Chapter 14

I open my eyes, and it is still night. I check the nightstand, and the clock says that it is close to midnight.

Although vampires like us do not need to follow the schedule of the sun –meaning that we didn’t have to sleep in the day –some of us followed that tradition. I, however, am one for sleeping in the night like humans and I usually stay up both between the day and night. It is all up to me when I want to sleep and wake, actually, for my father operates the kingdom in the day, but I am sometimes allowed to sleep through operating hours.

I throw back the covers, and jump out of bed, tiptoeing to the full-length mirror at the side of my bedroom even though I technically do not need to tiptoe to keep silent. I twirled in front of the mirror, and grinned at my blood red dress. It isn’t something I should be wearing if I want to be sneaking out in the night, but I just couldn’t resist it. I slipped on a pair of black ballet shoes and swept all my red hair over one shoulder.

I decide that the blood red dress is alarm enough, so I quickly tie up my red hair in a ponytail before I slipped on a small gothic top hat over it so that no one would catch a hint of the red hair from the top.

The sound of a shrill bird whistle rose above the sound of crickets, and I rushed to open the balcony doors. I waited impatiently, and sure enough, the sharp tip of a grappling gun pierced the side of the stone balcony railing. A rope hung from it, and I looked down to see his grinning face as he hauled himself up.

I grab his hand, leaning over the railing and helped him onto the balcony as he removed the mess he made of my stone balcony. He ushered me back into my room, set things the way it was in the balcony, and hurried in after me, shutting the doors and half-drawing the curtains so that it didn’t raise any suspicion.

He made sure to keep hidden behind the half-drawn curtains, then fell to one knee before me, taking a hand of mine as he pressed his lips on the back of it.

“Here again, Seraphina. I’m at your service, disposal, and willing to do whatever you want me to.” His voice was soft and smooth –quite something that made my heart flutter. I grin at his goofy attempt to be humble when he had quite outrageously climbed into my room from the balcony and locked both of us in my room.

“Oh, do stop teasing.” I complained with a soft laugh, and he looked up at me, a glint in his eyes. He came to his feet beside me, but didn’t let go of my hand.

“You don’t like me being humble and all? So you like me being rude and crude?” He asked, leaning in close to my personal space. I am not used to it, and tried to shy away subtly. Normally, I would just scream for him to stay back, or maybe use my strength to push him off. But he’s different.

I enjoy his closeness.

“You don’t seem quite one to cut a humble, servile look, Prince Marchand.” I teased back, and he led us back to my bed, sitting us on the edge of it.

“Hmm… ‘Prince Marchand’ again, are we? Well, I’m sure our princess here needs some punishment from a certain prince.” He grinned, and I turned in alarm at the sultry quality of his tone. The way he looked at me felt almost as if he were about to eat me up and gobble me down.

Dear me, the way he looked at me felt as if he wanted to ravage me right here.

He looked as if he wasn’t interested in bringing me out running into the human town today, but just wanted to spend the night with me here, alone. On my bed. Doing things.

“Lorcan!” I say in surprise and a little shock. He has been climbing into my room since the past week, but while he had dropped hints and blatantly flirting with me, I had never seen him with such a turn-on.

Yes, it was obvious he was courting me, but it had always been mischievous teasing. I agree that I have feelings for him, but right now, the passion was not yet so crazy that I would risk my virginity and my title as princess to spend a night with him and be ravaged on my own bed.

“Oh, dear Fina, would I ever tire of you? That red glow on your cheek; it is such a beauty against the soft moonlight!” He slid a deft finger under my chin, tilting my face up to his. Caught by the gentleness of his actions, I lost words as I looked up at him, trying to tame down the wild blush in my cheeks.

Yes, I admit that I feel passionate for him, but we have never allowed it to grow, nor expressed it fully to each other. I –obviously –was afraid of my father’s disapproval. He? I wasn’t sure what he was afraid of, but he definitely did not show more desire than simple flirting in the presence of other vampires.

