The next couple of weeks passed in a blur. 

The very next day after farewell, I sent a mail to one of the universities at New York accepting their offer. I followed the routine procedures before scheduling my student visa appointment.

My parents did not want me to apply for an educational loan because they didn't want me financially burdened.

"We have some money in post office, some FDs and chits that we saved up for your marriage. Now that you---- it won't be happening anytime soon, we want you to use it" Nanna said quietly one evening.

"I will take a loan Nanna. You don't have to give up all for me" I said blankly.

He sighed "You are all we have, Anju. Eventually, every thing we own will be yours"

I didn't say anything; didn't agree or deny except accept everything with indifference.

One of them always stayed at home to make sure that I am alright. Or to make sure I won't do anything to myself.

The only way I can cope with the immeasurable pain in my chest is by staying numb. Over everything.

One day, I heard my parents argue over my decision to go alone. Amma wailed that I can't be sent alone especially in this state but Nanna thought that moving away from Vamsi is the best way to deal my current situation.

It's not like I have spoken about what happened or my feelings for Vamsi but from what I gathered, Neha explained some; the rest being left to my parents' imagination.

They didn't speak a word about him; didn't dare mention his name in front of me.

He disappeared from our lives as easily as he came in.

They gave up even when I didn't. Every morning, I sent him a good morning text knowing there won't be an answer.

Physically, I did everything like a normal person; making my bed, watching TV, eating, bathing, sleeping.

But mentally, I lived in my own world. Some times, I'd go back to that day in Spencers when he walked away from me.

The memory brings back a fresh bout of tears every time and I'd start crying unbothered by the surroundings.

Eventually, Amma comes up to give me a hug and say that everything will be alright.

Neha's present almost every single day. Hearing Amma's constant complaints about not eating enough, she'd started bringing foods that I couldn't resist before.

Hot wings. Chilly chicken. Keema Biryani. Grilled sandwich.

But nothing could stir up my lost appetite.

I am surviving. Barely. With no idea how long I can hold up until I break down into pieces.

It took too long for me to notice that Neha isn't doing well either. Her usual bright eyes are lifeless and it had to be cause of something bigger than me.

"What's going on Neha?" I asked one day.

She looked at me with such sadness that I felt guilty instantly. Being lost in my own emotional turmoil, I failed as a friend.

"I am getting married" she said glumly.

"W-What?" I asked, unable to believe her words.

She smiled sadly "My parents fixed my marriage"

"Who?"

"With my dad's friend's son who is also a distant relative"

"Did you talk to your parents?"

"And say what, hun? I love a boy who doesn't love me?" she said, looking discomfited.

"Did you talk to Shaan?" I asked doubtfully.

She shook her head "What's the use? He's going to say he doesn't like me anyway"

With a cruel laugh, she added "Damn, why did he have to treat me like I'm a smart person in the lab? Why did he have to smile at my stupid jokes and why did he have to freaking stare at me when he thought I wasn't looking. I would have been totally fine if he treated me like an airhead like everyone else did"

"You are not an airhead" I said defensively.

She chuckled as tears escaped her eyes "What am I going to do Anju?"

"He stared at you when you weren't looking?" I asked instead. She never told me that. Is it real or a figment of her imagination because she wanted him to?

"I wasn't imagining things, Anju" Neha said slowly as more tears spilled out of her eyes.

"I am sorry, babe" I said dismally before adding "You never told me any of that"

"Because I thought you wouldn't believe me. Anju, I swear I could see it in his eyes every time he listened to my blabbering with an amused smile. I could feel his stare every time we are in the same room. He can lie all he wants about not liking me but I can always see it in his eyes and eyes don't lie"

"Why would he do that if he does?"

Her shoulders sagged "I don't know and I don't understand"

"What will you do now?"

"What do you think I should do?" she asked, looking skeptical.

"Ask him to meet you one last time and confess how serious your feelings are"

This is against what I have been advising her for the last two years but if there's even a slightest chance of what she's saying is true, I don't want her to give that up.

I don't care if it's morally right or wrong to go after a guy after being rejected so many times but I don't want my best friend to go through the same ordeal that I'm going through.

