom, you go have some rest, I'll make tea for you." I said before they both could converse further and make this situation awkward not for themselves, but me.

"Will you carry these bags for me, Tannu?" She looked down and I nodded at her after which she made her way to her bedroom.

Rayhan turned to look at me as he gave me an amused smile and I wanted to slap him, literally. For one second, I thought we could not annoy each other but then, even after all the feelings we shared, we were Tanvi and Rayhan, two people who got on each other's nerves a lot.

"So, I met your mom and brother, you met mine, when is the wedding?" He smirked and I gave him a horrified expression.

"You're impossible." I shook my head at his horrible attempt at a joke before going to pick my mother's shopping bags and carrying it into her room.

When I came back in the living room it was empty and I assumed that Rayhan left which made me feel disappointed that he didn't even bother to wait and say bye. However, as I entered the kitchen I saw him by stove as he poured milk into a bowl.

"What are you doing?" I scowled at him and he turned back to give me a small smile.

"Helping you make tea for your mother."

His words were enough to melt my heart as I observed him making tea for her. He cared, he didn't say it enough but his actions did and I guess that's what mattered more.

"You should go home Ray, I know how to make a tea. You need to start studying." I said as I took the mug from his hands.

"You're trying to get rid of me." He stated and I rolled my eyes.

"I'm not."

"Okay, so tell me, what do you feel for me?" He questioned as he crossed his arms.

I stood back with the support of kitchen counter and looked at his face, studying every feature of it.

"I like you." I admitted and he looked taken aback, not expecting me to say it. He moved forward but I held up my hand, a gesture enough of a sign for him to stop. "Don't even think of kissing me right now, my mom's bedroom is across the hallway, she'll kill me." I whisper yelled at him and he pouted.

"Oh god, seriously? Just a peck, please." He made a puppy dog face and I mentally battled with myself as I took few steps forward and stood on my toes to place a quick kiss on his lips.

"Happy?"

"Very." He grinned down at me as he held me from my waist and I rolled my eyes before stepping back.

"I'm not your girlfriend, you know that, right?"

As the words left my mouth, I looked down at the stove, trying to busy myself as I started to make toast for my mother. I could feel Rayhan's eyes on me but I was afraid to look at him. I knew what I was saying or doing was stupid, but I needed time.

"You cannot be serious." I heard him say, his voice filled with hurt.

"I am very serious Ray, this is good, we're good but I cannot commit to you." I told him, and as each word left my mouth I realized how absurd it sounded but I knew this was the thing I needed for myself.

For once, I wasn't thinking of anyone but myself. I had been mourning over lost friendships and relationships a lot and in order to not get hurt in future, I needed this! I knew it was an easy way out and also the wrong one, but it was safe.

"What are we then, friends with benefits?" His lips were still parted with the amount of shock my words had caused him but I just concentrated on pouring tea in mug.

"Wait for me in the living room,okay? I'll be there in five." I told him as I collected the toast and tea and carried it to my parents' bedroom.

I didn't bother to knock before going in as I placed her evening breakfast on the bed.

"Is he your boyfriend?" My mother asked as soon as she looked at me and I sighed.

"No."

"But, you do like him, don't you?" She pushed on until I sat by her side and gave a small nod.

"I do and so does he." I told her honestly and she looked into my eyes.

"Then what's the problem? He seems like a nice guy, and you're grown up enough to take decisions for yourself Tanvi. If you like him and he does the same, then why are you not with him?" She looked confused with the whole situation and though Rayhan was waiting for me, I wanted to talk to her about this even if it was only for five minutes.

"He's younger than me." I said, not meeting her eyes and she held my chin to make eye contact.

"Don't tell me you're thinking like an old lady, how young is he? An year or two, or even three? He doesn't looks that young to me though but even if he is, since when did age matter in such stuff Tannu? You do know that your mother is also like six months elder to your father, right?"

I knew she was, but age wasn't really a problem to me. Age was a coverage for all the fears that were kept hidden and age was what covered up for all the other problems.

"Your daughter is a coward Mum, once she got broken and that made her so fragile that she'd rather spend her life keeping herself shut out from all the feelings than experience the beauty of it." I told her honestly.

"Oh baby, don't think like that. I believe you're a strong girl who's actually letting herself free after what happened in the past, so let yourself swim in these feelings, don't hold back now." She said with a small smile as she caressed my cheeks and I nodded before standing up to give her a warm hug.

"Thanks Mom, though I'll leave now. He's waiting to have a 'talk' with me." I beamed at her and she laughed as she nodded in understanding.

As I came in the living room, Rayhan was busy watching some movie on the television. When he noticed my presence, he lowered the volume and turned on the couch so that I could sit beside him and converse comfortably.

"Took you more than five." He pointed out and I nodded.

