Chapter Seven
"KᎡᏆᏚᎢᎾFF. KᎡᏆᏚᎢᎾFF, ᏢᏞᎬᎪᏚᎬ ᏚᎢᎾᏢ ᏟᎡYᏆNᏩ."

Eugene's eyes slowly peeled open. His clothes cling to his body from sweat. His brown hair drooped in his face, slicked down from the heat. He was facedown on a dirty tile floor.

He groaned, rolling to his side then flopping on his back. "What the hell?" He muttered, staring at the moldy ceiling. Where were they? What happened last night?

He forced himself to sit up, leaning against the coffee table for support. He ran his fingers through his hair as he looked around at their surroundings. The dim light above softly hummed and the fan on the coffee table gave a light breeze that made no difference in the sticky heat.

This was a definite downgrade from the hotel they had gotten for the wedding. There were rips in the sofa cushions and mattresses. A wobbly bunk bed was pushed against the wall and the alarm clock looked like it came straight from the fifties. On the floor a little ways away, a cockroach crawled towards the wall.

He coughed, standing up. Above him, the fan on the ceiling trembled back and forth, looking like it was being held by only two screws. He sniffed, rubbing his nose as people shouted out in the hallway.

He grabbed his sunglasses from off the table and walked to the window. He pulled back the shades, slightly blinded from the sun as he looked out at the city. Something creaked behind him and a loud thunk followed.

"What?" Eugene asked, flipping around to see Kristoff now laying on the ground. He turned back, looking out the window again.

"No." Kristoff mumbled, curling into a ball. He forced himself to stand up. He wobbled a bit, his legs still unstable as he wandered to Eugene. "Eugene?" He breathed, squinting his brown eyes. "I think it's happened again."

He turned and looked him. "Kristoff, what the fuck did you do?" He asked, his voice slightly hoarse.

"I didn't do anything. I swear to God."

Eugene studied him. "Your hair is gone."

Kristoff immediately grabbed at his chin, feeling his stubble.

"No, no." Eugene said, walking towards him. "Up." He pointed.

Kristoff rubbed his hands on his head, which was now shaved. He chuckled, looking around as he felt the stubble pricking against his fingers.

"Where the fuck are we?" Eugene asked, looking around the hotel room. There was a small thud then the lights flickered off. The fans slowed to a stop, signaling the power had shut off.

"Eugene, I'm scared." Kristoff immediately whispered, their only source of light coming from the window.

A loud moaning echoed into the room. Kristoff and Eugene furrowed their eyebrows. Eugene pushed past him, knocking Kristoff onto the coffee table and shoving the items on it to the ground.

He stumbled in the bathroom. He looked over in the bathtub, seeing Hiccup curled up with a pillow under his head. Hiccup groaned, the noise echoing around them.

Eugene clapped his hands, making him jump. "Hic, come on, get up. We got a situation."

Hiccup groaned sitting up. Eugene jumped back, his hand covering his mouth. "Oh, holy shit." He cursed, staring at his friend.

"Where are we?" Hiccup asked, looking around. Why was he in a random tub? He looked over at his friends. "Oh, my God, Kristoff. Your head."

"No, your head." Kristoff softly said, furrowing his eyebrows.

"He's bald." Hiccup whispered, his green eyes wide as he looked at Eugene.

Eugene held up a hand. "Hic, you're gonna freak out, but it's gonna be okay."

"Why? What's--? Is it my teeth?" He asked, fear flashing across his face.

"No." Kristoff said.

"It's not your teeth." Eugene said, trying to keep his voice calm.

"Are you sure?" Hiccup asked, pushing himself out of the tub and onto his feet.

"Yep." Eugene nodded.

"Did you check the bottoms?" Hiccup asked, pulling down his lower lip and showing Eugene.

"I did."

Hiccup stumbled past him, heading for the mirror. His jaw dropped as he looked at his reflection in the splotchy glass. "Oh, my god." He gasped. He pulled at the side of his face. "What the fuck? Ow!"

He turned on the faucet, grabbing the warm water and splashing it on his face.

"That's good. Why don't you try washing it off?" Eugene said, trying to hold in his laugher. Kristoff grinned, slapping Eugene's side.

"It's not coming off!" Hiccup cried as he scrubbed on his raw face. "This is a real tattoo!" He screamed, pointing at his face. He immediately whipped to the side, his face turning red. "Kristoff, what did you do? Did you roofie me?"

"I didn't do anything." Kristoff defended.

"Hic, he swore to God." Eugene said, slightly stepping between the two of them.

Hiccup grabbed the edge of the sink, dropping his head. "What happened?"

Suddenly a loud screech came and a monkey plopped onto Hiccup's back. Eugene and Kristoff screamed and jumped back as Hiccup twirled in circles to get it off.

"Oh, jeez!" Eugene shouted.

"What is it?! What is it?!" Hiccup demanded as he tried to get whatever was on his back off. All of them were yelling as they tried to get the monkey to get off of Hiccup. The monkey then leaped onto the shower curtain rod. "Oh, what the hell?!" Hiccup gasped as Eugene stood in front of him.

