Eat. Work. Sleep. Repeat. Has been the cycle of our lives since we returned to college after Pongal holidays.

Almost every afternoon, we spend navigating between our laptops, helping each other's modules in our project. As days rolled by, we keep ticking more boxes and I secretly relish in the thrill of counting down the number of days left to finish college.

So I can finally have Vamsi all to myself.

As soon as the thought pops into my mind, my discomfort about Vamsi and Nisha's friendship eases a bit. 

My cricket team mates have been trying to hide from me and are successful too. As I thought about what happened that day, I realized one thing.

As much as Johnny was a jerk, I wasn't exactly a shining example when I put my team on spot. Irrespective of who's right and who's wrong, the fact remains that we will be leaving college in a couple of months.

They are the only people I'm close to, apart from Vamsi and Neha; which means I have to make up with my team.

Every time I pass our grounds, the familiar twinge of melancholy touches my heart.

I will not be playing here again.

Four years of memories pass in a blur. All the efforts, arguments, learning techniques, injuries and discussions happened while playing here.

So caught up in my thoughts that I didn't notice Vineet staring at me until he spoke "Miss playing?"

Trying to smile, I said "A little bit"

"Wanna go?"

Giving a quick shake of my head, I added "That's not why we came to college on a holiday"

It's 30th of January. No one from our class came today but my team agreed with my decision to utilize the usually busy computer lab to run tests.

Nisha and Vamsi stayed back in the lab while Vineet and I ventured out to get a snack and have a walk around to bring back life to our dead legs.

The cafeteria is half a kilometer away from our department and though I have gotten along with my team member, I still don't think we are friends.

"I love your dance" he mumbled into the awkward silence.

"Thanks"

"I'm really looking forward to seeing it one last time this year. Have you guys decided?"

"Not yet" I said coolly, maintaining a steady pace with him "Vamsi and I were so busy with that match first and now with the project that we forgot about it"

"How do you do it?"

"What?"

"Your performance. Your stamina is unbelievable!"

I laughed "There are things that I am terrible at: singing, cooking"

"Everyone can't be good at everything" he informed with a smile.

I let that into my head and nodded in understanding "True"

"Why MJ?"

That made me laugh "Cause he's the best!"

"Come on" His voice held a tinge of tease as he said "Who's the fan?"

"Me" I confessed.

Our performances have always been a mash up of popular songs of the year but we always ended it with a Michael Jackson song.

MJ is the king of pop and the king of my heart.

We ordered, paid and took our seats in the mess but what surprised me beyond belief is finding Neha sitting by herself at one corner, lost in thoughts.

"What the hell are you doing here?"

She jerked in surprise but exhaled a sigh of relief upon seeing me "It's you"

"Why are you here today?"

"I can ask you the same question" she said in a detached tone, taking a sip from her Frooti bottle.

"We came to run the first phase of testing" I informed quickly before taking a hard tone "Now, you?"

"I forgot it's a holiday and came to college as usual"

"Liar! I didn't see your scooty when we came, which let me assure you was way past college timings"

"You probably---"

"Neha, what's going on? Anila is giving you trouble again?"

"Bitch is going on dates and making me do her work" she grumbled impatiently.

"But that's not why you are here" I said thoughtfully.

She gave a long exhale "I was doing pretty fine. Of all people, why did I have to run into you?"

That made me pause. What is she talking?

It took me a full minute to process her statement "Are you kidding me? You're here for Shaan?"

She made a face "When did I ever?"

"Holy hell. How long have you been doing this?"

She rolled her eyes but confirmed my doubts "Not long enough"

"Come on babe. You can't do this. You got to get over that man. We are leaving in a few months"

"Exactly."

Ah, that's why the long face.

I know I am not going to enjoy this conversation but still I took the seat beside her and said slowly "You have to forget him, honey"

"I can't" Her grave voice made me close my eyes in distress "I tried Anju. I did everything I can but no matter what I keep saying to myself, my heart--- it doesn't--- it won't"

"The heart wants what it wants" she finished, her voice tinged with sadness.