"Yeah, she was trying to explain me what everyone else has been doing as well." I gave out a nervous laugh and he nodded in understanding before taking my hand in his and interlacing our fingers.

"Okay, so I know this may sound weird and strange but I do understand if you don't want to label us as anything. I'm fine with it as long as you're happy and honestly I never expected you to have even an inch of feelings for me but you do, and that's really just enough for me for now Tanvi. We'll see what future holds for us, till then you can call us 'friends' or anything that you want." He had a blank look on his face as he tried to read mine but I was just so overwhelmed with his words that I just went on to place a peck on his cheeks.

"Thank you!" A tear escaped my eye and yet again, it was unexpected which made him scowl.

"Why are you crying? Are you not satisfied to have a hot friend who'll give you casual hugs and kisses?" He tried to joke and I swatted at his chest.

"Shut up."

He chuckled as he scooted closer and wrapped an arm around me. We sat like that for ten minutes in comfortable silence as both of us were lost in our thoughts.

"I need to talk to you about something." He said as he pinched my arm and I narrowed my eyes at him before sitting up straight.

"Stop harassing me Rayhan." I slapped his shoulder again and he laughed as he held his hand in mine.

"Okay, well, I know we didn't talk about it and it was just dodged like that, but don't you really want to know what Karan wants to explain to you?" He looked at me carefully as I tried let his words sink in.

The thoughts of Karan wanting to tell me everything had been coming to my mind ever since he called me four hours ago but I'd been dodging them, not wanting to see his face ever again.

"I do want to know Ray, but I don't want to talk to him." I pouted and he nodded in understanding.

"Okay. But if you really want to clear out every thought from your past and don't want anything unresolved, I'd suggest you talk to him once." He said and though I wanted to avoid this topic, I knew he was right.

Plus, I really wanted to know everything that has ever been hidden from me, maybe that will help me find closure.

"Should I like call him, right now?" I asked him and Rayhan shrugged.

"If you want, then go on."

My nerves got the best of me as I took fifteen minutes to make sense out of my thoughts and come to a final decision. Yes, I was sure I wanted to talk to Karan, not talk to him but wanted to know everything but that wasn't possible until I had a conversation with the douche himself.

As I dialled his number and the ring went on, I kept fidgeting with my fingers as Rayhan kept trying to me to stop it. Finally when nothing worked, he held my palm in his.

"I never thought you'd call." Were the first words Karan, the asshole said.

"Not interested in anything other than the explanation you've been trying to give." I said, my tone bitter.

"Okay, well, you would've to meet me for that Tanvi, I cannot tell you the whole story over the phone." He spoke and I found myself frozen in place.

The only assurance of me not being numb to all was the warmth that was radiating off Rayhan's hand and the comfort that it was providing me.

"What makes you think I'll meet you?" I narrowed my eyes, even though he couldn't see me over the phone.

I felt Rayhan's hand going stiff when I mentioned meeting Karan. I gave it a little squeeze to assure him that it will be okay while I struggled with my own thoughts.

"Tanvi, if you meet me this one time, I'll explain everything to you! All my actions during the relationship, why I did what I did and anything else you would like to know. Just meet me one time and I'll never bother you again after that. Give me one chance to explain myself, apologise properly and also a shot at gaining your forgiveness." His voice was pleading and I found myself giving into his words, not because I still had feelings for him but because this was important to me more than to him.

I'd spend one and half year of my life over someone and I think I owed it to myself to hear everything out when he was willingly explaining.

"Fine, I'll text you the details as to when and where I'm comfortable." I said with a sigh and I could picture him smiling on the other side of the phone.

"Thank you, this means a lot to me."

I closed my eyes for a second before breathing into the phone, "Whatever Karan, bye." I hung up on him.

Before I could even properly look at Rayhan I found him saying, "You're not meeting him." His voice was panicky.

"Babe, you just told me minutes ago to listen to what he has to say?" I puckered an eyebrow at him.

"Yeah, I meant on the phone, not in person." He freaked out as he left my hand and I scowled.

"Why are you so anxious about me meeting him?"

I'd never seen him so nervous about anything and this was kind of weird as he freaked out about me meeting Karan.

"Tannu, all that guy does is hurt you. How can I not be anxious with the thought of you meeting him?" He breathed out and I processed his words.

So, he was afraid that Karan might end up hurting me, again. And most of all, he was worried about it. It was totally normal that I found this cute, right?

"Ray, I'll be okay. I need this, I'm doing this for myself, okay? How about I come to meet you after I'm done with him?" I offered to make him feel better.

"So, you're really doing this,meeting Karan?" He asked, his nervouness clear in his voice.

I nodded, trying to calm down my own anxiety, "Yes, I am."

X.x
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