I tipped the box over watching as thousands of broken pieces of glass toppled over.

 "How could you do that to her boys," Zuri said surprisingly taking my defence after seeing the photos.

 I started turning over broken frames and putting my hand in the box taking out any frames that looked like they could be saved. My hand was already bleeding from fragments of glass but it meant nothing, I had been internally bleeding since my mom's last breath. Some weren't as cracked as others, there were so many framed photos. I kept picking them up and putting them inside the boxes, pushing off the glass and saving the photos hoping that the photos weren't stuck to the frame.

"Arya your hands," Lucas yelled, the third time doing so had resulted in glass going inside. I ignored him and continued. I needed one of all four of us so I kept going. The box was pulled away from me and I was lifted. Fabian was holding me yet the way he was looking at me, was as if I was even more broken than the pictures.

 "Listen, Arya, I'm sorry about this but look at your hands we will get all the photos in a better way," Fabian whispered. "Look at your hands,"

"They don't matter, god put my box down. For fucks sake put me down." I yelled at Fabian and he immediately let go.

I picked up the rest of the photos putting them gently in the box, half of my photos looked like the glass had ripped some of the pictures.

"Arya they are just..."Recee started but Zuri stopped him. I ripped out shards of glass from my hand watching as blood dripped out before I punched Xavier in the face before running and kicking Andrew in the balls. I looked for Kyle but he had already moved behind Reece

What a chicken

"Fuck you all." I laughed to avoid crying before I picked up the box and ran to my room, bolting the door. After a while, I got all the pictures out of the frames the ones which could be saved and locked them in my draw. I unbolted my door and went downstairs it was around seven no one else was awake I called Aline.

"Hey, it's 2 am here you okay?" She asked and I shook my head.

"They broke the frames," I whispered to her holding tears.

"What did you do to them?" She asked knowing my plan.

"Verbal attacking only got physical after they broke my frames.

 "That was so bitchy of them," She said empathising with me.

"Recee slapped me, I will tell my worker about that when she comes in a few days," I said rolling my eyes.

"He will buy her off," She said bluntly.

"Yeah he will," I said my voice shaking.

"No don't you dare cry who will wipe the tears?" she asked tearing up.

"Which box did you pack the first aid?" I asked. 

"In a do not touch, listen to me A try and ignore them now you've had your yelling and screaming, just ignore them okay so these things don't happen to you." I wiped my tears.

"Bad things happened to me even when I was good. If being good accounts for nothing why be good?" I asked myself more than her.

"Because that's who you are, everything you are feeling right now is all stages of grief, I love you stay strong and please be safe Arya," Aline said in a soothing tone.

"I love you too Al, if the world was good I would be with you," I smiled before hanging up. I realised I needed to put my phone on the charger then I came face to face with one of my brothers.

Fabian was staring at me and his cold eyes looked soft for a moment before returning to their cold state. He gently took my hand like I was something fragile he didn't want to break. I snatched it away before carrying two of my boxes to my room. Surprisingly, Fabian had carried some as well and before I could go get the rest he went himself. Once he had brought them all up he looked at me probably expecting a thank you which he deserved but I couldn't give it to him I was still holding in tears from earlier.

"I'm going to sort out your hand." He said before opening multiple boxes and taking out a first aid kit. "Hand." Something told me he didn't get told no often and I wasn't in the mood to play with fate. 

As he rubbed the disinfectant wipes on my wound I hissed, he looked up at me empathetically. "Sorry," He whispered before putting on his poker face and wrapping my hand in bandages. Once he was finished he put the first aid kit away grabbed the rubbish before leaving my room and gently closed the door behind him.

My voice broke as I whispered, "Thank you," I was crying for the 100th time in the past couple of days and I was getting sick of myself.

 I got a piece of paper and started writing to my mom. I had started writing letters and putting them in a box just to keep what was left of my sanity.

Dear mom, 

I caused havoc when I arrived but it wasn't worth it, they broke some of my photos and I got slapped by a man whose hands I had never seen before yesterday, can you believe the audacity. Honestly, I'm still processing that you aren't here. I call your voicemail at least once a couple of hours just to hear your voice. Living seems pointless right now and I can feel myself reverting into the person we all worked so hard for me to be. Nothing fills me up, I either feel everything or nothing at all and I hate it. All I want is my life back the people here don't care about me my family is back in England.

 It was now 6 pm and I hadn't left my room I had spent a lot of time unpacking and remising. The maid came in with a smile, "It's dinner time," She said to me.

"I'm not hungry," I smiled weekly I was probably pale from all the crying and throwing up I had done what was wrong with me.

She closed the door behind her and sat on the floor next to me, "Listen here baby, I know it's hard but not eating doesn't make it easier at least go see what's on the table. You have rejected every meal today and you need to eat."