"I don't know how to make it better but what you are doing is wrong. You can't follow him everywhere. That's not how love works"

"He likes me" she whined, her voice suggesting she's tired of explaining this over and over again.

"He has a weird way of showing it" I said, a little angrily.

"You don't get it" she said hopelessly "You don't get anything even when it's staring at your face"

I stiffened "What do you mean?"

"You are too naive"

"I'm a smart person" I defended myself. I am good at academics and have basic knowledge of everything, thank you.

"I didn't mean it as an offence. You can be both"

"That's not the point right now"

She sighed "I love him yaar. What do I do?"

The matters of heart isn't my strongest forte and I don't know what suggestions I can give, so I simply said "Love him from afar"

She snorted "Yeah, right. Like I can watch him fall in love with another girl. Do you expect me to be like those bimbos from daily soaps 'As long as you are happy Shaan, nothing else matters to me'"

She said the last part in a high dramatic award-winning tone making me chuckle "So you resort to stalking?"

"This is me, making memories. Or trying to"

"Are you waiting for him to come here?"

"He lives here. Eventually, he has to eat"

"Come join us. I am with Vineet" I said, showing my partner at the opposite side.

Two minutes later, Shaan did show up but instead of giving us a disappointed look and walking away like I expected him to, he came straight to our table "How many times do I have to tell you?"

Turns out, I am very loyal to my best friend and can lie when I have to "She's with me. We came to use the lab"

Instead of answering me, he turned his gaze on her "How long are you going to keep this up?"

She tried to look clueless but that only seems to augment his anger. 

To her silence, he added "I thought I was being reasonable not saying anything because you are having a hard time but you don't quit, do you?"

Seeing Neha bite her lip and not meet his eyes made me step in "That's enough for now"

"Tell her to quit being so available. It's getting boring"

I scowled "You can stop now Shaan"

"What are you going to do? Hit me?" He goaded, mocking me.

"No" I said coolly, pretending to inspect my plain short nails "I don't hit girls"

Taking Neha's hand, I walked out of the cafeteria. When we moved a good distance away, I yelled at her "You still believe he likes you?"

"Anju..."

That's the only word that came out of her mouth which she followed up with tears.

The grief in her eyes makes me want to go back and punch the living daylights out of him.

How dare he hurt her!

"Stay here" I said fiercely, turning away.

"Anju, no!" she shouted instantly, pulling my hand.

"He hurt you!"

"Like you always say, I did wrong" she said, wiping her tears away.

"Doesn't mean he can call you available"

"But I am being available" she said helplessly "He's right"

"I don't care if he's right. He made you cry. Nobody gets away with it"

"Let's go, honey" She said with a watery smile.

"Where?" I said mindlessly, letting the image of a bloody & hurting Shaan ease my mind.

"Stop that!"

Her yell cleared up the fog in my mind.

"What?" I said, finally paying attention and walked by her side towards the campus.

"Plotting on Shaan. Stop that. It changes nothing"

"How do you know?"

The words left my mouth before I can filter. Of course, she knows. Both my friends are experts at analyzing that sometimes I wonder they should be crime branch cops instead of boring software engineers.

"Your eyes. They are maddeningly angry"

I scowled "Have you ever thought of joining the police?"

"What?" She looked confused.

"Have you ever thought what a promising career it will be? When you can interrogate the accused and know right away if he's guilty or not?"

She laughed. Finally!

"Criminals don't wear their hearts on their sleeves, honey"

"Neither do I"

"Ah" she commented, giving me a disbelieving look.

I scowled "The only thing that I carry is the tough girl persona"

"For all your tough talk, you are just like the rest of us" My glare brought a smile on her face "Only more confident and incredibly hot"

I made a face and she laughed again.

"If Shaan still says no by the time our semester ends, I'd be happy to jump on you" she said in a teasing tone.

"Babe" I smirked and let her know she's not fooling me.

"I said, if" She said, raising her hands in mock surrender "Unless you don't want me"

"Fine" I said, playing her game adding a joke of my own "If that happens to be the case, you can be my bitch"

We stared at each other for a second and fell into fits of laughter.

