🐍jade's boyz🦁

james added azriel

my nemesis👹🐍
sup

longass🍑
welcome to the chaos that is the guys gc
where we all stand for the simp
and kneel for the snitch
which reminds me
congrats on your first game guys
you assholes won in a landslide

i still can't believe we won

my bitch🦌
ikr!?
it was intense
btw
baby daddy
how you doin?

prodigal son🖤
joey?

my bitch🦌

my nemesis 👹🐍
well i'm doing just fine
how you doin?😏

the sane one🐺
azriel istg
you're becoming my favorite person aside from solis and vixen

simp

wormtail🐭
look who's talking

prodigal son🖤
BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
YESSSSSSSSSSSSSS

my bitch🦌
and that's why wormy is my favorite person today
btw
zabini
how's my sister?

my nemesis👹🐍
last night
or today?

both?

longass🍑
she called me last night
screamed something in arabic or some shit
marlene did some juju shit
hell
even azriel jumped on that crazy bandwagon
scared me half to death
and then hung up

i need context
because she did the same to me🤡

prodigal son🖤
and me

my nemesis👹🐍
we're learning about traditional egyptian curses
we just wanted to see if we got the pronunciation right...

the sane one🐺
well you did
and succeeded in giving me three thousand heart attacks in the span of fifteen minutes

my nemesis👹🐍
guys
what happens when you have a vixen in the drying machine?

my bitch🦌
make sure she's 100% cotton
no polyester
and put one of those dryer sheets
because she hates frizz

oh look
mr. comedian is back

my bitch🦌
stop glaring at me and make me dinner

wormtail🐭
how has the kitchen not burned down yet?

my bitch🦌
i have a fire extinguisher next to me
now
why is my sister in a dryer?

my nemesis👹🐍
"i want to show off my boots."

for the love of god
AND YOU LET HER GET INTO THE DRYER!?
SHES PREGNANT

my nemesis👹🐍
she held a knife to my fucking throat
wtf was i supposed to do!?
IM NOT THE HUSBAND
IM THE ONE TAKING CARE OF HER WHILE IN EGYPT
IM ONE OF THE UNCLES

my bitch🦌
OVER MY DEAD BODY YOU BITCH

longass🍑
JAMES
WILL YOU FUCKING STOP IT
IT HAPPENED AND WE ALL GOT OVER IT
YOU SHOULD TOO

👁👄👁

prodigal son🖤
👁👄👁
frank
you on your period or something?
tone it down

my nemesis👹🐍
i better shut up

yeah
you better

prodigal son🖤
az
run
run away and never look back

my bitch🦌
ik it was more than once
that's what pisses me off

so?
i married her
had sex with her countless times
and she's pregnant with my child
and yet i don't see you beating my ass

my bitch🦌
you two are endgame
they were not

my nemesis👹🐍
we didnt even go out 🙄
don't be a fucking baby

precisely
and i got over it
took me a while and a few arguments
but i got over it

the sane one🐺
you were worse and she never said shit🤷🏻‍♂️

precisely
god
i'm so not proud of that🤡
i hate it🤡

wormtail🐭
how many?

my nemesis👹🐍
peter
you don't go around asking that
but
my number's higher💀
and one of them is parkinson
and flint...

longass🍑
YOU HAD SEX WITH HAYDEN FLINT!?

my nemesis👹🐍
and dated
heard from the grapevine that he's getting married
such a shame
he was a nice guy

he was a dick

my nemesis👹🐍
that's because you turned him down

I WAS DATING JADE

my bitch🦌
oh to be these two assholes and have every breathing being worshipping you

longass🍑
the same shit happened to you
you just ignored it for lily

frank
don't boost his ego
his head is already bigger than his entire body

the sane one🐺
everyone shut up and don't encourage this
let's change the subject
AZRIEL
how is my little vixen and crookshanks?

my nemesis👹🐍
well we just got back to the apartment
jade showered and is currently watching loki
marlene is making her ginger and lemon tea to help with her nausea

she loves that man more than she loves me istg

wormtail🐭
and bucky
let's not forget bucky

my bitch🦌
i once had a two hour argument with crookshanks about loki...
let's just say that i have never seen her so passionate about a man before
idek why i even started that argument...
i just wanted to argue with crookshanks about something
but i left contemplating all of my life choices

prodigal son🖤
that's what happens when you're a dumbass

tests hitting you hard reg?

prodigal son🖤
quidditch actually
being captain sucks ass sometimes
and anka and i are planning the parties this year
and we don't know how to make them better than the ones az and jade threw

my nemesis👹🐍
i'll send you a list
jade says to stray away from the crazies
and no person younger than 14 is allowed

prodigal son🖤
we have it 15 and up

my nemesis👹🐍
even better
that way you can get away with more stuff
i'll send you the list before i go to bed
jade is crying over loki again

you get used to it
just don't say that the sine will shine on us again
she'll kill you

my nemesis👹🐍
noted
oh god
marlene is losing her shit rn

the sane one🐺
why?

my nemesis👹🐍
she opened one of our books
yelled the first spell she saw
closed it
and is now on the floor contemplating life

longass🍑
so let me get this straight
you have one pregnant hormonal scary demon
and her wife who's equally scary and is yelling spells just because?

my bitch🦌
that sounds about right

longass🍑
how are you still breathing?

my nemesis👹🐍
because jade spends 75% of her days puking
the other 25% is in class, studying, eating or sleeping
and marlene is on her ass 100% of the day making sure she's okay

ik
she updates me like 500 times a day

my bitch🦌
same here

wormtail🐭
vixen calls me every afternoon and tells me

longass🍑
yk
sometimes i fear for that baby's sanity once its born
the marauders and queens are raising the baby
satan and the head simp are the parents
a stupid stag is the biological uncle
that terrifies on its own

prodigal son🖤
james is an uncle...
that's terrifying

the sane one🐺
just wait till he's a father
that's gonna be even more terrifying

true shit💀