Chapter Twenty-Three

Donovan resolved not to think of the end of the night before. He absolutely only would think about the pleasant evening with his friend, and not how badly he had wanted to kiss her or how awful it felt when she wrenched away from him. He was completely focused on the morning council meeting, and it did not even cross his mind once how much he loved being so close to her. And at no point in time while he was reading the various reports on his desk did he think about how heartbreakingly beautiful she had been, and how happy it had made him feel to be with her at the ball.

He would not think those things because those were dangerous things to think about. He needed to focus on making arrangements for his friend's future. Any other thoughts were an unwelcome distraction.

And it wasn't as if she would ever feel anything even remotely amorous toward him. Certainly not after she ran away from him at the end of the night. But perhaps...maybe she did? He could have sworn—

"No!" he told himself out loud. That was not a productive line of reasoning. He absolutely would not entertain the notion. The best thing for Mar—Lady Maren, he corrected himself—was to leave the palace as soon as possible. If there had ever been a time for ...amorousness...it had long since passed.

No, all that was left was to see her safely away in another corner of the kingdom. And then he would marry someone else. And that would be fine. Very fine. Completely fine.

Vaguely, Donovan wondered how many times he would have to tell himself it would be fine until it was true. At least a hundred more, most likely.

He was supposed to visit her that afternoon, so they could go walk in the gardens, but he decided he would talk to her about the Duke first. He didn't like it, but it had to be done.

She in her sitting room that afternoon, reading. He could tell she had been riding that morning. Her hair was still beautifully windswept, and he made a conscious effort not to notice how lovely she was and ignored how much he would like to go riding with her again. He loved that she loved riding horses. He loved that she could still do it here at the palace, and he loved —

Gods, he had to stop.

"I know we had planned to go to the gardens, but I need to talk to you about something," he said.

"Oh... all right...have a seat," she said, gesturing at the sofa opposite her own.

"It's time, well, really, it's long past time to consider arrangements for your future," he said.

She nodded. Did she look a bit grim?

"Of course, it's for the best."

Donovan nodded. "I know it's stressful to have Kieran constantly breathing down your neck and as much as I hate to admit it, I cannot guarantee your safety....and, be that as it may; I have a suggestion, and if you're amenable to it, I believe it could be arranged rather easily. But, of course, if you'd prefer, I can make some other arrangement," he said, pointedly focusing on the words he needed to say and _not _his feelings about them.

"All right," she said, somewhat warily.

"Ah...well, there's a duke, he's unmarried, about two days from the Capital, so he isn't often at Court, he's a high-level commander in the military, and he's...older and already has several children...so likely there would be minimal...difficulties..." Donovan stifled the urge to groan and avoided looking directly at her. This had been far more awkward to explain than he had thought.

Lady Maren nodded, her face expressionless for the most part.

"Who?" she asked.

Donovan grimaced, he was not sure how she would react to that. "He's the Duke of Worthingham."

She raised a deeply skeptical eyebrow. "Alec's father?"

Donovan nodded.

"And Alec is all right with that? I'd be his stepmother...that is very...unusual," she said, clearly perturbed by the idea.

Donovan shrugged. "I did take the liberty of discussing the notion with him. He took no issue and said he thought his father would be amenable. He even said it was unlikely his father would want any additional children, and I should make sure you're not opposed to that."

She looked surprised. "That's...very fortunate."

Donovan nodded. "I thought so, too. It's a good match...the sort that would be expected and wouldn't raise any suspicion. And, most importantly, I believe you'd be safe there."

She nodded, "Well, I can't say I have any better ideas...it's not as if I can go home."

"I can't really recommend it on the grounds of safety, but I'll send you home if it's what you want," he offered. And he would. It would be deeply scandalous, but he didn't care, he wanted whatever would make her happy. He thought maybe she would go back into the mountains and be safe there. That would be all right.

She sighed and shook her head. "No. I'd love to, truly. But I can't put my parents in any danger. But...thank you for offering."

An awkward silence fell between them.

"Do you know him?" she asked after a time.

"A bit. Mostly through correspondence, but I've met him a few times. He has a reputation for being a very kind and honorable man. Alec says he thinks you'd get along, and he's a good judge of that sort of thing. I also think that you would not be mistreated there," he said.

She nodded. "I suppose that's all anyone can really ask for."

"Shall I have Alec write to his father? He said he thinks it's likely the Duke would be amenable," Donovan said.

She looked at him for what seemed like a very long time. "Yes, I think that's for the best," she said finally.

He smiled at her and suppressed the wildly inappropriate suggestion that what was really for the best was that she stay in the palace with him.

"I will let Alec know. I expect we'll hear in about a week," he said.

She nodded, looking away.

He stood up, not wanting to linger on the matter, "Would you like to come to the gardens?"

"Ah...perhaps tomorrow, I'd like to think how I'm going to convince my parents this is a good idea without alarming them," she said.

He hoped his face hid his disappointment. "A challenge, to be sure," he said, adding, "I'll see you later," as he left.

