I might have gasped audibly loud for them to hear me, as second later they turned around to witness my presence.

Karan and Rayhan, brothers?

My eyes blinked a few times on it's own, as if to make sure I wasn't hallucinating anything but there they were, sitting few steps below me.

Fear flashed in Rayhan's eyes as he saw my expressionless face while Karan looked too surprised to do anything.

"Tanvi, I-" Rayhan got up from the stairs as he started climbing up the steps towards me but I held up my hand to make him stop.

"Is he your cousin?" I looked straight into Karan's eyes, demanding an answer as my mind went blank.

"Tanvi?" Rayhan called out my name but I didn't even spare him a single glance.

"Karan? I'm asking you something."

He got up from his place as well and came to stand right in front of me, closer than I could allow Rayhan to be near me.

"Yes, he is but that doesn't changes the fact that he loves you, and he hid it from you because -"

I didn't let him say further, I couldn't. For the first time in my life, I wasn't confused or even felt the walls of my heart breaking because this was how it always went, didn't it? This was my fate, this was my life, to end up heartbroken.

"I don't need to hear anything else, Karan." I gave him a small yet sad smile before speaking again, "I've to go home now, Vaibhav needs me for some work. Hope you can give your cousin a lift home." I said before handing over Rayhan's shopping bags to his brother, along with the gift I bought for him.

Before I could pull open the fire exit gate, Rayhan took ahold of my wrist and I frowned.

"Karan, can you leave us alone for a minute?" He requested him but his eyes were set on me.

Karan nodded as he passed me a reassuring smile and went inside the mall again. 

"Will you at least look at me?" Rayhan asked, his voice almost pleading.

"Say?" I snapped, looking straight into his eyes which had hurt evident from my sharp tone.

"Look, I'm sorry okay? I didn't want to hide it from you Tanvi, and him being my cousins changes nothing at all." He took ahold of my hand, interlacing my fingers with his but I didn't make an effort to hold onto his grip.

"You knew, didn't you?" I asked, my voice cold and sharp.

"Knew what?" He frowned at me.

"Karan and Varnika, how they lied to me for an year. Basically, everything?" I cocked an eyebrow, not being able to keep track of my feelings.

I wasn't so sure about the accusations I was throwing at him but when he retracted his gaze away from mine, I knew I was being lied to this whole time not only by Karan and Varnika, but also Rayhan.

"You saw me break one piece after another that night Rayhan, couldn't you bother to tell me that you knew everything all along?" I asked, managing to keep my voice straight.

I was hurt, definitely but I failed to feel the depth of it.

"I wanted to, Tanvi but I was afraid to lose you." He almost yelled, his voice cracking a bit.

"Well, you lose me now, Rayhan." I said, looking at his face for the last time before turning around and leaving him alone.

Thankfully, my car keys were in my pocket and as soon as I got out of the mall, I drove straight to my home. When I reached there, my parents were still out including my brother which left me alone at my place, but I was used to this by now. I lied when I said Vaibhav needed me because he didn't, he was out with his friends and that was just an excuse to get away from Rayhan and Karan.

I threw the shopping bags on the floor and went straight to my room. Well, I should've cried and screamed but I didn't, I lost the strength to fight with my burning emotions so I turned numb.

Rayhan kept calling me each second which made me switch off my phone after two hours of staring at my ceiling.

If he loved me, why would he lie to me?

He didn't lie to you, he just hid something from you.

But, does this means Rayhan knew all my secrets even before I told him? He knew I was broken and he knew the cause of it all, yet he chased me to talk my heart out.

Was this because he pitied me? He wanted to make up for what his brother did? Yeah, he sort of did a good job at it.

My insides cried out because I wanted to confront him, ask him why he did this to me? Why he made me happy only to break me apart at the end? I was breaking from within but from the outside, I failed to even spill a drop of tear.

The door bell rang and I was frozen in my spot, afraid of who it could be. But then the rational side of me knew it could be Vaibhav or my parents as well so I got up to open the door.

