Chapter One
"ᏔᎪᎢᏟᎻ ᎢᎻᎬ ᏞᎬᎪᎢᎻᎬᎡ!"

"Whoa! Watch it, pervert!" Kristoff shouted as the tailor started measuring his pants.

"It's okay, Kristoff, he's just doing your inseam." Jackson reassured. Kristoff was a little wacky. Well, more than a little. He was strange to say the least and didn't have very many friends. And jumped to a lot of conclusions.

"He's getting very close to my shaft." Kristoff defended.

Jackson let out a long sigh and the tailor stood up. "All done. You may change now."

"Thanks, Floyd. Thank you very much." Jackson said as the tailor walked out. He was embarrassed by how Kristoff was reacting, but what could he do? He just had to accept it. "All right, buddy. We should get a move on."

"You know, Jack," Kristoff said as he was pulling off the suit, "I was thinking. . . If you wanna go to Vegas without me, that is totally cool, you know?"

"What are you talking about?"

"You know, Eugene and Hiccup, they're your buddies, and it's your bachelor party." Kristoff explained as he continued changing.

"Come on, Kristoff. Those two love you." Jack said. He knew they really didn't like him, but it was Jack's bachelor party, not theirs. He got to decide who got to come along and he wanted Kristoff there.

"And also, I don't want you to feel like you have to hold back because your wife's brother's there. I just--"

"It's not like that." Jack assured. When he looked up from his watch, he saw a sight he really didn't want to see. Again, Kristoff was a strange character. Kristoff stood there, his hands on his hips as he waited for Jack to continue.

Looking at something else in the room, he went on. "It's not like that. I already told you, Kristoff. Okay? We're just spending the night in Vegas. It's not big deal." Jack said. "Besides, you're not just my wife's brother, you're my brother now."

A smile crept onto Kristoff's face. "I want you to know, Jack, I'm a steel trap. Whatever happens tonight, I will never, ever, ever, speak a word of it." He declared.

"Okay. Yeah, I got it." Jack nodded, unsure what to say. "Thank you. I don't think that--"

"Seriously. I don't care what happens." Kristoff repeated, stepping closer to Jack. He was then face to face with him. "I don't care if we kill someone."

"What?"

"You heard me." Kristoff nodded. "It's Sin City."

Still wearing no pants, Kristoff stayed standing beside him. "I won't tell a soul." He whispered.

Jack slowly nodded his head, keeping his eyes on Kristoff's face. "Okay. I got it." He softly spoke. "Thank you."

"No, thank you." Kristoff smiled. He then pulled Jack in for a hug, patting his back. "I love you so much."

xxx

The garage door slowly swept open, revealing a valuable, priceless car. "No, Pete." Jack said. "Really?" He exclaimed.

"Come on, we're family now." Pete grinned, walking Jack toward the car.

"Are you sure? I mean, you love this car." Jack said, gently touching it. This car was only ever driven by Pete. No one else in the family was even allowed to look at it.

"Jack, it's just a car." Pete shrugged. "Just make sure when you get there to put some Armor All on the tires so the sand doesn't seep in."

"Absolutely. That's easy." Jack grinned, admiring the flawless vehicle.

"Oh, and, uh, don't let Kristoff drive, because there's something wrong with him." Pete said, pointing outside the garage at Kristoff who was kissing his dog, Sven.

"Understood."

"Oh, and Eugene, either. I-I don't like him." Pete quickly added.

"I will be the only one driving this car. I promise." Jack said.

"Good." Pete said, chucking him the keys. "Remember, what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas."

Jack chuckled, nodding his head.

"Except for herpes. That shit'll come back with you." Pete added.

xxx

"I still need some of your permission slips and $90 for the field trip to the Griffith Observatory next weekend." Eugene exclaimed to his students. "Pay now, or forever regret missing out on the experience of a lifetime, guys."

"Thank, Mr. Fitzherbert."

"Thank you, Russ." Eugene smiled, taking the money. "Thanks. Thanks, Bobbitt, way to go."

Once the students had left the classroom, Eugene took the money that was sent for the "field trip" and stuffed it into his pocket. He was really going to use that money for the trip to Vegas.

Waiting for Eugene in the car was Kristoff and Jack. Kristoff coughed, covering his face with his hand. "Do you have to park so close?" He asked.