"I will" she acquiesced but stared at me with confusion "Are you ready to talk about you now?"

I stilled "Do I have to?"

"I saw him when you asked me to bring me back home. What happened Anju?"

I gave the overview of that day in a third person's perspective as if it didn't happen to me but like always, she caught the shift in my mood and came up to hug me.

"Do you think something happened with Nisha?" she said softly, pulling back.

"What?"

"That night, when you and Vamsi are talking it out, I was not the only person in the corridor, Anju"

"What do you mean?"

"I followed you, few minutes later but stayed back seeing you and Vamsi in each other's arms. Nisha was also there couple of steps behind me. She must have heard you both and ----"

"You could hear our words?"

"Of course, it's a long corridor and it's empty. Every word was audible"

"Do you think our closeness created a rift between them?" I asked in worry.

"She's aware of your friendship, so may be it was nothing. But I do know she was there when you both were talking and absent when Vamsi and I returned"

That sounded reasonable.

"May be she didn't want him to talk to me anymore" I wondered sadly.

"If that's the case, Vamsi's a fool. He doesn't deserve you"

The irony of her words made me chuckle helplessly. I said similar words almost two years ago when she got rejected by Shaan.

Who'd have thought that one day our positions will be reversed and I'll be at the receiving end.

Two days later, Nanna and I went to Chennai to get my Visa approval. We returned home the next day when Amma is waiting for us by the front porch.

"We need to talk Anju" Nanna paused by the front steps staring at me with a serious look.

I gulped. For the last few weeks, I was hoping they wouldn't bring it up and almost thought I got away with it.

"Do we have to?" I asked tentatively.

He sighed "You want to leave as early as possible. We do have a right to know what happened between you two, Anju"

I nodded.

"What do you mean early as possible?" Amma sounded surprised.

"She wants to go on the next flight available"

"What? But classes won't start for another two months. What would she do there?"

"I will stay with Attha. Chicago is not that far from New York. Just a one and half hour flight" I said flatly, taking the seat beside Nanna on front steps.

"And you are ok with this?" she said, gazing at him with a look of betrayal.

"Bring a chair and sit down, Anitha" he said quietly.

"How can you do this to us, Anju?" she said looking dejected.

"I can't sleep on that bed without being reminded of him" I cried out in exasperation "I can't watch IPL without thinking of him. I can't eat at that stupid dining table without wondering when was the last time he fed me idly"

"What do you want me to do?" I said finally "Because I seem to fail at everything these days"

A tear slipped out of my eye but I quickly wiped it away. This is not the time to have a break down. Nothing will be said if I can't keep my emotions in check.

I owe this to my parents. For every sacrifice they made and every penny they saved. For me.

"What happened Anju? Say it from the start. Tell us everything" Nanna said calmly.

And so I began the long story of my ever present feelings for Vamsi in the last few years and how I didn't know what to do; confused by my own reaction to my best friend. Then, I delved into Nisha's chapter and how her constant presence made me realize my own feelings.

From Anila's constant mocking to the farewell embarrassment, from fighting over the dance competition to Vamsi's suggestion about staying back, I confessed everything that happened over the last few months.

The only things I didn't bother saying is my own recurring dreams of Vamsi and how I found them kissing in the lab.

No matter how cool your parents are, there are some things you never speak.

"This Anila, why is she so fixated on you?" Nanna asked, a frown between his eyes.

"I don't know"

"Bitches like her don't need a reason to mock others. They are just made that way" Amma grumbled impatiently with a fire in her eyes.

Nanna raised his eyebrows but said nothing.

"You keep fighting with boys. Should have knocked the two front teeth off her mouth" she continued with a look of pure hatred on her face.

If I wasn't moody, I'd have laughed so hard at my mother's suggestion.

"Why didn't you?" Nanna asked gently.

"Huh?"

"Why didn't you ever use your fists on her?"

I frowned "You told me. To never hit girls"

He looked surprised "You remember that?"

"Of course. The princy called you one day to school because I picked a fight with one of the girls in my class and you made me promise to never use my fists"

"Do you remember why?"

"What?"

"Do you remember why you fought with that girl?"

I shook my head "No"

He sighed, a distant look on his face "She sat beside Vamsi. On your seat"

"Really?"

