So back to the present day here I am coping or at least trying to cope with a close friend's death. She used to play with me as kids not that I remember. Anyway she came on my 22nd birthday on valentines day just gone ad just like that we connected and I felt that connection.

She was going though some rough stuff with her boyfriend's death and she was so honest with me. She told me everything and really cheered me up because I was crying and feeling depressed.  Why? Because  As usual I braced myself for poeple letting me down and not coming to my party. She cheered me up and told me to stop being silly and then we started moaning about men. It was just a proper girlie chat you know?

I wish I knew how bad she was actually feeling and I was there for her a bit more.. well a few months   after that we texted and kept saying we would meet up but sadly we never got chance.  She passed away 9th July 2015 and we had a funeral for her on 28th of July 2015.

Anyway I found solace in my little sister who's 6 years old. On the day of the funeral I played with the kids and watched my sister to make sure she's safe. But my friends sister does'nt understand that. It seems I'm better with kids than adults.

I was so distraught I wrote on her memorial page and her page and her family did'nt understand that.. They bullied me online and said I had no business talking to my friends about her. I stopped tagging people because it was driving them crazy but  the thing I was most angry about at the time was the fact they went behind my back to my friends sister instead of speaking to me to ask me to stop.

"This is all mainly because I knew her all of 5 mins".  My friends sister didn't stop there .. she didn't understand I wanted to talk to people about her.. I was looking for solace and I wanted to get to know her better.

My friends little sister asked me to sit with her and according to my friends other sister the one who doesn't understand me) I wouldn't leave?! what the heck.. that's not true her mum was fine with me being there.. but then again this was the day after my friend died.

When I say she didn't stop there she started sending me malicous texts and my mum stuck up for me. My mum told her that her kids were annoying and she misread that and lied to her mum that my mum said all the kids were annoying (the whole family). but she liked my friends little sister.

My sister's friend started telling people on her fb thatmy mum had given me a sti which is'nt what cmv is by the way.. Ignorant bitch. and tried to get my mum sacked from her place of work by sendinga n email to them.

Also she told everyone where my mum worked and told everyone to beat her up on her own facebook wall..

Some poeple are ignorant and don't take the time to talk to you so I guess I've learnt a few things there. 

Ar this point my mum put me on another college course to get me out the house a bit.. I must admit it took my mind off my friend for a bit but my mum sorta hated me cuz she'd been friends with the family for years and I was gutted I wasn't allowed near the grave anymore.

I met some nice people one of them reminded me of my friend. He was kind of a lost soul and I was trying to be friends and be there for him. He hated the fact that I talked a lot.. (I talk when i'M BORED AND i TALK WHEN i'M EXCITED)

But in the beginning it was great and then we all fell out with eachother cuz his gf sent me nasty texts because I call him babe.. I call everyone babe.. and everyone in the group was either leaving or picking on me.. so now I'm glad the course is over.

But in all of this I've learnt that people aren't always gonna like me and I should stick to being me but its like my dad says I need to stop hugging people and going in there all guns blazing.

So this is what you meant

When you said that you were spent
And now it's time to build from the bottom of the pit
Right to the top
Don't hold back
Packing my bags and giving the academy a rain-check

I don't ever wanna let you down
I don't ever wanna leave this town
'Cause after all
This city never sleeps at night

It's time to begin, isn't it?
I get a little bit bigger but then I'll admit
I'm just the same as I was
Now don't you understand
That I'm never changing who I am

So this is where you fell
And I am left to sell
The path to heaven runs through miles of clouded hell
Right to the top
Don't look back
Turning to rags and giving the commodities a rain-check

I don't ever wanna let you down
I don't ever wanna leave this town
'Cause after all
This city never sleeps at night

It's time to begin, isn't it?
I get a little bit bigger but then I'll admit
I'm just the same as I was
Now don't you understand
That I'm never changing who I am

It's time to begin, isn't it?
I get a little bit bigger but then I'll admit
I'm just the same as I was
Now don't you understand
That I'm never changing who I am

This road never looked so lonely
This house doesn't burn down slowly
To ashes, to ashes

It's time to begin, isn't it?
I get a little bit bigger but then I'll admit
I'm just the same as I was
Now don't you understand
That I'm never changing who I am

It's time to begin, isn't it?
I get a little bit bigger but then I'll admit
I'm just the same as I was
Don't you understand
That I'm never changing who I am