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It's hart to talk about it, but I feel like I have to to feel better.

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To my twin ❤️

I never met you, yet I carry your memory. It's a strange thing, to feel your absence so deeply when I never even knew what it would be like to have you beside me. We were supposed to be together, you and I. We were supposed to share this life, to laugh, to cry, to hold each other through the tough moments. But the world had other plans, and somehow, I was the one who stayed behind.

Why were you never there? Maybe you died for me. Maybe you died so that I could survive. But why you? Why not me? If you were here, I would willingly give my life for you. I would have done anything to have you with me, to have you be the one who took my place. But you're not here. Now you're somewhere up there, where you shouldn't have been, where you never deserved to be. I often wonder if it was all a mistake. Why did I get to live, and you didn't?

I feel selfish when I think about ending it all, about throwing away this life that you never had the chance to live. Because if I ended my life, I wouldn't just be taking mine away — I'd be taking yours too, in a way. It would be like erasing everything, both of us lost, and you would have died for nothing. **You're the reason I hold on.** And yet, some days, it's hard to hold on at all. Some days, it feels like the weight of both our lives is too much to carry alone.

I think about you all the time, wondering what you would have been like. Would you have been like me, or completely different? Would we have been a team, inseparable from the very beginning? Or would we have drifted apart, two different souls with our own paths? I'll never know. I'll never know if you would have been my best friend or my rival, if we would have fought or laughed together through it all. I'll never get to experience that.

It haunts me, not knowing. And when I stop to think about it, it hurts so much that I almost can't breathe. I feel like I'm living half a life, walking through a world that doesn't quite make sense without you in it. There's a hole in my heart where you should be, a void that nothing can fill. Sometimes I try to picture you, but my mind just can't form the image of you — it's like trying to hold a cloud in my hands. No matter how hard I try, you slip through my fingers.

Some days, I forget that you were ever there at all. Life moves so fast, and I get lost in it. But then, at the quietest moments, when everything slows down and the world feels like it's holding its breath, the ache comes crashing in. My heart breaks, remembering that you were there, that you were supposed to be here, that we were supposed to be together. And I wonder how it could feel to hold your hand, to share a moment, even just a second of your time. I'll never get that.

I wonder if you ever felt me. Did you hear my heartbeat, feel the rhythm of my life, even as yours began to fade? Did we share a moment before you were taken away? I like to think that you did, that we were connected somehow, even in that brief, fragile time before you were gone. Maybe you knew me, even in those moments when we were supposed to be one. Maybe we were meant to be two halves of the same soul, but I was left to carry on the journey alone.

And still, I try to carry you with me. Sometimes, when I stand still long enough, I swear I feel you beside me. A presence, soft and gentle, like a whisper in the wind, a touch I can't quite reach but know is there. I tell myself that you're here with me, watching over me, even if I can't see you. I don't know if it's real, but it's all I have left of you.

There are days when the pain feels unbearable, when the longing for what could have been nearly crushes me. I want to scream, to ask why it had to be you, why you couldn't stay, why I was the one who survived. But the truth is, I'll never know why. And maybe that's the hardest part — never having the answers. All I can do is carry your memory, keep you alive in my heart, and try to live in a way that honors you, even though you're not here.

I'll always wonder what life would've been like with you, and I'll carry that question with me for the rest of my life. But I promise, even if the world never gave us the chance to share it, I'll carry you with me. You'll always be a part of me, my twin, even if we never got to share this world together.

I love you Darling! 💔

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