"Yes" he answered with a smile "I still remember how angry you were. You kept saying she wanted to take my friend"

"How did Vamsi react?" I asked, curiosity getting the better of me.

He laughed "Poor boy looked so scared. Two girls fighting over him. One of them, his new best friend. But, that's not the only time"

"What do you mean?"

"Remember our neighbour Shanti aunty? They used to live two houses away" To my shake of denial, he added "You stopped going to her house because her daughter started getting friendly with Vamsi"

I smiled sadly "I have always been a jealous girl"

"No" he said, staring at me with a cool observation "You always fought for what you believed was yours. You didn't mind getting dirty"

"He's not a property, Nanna"

"May be not, but he was yours always" he countered impassively "Both of you behaved like you belong to each other; with each other"

"You are not surprised" I wondered aloud.

To his quick shake of head, I added "You expected this to happen"

"Not this, exactly" Amma intervened, gazing at both of us fondly "But we expected you two to come up to us one day and say that you wanna get married"

"And you'd have agreed?" I asked inquisitively.

"Definitely" she replied almost instantly "We can't find a better guy for you if we filtered the whole country"

"It's no secret that he cares for you and loves you" Nanna added to her analogy.

"Just not the way I wanted" I mumbled under my breath.

"Why didn't you tell him how you feel, Anju?" He probed.

"I was scared. Of a lot of things. At first, I didn't because I was confused myself. Had no idea how to deal with it. Then I was scared it'd make things awkward between us. I didn't want to lose him as a friend. But most of all, I was scared he'd choose her over me"

The rush of emotions brought back a fresh batch of tears.

"I started to think about other people's opinions on me and believed Vamsi would never choose me over the walking perfection of his girlfriend"

"Tell us how she is!" Amma said quietly "I want to know who made our boy choose her over my girl"

"It's not like that, Amma. It's not like I was even in the race" I said, laughing at the last part gravely.

"Anju" Nanna began softly "Is she a good girl?"

"Oh, very" I said ironically "She is so kind, helpful and understanding that the only place she can exist is inside a goddamn soap opera. She compliments for no reason, apologizes when it's not her fault and shows compassion when there's no reason to"

"She is everything that I am not" I added the last fact bitterly.

"Do you think she is perfect for Vamsi?" he added delicately.

"She should be. They get on very well"

"Does she know him well?"

"No body knows him as well as I do" I countered snidely "She wouldn't know the order of his favorite colors, what foods upset his stomach, what makes him tick, what makes him happy, how much he loves his nannamma, who was his first crush or even his favorite cricket player"

"There's no way she'd know his fears or his secret love for Basketball. Hell, she probably doesn't even know the difference between a yorker and a bouncer" I droned on with a childish rant.

"Anju!" Nanna's cool tone made me pause and wipe the tears off my cheeks.

"What do I do?" I said in a complaining tone "How do I take this burden off my chest?"

More tears leaked out of my eyes as I continued "I don't know how to deal with this; how to stop this pain. I don't know if it will ever stop"

"Anju---"

"I want to make it all go away, Nanna. I want to go back to the days when our lives were normal. I want him to love me the way I love him" I sobbed, curling against Nanna's body with my head nestled between his shoulder and chest.

"The thought of living away from him scares me" I confessed at the fresh torrent of tears.

"Anju, you will figure something out. You are made of strong stuff, honey"

Nanna's words did nothing to soothe my fears or the despair I felt "I don't want to leave you but I can't stay here. Please. I can't stay here longer. Don't make me"

"I love him, Nanna. So much. But do you know what terrifies me more?"

"Anju---"

"That I will always love him. Always. I may get married and have half a dozen kids with another man, one day. But still, I'd want him to want me"

I no longer have control over the words that spilled out of my mouth but somewhere in my befuddled state, I heard Amma crying silently as I fell apart in my father's arms.

------

Thank you for reading. Vote, comment and share if you like this chap.

I know this made you sad. And I'm sorry about that. The image of Anju confessing to her parents while sitting on the patio is on my mind even before I started writing this story.

There's something tragically beautiful about that.

There's just 1 more chap to go for part I to complete. Cheer up!

- JANAKI S