I nodded at her before walking downstairs and saw everyone sitting down there was a choice between sitting next to Andrew or between Lucas and Fabiano and I choose the latter without any hesitation. Everyone began eating and conversing as you did with family. Reminiscing, I thought of how I had done the same many days with Mom, and Aunt Maye, it would be loud and joyful filled with constant laughter.

In the distance, I could hear Lucas but he sounded so far. "Arya, Arya, Arya," He then grabbed my hand which I snatched away quickly.

"Are you okay, is the food, not your taste?" Zuri asked concerned.

"Why even bother asking her, she will just be a bitch to you Mom," Xavier said glaring at me.

I used to help make dinner with my mom and we would eat it happily, liked everything she cooked and always tried everything no matter what I thought about it. Lucas put his hand on my forehead making me stand up.

"Sit down Arya now," Recee yelled making my ears ring so I immediately sat down on the chair and put on my poker face.

"We need to talk about yesterday, so sit properly on the table," He said and I immediately did what he said and downed the glass of water in front of me.

He was red in the face yet somehow he continued to yell at me. "You owe everyone here an apology,"

"Please stop yelling, stop I'm listening so don't yell," I said as my ears began ringing louder making my head spin.

"I will do what I want in my own house," He yelled again so I stood up trying to walk in a straight line because of my dizziness.

"Arya!" He screamed and that's the last thing I remember before passing out.

My head was pounding and the room was far too bright. "Mom," I whispered only to see I was surrounded by the hearts.  Reality had hit hard seeing them all in front of me instead of my mom.

"Miss Heart," A man said gaining my attention.

I was weak but not weak enough to accept that bullshit. "Jones," 

"Miss Jones you are stressed, fatigued from lack of eating and I hear you lost quite a bit of blood. Anything else I should know, like what medications you've been taking."

"Sleeping pills and earlier this week travel sickness medication, I was sick and I hadn't healed fully when an accident occurred," I said groggily trying to sit up. "It's probably because I didn't take iron, I forgot."

"Anaemia?" Reece asked and I just looked at him. He knows nothing about me.

"We have to change your emergency contacts," He said looking at the sheet of paper.

I bit my tongue and gently nodded my head. "Do not remove my Aunt from my emergency contact, I would like a female doctor please, sir."

I know it sounds ridiculous but period talk with male doctors just makes me uncomfortable

"What's wrong with me?" He asked. "I'm the Heart's family doctor."

"Even more reason why you make me uncomfortable, please ask Miss Claire and give my records to my new doctor."

"Okay got it," He said slightly annoyed.

 I took out my phone messaging Aline about what had happened. "Does this happen often?" Lucas asked and I looked at him, then everyone else was confused, they all almost looked concerned which was fake.

"Let's discuss some rules, Arya," Recee said more gently than earlier. "You went too far yesterday."

"I agree, sorry Zuri for attacking you unprovoked," I said genuinely.

"What about the rest of us," Kyle said shocked.

I put my phone in my pocket. "I just passed out, I didn't lose my memory everyone else deserved what they fucking got," 

Reece then glared at me, "No swearing, that's a rule," 

"Tell us about yourself," Lucas said looking into my soul like I would tell him something telepathy.

"No," I stated while closing my eyes.

 They were all idiots.

Lucas then held my hand gently causing me to open my eyes, "At least you wrapped this up." 

I rolled my eyes in response before snatching my hand away, he is so touchy.

"Respect everyone in the house and we will do the same," Recee said sternly.

Andrew then whispered under his breath I heard it." Will we, she's only here because Mom died and I bet it's her fault," 

A deadly mixture of anger and hurt consumed me. Something consumed me I was watching myself cause destruction yet I couldn't stop.  Everything in sight was getting smashed and everyone around me stood unsure of what to do. I was having an emotional breakdown and everyone was watching me like I was a show.

Then came the calm to my storm, the stillness the realisation of what had occurred. My chest felt tight my head was pounding. It came out as a low whisper but inside I was screaming, "I want to go home."

I was tired so fucking tired

"Arya!" Lucas yelled before running to catch me. My body had just shut down and I think I had let it.

He gently began to carry me up the stairs to my room; I was in no state to argue. Honestly, I don't know what state I was in, I just wanted to break down and cry but I refused to not in front of him or anyone in the damn house.

I woke up and looked at the time it was 10 am I woke up feeling this heavy feeling in my chest. The past couple of days all I had felt was anger so feeling emptiness scared me. But the truth was I was using my anger to fuel myself so I wouldn't notice my emptiness. I knew the moment I didn't feel anger, I would break down completely and the people who normally built me back up after a breakdown wasn't around. I knew I couldn't do it on my own. I wasn't strong enough I never had been.

I showered and got dressed in workout clothes, it was Sunday. Every Sunday morning, my mom and I would go for a morning run a beautiful start to a new week jogging into the sunset. After that, we would often go to church and then spend most of the day together doing whatever we felt. This was my first Sunday without her and it hit a lot harder than I expected and I just wanted to get away from it. 

I just wanted to run

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Thank you for reading please vote and comment your opinions -Lbxx