Chapter Two
"YᎬᎪᎻ, ᏆᎢ'Ꮪ ᎷY ᏴᎪᏟᎻᎬᏞᎾᎡ ᏴᎡᏌNᏟᎻ."

"No fucking way." Hiccup immediately said. "Absolutely not."

"Come on, Hic. It's killing him." Jack pleaded. They were gathered together for breakfast at an iHop. Eugene had brought along his baby daughter Rosie, who was behaving well. Jack and Hiccup sat across from him in the booth. Hiccup had picked them up and drove them there, which Jack and Eugene both found strange.

"I don't care." Hiccup said. Jack looked down, knowing this would be a long shot. "Honestly, the two of you were barely invited." He gave a short chuckle, teasing.

"Oh." Eugene played along, pretending to be hurt as he grabbed his glass of orange juice.

"All right. I get it. I really do. It's just, you know what? Kristoff considers you to be one of his best friends." Jack said. If he couldn't get Hiccup to just agree, he was going to have to use Hiccup's unfortunate weakness for compassion. That was how they got him to do basically anything.

"I consider Kristoff to be insane." Hiccup argued, popping a grape into his mouth.

"Hic, throw him a bone. Jack already said his dad would pay for everything he eats and breaks." Eugene said. He gave a small gasp, looking at Jack. "Oh, you know. We should see if we could squeeze the old man to cover the bachelor party."

"That's good." Jack smiled, pointing at Eugene.

"I'm glad you brought that up," Hiccup interrupted, "because this is the bachelor party."

"What?" Jack asked, furrowing his eyebrows.

"What are you talking about?" Eugene added, looking up from his pancakes.

"Yeah, it's my bachelor brunch." Hiccup nodded. He knew they weren't going to like the idea, but he didn't care. "Go crazy. Get some chocolate-chip pancakes, a lap dance from the waitress."

Eugene threw down his fork. He took a deep breath and leaned against the booth. Hiccup had to be out of his mind right now. "That's bullshit." He said. He then sarcastically laughed and went on. "You can't just skip out of a bachelor party, Hic."

"You see that?" Hiccup asked, pointing at his drink. "That's orange juice with a napkin on top." He declared, looking at his friends. He was being dead serious. "Do you know why? So nobody roofies me."

Hiccup was not going to have some crazy bachelor party. No. He refused to have something that happened to Jack happened to him. This wedding was the most important thing in his life and he wasn't going to risk messing it up or losing his friends.

"Well, I refuse to eat fucking cantaloupe at a bachelor party." Eugene argued, his voice growing louder.

"Come on, Hic. Don't you think you're overreacting?" Jack asked. He couldn't just let Hiccup have his bachelor party at an iHop. No, they were going to throw him some amazing party and have the time of their lives. Hiccup was being irrational.

Hiccup pretended to be thinking, looking up. "Hmm. No, I don't." He said to Jack. He whipped his head forward, staring at Eugene. "I'm still putting the broken pieces of my psyche back together."

Eugene laughed, shaking his head and looking away. Hiccup was acting insane. He was acting like what they had gone through was something terribly traumatic. It was like he had PTSD from the word 'bachelor.'

"And you know what the glue is?" Hiccup asked, continuing even though he knew Eugene didn't care. "Mulan. And I'm not doing anything to screw it up."

"Oh, please." Eugene scoffed, tossing back his head. "You wouldn't even be with her if it wasn't for us." He argued, narrowing his brown eyes.

"Oh, this'll be good." Hiccup mumbled.

"Hic, think about it. You ended up ditching Astrid. Two years later, you met your true soul mate. You take Vegas out of that equation, you would have married a cunt." Eugene declared.

Hiccup and Jack looked down as the tables around them stopped and stared. An old couple turned their heads to look at the men, shame in their eyes.

"It's okay. No, I'm allowed to say it. It's a bachelor party." Eugene said to them, waving them off. "Drink up, everybody." He called out. He whipped his head to glare at Hiccup. "Oh, wait. There's no alcohol. I forgot, we're at a fucking iHop."

Jack sighed as the two continued bickering.

"Well, it's my decision and it's final, so how about a toast?" Hiccup snapped, raising his glass of orange juice.

"This sucks." Eugene scoffed. "I'm gonna wait in the car."

"Come on, Eugene. Where are you going?" Jack asked. He just wished Eugene would let it go and let Hiccup have this. Clearly neither one was going to back down, but it was Hiccup's decision. Eugene shouldn't be fighting with him.

"No, Jack, I just don't get it." Eugene said, tossing the pink baby bag over his shoulder and turning around. Jack had always been the negotiator. He always kepy the group on even ground. "He's getting married in Thailand. That's great for him, but what about us?" He asked. He looked down at Hiccup. "You're just selfish."

He sighed, shaking his head. "Come on, sweetheart." He said, grabbing the baby carrier. He gave one last look at Hiccup. "Shame on you." As he exited the restaurant, he made sure to hit Hiccup with the baby bag.

"Don't worry, Hic. I will stand up for you no matter what." Jack said, rushing to Hiccup's side. Eugene had taken it a step too far. He really had no right to call Hiccup selfish. The bachelor party was supposed to be for Hiccup, not for his friends.

"Thank you." Hiccup said.

"But you gotta help me out with this Kristoff thing." Jack added. He just prayed it was enough to get Hiccup on his side.

~~~~~~~~~~~