When we recovered, I sent a message to Vineet to let him know I'm going home with Neha. My best friend needs me today; the rest can wait.

Leaving her to wait by the building, I went in to get my backpack and also inform Vamsi that I'm leaving with Neha.

With thoughts concerning the amount of ice cream I have to consume for Neha tonight, I opened the door of our lab and stopped breathing for a second.

No way!

Seeing Nisha in Vamsi's arms with her lips on his' in what seems to be a passionate kiss knocked the window out of my lungs.

My stomach turned and my eyes burned at the sight in front of me.

I couldn't turn away if I tried. No matter what lies ahead in my life, I know this moment will be etched in my brain forever.

I will remember every shocking second of standing by and watching my best friend kiss another girl while my legs stayed glued to the floor.

Watching them make out is gut wrenching and soul crushing. Words can't explain the anguish I feel that no injury, no suffering can be compared to this.

They are so lost in their kiss; in each other that they didn't hear the door open. When I realized I have to get going, I took a step back and closed the door as calmly as possible.

Amidst the chaos in my heart, I managed to move my feet and descend the steps.

Something twisted deep in my stomach and I felt an undeniable urge to throw up.

"What took you so long? Where's your bag?"

Ignoring Neha, I went around the building and sat back on my knees as dry heaves racked through my body.

Some where in my emotional turmoil, Neha came around to hold my shoulders as I retched until the sour taste in my mouth lessened.

My throat turned sore and my eyes are on fire as the image of them kissing, played in my head.

My chest tightened and a feeling of suffocation came over me. Invisible walls closed up on me and I found myself unable to breathe. Taking small gasps of breath, I tried to relax and steady my breathing.

For a minute, nothing worked. Then I tried the breathing technique; in twice and out four times. Another minute later, my breathing turned regular and I managed to stand up on my feet.

"What's going on Anju?" She sounded scared, offering me her hand kerchief.

"I'm fine" I croaked, looking away.

"You are crying!" She yelled, a look of utmost shock and disbelief on her face "I have never seen you cry"

I touched my cheeks and sure enough there's moisture but I shook my head "My eyes watered with all the vomiting I did"

"There's nothing in your stomach" she said as a matter of factly.

"Haven't had anything" I replied vaguely.

"What happened Anju? You're scaring me" She shrieked in anger as her eyes misted. Taking her water bottle from her bag, she wet her kerchief and rubbed it all over my face.

"Sit down and tell me what happened" She said softly and for the first time since I returned, I met her eyes.

"I--- "

Unable to get the words out of my mouth, I took the water bottle from her hand, rinsed my mouth and drank huge gulps of waters until it's empty.

For a minute, I thought of lying but then I realized she's going to find it anyway and force me until I spoke the truth.

So I took the easy way out "Vamsi and Nisha are making out in our lab"

Why does that bother you? Is the response I expected but she hugged me in understanding.

Then she took me to her house, informed Vamsi and my parents about my whereabouts, gave me her comfortable girly pajamas and got us both two huge tubs of ice cream from her freezer.

"How do you feel now?"

I gazed at her to find her looking bemused "I don't know"

"It hurt so much, didn't it?"

Instead of answering, I nodded.

"Have you realized why?" she asked slowly.

Again, I nodded.

I'd be an idiot if I didn't understand what it means. All the confusion cleared in my head the moment my eyes landed on them.

"Tell me how you feel, Anju. Stop keeping it all inside" She looked torn saying that and being her best friend means I have to share; no matter how painful it is.

"I feel like my insides are being ripped apart" I said coldly, not recognizing my own voice.

Her eyes misted and abandoning her chocolate ice cream, she threw her arms around me "We will get through this. I will be there every step of the way"

Then she watched John Wick with me, bought Coke and Lays from the general store next door and put on Jason Bourne next.

Later, she dropped me home. Before leaving, she said with a look of determination "We are going to turn things around"

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Thank you for reading. Please vote, comment and share if you like this chapter.

- JANAKI