“L-Lorcan…” His name is a weak protest now as I take his hand away from my chin gently, not wanting to push the only vampire who has truly amused me and brought such interest to my life. Truly, I have never met one the likes of Lorcan. He is a man who truly acts on his own; unafraid of the consequences. Yes, he follows the court laws and customs of the vampire kingdom, but he gives no respect to any law he does not believe in.

This can be contributed by a fact that he is a prince in his own rights, but I have seen other princes, and they pale in comparison to him. In fact, the only one I could relatively compare him to was… Kain.

Kain was obviously distrustful of Lorcan, and I noticed that my escort tended to be more cautious and bristled whenever Lorcan appeared around. It did not help that Lorcan was sent over to our Kingdom to act as an ‘intern’ to study to proceedings here in order for Lorcan to make a great king back in Europe.

As it turned out, Lorcan often went to places I went and spent more time with me than anyone else. Kain, expectantly, grew to not like Lorcan, though there was nothing my escort could do about it. Still, it did not deter Kain from giving Lorcan silent treatments and quiet stares behind his back, almost as if my escort wanted very much to read Lorcan’s mind and find out his secrets and agenda of flirting with me.

 “You’re thinking of Kain again.” His words broke me out of my reverie, and I blinked. Other than Kain, Lorcan is the only one who has seen my weaker side, my side that is gentler and softer towards the ones I cared and loved for.

“I wasn’t.” I lied, though there really wasn’t a need to. Over the years of being my escort, I will not deny that I feel attraction towards Kain. It budded from his stupid loyalty towards me, and his unfaltering, selfless care. You cannot blame a woman for wanting to be loved truly for who she is, and Kain definitely treated me more than a princess. In Kain’s eyes, it was obvious that I was everything he lived to protect for. In return, Kain has become someone I would protect with my life for.

“You don’t have to lie, Fina. You get that faraway look when you think about him.” Lorcan replied, and while he was supposed to be courting me, he seemed totally at ease to know that what I felt for my escort was more than just professional master-escort relationship.

“Exactly what ‘faraway look’ are you talking about?” I asked in reply, looking down at my hands on my lap. I don’t have to admit it; I think Lorcan knows. But the problem is that I feel the same way for Lorcan too. They are both very special to me, but between the both of them… Lorcan is the better, more socially acceptable choice. Kain is merely an escort, a nobody.

I could possibly insist on my way, to have Kain as my consort instead of only an escort, but only if I am truly sure that we love each other deeply. I don’t know if Kain can withstand it –the pressure on our relationship if I try to go against my father. It could end up with Kain being exiled from the kingdom. It could end up with Kain torn away from me.

I won’t have that.

“You love him, don’t you? He’s only your escort, but the level of devotion you have to each other is…” Lorcan faded as he plopped his back down on my bed, loosening his collar. I looked to him to see him ignoring my gaze, staring up at the ceiling above my four-poster bed, trying to think of an adjective.

“Please don’t tell anyone.” I beg. This is the first time Lorcan has approached this subject. No one else has, for either they don’t notice, or they don’t dare to squeak a word about it. Lorcan… Lorcan tends to not care about such things, and go straight to the point.

“Relax, Fina. I won’t. It’s not a sin to love.” Lorcan made himself comfortable on the bed, and he seemed almost ready to fall asleep.

“But it is a sin in the court to love someone lower than herself.” I replied sadly. For some reason, I trust Lorcan to keep my secrets safe. What I feel around him is what I feel around Kain. I feel like I can trust them with my life, and trust that they would protect me with theirs. For Kain, it is very obvious in his actions and gaze towards me. But Lorcan… I don’t know why I would think such things of him, but I do.

“I have said it a million times, and I will say it again. Most court laws are stupid. You and I are going to King and Queen of our respective kingdoms in time to come, Fina, and we won’t accept this kind of bullshit operating around us. There is no sin in love, no sin to love, only sin to not love.” Lorcan’s fierceness shocks me, but I understand his insistence.

