The Shadow Forest. This was where I came to hide, to escape from problems. This was my refuge.

The Shadow Forest was quite dark and for most people it looked too scary. Both children and adults avoided walking through it alone. But I didn't, which was another reason for them to find me weird and talk behind my back. However, I didn't care. I didn't suffer from their rude behavior anymore, I have accepted it.

"People believe what they want to believe", Clarissa told me once. And she was right.

I wouldn't alter their opinion of me, what people were thinking of me was none of my business. I knew who I was and who I wasn't, as well as the people I love and care about. My dad, Edelweiss and Clarissa, they knew my heart. And that was enough for me.

I ran my hand over the bark of the trees, caressing every one I passed by. I have always liked the feeling of their rugged surface, their touch has always calmed me down. These trees became my friends from the day I've started coming here. The day I met Iris.

It's been almost 9 years since my first meeting with Iris. Our meeting brought me a friend, and a mentor, but it also revealed something about me, something I've kept a secret ever since. And even my dear Clarissa wasn't privy to this secret.

***

I was 5 years old when my dad married Adele. When I first saw her, I thought she was a fairy, or a princess. She was so beautiful with her long blond hair, thick and wavy, tucked back slightly, revealing the face of an angel. Gentle face, with porcelain skin, a slight blush on the cheeks and large shining blue eyes. She was kind and good to me. She played with me, made me delicious cookies, and gave me a glass of warm milk with honey every night before bed. Adele was caring and kind, and she gave my childish heart what it had always longed for - a mother.

I didn't know my mother for as long as I could remember, because she ran away from me and my father when I was only a year old. Until dad married Adele, I didn't know what motherly care was, and there was never anyone to call "Mom."

Although Clarissa was always by my side and took care of me, I've never saw her as a mother, not because she didn't love me enough, but because I was with her only during the day, and at night, she wasn't there, she was in her own home. After all, the mother watches over her child's sleep and protects it from nightmares at night, right!? When dad married Adele, she was with me day and night. She showed me care, gave me the love and attention I needed. And over time, I got used to her and became very attached to her. I loved her and I thought she loved me too.

And one day, I wasn't scared to call her "mom" anymore. I was thrilled. I wanted to do it, to show her how much I loved her by calling her "mom". But I decided not to hurry with that important step.

I was 9 then. I had noticed that Adele had been a little more restrained lately, she wasn't showering me with attention as before. I thought she was mad at me, but I didn't know why. So, I sat in the garden, and I tormented my brain to remember what I had done to offend her. I was caressing the daisies, while thinking. I tried and tried to recall something but nothing came to my mind.

"What had I done wrong to push her away from me?", I asked myself.

I helped whenever she wanted me to with the cleaning of the house, with the washing of the dishes, with everything I could. When she wanted something from me, I did it without protest. I didn't object and I didn't ask why, I just did whatever she told me to. She had never raised her voice at me, as I have heard other mothers to do, and I took that as a sign that I was a good daughter.

"Well, if I'm so good, why doesn't she love me like she used to. I must have done something anyway, even though I don't remember it", I was thinking.

"What if...", then it occurred to me, "What if it isn't something I did, but something I didn't!? Of course!"

It had been 4 years since she had taken care of me and played the role of mother to me, and I had never said "mom" to her. I was sure that I had found the answer to the question that was bothering me. I got up from the grass and ran to the front door of our house. I grabbed the handle, but before pushing the door to open it, I stopped. The excitement had made me to run and tell her this wonderful word right away. But then I gave up. I didn't want to hurry, I wanted to make it special.

It was the end of May, so in a couple of days, on the 3rd of June, Adele had a birthday. I released the handle and returned to the grass with the daisies.

"I won't tell her now. I'll be patient and wait to tell her on her birthday. That way she'll be even happier", I whispered excitedly at the magical daisies. I called them "magical" because I didn't know, neither I nor dad or Adele, where they came from. The only thing I knew was that one day I saw them in front of one of the other houses in the village, and that same night I wished to the stars daisies to grow in our garden too. And the next morning they were there.

I couldn't wait for the days to pass and Adele's birthday to come. I imagined going to her and telling her I had a present for her. She'd be surprised and would ask me what was it, and I'd look her in the eye and say "Happy birthday, Mom!" She'd be happy and hug me, and then we'd make a wonderful cake together, and in the evening when daddy came home, the three of us would celebrate. She'd be happy to tell him what I told her and he'd be as happy as we were. And everything would be wonderful.

On the morning of her birthday, as soon as I woke up, I put on the best dress I had. I combed my hair, put on two butterfly-shaped hairpins, they were so beautiful and colorful, and their wings fluttered as if they were real. I put on my favourite pink boots, smoothed the dress to avoid creases, touched the butterflies on both sides of my head, smiled, and left the room.

I checked the living room first, but Adele wasn't there, so I went to the kitchen. She stood with her back to the door, drying dishes.

"Adele", I shouted.

"Ah, Amara, you're up. Great! Just in time to finish the dishes", she said.

"Sure. But first, I have a present for you", I said excitedly.

"Is that so!? And what is it?", she asked, still standing with her back to me.

It wasn't going as I had imagined at the moment, but it didn't matter. I decided not to stall anymore. I couldn't wait to please Adele and for her to be like before - warm and friendly with me.

"Well, it's actually...", I paused and then just said it, "Happy birthday, Mom!"

She froze, the plate in her hands slipped and shattered on the floor. I jumped back, frightened by the sound. Adele turned to me slowly.

"How did you call me?", she asked with weird tone.

"Mom", I replied happily with a wide smile.

But my smile quickly faded as I looked into her eyes. The brilliance in them was different, neither what I remembered nor what I expected. The gleam in her eyes was somehow predatory - ominous and... ferocious. I swallowed the lump rising in my throat, and fell silent. I was barely breathing. I was scared.

Adele stepped toward me, and I blenched. She leaned down so our eyes to be leveled. She reached out to me, squeezed my arm, just above the elbow, hard and painfully, and pulled me closer to her. Our faces were at intimidating distance from each other.

"Don't you dare call me that again", she hissed, "I'm not your mother and I NEVER will be!"

She let go of me roughly, and pushed me back. Her face distorted as if she had smelled something spoiled, but she was looking at me. It was painful realizing the fact that the thing that made her sick was I. She was disgusted by... me.

Tears welled up in my eyes. She smiled, but her smile was awful and frightening.

"I'll soon have my own child", she said, caressing her belly, "I'll be its mother, not yours. You have no mother. No one wants you, or loves you. That's why your mother had run away from you. You drove her away, horrible child. And now...GET OUT! You made enough mess here. You broke the plate, and now I have to clean it. OUT! OUT! Get out of here, little monster!"

As always... I did as my stepmother told me to. I left the kitchen, and then the house.

And I ran away.