"Yeah. What's wrong?" Jack asked, surprised that he was upset at something like where he parked the car.

"I shouldn't be here." Kristoff said.

"Why is that, Kristoff?"

"I'm not supposed to be within 200 feet of a school."

Jack whipped his head, staring at Kristoff. "What?" He asked.

"Or a Chuck E. Cheese."

Thankful that Eugene was just exiting the school, Jack let out a sigh of relief. "Hey, Mr. Fitzherbert--" A child shouted.

"It's the weekend, Varian, I don't know you. You do not exist." Eugene cut off, walking to the car with his hand raised to shield him from anyone wanting to talk to him.

Eugene grinned, seeing the car his friends were riding in. "Shit. Nice car."

"Yeah." Jack agreed.

"I'm driving." Eugene said, throwing his brief case in the back.

"Whoa, no chance, buddy-- Don't step-- God. Watch the leather!" Jack exclaimed and Eugene stepped on the side of the car and plopped onto the backseat. He couldn't wait to take the convertible to Vegas.

"Shut up and drive before these nerds ask me another question." Eugene fired back.

"Animal." Jack scoffed, starting the car.

Now looking at who was in the front seat, Eugene noticed he didn't recognize who it was. "Who's this?" He asked.

"It's Kristoff. Elsa's brother."

"I've met you, like, four times." Kristoff said, hurt clear in his voice.

"Oh yeah. How you doing, man?" Eugene asked.

xxx

"Don't forget your Rogaine."

"Rogaine, check." Hiccup repeated, grabbing the bottle from the medicine cabinet. As he closed it, he glared back at his reflection. Could she be anymore annoying?

"And don't forget to use it." Astrid said, rolling her eyes. "I can totally tell when you forget, your hair just looks thinner." She nagged.

"Using of the Rogaine, check." He called out, zipping it into his suitcase. Just a few more minutes and he would be on his way to Vegas.

"Make sure to call me right when you get to the hotel not like that conference in Phoenix." She said as she finished pouring herself a cup of coffee. Hiccup thought she sounded more like his mother than his girlfriend. "I had to wait two hours for you to call me."

"Yeah, I was the keynote speaker. I was late to the podium." Hiccup scoffed, walking back to the kitchen.

"Still?" She argued, glaring at him.

Not wanting to fight, Hiccup brushed it aside. "Yeah, you're totally right. I'm sorry." He apologized. He leaned in to kiss her cheek but she dodged it, walking away. "What is the matter?" He asked, following her.

"I don't know. I just hope you're not gonna go to some strip club when you're up there." She said, walking into the living room with Hiccup hot on her trail.

"Astrid, we're going to Napa Valley. I don't even think they have strip clubs in wine country." Hiccup argued, sitting beside her on the couch.

"Well, I'm sure if there is one, Eugene will sniff it out." She scoffed, setting down her coffee. She let out a long sigh, annoyed with this trip. Hiccup should just stay home with her so she could keep an eye on him.

"It's not gonna be like that." He said. "Besides, you know how I feel about that."

"I know. I know." She shrugged. "It's just boys and their bachelor parties, it's gross."

"You're right. It is gross."

"Not to mention it's pathetic."

"Mm-hm."

"Those places are filthy."

"Yeah."

"And the worst part is that little girl grinding and dry humping the fucking stage up there? That's somebody's--"

"--daughter up there." Hiccup said, saying it with her. "I was just gonna say that."

"See?" Astrid said softly. "I just wish your friends were as mature as you."

"They are mature, actually." Hiccup defended. "You just have to get to know them better."

Outside, the car pulled to a stop. "Paging Dr. Faggot!" Eugene shouted.

Hiccup and Astrid both looked down in silence. Yeah, his friends weren't really that mature. "Dr. Faggot!" Eugene shouted again.

Astrid turned and glared at Hiccup. "I should go." He said.

"That's a good idea, Dr. Faggot."

Hiccup painfully smiled. "Have a good weekend. I'm gonna miss you." He said in hopes of making her feel slightly better. He leaned in to kiss her, but she pulled away again. So instead, he kissed her shoulder.

Thank God his friends finally arrived.

~~~~~~~~~~