“But if I were to love Kain freely… then I would not even have the chance at a throne.”

“So be it. Is Lucifer really so important to you? More than your heart? More than you willingness to walk out of its walls into the human world? You run and hide in that haven with me guiding you along, Fina. Soon, you will want to stay there.”

This is what Lorcan doesn’t understand. His kingdom, in comparison to mine, is tiny. The responsibility on his shoulder is minimal, as compared to mine. He can afford to be as liberal, as strange and against-the-norm as he wants to be. He can afford to think about abandoning his crown.

I cannot. It has been decided on my birth, that I, as the first born child to Logan Lucifer, will be the next ruler of Lucifer. There is just no escaping this. If I were to run away, the guards will hunt me. And if I still refuse, they will kill me. I don’t have to try it; I know this. They will not say that I failed the crown. They will tell the kingdom that I was caught by the enemy and killed.

Then Dante will take my place.

And I will not let Dante be polluted by the court. I will not let my brother be stuck in my place. Enough that a child of Lucifer is stuck in this position. I will not die and let Dante suffer what I have suffered.

“I am born for the Crown of Lucifer. Even if my heart means more to me than it, I cannot follow it. Do you not understand, Lorcan?” My voice broke a little, my desperation and helplessness bubbling up. I have been dealing with such emotions since young. I longed my freedom, to do whatever I want. I have tried to do such things, but the barriers of court norms always stop me.

I am helpless.

Arms folded around me, and something warm and strong pressed against my back. A soft, gentle, baby’s breath brushed past the top of my head. His strong chin rests lightly on the top of my head, and hands stroke my arm. He holds me so close, and gives me such strength that –for the first time –I collapse and crumbles before him.

I have done this to Kain many times before, and while he cannot do anything to help me, he has soothed me.

“Let me help you, Seraphina.” He says softly, almost whispering in my ear as he sits us comfortably in the middle of my bed. His upright body allows a support for me to lean on, his arms wrapped around me in a lover’s caress.

“I don’t ask much from you. I ask that you let me love you. I ask that you let me devote myself to you, like Kain has done. I am jealous of him, Fina. I am not jealous of your devotion back to him, but jealous of his ability to devote himself to you. I want to do that too. I want to be able to sacrifice everything I have for you too. Even my kingdom.”

“Lorcan…” I say quietly. He cannot entertain such thoughts. He, by all rights, is still Prince Marchand.

“I know. I know I cannot do as such. But I can sacrifice my chance to love for you. We are both royalty, and your father has warmed up around my presence despite my knack of going against expectations. If you were to choose me as your fiancé… then I will help shoulder your burden. When your father gives you his Crown, I will let you love whoever you like. I will leave you your power, and everything you want. You may kill me, or dispose of my however you like.”

“Don’t say such things, Lorcan… This is my problem as the heir to the Crown…” I beg quietly. How can he so willing devote everything to me? Surely his parents would hate his ideas like this. Surely he would never be allowed to be by my side if anyone ever knows his ideals. But how could he so willingly give up everything for me?

“You might not accept this, but I love you, Seraphina. I have seen you in top form in the court, but I also see a vulnerable you that I want, more than anything, to protect. If giving up my chance to love another –which I am sure will never happen now that I have laid eyes on you –can help you be just that little bit stronger under the protection, devotion and love of Kain, then I will sacrifice all that I have for you.”

Oh, how could someone who has flirted so outrageously with me be so serious about his feelings towards me? How could he harbor such strength in his feelings when he has known me for only a little more than a year?

“Please, Lorcan…” I didn’t know what I wanted to say either. Did I want to beg him to not sacrifice his happiness for me? Did I want him to do whatever he wished? Did he truly think he can help me, so easily? Would I allow him?

“Say no more, Seraphina. You smile, and you wield Lucifer’s powers well. But I see the brittle side of you when I bring you out in the night. How happy you look when you’re out there, amongst humans, how wide-eyed you get when no one recognizes you for your title. I want you to have your freedom, Fina. If I have to change my and your kingdom for your happiness and freedom… then so be it.”