"Oh, it's a monkey." Kristoff smiled, looking up at it. He grinned, walking up to it. "Look at the cute little vest. Hi, little monkey." He said as he reached out to touch it.

"Kristoff. Kristoff." Eugene warned as he got closer and closer.

The monkey slapped his hand away.

Kristoff jumped back. "Butthole." He frowned.

The monkey began chattering as a phone began ringing. "Phone." Eugene said, looking around as Kristoff continued to coo at the strange monkey in a vest on the shower curtain.

Getting annoyed, Eugene began to bark orders. "Look, Kristoff, Kristoff, go get the phone."

Everyone began wandering around, looking for it. Suddenly,Eugene spotted it on a pile of magazines. "I got it." He called out. He read the caller ID and brought the phone to his ear. "Jack. Jack. Where the hell are you?"

"I'm at breakfast. By the pool. You guys coming down or what?" Jack asked.

"Oh, Jesus." Eugene sighed, walking around the room. "Thank God. Jack's fine." He said to Kristoff. He pulled the phone slightly away from his mouth. "Hic, Jack's fine! He's at the resort."

"Why aren't we at the resort?" Hiccup asked, stumbling around the room.

"What's going on? Where are you?" Jack asked.

"I don't know, man. We woke up in some shithole room in some city." Eugene said.

"Oh, God. What city?"

"I don't know, Jack. Fucking Asia Town." Eugene panted, getting annoyed. If he knew, he would have told him.

Eugene continued talking on the phone as Hiccup gingerly sat down on a chair, looking around. Seriously, why couldn't they just have a normal bachelor party? Did they always have to get so wasted and drugged up that they forgot everything? "Where are we?" He mumbled to himself.

"Hey, Hic." Kristoff said as he knelt to the ground.

"What?"

"Check this out." Kristoff said. Hiccup rose from his spot, walking over to a pile of blankets and pillows on the ground. "You ever seen anything like this?"

"What is that?" Hiccup asked, kneeling beside him.

"Careful!" Kristoff warned. "Might be a spider's nest. I've tangled with those before."

"I don't get it, man. I mean, we each had one beer last night, right?" Eugene asked, pacing around the room. "I mean, you too."

"Yeah, but I left early, remember?"

"I don't remember shit."

"Elsa wasn't feeling well. She came down to get me." Jack said. He paused, thinking. "Wait a second. Is Teddy with you guys?"

Eugene furrowed his eyebrows, something catching his eye as he talked. "Teddy? What? What are you talking about?" He asked as he picked up the strange object.

"He wasn't in his room. They've been looking for him all morning."

Eugene held the object in the light, seeing that it was a ring stuck on something. "Teddy went to Stanford, right?"

"Yeah. Why?"

Eugene jumped, throwing the object away from him. "Fuck!" He gasped. He began panting, sitting down on the bed as he held his head. "I just found his finger."

"What?!"

"I just found his fucking finger, Jack." Eugene fretted, speaking quickly.

"Eugene, what is going on?" Jack demanded, his voice getting hard. He needed to know exactly what was happening. All of this vague information wasn't enough. They didn't know where they were and now Eugene found Teddy's finger. What did that even mean?

Eugene tried to calm himself down, taking deep breaths as he pinched his forehead. "All right. All right, all right, all right." He stammered into the phone as he stood up. "This is what we're going to do. Tell the girls that we woke up early and we went on a fishing trip, okay? That's where we are."

"Right."

"All right, stay by the phone." Eugene demanded before ending the call.

Jack pulled away from phone looking at it. "Shit!" He cursed, shaking his head. What were they gonna do? There was a possible chance they were going to buy the fishing trip idea, but what was he going to say about why he didn't go?

Eugene rushed into the other room, heading towards Hiccup and Kristoff. "All right, we got a little bit of a problem." He said. He paused, looking down at what they were leaning over. "What is that?"

"We don't know." Hiccup softly replied.

Eugene took off his sunglasses and bent down. "Is it a worm?"

"It's a mushroom." Kristoff said. He reached out, pinching it. He then licked his lips. "Yeah, shiitake."

The monkey also joined the group. He came chittering over, looking at what they were seeing. "Monkey, taste it. What do you think? Is it shiitake?" Kristoff asked.

"He can't understand you." Eugene said.

The monkey leaned over and tasted it. "He just did." Hiccup said. The monkey then reached out and grabbed it. "Why is he pulling on it?"

"He's probably hungry." Kristoff said.

"Wait a second." Eugene said. "Is that--"

The monkey slapped it and a scream was let out. Everyone jumped back as a person emerged from the blankets and pillows. "Ahh! What the fuck, man?!" He exclaimed. "Tell that gay monkey to leave my shit alone!"

"Shang?!" Eugene exclaimed.

"You fucking crazy." Shang laughed. He stood up, rubbing his eyes. "Ah, so fucking light in here." He groaned. "Kristoff. Grab me my sunglasses."

Kristoff ran over and got the glasses. "It's good to see you, Le."

