Chapter Two
"ᎢᎻᎪNKᏚ Ꭺ ᏞᎾᎢ, ᏴᏆN ᏞᎪᎠᎬN."

"Whoo!!" Kristoff shouted, standing up to put his head above the windshield. They were driving down the interstate, making their way to Vegas. "Road trip!"

He leaned over the side of the car, banging his hands on the side as he screamed. "Vegas! Vegas, baby!"

Eugene and Hiccup laughed in the back, watching Kristoff go crazy. They didn't mind this side of the guy. He was crazy and was actually having a good time. "Vegas!" Kristoff shouted at the little girl in the car beside them.

"You're nuts!" Eugene shouted, a grin wide on his face.

Keeping a straight face, the little girl in the car over flipped them off. Offended, Kristoff sat back down, staring forward as the other car passed them.

Seeing his opportunity, Eugene starting begging Jack again to let him drive the car. "Come on, just till Barstow. Everybody's passing us." He said.

"Absolutely not. I promised Pete." Jack replied, keeping his eyes forward. "I will be the only one driving this car. Besides, you're drinking."

"Oh, what are you, a cop now?" Eugene argued. "You know I drive great when I'm drunk."

"That's true. Don't forget, Eugene was always our designated drunk driver." Hiccup agreed as Eugene brought his drink to his lips.

Jack laughed, slightly shaking his head. "Yeah. You wanna explain it to them, Kristoff?"

Kristoff leaned back, looking at the two behind him. "Guys, my dad loves this car more than he loves me, so, yeah."

"Aw, whatever." Eugene waved away. "Look. I left my wife and kid at home so I could go with you guys to Vegas. You know how difficult that was?" He asked, leaning forward.

"That's really sweet, Eugene." Kristoff replied.

"Dude, I was being sarcastic. I fucking hate my life." Eugene fired back. "I may never go back. I might just stay in Vegas." He continued, looking at Hiccup. Don't get Eugene wrong. He loved his family. But God, his job sucked and he needed some sort of entertainment once in a while besides watching some movie at home. He wanted to get out with his friends.

"Here we go." Jack sighed, rolling his blue eyes. They had all heard Eugene groan on and on about his life so many times that Jack and Hiccup almost had it memorized.

"You know what, Jack, you should enjoy yourself, because come Sunday you're gonna start dying just a little bit every day." Eugene declared, pinching his fingers slightly.

"Yeah." Kristoff laughed as Jack groaned. "That's why I've managed to stay single this whole time, you know?"

"Oh, really?" Hiccup said. "That's why you're single?"

"Yeah."

Hiccup nodded his head. "Cool. Good to know." He replied. That was definitely not the only reason Kristoff was able to remain single. It mostly had to do with his strange personality.

Eugene laughed, shaking his head.

"Am I alright over there, Kristoff?" Jack asked. He wanted to move into the next lane so that they could get the next exit.

"Yeah, you're good." Kristoff agreed. Jack started to move into the town lane when a huge honk came from right behind them.

Tires were squealing as Jack swerved back into his lane, avoiding them getting crushed by a huge semi. "Jesus Christ!" Jack cursed as he swerve all over the road.

"Oh, my God!"

"That was awesome!" Kristoff exclaimed as him and Eugene were laughing.

"That was not awesome. What's wrong with you?" Jack shouted. They could have been killed and Eugene and Kristoff couldn't seem to care at all. They were laughing up a storm.

"That was insane. We almost just died." Hiccup exclaimed, his life flashing before his eyes.

"You should have seen your face." Kristoff said, smiling at Jack. "Classic."

"That's funny." Eugene laughed.

"It's not funny." Jack glared.

xxx

They had pulled into the gas station to fill up the car again. Kristoff decided to stay outside and watch the car while the rest of them went inside to get some snacks for the trip.

As he was leaning against the side of the car reading about blackjack, an old man came up to him. "Boy, you've got a sweet ride there." He complimented.

"Don't touch it." Kristoff said. He glared at the old man who stood frozen in confusion. "Don't even look at it. Go on, get out."