"Pizza for you, my friend." Nishant grinned at me as he held two pizza boxes in his hand and I finally smiled after three hours of inner-debating session.

Nishant and I made ourselves comfortable in my living room as he did all the talking and I just gave out smiles to him. I should've told him but I didn't want to bug his happiness with my nonsense problems.

As I was about to take the last bite of my pizza, Nishant's phone started ringing and he frowned as he asked, "Why is Rayhan calling me?"

But before I could tell him to not receive the call, he already answered it which made him scowl further but then I gestured him to put the phone on speaker.

"Hey, Nishant?" I heard Rayhan's panicky voice which made my heart skip a beat.

"Hey, is everything okay?" My best friend spoke, his eyes set on me but I didn't meet his gaze.

"Actually, no! Can you please make sure Tanvi's okay? She's just really mad at me and I know she's upset but I don't want her to be alone while she cries. I would've come at her place but it's pretty late and I'm sure her parents wouldn't appreciate me being there at this time." He said and I sighed as his voice broke something inside of me.

"Why would she be alone and crying?" Nishant asked, playing along.

"Because, I fucked up a big time." His voice cracked and my heart dropped in my stomach.

"What did you do?" Nishant was now freaking out and I knew he was already mad at Rayhan.

"You're going to hate me for this as well but I should've told you guys before. I'm sorry but Karan is actually my cousin." He spoke and I felt the tears finally brimming at the corner of my eyes.

The strong Tanvi can't hold on for long.

Nishant's jaw was hung open as he observed my face. "Karan as in Karan Malhotra, the asshole?" He asked, still wrapping his head around the new information.

"Yeah, the asshole happens to be someone really close to me." Rayhan sighed and so did I, letting his words sink in.

"No wonder you turned out to be another asshole. Does this thing runs in your genes?" Nishant said through gritted teeth.

"Language, Nishant! You're Tanvi's best friend and I respect you for that but see where I'm coming from. I love her, alright? Just because I hid a silly secret doesn't makes me love her any less."

His words should've melted me but they did the opposite. Silly secret?

I snatched the phone from Nishant's hand and turned off the speaker before opening my mouth to speak, "Fuck you, Rayhan Roy! That silly secret of yours matters loads to me, alright? And you don't get to talk about love because as far as I can remember clearly, you promised about never breaking my trust so please remind me again, where did it go? Yes, right! It vanished in the air and just like that, few months later your love will, as well. Now, spare me from this crap and do not try to contact either me or any of my friends."

And with that, I hung up on him, cutting off his protests to hear him out. Maybe, I was being a bitch to him or overreacting but it hurt like hell to know that your only source of happiness could cause you so much pain too.

"Tanvi?" Nishant called out my name and I wiped away the tears that had fallen down before looking at him.

"Yeah?"

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"What was I supposed to tell you? That my second shot at love was as much fucked up as the first one?" I gave out a bitter laugh.

"No, nothing's fucked up. I'm sure Rayhan and you will work things out. He shouldn't have hidden it from you but that doesn't makes him love you any less, Tanvi." Nishant tried to console me but I shook my head.

"How can I trust him, again? He could've told me everything about Karan and Varnika, he knew it all along. I doubt if he even loved me or was it just a pity thing." I said, finally letting the reality sink in.

Even as I felt the happiness being knocked out of me, there was this weird side of me that wished Rayhan to be here with me, to tell me we would make everything okay.

Nishant tried to explain me everything but I was too lost to pay heed to his words as I blocked out his voice and thought of only one thing.

Why didn't he tell me?

After my parents arrived, Nishant left and saying goodnight to them, I decided to go to my room.  My father asked me twice if I was okay, sensing something fishy and after reassuring him I was okay, I finally went to bed.

I switched on my phone only to receive about thirty messages from Rayhan, all pleading me to talk to him once. Sighing, I opened one of the recent texts to read.

Tanvi, please talk to me.. I am so sorry baby, I never meant to hurt you or break your trust. I know how much this affects you, even though you wouldn't show it to the world but I know you're hurt. Please, just give me one chance to explain. I love you, Tanvi. I never lied about it, I have loved you and always will.