 “But I will not allow it.” A new voice penetrated through our moment, and I jerked up with instincts flaring. How had I not felt his presence? How had I not known?

“I will go so far as to tell you that you don’t belong here, Prince Marchand. But if you want more from me, then you will regret it. Stay here a moment longer, and I cannot guarantee your safety. You will remove your arms and keep your manners in check around Princess Seraphina.” His voice is stone-cold steel, and in that glare I see hurt; hurt and anger.

“Kain! How did you get here?” My voice was shocked and trembling, and it did not do well in explaining to my escort on what we had been doing here.

“Never mind how, princess. Are you hurt in any way?” Kain asked, a trace of concern in his voice. But the hurt is there in his eyes. The sting of betrayal.

“I will never hurt her, Kain.”

“Forgive me if I do not trust a vampire who snuck in through her balcony doors and wraps arms around her, Prince Marchand. You have every right to harbor designs on her, but my duty as her escort compels me to protect her from whoever who would try to harm her. That includes vampires who would disturb her sleep in the middle of the night.” Though Kain technically was lower in authority, there was hostility in that voice. I rarely heard that. Yes, I have heard my escort in his indifferent tone, his humble tone and his cold tones against vampires he doesn’t like. But I have never truly heard such hostility before. I have never heard such controlled anger.

“Forgive me. I am caught in the wrong place and wrong time.” Lorcan knew enough to back off. This is something I have to confront Kain by myself. I have to explain myself to Kain, and Lorcan shouldn’t be around here to deal with our mess.

My escort stood in the doorway, fists clenched so tight I was afraid he would let it sing towards a random vampire. God forbid if he swung it at a visiting royal and be exiled.

Lorcan was quick enough to withdraw, and he did not leave any lingering looks or touches. I had a suspicion that he wanted to, but he knew enough to back off. He knew that Kain was going to go explosive. Quick as the prince came, he retreated –this time through the door –and the room was left to explosive, angry silence maintained by Kain. I sat alone on the bed, afraid and, for the first time, terrified.

“Kain, it’s not what you think.” I tried to explain myself weakly, trying to reach to him, but he didn’t want to be reached. The betrayal in his eyes, the hurt and anger. It was nothing I had seen within him before. I have seen Kain in his feral mode before –during the very first and last fight in the Pit that I’d seen him in –but this time Kain is past that point.

“I don’t know what to think, princess.” He admits in a small voice that hides the true self tearing within him.

“You don’t have to think. Lorcan and I… we have nothing going on.” I tried to insist, but he shakes his head, eyes on the floor.

“Even if you have something going on, I cannot do anything. Prince Marchand is right. You need happiness and freedom. You need your name. But I will not allow him to change the entire kingdom for you. There has to be a way. A way where you are free, happy, and still within the courts.”

“Kain…”

When he looks up again, I draw back in shock. It is the very first time I see more than anger in his eyes.

A single tear rolls down the side.

“I cannot give you what you want… Maybe Lorcan can.”

It is the first time he has called ‘Prince Marchand’ Lorcan.

“Kain, please.” I beg, but he shakes his head again, wiping the tear away. The anger is still burning in his eyes, but he places his other hand on the doorknob, determined to shut the door on this conversation. It was the first door he ever began shutting down on me.

“I am just an escort. Just nothing. No matter what, I am not worthy of you, no matter how devoted I am. Just… leave me be, and love Lorcan.”

“Kain, don’t do this.”

He stops halfway, and forces a smile on his face. The rage is still burning within his eyes, but there is resignation. Resignation, drowning within the pain and hurt. It hurts me to know I’ve put it there.

“Don’t do this, Seraphina. Don’t give up everything you have for something you shouldn’t reach for.”

He called me Seraphina.

The first time he’s ever opened that door.

And the first time he’s ever closed a door on me.