Donovan felt like going to sulk in his sitting room, but decided he would not because he had nothing to sulk about. He would be happy for his friend that she would have a safe place to live. He would miss her company, of course, but he would not sulk about the loss of someone with whom he only had a platonic relationship. Sulking was for losing lovers or perhaps a very high-stakes bet. He insisted to himself that he had nothing to sulk about.

Then he sighed. He really wasn't even able to convince himself. He couldn't help but feel devastated that she would be leaving him.

He did what he needed to do. He wrote a note to Alec; he didn't have the heart to speak to him about it again. And then he went to his sitting room and allowed himself the luxury of sulking until dinner.

--

To His Grace, the Duke of Worthingham from Lord Alec Drake

Dear Father,

I hope all is well at home and with your health.

I am writing to you with a proposal I hope you'll find interesting.

You'll perhaps recall I mentioned the Lady Maren Casteris to you when I last visited. She has been at Court for several months now in Prince Donovan's household, and she and I have become close friends.

She is the only child of Count Casteris, whose estate is at the very far north of the kingdom. She is a fine young woman, very kind and clever and quite lovely, as you will see from the enclosed photograph. I know how much you despise boring conversationalists, and I can assure you that not a single conversation I have had with the lady could possibly be described as boring. She is very well-read and also an excellent dance partner.

I have come to know her very well, and I think she would make a fine companion for you. And, while her family's estate is rather remote, I'm told it's a lovely and well-maintained holding that would make a magnificent addition to your lands once she inherits it. The Crown, of course, offers the usual dowry as well.

I know you have been lonely since Leticia passed away, and I think Lady Maren would be a welcome addition to our family. If you agree, please send back a proposal to the Count, which I will be happy to forward from the palace. And if you do not, please do let me know as well so that other arrangements can be made for the lady's future.

My very best,

Alec

To Lord Alec Drake from the Duke of Worthingham

To my son,

I thought you were employed as the Court Physician, and yet, you play matchmaker? I am most entertained.

You are correct in that I find the manor rather too quiet since your stepmother's passing. As your elder brothers have settled into their own households with their wives (And when, might I ask, will my youngest son see fit to do likewise? Are you sure you shouldn't marry the girl? I expect that would cause some awkwardness between you and the Prince, but I do hope you'll bring some lovely lady home before too long.) and they and my grandchildren only visit occasionally things are somewhat lonesome here, so I do confess myself interested in the proposal you have brought me.

Assuming the lady has no objection to becoming your stepmother and no doubt, in time, the Dowager Duchess (some women seem to find becoming a dowager disagreeable, perhaps we must find a new term), I would be happy to ask for her hand.

I have enclosed a note to her father which you may read and a note to the lady in question which you may not. I shall expect to hear from you on the matter in a few weeks.

Best regards,

Your loving father

To his lordship, Count Casteris from the Duke of Worthingham

Dear sir —

You will have to forgive me, but I cannot recall whether we have met. I think perhaps we have encountered one another at Court, but it must have been more than a decade ago.

Be that as it may, my youngest son has become well acquainted with your daughter and, although I paid dearly for him to pursue a career in medicine, now fancies himself a matchmaker. This brings me to the reason for my letter: I write to ask your permission for Lady Maren's hand in marriage.

Everything I have heard of her tells me she would make a fine companion. I lost my second wife some years ago and confess myself somewhat lonely. I can assure you, that in my household the lady would be treated with the utmost respect and in a manner suitable to her new station as the duchess.

I look forward to hearing your acceptance and hope to see you at my estate for the wedding.

Best regards,

Jonathan Drake, Duke of Worthingham

To the Lady Maren Casteris from the Duke of Worthingham

My lady,

It is my sincere hope that this letter finds you well. Although it appears Alec is happy to facilitate the arrangements, I thought it proper to write you a letter myself.

As you no doubt are aware, I have enclosed a marriage proposal to your father. If you are amenable, I would be honored for you to forward that proposal to your father. And if you are not, I ask that you please toss it in the fire. I hope to have a companion, but do not want a captive.

I can assure you that should you and your father both accept my proposal, you shall always be treated with respect and kindness in our home, and it is my hope that you would find happiness as well.

I look forward to hearing from you and your father, and hope to have the honor of meeting you soon.

My very best regards,

Jonathan

_—_

Dear Father (and Mother because I know you will read this as well),

It is difficult to believe that I have been at Court for so long a time as it to now be appropriate to make arrangements for my future. Prince Donovan and a good friend, Lord Alec Drake, who also happens to be the Court Physician, have offered their assistance in securing a marriage proposal from Lord Alec's father, the Duke of Worthingham. (You will find this proposal enclosed.)

I hope that you will accept this proposal. Although it is a bit presumptuous (after all, he is a duke), I believe this match offers me the best possible future. I would have liked to become established much closer to our family's estates, but I cannot deny this opportunity.