I'm so sorry, love.

The fact that he was suffering as well made this worse. I would've been better off if he just stopped making the efforts, at least I would know it was all a part of the play and that we don't have to talk this through but it pained me to realize that he was probably hurt as well.

My thoughts were cut off when my phone started buzzing in my hand and Rayhan's name flashed across the screen, making me panic for a while. I didn't want to receive the call but my heart, my poor senseless heart wanted to hear him out.

"Hello?" I answered, my heartbeat picking up the pace.

"Tanvi? Oh god, hey!" He breathed on the other side and I felt a knot forming in my throat.

"Say?" I almost whispered, losing the strength to yell at him.

"I.. I don't know what to say, Tannu. You weren't supposed to find out like this, it was never supposed to go this way. I know you're hurt, you have every fucking right to be hurt but these were never my intentions. I felt drawn to you ever since I first laid my eyes on you back when you turned seventeen. The reason I backed off that day was because it turned out my brother was your boyfriend and - Fuck! There's just so much to tell you. Can we please meet, once?" He pleaded and I felt tears forming up in my eyes.

"You broke my trust, Rayhan." I managed to say, my voice cracking a bit.

"Baby, I didn't mean to! I am so sorry, please don't cry. I can bear anything just not your tears, especially when I'm the one who caused them in the first place. I'm sorry Tannu." His voice was so soothing that it only made me break apart further.

"Did you know that Karan got in a relationship with me only to make Varnika jealous and that he never loved me the way he claimed to?" I managed to ask the question I dreaded the most.

He sighed as I held my breath, "Yes, I knew it Tanvi." He said and his words were enough to let me break into sobs.

I couldn't let him hear me cry now, could I? So, I hung up on him and cried like this was the first time someone had made me feel this way. And maybe it was, because no one had ever loved me like he did and I haven't loved anyone with so much passion either.

He broke my trust once, what was the guarantee he wouldn't repeat it in future, again?

As I sobbed throughout the night, I left one message to Rayhan with teary eyes.

We're done, Rayhan. I'm breaking up with you.

~

Two Weeks.

It has two weeks and I've learned to smile when someone cracks a joke. All of my friends knew about my breakup but they also understood that I preferred not to talk about it.

Rayhan constantly called and texted me for a week but with each day, the amount of both his messages and calls decreased but I wasn't complaining. If I were in his place, I would've stopped trying way back.

I was often told by Shanaya and Nishant that I overreacted  but I wish I could explain them my insecurities regarding trust issues, and how exactly Rayhan was aware of them and played with it, mocking me all the while.

Rayhan's constant calls  sometimes got a reaction out of me when I answered his call only to tell him that I wasn't going to change my decision.

From two weeks, the days and nights seem longer than usual to me, making me sink deep in my thoughts. It was hard to let go of someone when you so badly wanted to hold onto them. I wouldn't lie to myself, which is why I need to confess that sometimes I regretted the text I had sent him that night, breaking up with him.

Maybe we could work and I will be able to trust him again? This thought frustrated me to no end.

As I was lost in my thoughts while driving back home from college, my phone's ringtone started buzzing in the whole car, well thanks to the AUX.

I looked at the number and it belonged to Rayhan which made me sigh. It was one of those moments where I just answered him to hear his voice, to make sure he was doing okay. I swiped across the phone screen, accepting his call and waited for him to say something.

"Tanvi?" A high pitched voice boomed in my car and almost immediately, a smile found it's way on my face.

"Hey, Arush."

"Hey." He sounded incredibly low which made my smile disappear and seconds later, I was frowning.

"Are you okay? Is Rayhan okay?" I asked and halted the car on the side of the road.

"No, he's not okay." He mumbled and I felt my anxiety rising.

"What happened?"

"I don't know, he remains sad these days and I don't like him when he's sad. He refuses to fight back when I start a fight with him. Do you know what happened to my playful and annoying brother?"

If the pain I was suffering from wasn't enough, this was putting salt to my already wounded heart. I missed the annoying and playful Rayhan as well, but wasn't it me to push him away in the first place?