The old man began to walk away as Kristoff continued to shout at him. "You heard me. Don't look at me, either. Yeah, you better walk on."

Watching from inside were the others. "He's actually kind of funny." Eugene said before shoving some chips into his mouth.

"Yeah, he means well." Jack said.

"I'll hit an old man in public." Kristoff threatened from outside the building.

"Is he all there? Like, mentally?" Eugene asked as they waited in line to pay.

"I think so. He's just an odd guy." Jack said. Kristoff was weird, but he had always been nice to Jack, which he appreciated. "You know, he's kind of weird."

"I mean, should we be worried?"

"No."

"All right."

Jack paused, thinking. "Elsa did mention that we shouldn't let him gamble. Or drink too much."

They moved forward, putting their stuff on the counter to be checked out. "Jesus, he's like a gremlin." Eugene said. "Comes with instructions and shit."

"And one water." Hiccup said, butting in to put his drink on the counter.

"All good with Astrid?" Jack asked. Hiccup had just gotten off the phone with her. As much as he didn't want to call her, he knew he had to do it. Otherwise he would be in for a shitstorm once he got home.

"Oh, yeah. Told her we're two hours outside of wine country and she bought it." Hiccup answered, waving his phone.

He knew shouldn't give his two cents, but something was just nagging at him to do it. He just had to tell Hiccup what he was thinking. "Don't you think it's strange that you've been in a relationship for three years and you still have to lie about going to Vegas?" Eugene asked.

"Yeah, I do." Hiccup agreed, nodding his head. "But trust me, it's not worth the fight." And it really wasn't. Her nagging was annoying enough. Take that times three and that's how annoying she was to fight with.

"Oh, so you can't go to Vegas, but she can fuck a bellhop on a Carnival Cruise Line?" Eugene pressed. He didn't understand why Hiccup wouldn't stand up for himself. He deserved better than some controlling bitch.

"Hey." Jack butt in, trying to calm Eugene down. He knew it was wrong what Astrid was doing to Hiccup but there was no point in trying to make Hiccup see how wrong it was. Jack was just going to be supportive of his friend no matter what.

"Okay, first of all, he was a bartender." Hiccup argued. "And she was wasted." He added. "And, if you must know, he didn't even cum inside her."

"And you believe that?" Eugene scoffed, glaring at his friend.

"Uh, yeah, I do believe that, because she's grossed out by semen." Hiccup replied. Eugene and Jack both froze, unsure what to say or do with that information.

"That'll be 32.50." The cashier said, clearly hearing everything.

Eugene turned around, looking at Hiccup. "It's 32.50, you gonna pay for it?"

xxx

"It says here we should work in teams." Kristoff said as they drove down the interstate again. He was really far into the book, obviously enjoying what he was reading. "Who wants to be my spotter?"

"I don't think you should be doing too much gambling tonight, Kristoff." Jack said.

"Gambling?" Kristoff scoffed. "Who said anything about gambling? It's not gambling when you know you're gonna win. Counting cards is a foolproof system."

"It's also illegal." Hiccup said from the back.

"It's not illegal, it's frowned upon, like masturbating on an airplane." Kristoff fired back. Jack chuckled, unsure what to say.

"I'm pretty sure that's illegal too." Eugene said.

"Yeah, maybe after 9/11, where everybody got so sensitive." Kristoff said.

Everyone looked around the car at each other. What was Kristoff saying? He was so confusing.

Kristoff looked off into the distance. "Thanks a lot, Bin Laden."

Deciding to change the subject, Jack spoke again. "Either way, you gotta be super smart to count cards, buddy, okay?"

"Oh really?" Kristoff scoffed.

"It's not easy." Jack said.

"Well, maybe we should tell that to Rain Man because he practically bankrupted a casino, and he was a re-tard." Kristoff glared.

"What?" Hiccup asked. The rest of the guys leaned toward Kristoff, their eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

"He was a re-tard." Kristoff repeated.

"'Retard.'" Jack corrected, pronouncing the word correctly. He glanced over his shoulder, looking at Eugene and Hiccup, who just smiled and shook their heads.

~~~~~~~~~~