Lord Alec assures me that his father is a kind and generous man and believes I will be very happy as the duchess. I am inclined to agree. Although our age difference is significant, I believe this marriage will be very beneficial to both of us and the best possible path forward.

I hope you are able to travel to attend the wedding. I miss you both very much.

All my love,

Maren

My dearest daughter,

I must say, your mother and I were rather shocked to read your latest letter and the enclosed proposal from the Duke. I suppose we had hoped you would stubbornly insist on returning home, but perhaps that was foolish.

As always, we wish for you to have whatever life you desire. I have enclosed two letters, one accepting the Duke's proposal and the other rejecting it. Forward whichever you like to him and burn the other.

Your mother and I hope only for your happiness, and this does appear to be a fine match if it's what you desire.

Please let us know what you decide. We will, of course, make arrangements to attend your wedding if it's what you choose. Send word, and we'll be in the South as soon as possible.

All my love,

Father

Maren surveyed the pile of correspondence before her. It had taken one week to hear back from the Duke. Then another for his proposal and Maren's letter to reach her parents. And another for her parents' letter to return.

She was amused that both the Duke and her father had given her the option of burning whatever she didn't like. But she knew what needed to be done. She had forwarded the Duke's proposal to her father and would forward her father's acceptance to the Duke. She just wasn't quite sure what to say.

Thus far, her letter read: "To His Grace, Duke of Worthingham from Lady Maren Casteris," and then, "Your Grace."

It was not much of a letter.

She felt conflicted, which she did not enjoy.

She wanted, needed, to get out of the palace as soon as possible before Prince Kieran did something truly drastic. But she hated the thought of what she would be leaving behind.

Her whole life, she had never thought she could have very close friends. Her secret was so huge that no one around her could ever know it. She had even chosen a life of solitude over risking exposure. But then she came to the palace.

She had not one but two friends. In Alec, she had found a lively and joyful friend who always made her laugh. He was even trying to make her his stepmother!

And then the Prince. He had been such an unexpected friend, but he had become such a constant presence in her life that it was difficult to imagine life without him. She had forgotten, in the years since Karlyn died, how wonderful it was to have someone with whom to go about the day-to-day business of living. And he had given her such a gift, a gift she would never have again—the gift of knowing what she was and not just tolerating it, but finding it as remarkable as she did.

Although, things had been somewhat awkward between them ever since the ball. She had come dangerously close to inviting him to be much more than friends, which would have been the most foolish thing she could have possibly done. She only hoped he hadn't noticed what she was thinking that night.

He had suggested her marriage the very next day, so she thought it likely he had noticed and wanted to usher her out before further embarrassing them both. She had to admit that was for the best. She needed to focus on the future. Whatever part of her mind had ceased functioning after a night of dancing and probably entirely too much wine, was now quarantined away where it could do no harm.

She tapped her pen on the paper before her, trying to decide what to write.

What would her life look like with the Duke? Alec and the Prince assured her he was kind, but that wasn't terribly helpful. His note to her had been pleasant and a charming mix of formal and informal that suited the occasion, but that did not give her much to go on either.

She supposed it would probably be something like the period after she had saved the Prince's life, but before they had truly become friends. Civil, occasionally friendly, occasionally not, but fine overall. Fine, that would be fine.

It was odd considering that this marriage would mean she would spend perhaps half her life as a widow, but widows had more freedom than most women, so that would be fine too. Perhaps even she could go back home to her parents if they were still living, or even the mountains. She had to laugh at the notion of a dowager duchess disappearing to become a hermit in the mountains.

She knew that would have amused Karlyn too. She had been somewhat baffled when Maren knew how to do absolutely nothing in the way of chores, but patiently taught her how to do everything. Maren thought it likely she had done more in the way of household chores than anyone at Court.

She supposed as a duchess, she would have very little to do in the way of chores. Normally such a woman would manage the staff and plan social events and the like, but this estate had been running itself without a duchess for some time, she wasn't sure what role there would be for her.

There would be no children, of course, but from what Alec said that wouldn't be a problem. Or at least not an insurmountable one. Perhaps, if it came to it, she could convince Alec to concoct a suitable medical explanation.

She tried to imagine the wedding, but could not. It would be the Duke's third wedding, so she hoped it would be an understated affair. Likely, that would disappoint her mother, but they would sort that out when the time came. She tried to imagine herself standing before a magistrate with some nondescript older man, but the image never came together. She supposed she would just have to wait.

She returned to her letter. She was tired of dithering over the matter, so finally forced the words to come.

Your Grace,

I am very honored to receive your proposal and was glad to forward it to my father. I have enclosed a letter with his acceptance and in this letter, you have mine as well.

I am truly grateful for your kindness and look forward to meeting you.

I know my parents would like to attend our wedding, so I do ask for Your Grace's patience in coordinating the date as their journey from the North will take at least a week.

My best regards,

Maren

Maren sealed the letter quickly before she had to look at the phrase "our wedding" much longer. She felt uneasy. It reminded her of the feeling of being a child and having told a small lie, equally nervous she might get caught or might get away with it.

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