"Yes, I'm sorry that he's being like that Arush. Where is he right now?"

"He went to take a bath and I came in his room where his phone was lying on the bed so I thought I would call you. Can you come home today? We all can play together and -"

His voice was cut off when Rayhan's voice filled my ears, "Who are you talking to from my phone?" He almost yelled and I cringed.

"It's Tanvi, I'm inviting her to play with us." I heard Arush speak.

"Is she on the line?" Rayhan asked and I heard some shuffling on the other side.

"Yes, she is."

Rayhan must've snatched away the phone from Arush because seconds later I heard him speak, "Tanvi? Hey, are you okay?"

Something twisted inside my stomach as I heard his voice almost after four days, which was a long time for me.

"Yes, I'm good. How're you?" I asked, for once not snapping at him.

"Good as well. Are you coming over?"

There was this undeniable hope in his voice that made me feel guilty as I uttered the next few words.

"No, I'm not."

"Oh!"

"Can you do me a favour?" I asked, biting on my lip to get a grip on my emotions.

"Anything you ask for will be done, what is it?" He sounded curious .

"Spend some quality time with Arush, don't let your past relationship have an effect on him. Also, next time you see him using your phone, try not to yell on your younger brother." I said, meaning every word.

I heard him sigh on the other side, "Yeah, will keep that in mind."

"Bye, Rayhan."

"Bye." He hung up and I stared at the road ahead of me.

This was the first time he didn't make any effort to keep the conversation going and I hate to admit that it hurt but I also felt relieved with the fact that he was getting over whatever we shared. He deserved a much better person in his life, someone who wouldn't be so afraid to show and confess her feelings.

With his thoughts surrounding my mind, I started the engine again and ten minutes later I was parking my car. Vaibhav was supposed to be at his job, my father was like always busy with business and my mother was visiting my grandma.

As I reached my home, I took out my keys to unlock the door but was surprised when I realized that it was already open.

Did someone break in?

I frowned as I entered my living room and the sight in front of me was enough to make me throw a fit.

"What the hell is going on here?" I looked between the two people I never thought I would ever meet again.

Varnika and Karan were occupying the couch in my living room which left me bewildered as my eyes moved to Shanaya who sat on the couch next to them and I scowled at her.

"Shanaya?" I yelled out her name, "What are they doing here?"

"I brought them here, Nishant took Vaibhav's keys from him." She explained and my anger rose.

"Why would my brother give his keys to Nishant and why would you bring these two here?" I screamed which made her move from her place and she came to stand in front of me.

"Tanvi, trust me on this. You need to hear them out, you wouldn't regret it, I promise you that."

Her voice was calm but stern as if she was talking to a stubborn child. She looked straight into my eyes as she held me from my shoulder, moving in to give me a tight hug.

"I don't want to do this." I whispered in her ear and she rubbed my back.

"I know babe, I know. But you need to face the reality someday, maybe today is the day. Just talk to them, I'll be out in the park with Nishant." She said before parting away and giving me an assuring smile.

As Shanaya left, I wanted to hold onto her to tell her to stay with me but I knew I needed to do this alone. With a crappy mood, I turned towards the love birds.

"Hey?" Varnika tried to greet as I moved to sit across them.

"I don't want to waste time doing formal greetings. Let's get straight to the point, shall we?" I raised an eyebrow, looking at both of them.

I might sound biased right now, but I didn't have as much problem with Karan while looking at Varnika's face made me want to slap across her face.

"Tanvi, we are here to explain just one thing to you but before that Varnika and you need to talk, like really talk." Karan spoke, his voice mimicking Shanaya's from moments ago.

"I don't want to hear her." I snapped, telling the truth.

"Tanvi, please? Just once, for the sake of our friendship." Varnika pleaded and I gave out a bitter laugh.

"Do you seriously have the guts to call that thing 'friendship'?" I air quoted and she looked at me with teary eyes.

"I don't have any explanations for what I did. I was the wrong one, Tanvi but I never thought that you would come across the truth. I have always been the selfish one and I'm truly sorry about that but you were always a true friend to me."