"Mm. Nice to see you too, my little hobo." Shang smiled.

"Shang, what the fuck are you doing here?" Eugene asked as Shang pulled up his pants.

"Kristoff called me a few days ago and invited me to wedding." He said as Kristoff put the sunglasses on his eyes.

"Excuse me?" Hiccup asked from the floor.

"What? He's my plus one." Kristoff said.

"You'd didn't have a plus one. It's $200 a plate." Hiccup scoffed.

"Guys, guys. Just focus, okay? Shang, what happened?" Eugene asked. They could worry about him being a plus one later. Right now, they needed to find what exactly happened and what happened to Teddy.

"You guys texted me, said you fucked up and looking to party." He said. He then laughed and looked at Kristoff, who began laughing along. "I picked you up in my boat and I brought you here to Bangkok." He said as he walked around the room. "And we had a sick night, bitches!"

"Whoa, whoa. Wait, wait, wait. Wait a second, Shang." Eugene said, closing his eyes and shaking his head. Shang laughed and sat on the couch. Eugene joined him on the couch. "Shang, we're in Bangkok?"

"Holler! City of squalor!" He cheered then began laughing again.

"Do you know how I got this tattoo?" Hiccup asked, pointing at his face.

"Uh, yeah. From a fucking tattoo guy." He smiled. "Come on, Hiccie. Use that big Jewish brain." He said as the monkey came running over to him.

"Hey, what's the monkey holding?" Kristoff asked.

Hiccup gasped, watching the money lick what he was holding. Eugene rolled his eyes and flopped deep into the couch, wishing he could just disappear.

"That's a finger!" Hiccup exclaimed, looking around at everyone.

"Hic," Eugene deeply breathed, leaning forward. How was he going to say this? "I've got some bad news." He said. Hiccup stared at him, his heart beating out of his chest. "Teddy was with us last night. That's his finger."

"Teddy--Teddy's dead." Hiccup stuttered, his green eyes wide. Millions of thoughts swarmed in his head. How could he do this? He let an innocent kid just die on his watch. He thought he was going to throw up.

Kristoff looked over at Hiccup, slightly frowning as Shang laughed. "Teddy's not dead. He party with us all night."

"Well, then where is he?" Eugene asked.

"Don't you remember anything?" Shang asked, looking around at the group.

"No!" Hiccup said, his voice wavering as he shrugged his shoulders.

"No. Nothing, Shang." Eugene said.

"Okay, okay. I explain it all, okay?" Shang said, gently touching Eugene's shoulder. He then pulled out something white and started dumping it on his hand. "Just let me do one bump, get my head straight."

Eugene and Hiccup shared a glance. Was it really a good idea to let him snort that?

"Come to papa." Shang smiled, dumping more. "Okay."

"That's a big--" Eugene started but stopped when Shang took a deep breath and tossed his head back.

Shang wiped his nose, making sure he got it all. He took off his glasses and stared at Hiccup. "You ready craziest fucking story of--" He stuttered, his brown eyes going wide and his breathing seizing. He fell forwards, hitting his head against the glass coffee table, shattering it. 

The three looked around at each other then back at Shang. "Shang." Eugene said. When he didn't reply, Eugene started lightly hitting him.

"Mr. Shang, are you okay?" Kristoff asked, leaning forward.

Hiccup's jaw continued to drop the longer Shang was silent.

"You gotta be kidding me." Eugene said. He reached out and pressed his fingertips against Shang's neck, feeling for his pulse. But he felt emptiness. "Fuck, he's dead." Eugene exclaimed, rising to his feet and running his hands through his hair.

Hiccup screamed and rose to his feet, jumping away from the scene. He continued screaming, fear coursing through his veins. "Help!"

"Hic." Eugene said.

"Help! Help!"

"Hic, shut up."

"Help!"

Kristoff began crying in the corner, his whines echoing in the room, adding to the noise.

"Help!"

"Hic, shut up. Hic, shut up!"

"Call an ambulance!"

"Shut up!" Eugene demanded. "He's dead. Look, if someone comes and finds a dead body and a pile of cocaine we're gonna spend the rest of our lives in a fucking Thai prison."

"Shh!" Hiccup nodded, showing Eugene that he was going to be quiet. Tears were pooling in his eyes. First the tattoo, then Teddy, and now Shang. His life was literally falling apart.

Eugene nodded then looked over. "Kristoff. Kristoff, please stop crying." He shouted over the noise.

Kristoff snorted, trying to stop himself. He sucked in his lips to keep his cries inside. His body was shaking and his face was beet red. Tears cut trails down his face.

"All right. All right! I just need a second to figure this out." Eugene declared, sitting down on the chair. What was they going to do? What was he going to do?

Hiccup stumbled to the ground and curled into the fetus position as Kristoff began letting out a low whine again. The monkey was chattering and Eugene couldn't think straight. He looked around the room, hoping to find something.

And then a sign caught his eye. It was perfect.

~~~~~~~~~~~

HOLY F I FORGET ITS FRIDAY REEEEE

POSTING THIS AT 11:42 PM BABY