By now, tears were rolling down her cheeks and I had to bite my tongue to prevent myself from saying something extremely bitchy.

"But you weren't." I said, my voice barely a whisper.

"Yes, I wasn't and I apologize for that but losing Shanaya and you is the worst thing that has happened to me. I know everyone wants a reason as to why certain things happened but I have none. I was just a bad person, not that I claim to be any good now but without your forgiveness I cannot even take the first step towards trying. I am sorry, Tanvi, for everything."

The girl who sat in front of me, pleading for my forgiveness didn't seem like the one to be the cause of all the sufferings and heartache in my life. She reflected the friend I'd always admired, the one who took care of me at parties and it was so hard to hold onto my anger.

"Do you have anything else to say?" I looked her in the eye and saw defeat.

"Yes! Rayhan and Karan are cousins and I've known it since always. You heard Karan say that I wanted to tell it to you because I couldn't stand the thought of Rayhan being happy with you.. well, that was partially true. I was being a psychopath bitch again because I couldn't fathom the thought of losing you from my life and Rayhan knew our secrets all along so it seemed like a good idea to me back then but it doesn't anymore. I never realized that he always asked two of us to leave you out of this, he always admired you, Tanvi and you guys love each other so don't let your past affect your present. I am sorry for the part I played in your past, I truly am."

Her words touched something deep inside of me and the mention of Rayhan's name and his love for me almost brought tears in my eyes but I concealed it well.

"It's okay, what's done cannot be undone." I shrugged, not knowing what else to say.

"I don't expect you to forgive me just now but just know that Karan and I will be out of your life from now on, for good. But, I just hope one day you call me up just to let me know that you've forgiven. I know what I did was unforgivable and that's extremely selfish of me to ask that from you, but I need it Tanvi and until that day, I wouldn't cross your path." Varnika gave out a really sad smile with tears filled in her eyes and I simply nodded.

My thoughts were totally messed up as I looked at two of them. Varnika had dated both of my ex boyfriends and the thought rather than making me sad or jealous, somewhat amused me.

Karan spoke up, cutting my trail of nonesense thoughts, "By the way, Rayhan and you should work things out, I've known him since childhood and I know the guy doesn't lets anyone in but he didn't only let you in, Tanvi, he made you a huge part of his life. So, try and forgive that ass because it's not his mistake that his cousin brother is a douche." He said, making my insides melt.

"I will think about it." I said, meaning it.

As Karan and Varnika got up to leave, she stepped forward to give me a hug and though I wanted to protest, I didn't as I let her. She was one of the closest person in my life and it hurts more than I'd like to admit to let go of her.

I shut the door behind them and decided to take fifteen minutes to myself to grasp all the thoughts before going over to Nishant and Shanaya in park.

As I was about to go in my room, the door bell rang and assuming it to be Shanaya and Nishant, I opened the door and immediately frowned as I saw Karan standing in front of me.

"I forgot this in the car." He handed me a spiralled notebook and I gave him a baffled look.

"What is this?" I opened the notebook to see few bookmarks in there and pages where a lot of things were scribbled.

"Okay, well, your boyfriend will kill me for this but I actually stole his personal 'notebook'. Yes, people keep diaries but Rayhan keeps this so that no one can ever doubt that he has a personal diary. Anyway, read the marked pages first and after the last mark you can read it all. But, if you want to read anything from between, that's your choice." He explained and my jaw was hung open as I blinked at him.

"This is like Rayhan's journal?"

"Yes, it is and no, he doesn't know that you're going to read it and before you protest I know you want to read what's in there so this is your only shot at knowing each and every thing. I promise you'll thank me later." He smiled and I was still too dumbfounded to say anything.

After few more seconds Karan left and I made my way to my room, leaving a message to Shanaya and Nishant that I was okay and would meet them later as I had something important to do.

After I changed into my comfortable clothes and got under comforters, I opened the page to first bookmark and there it was, my name scribbled in Rayhan's cursive handwriting.

X.x

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